I had a doctor's appointment today. My first appointment with an endocinologist.
The absolute devastation I just felt upon him seeing my blood test results and him confirming that, yes, I do have a chronic autoinmune disease affecting my tiroide; but that didn't explain my pain. It has nothing to do with it.
It's been two and a half years since I woke up with this constant pain in my hands and wrists, and it's been two and a half years of doctors throwing me around between them because none can confirm what's happening to me. Two and a half years of me, all by myself, having to come to terms with the fact that I'm slowly becoming disabled, and none of them want to listen. They treat me as if this is just temporary, as if things will be okay one day. Meanwhile I'm on pain killers, plugged into a TENS machine 30 minutes everyday, almost constantly wearing compression gloves and rigid wristbands, unable to carry any weight heavier than 1 kg, with family and friends having to cut my meals because I can barely use a knife. I can't work because I'm a liability to any employer... Damn, even my art degree I got because my art school felt pity and allowed me to do a project at the level of a 5 year old.
I'm tired. I'm so unbelievably tired of all of this. At this point, all I want is to be told that I'm not crazy. That yes, this is bad, but they are working into putting a name to it, that they care about finding out what's wrong. All I'm hearing from them is "not my circus, not my monkeys".
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titsay
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