So yesterday I nearly relapsed yesterday after not self-harming in 5months!!!
I was at self-harm training with my work and I felt absolutely fine all day, I though the training was very interesting and got given lots of very helpful distraction techniques
After spending the full day talking about self-harm that is literally the only thing I wanted to do, the only thing I could think about, the only thing I could see
As they talk about signs to look for that someone may be self-harming I pull down my sleeves so no one can see my scars, I fidget with my legs due to the nerve damage of previous episodes.
I stand in a room of mental health professionals, a 21 year old student. With no professional experience of self-harm but so much knowledge, so much personal experience.
I could feel myself being judged by all these adults, clearly wondering how I know this and how I have these stories.
Although when I was younger we had no support around our mental health, we cleaned each other up and talked each other down, from the age of 13 I was cleaning up friends and they were doing the same for me. I have cut friends down, pulled them off a bridge, I have also been revived by friends and talked down so many times.
We had no one but each other and all of us were as ill as each other, although we didn’t know we were ill at the time because it was normal to feel that way.
I am so glad that they are providing this training to nurses, teachers, care workers, social work and many 3rd sector organisations. So kids like me can get the help they need, professional help.
The whole reason I do what I want to do is because I went through it all alone, since I was 12 years old I was let down by everyone and this is so much harder to do it on your own. I would never wish that upon anyone and I am going to make sure that I am that person to help the ones that have no one.
amandla
turnnoffyourmind
snowghoul
origamiaround
