I lurk in the dark

Now Verity, once Penelope. Female. American. Writer. Multi-fandom blog. Likes a bit of everything. I like reblogging gifs of movies I've recently watched. What else do you want to know...? Ask.

[ivyandcarnation]

Hollanov recs b/c I'm in hell right now and enjoying it

Will update the list as I go. Just my personal favorites, since I've been inhaling so many fanfics that I don't think I can keep track of them all.

Completed unless noted otherwise.

Social Media Fics

MLH Breakdowns #7 | How this one INSANE Free Agency Signing Sparked a Three-Year Hockey Frenzy 😱🏒 (registered users only) -

r/BostonBears Breaking: Ilya Rozanov has decided to test the open market on Wednesday. Rozanov has never been a free agent before. Source: @laffertyonice

In this week's breakdown, we dive into the three years of MLH chaos, heartbreak, and drama on social media, all ignited by this one insane off-season move.

Note: I would marry this fic if it's legally possible to marry a fic.

2. Haydenov Phone Swap (series) -

After a mix-up leaves Hayden with the wrong phone for three days, he ends up learning more about Ilya Rozanov and his secret girlfriend, Jane.

Another Hayden-Finds-Out, because we can't have too many.

*now with the extra continuing Hayden-Rozanov friendship text threads*

Note: This is just chaotic and it's the Haydenov fic of my dreams.

3. Fanning the Flames -

The Voyageurs ask Shane to join FanMail in order to foster a better connection with fans. Internet sleuths start to notice some interesting details in the background of Shane’s videos, and then the internet does...what the internet does.

Or Shane and Ilya are granted an opportunity to come out on their own terms. Sort of. And in they do it in a very Ilya way. (Surprisingly, it is Shane’s idea)

Note: They have agency?!?!?! They come out on their own terms? Sign me up for all of that!

4. Hit Post (series) -

Perez Hilton ✅ @PerezHilton

Viral: Married "gay" hockey star Ilya Rozanov caught IN PUBLIC sexting mystery woman. WITH RECEIPTS!

Note: The third one is my favorite, which is why I copied that description. But all of these are freaking amazing. 10/10.

5. It's all Canadian Vodka's fault -

In the early hours of Saturday, the Hockey world was ablaze with the news that Ilya Rozanov was dead. Killed in a tragic car accident leaving behind a slew of devastated fans and a grieving husband still reeling in shock.

The news also came as an incredible shock to Ilya when he awoke that same day, hungover and bleary, but very much alive. 

Note: Really enjoyable. Also, don't drink and drive.

6. The MILF Theory (And Why the Internet Got It Wrong)

The internet has decided that Ilya Rozanov is absolutely, definitely, 100% banging a Hollander.

They’ve got photo evidence. Multiple sightings. Instagram stories from the same café. The man stayed OVERNIGHT at the Hollander residence.

It’s the most legendary power move in NHL history: seduce your rival’s hot mom to assert dominance. There’s just one tiny problem with this theory. Ilya’s fucking a Hollander, all right. Just … not that one.

Or in which Ilya’s boyfriend's mother keeps adopting him, the internet keeps assuming the worst, and Shane Hollander is having the worst month of his entire life. At least until he does something that breaks hockey forever.

Note: 10/10, excellent Yuna & Ilya interactions. I love Ilya being second son to her. One of the relationships I can't get enough of.

7. the secret society of stick handlers (series) -

Scott: I’ve been getting asked if it’s me. I considered denying but if we all deny and one person doesn’t, that sort of gives their identity away and I’m not sure they want that. Ilya: Everyone thinks is me. My agent asked if I want to comment too Scott: Wait, it's not you? Ilya: Maybe 🤔 Or maybe not 🤪 Eric: What?

Or: When Adrian Dela Cruz reveals he dated an NHL player, chaos and damage control ensue. A story told through texts, tweets, and one pretentious Variety article.

Note: this whole series is a freaking banger

8. @MLHTracker -

MLH Tracker @MLHTracker rozanov81 (Ilya Rozanov) started following 3 and unfollowed 0: ✅ montrealmetros (The Montreal Metros) ✅ shanehollanderofficial (Shane Hollander) ✅ metrosworst (Worst Metros Plays) ⏎ 55 ⟳ 39 ♡ 732 rozanov defender @gremlinroz ... alright who told ilya about the mlh tracker ⏎ 0 ⟳ 10 ♡ 63 lea @rozanovsss getting ready for the game on thursday i see... masterful trolling ⏎ 5 ⟳ 1 ♡ 37

The history of Hollanov, primarily as seen through the MLH Tracker on Twitter.

Note: 10/10, great one-shot

9. ilyuca81 (otherwise known as lucarozanov)

lucarozanov if shane hollander gets mad at me reading about him getting blasted in the ass then he can check his bank account. i know ilya would be chill with it though

Luca Haas tries very hard to not let anyone know about his dark (read: embarrassing) past. Unfortunately, the fans are ready to let people know for him.

Or, Luca used to run a tumblr blog for Hollanov and the internet goes wild.

Note: ONE OF US ONE OF US ONE OF US

10. hot mics and hotter rivalries (series) -

Shane Hollander is going to murder his agent.

And he means that literally. Because his agent is the reason he’s currently wearing a hot mic during Hockey Night in Canada. Against the Ottawa Centaurs. Against Ilya.

Ilya, who has no filter. Ilya, who thinks workplace professionalism is a hilarious suggestion for other people. Ilya, who has spent a decade perfecting the art of saying absolutely unhinged things to Shane on the ice, safe in the knowledge that nobody can hear him.

Ilya, who definitely doesn’t know about the microphone.

What follows is sixty minutes of Shane’s life flashing before his eyes while his secret boyfriend enthusiastically discusses their sex life, their broken furniture, and exactly what he wants to do to Shane after the game — all broadcast to millions of viewers.

The problem? Shane can’t get a word in edgewise to warn him.

Note: This is just pure unadulterated enjoyable Grade A crack.

11. shane hollander boy kisser confirmed! -

In 2021, Shane Hollander reveals his relationship with former rival Ilya Rozanov to the shock of chronically online people worldwide, who’ve spent the last decade convincing the world he’s secretly in love with his teammate Hayden Pike

feng (she/her) @flowerfeng · Apr 3, 2021 gotta feel bad for shane hollander. like imagine everyone wishing you were in a secret gay relationship. and you gotta spend your career swearing you’re not in a secret gay relationship. but you ARE in a secret gay relationship. just w the wrong guy booboo the fool @cinnacin · Apr 4, 2021 shane hollander w a hand on the bible: no im not in a decade-long secret relationship w fellow hockey player hayden pike roger cromwell: ok say it again without the hayden pike part  shane hollander: sweats nervously 

(Or, imagine if #Shayden was the #LarryStylinson of the HR/GC universe)

Note: I can never get enough of Shayden accusations while hollanov is just sneaking around in the background.

Omegaverse

Bare -

“Fuck.” Shane melted into the strong hand at his neck, the pressure over his throat and the heat of the Alpha’s palm. “Fuck, that’s–” his eyes started to flutter closed, his knees going weak, but he heard the Alpha huff a laugh and immediately stiffened again. 

“Don’t do that.” he warned. “Don’t laugh like me letting you put your hand on my throat is predictable submissive Omega behavior and you're making fun of me."

“That is not why i was laughing.” Ilya squeezed Shane’s throat lightly, his thumb pressing over the suppressant patch covering the Omega's bonding spot and blocking his sweet scent. “I thought you would fight it, fight submitting. But you didn’t.”

“No I–” Shane swallowed hard. “I like it.” 

“Good.” Ilya smiled slow and a little dangerous, running his tongue over his bottom lip and then over the sharp ends of his fangs before he leaned in and growled into the Omega’s ear. “Now get on your knees.”

Note: This is marked as completed, but I'm like... I want one more chapter. Please sir, can I have one more chapter?

2. Where Blue Is (WIP)

Welcome to 2025 MHL — where being gay isn’t a scandal, but having the Big Bad Russian Alpha Captain of Boston Raiders openly thirsting over the Pretty Omega Rookie of Montreal Metros definitely is.

Nineteen year-old Shane Hollander just wanted to play hockey. After a viral scandal – collapsing on the ice and experiencing his first heat on national television during the International Prospect Cup – the Montreal Metros gave him a chance to rewrite his narrative. A life-changing entry contract. A media spotlight. And the title of the first omega in the MHL.

Enter Ilya Rozanov: twenty-nine-year-old MHL veteran, Boston Raiders captain, and resident villain fans love to hate. An alpha who never forgets a pretty face once he’s seen it.

And Shane Hollander has a very pretty face.

A story for those who love confident, experienced Ilya courting a shy and overwhelmed Shane, who tries very hard to pretend he doesn’t enjoy it. Expect a ten-year age gap, primal tension, and an alpha taking care of his Babyboy Shane in public and private. Potential daddy kink.

Semi-omegaverse. No mpreg. No babies. (I don’t like babies, sorry, lmao.)

Slow-burn progression.

Note: Yooooo, Ilya has such a great mic drop moment in this one. Still a WIP, but honestly 10/10.

3. Heat sheet

Back in his apartment, post-game haze thick, heat triggered early by a certain alpha, Shane does something he’s never done. He opens the league app, finds the anonymous heat assistance sign-up sheet, and posts.

Emergency heat. Unbonded omega. One night only. No claiming. No media. Discretion required. Address in DM.

He hits submit before he can overthink it.

Note: im fucking forthing at the mouth for more updates on this one.

Trade AUs

Home Ice Advantage

“You’re going to Boston.”

Long after Farah hangs up, the words keep echoing in Shane’s head. If he had thought his thoughts had been chaotic this morning, when his biggest problem had been his rival potentially fucking him when he came to Montreal in two weeks, that’s nothing compared to the code-red panic that started the instant he found out he was being traded to Rozanov’s team.

Rozanov, who was supposed to be his great career rival. Rozanov, who he’s hooked up with twice now. Rozanov, who had been planning on coming to Shane’s apartment in Montreal to fuck him the next time they saw each other. God, how on Earth is Shane going to walk into his locker room in Boston in a few days time?

The impending awkwardness of dealing with Rozanov is almost enough to eclipse the hurt he’s trying to ignore. The knowledge that Montreal values him so little that they’re willing to dispose of him only six months into his rookie season. Almost, but not quite.

-

Or, Shane gets traded to Boston AU.

Note: This one is the one that made me realize I gotta create this list. B/c i have memory of goldfish. So when this goldfish went to read this, it took me like one chapter in to realize, oops, read this one before.

AUs

and i spit out the seeds

A video of Shane sucking Ilya’s dick is leaked. Over the next twenty-four hours, Ilya goes on an odyssey.

Note: The one where a sex tape is leaked. Really great.

Soulmate AUs

1. Okay, not okay -

Soulmarks are supposed to be a blessing, or so people say. Shane disagrees. They appear as the first words your soulmate will ever speak to you, written on your skin in your soulmate's handwriting. But Shane's is a simple and underwhelming "ok." So mundane he has long since stopped noticing the words when they're spoken to him.

"I'm not sure you're supposed to smoke here" Shane said as he approached the Russian player. "Ok"

Note: SOULMATE AU. I honestly can't get enough of soulmate AUs.

2. the heart is hard to translate -

Shane is twelve when he realizes he can understand Russian.

Or, in a world where you can understand whatever language(s) your soulmate speaks, it takes Shane and Ilya an embarrassing amount of time to realize they’re soulmates.

Note: You have no idea how many times I wanted to tear my hair out due to this fic yet also can't help but squee in excitement.

3. You Can Lie (Not to Me) -

Every time your soulmate lies, their words are written on you.

Shane doesn’t lie often. His soulmate does though.

Note: Gosh, every time Ilya tells Shane to tell the truth, I'm just like shot through the heart. God, so good.

Post Heated Rivalry

Asylum

Ilya Rozanov has a Stanley Cup, a dog with anxiety, and a husband who organizes spice racks by cuisine. What he doesn't have is Canadian citizenship. When a politically motivated challenge threatens his immigration case, the life he and Shane built in Ottawa becomes the thing he has to prove — to a government that wants documents, a public that wants scandal, and a country he chose for the only reason that mattered.

Notes: As a polisci major, this fic scratched a good itch in me.

Others

still the best (still an asshole) -

Four times Ilya Rozanov reminded everyone exactly who the fuck they were dealing with (spoiler: still an asshole, still elite, still not going anywhere), and one time he didn’t have to be anything except soft.

Or being out didn’t make him nicer. Being married didn’t make him softer. Being older didn’t make him weaker. And being a father? Well. That’t when things get complicated.

(He’s really good at that last part. Don’t tell anyone.)

Note: Honestly, I can't get enough of Ilya being a big softie while being asshole on the outside.

I'll see if I get around to updating this list as I keep reading. But these are truly bangers in my heart.

[sidmalkin]

“Sidney Crosby’s ass is not that big,“ said No One Ever.

[sidneys]

@trashsenal

[madlori]

#Sometimes I wonder how he sits

sometimes he can’t.

HE ASS TOO BIG FOR HE GOTDAMN CHAIR.

[argillaforma]

ilya was wearing no shirt and slutty sweatpants with his curls perfectly styled and 24 cans of ginger ale stocked in his fridge, truly a man on a mission

[0838pm]

WHAT THE

[tinylilhollander]

I know that Heated Rivalry is one of those pieces of media where COVID never happens but what if it did? Imagine the lockdown shenanigans.

Shane and Ilya are obviously hunkering down at the cottage together. There's no hockey, but they don't know for how long, so they're still training all the time. They're doing interviews and having to make it look like they're in completely different places. Ilya has to keep being reminded that he's supposed to still be back in Ottawa.

Ilya's teammates keep asking if they can be in a lockdown bubble together and he's gotta be like "No, can't do that. I'm not taking any chances." But now they're worried because he hasn't seen or been around another human being in months and they've noticed that even before lockdown he made more jokes about killing himself than the average person, so they're stressed to their eyeballs about his mental health.

Meanwhile Ilya's living the kind of domestic fantasy with his man that he didn't think they were going to get until retirement. For the first time ever most days he can truly pretend that he and Shane are the only people in the world. Sometimes David and Yuna come over for dinner because they are also isolating at their cottage. But most of the time it's just endless hours of just the two of them and neither of them could be happier. Their biggest decision every day is when and where to fuck. Some people are getting into sourdough – Shane and Ilya have committed to learning one new sexual position every day.

I just think that lockdown would have been the ideal codependent situation for Hollanov.

[tinylilhollander]

I know that Heated Rivalry is one of those pieces of media where COVID never happens but what if it did? Imagine the lockdown shenanigans.

Shane and Ilya are obviously hunkering down at the cottage together. There's no hockey, but they don't know for how long, so they're still training all the time. They're doing interviews and having to make it look like they're in completely different places. Ilya has to keep being reminded that he's supposed to still be back in Ottawa.

Ilya's teammates keep asking if they can be in a lockdown bubble together and he's gotta be like "No, can't do that. I'm not taking any chances." But now they're worried because he hasn't seen or been around another human being in months and they've noticed that even before lockdown he made more jokes about killing himself than the average person, so they're stressed to their eyeballs about his mental health.

Meanwhile Ilya's living the kind of domestic fantasy with his man that he didn't think they were going to get until retirement. For the first time ever most days he can truly pretend that he and Shane are the only people in the world. Sometimes David and Yuna come over for dinner because they are also isolating at their cottage. But most of the time it's just endless hours of just the two of them and neither of them could be happier. Their biggest decision every day is when and where to fuck. Some people are getting into sourdough – Shane and Ilya have committed to learning one new sexual position every day.

I just think that lockdown would have been the ideal codependent situation for Hollanov.

[medrawawi]

inspired on this!🐤

[lavenderprose]

The thing about the Cottage is that yes they are making love. Yes they are saying the most emotionally vulnerable shit that they have ever said to another living person. Yes they are going at it missionary style bathed in moonlight and calling each other baby about it.

They are also, crucially, having the filthiest and nastiest sex that two guys in their twenties with an extremely willing monogamous partner can think up. Things are WILD. They are Yes And'ing each other in ways that they are legit going to have to process by sitting quietly alone in a room for an entire day at some point in the future.

They're going at it raw, of course. Ilya is spitting in his mouth and making Shane thank him for the privilege, then calling him a slut when he does. Shane is letting Ilya chase him through the woods. He's wrapping Ilya's fingers around his neck and begging while Ilya tightens his grip. Ilya decides at one point that if Shane can't come on his cock alone then he doesn't get to come. Shane doesn't receive oral a single time at the Cottage without having to swallow his own cum. Ilya walks around with a piece of gauze on his forearm because Shane bit him and drew blood. Ilya fucks Shane with his nose way up inside Shane's armpit the entire time, huffing and licking. Ilya comes on Shane's face in the shower and Shane is so far down and loves the feeling of being marked so much that he asks Ilya to piss on him. Shane is never more than two minutes away from having Ilya's tongue or dick in one of his holes, no warning given aside from a command to spread his legs or get on his knees.

It's a fucking tour de force of debauchery. And this, too, is lovemaking.

[drawballa]

📞😴

[luulapants]

Got into a discussion about emergency response at a professional retreat recently and everyone was going on and on about agility, and I was like, "Okay but what about contingency?"

And they were like "What?"

And I was like, "Agility isn't the ultimate form of preparedness. Contingency is. Agility still requires you to flounder and figure out a solution in the moment, but if you have a contingency plan, all you have to do is implement it."

And they were like "But you can't make contingency plans for every situation!"

And I was like, "Yeah, you basically can if you just identify all of your basic dependencies and contingency plan around the loss of any dependency," and then I gave a few examples.

And they all stared at me like I'm an alien.

Anyway, that's how I figured out I'm Batman-coded and also learned how Batman must feel talking to supposedly professional superheroes who never bothered to run disaster scenarios until I pointed out that it's insane that they don't already have a plan for if Superman turns evil.

[nestofstraightlines]

There’s a phrase that really stuck in my head around this. It was from one of the British divers who enacted the Thai caving rescue, though I couldn’t tell you which one or which interview.

As he described to the interviewer a moment of panic and how he he overcame, the interviewer said, in one of those, summarise-last-answer-given-with-appropriate-levels-of-respect-in-order-to-proceed-to-next-question phrasing’s, “Wow, so you rose to the occasion -“

And the diver said, “No, actually people always get that exactly wrong. In an unexpected and urgent situation you don’t rise to the occasion. You sink to the level of your training.”

[throckmortons-thrussy]

[ginmeister]

OP describes *exactly* my experience at every staff meeting where plans were made.

Me: But what if rains?

Them: It won't rain.

Me:. ...

[gaynehollander]

Ilya on Twitter, so proud, after Shane scores a hat-trick: Did you all see my husband? 😍​😍​😍​

Certified husband guy Ilya Rozanov after someone calls him a cocksucker on the ice: Have you seen my husband? Yes, I suck his cock. So sad for you that you will never get to.

Ilya Rozanov, showing up late to a gala after his husband, Shane Hollander, was away for some commercial shoot and he didn't get to see him before the event, looking genuinely frantic: Have you seen my husband anywhere??

Ilya out for lunch with Shane, when the bill comes along: Oh, my rich hockey player husband will take care of that.

Ilya Rozanov, drunk out of his mind at his husband-mandated night out with Cliff (because he needs the enrichment), not so gently turning down some woman who's blatantly flirting with him: Do you even know who my husband is???

Ilya "Down Atrocious" Hollander-Rozanov when one of Shane's commercials plays at Monk's after a game: Everyone shut up! My husband is on TV!

[anarchistmemedistro]

AI haters build tarpits to trap and trick AI scrapers that ignore robots.txt

Attackers explain how an anti-spam defense became an AI weapon.

[megaceros]

love that energy

[animalwoonz]

Personal space? Nope - never heard of it.

[alaimo]

Is that…… them

[hungwy]

Another reason why trains would be good is that most people are not good at driving

[kriosv]

[weewoo911]

Loads of Hollanov fics have them getting walked in on while making out etc which is great

But I’d love a fic where one or both of Shane’s parents drop by the cottage for phone charger/laundry pod reasons and find Shane snuggled on the couch fast asleep on Ilya’s chest and that’s how they find out

They’re dressed in soft casual clothes, sleeping like the dead and wrapped around each other like vines and Ilya’s hand is in Shane’s hair and Shane looks so so comfortable and relaxed

Meanwhile his parents are staring slack-jawed at the sight of their son using his archenemy the Russian Rage Machine as a teddybear/pillow

[grabmybush]

ilya rozanov who’s known to boston as the mysterious fuckboy from russia who chirps like he’s getting paid for it and is crazy good at hockey. one day a teammate is absent from a few games in a row and turns back up to practice with a fucking newborn and they’re all in their hockey gear fawning over this tiny baby. then once everyone’s said hi before practice, the crowd parts and ilyas just stood by the doorway, a literal deer in headlights staring at the bundle of blankets in his teammates arms and-

“do you wanna hold him?”

ilya’s moving forward before he can process the words and everyone’s holding their breath as he gathers the newborn into his arms, pausing to take his gloves off first. it’s a few tense seconds before the baby babbles and shifts slightly before tucking his head into the crook of his arm and swiftly falling to sleep.

ilya looks up to see his whole team stifling grins, “i think we’ve found the new babysitter” and he bites back a chirp because he doesn’t want to wake the baby he’s holding so delicately to his chest.

he’s stuck on the sidelines for the whole practice while he rocks the baby through the slams against walls, waving its little arm towards its dad when it eventually wakes up.

and yeah pictures surface soon after of fucking rozanov staring down at the baby in his arms with the fucking softest eyes and twitter has a field day proving he’s a softie at heart