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To Make it Last Longer

Amy comes across Jake’s laptop when she’s alone early on in their relationship.

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Amy Santiago was alone in her boyfriend’s apartment.

It wasn’t that weird, given that he’d made her a copy of his key and told her she was welcome there anytime (though it did make her tummy do stupid little jumping jacks that felt silly) but it was her first time using the key; normally he was there to let her in.

He was still at work, finishing up on a lead that would probably only keep him another hour or so. Then, they were going to make dinner and watch a movie together, he’d told her to head on over whenever she wanted and he’d meet her there.

Jake was surprisingly content to be a domestic little housecat, something Amy had not anticipated when they first started dating, though it was not an unpleasant discovery.

Feeling a little out of place, Amy sauntered around the empty apartment, listening to her own bare feet creaking on the aged floorboards. His place was much smaller than her boho apartment; a studio with stained wallpaper and a dishwasher that squealed on it’s hinges when you touched the door.

Still, there was comfort here. The smell of his aftershave still lingering in the bathroom entryway, the unmade bed with the patterned quilt his mother had made him (that he slept curled under every night) and the dirty dishes piled high in the sink.

Amy figured there was no use just sitting around when there were dishes to be done, so she made her way into the kitchen toward the sink, passing by a few unopened envelopes. She eyed them subtly as she walked past, feeling a little sneaky, though she knew he wouldn’t have given her a key if he had anything to hide.

One of the envelopes was addressed in messy handwriting, with his address in the center and his aunt’s name at the top left corner. Another was an envelope she too had received, an informational flyer to all of the detectives in the 99 about an upcoming community outreach event. She doubted he’d even open that one. And a third was from Brooklyn Water Supply.

It reminded her that she too needed to pay her water bill. She cursed quietly as she realized she was a few days overdue, having spent most of her time here the past week. She quickly pulled out her phone to open up the website, but the mobile version was flawed and didn’t allow for her to login.

She debated just brushing it off and waiting another day, but rampant anxiety coursed through her at the thought of being overdue on a bill. She knew she wouldn’t be able to let it go.

Amy spotted Jake’s laptop precariously placed on the corner of his end table beside the bed, charging. Was it wrong to borrow it without asking? Even for something as mundane and intriguing as paying a utility bill?

What if he had…stuff on there? Like…porn stuff?

She shuddered at the thought. Though she wasn’t blind to the fact that he was a grown man and had more likely than not jerked off to the sight of other people fucking on camera, it didn’t exactly entice her to think about it. In fact, the idea made her wrinkle her nose with distaste and nearly disregard the water bill altogether.

Though, if she didn’t get it paid, it would keep her awake until she did.

She would just use the website, and get right off. No funny business.

Amy crossed the apartment and sat on the edge of his bed, grabbing the laptop and opening it up on her knees. A beam of blue light cast across her face, and she sighed as she was faced with the pop-up screen, demanding a password.

She tried D1e Hard! No luck. She tried a few other things, McClane1234, DieHardRulez, even YippieKayYay. No dice.

She was about to give up when she glanced at his end table and paused, noticing something she hadn’t taken much time to look at over the past week or so. Underneath his lamp, in a brown frame was a photo of Jake and Amy. She remembered the night vividly; it was a few months ago at the state fair. She’d dragged him there to fulfill her surprising adrenaline junkie need to ride spinny death traps. She’d also discovered Jake was actually not a big fan of heights, and didn’t take to the rides as well as she did.

The picture was one a kind stranger had taken of the two of them upon request. Jake had his arm around her waist, tucking her tight against his side. Amy was smiling at the camera, not noticing that his head was turned sideways, looking down at her with so much love and affection in his eyes that it almost made her heart skip a beat even as she sat alone in his apartment. When had he taken the time to print the photo out, let alone frame it and place it on his nightstand like he wanted to wake up to it every morning?

Looking back to the password screen on his laptop, Amy took a shot, typing in: 04-15-16.

The login box blinked out, opening up his home screen. The laptop was unlocked.

Amy couldn’t help but smile at the realization that his laptop password was their anniversary date.

Okay. She was in now. No messing around. She needed to just open up the website, pay her bill, and then put everything back in its proper place. It was bad enough she’d just broken into his laptop, she wouldn’t make this a real offense by prying.

The cursor hovered over his google chrome logo, but something beside it on the taskbar caught her eye. It was a tan file icon, labeled: Pics.

Pics? That was vague.

Amy hesitated, if she clicked it, she was one of those girlfriends. One of those snoopy, untrusting, privacy-invading girlfriends who didn’t know where the line was, and crossed it often.

But, she had to admit, she was curious. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust Jake, no fiber in her had any concern that he was cheating, or doing anything untoward. Still, Jake could be…closed off. It wasn’t that he tried to be cold or anything, he was very sweet to her and affectionate. But talking about personal things, his feelings or his past, he tended to get jammed up. Even after several months together, the deep stuff made him uncomfortable.

What could he have in this silly little file with such an unassuming name?

If she had to guess? Probably work stuff. Maybe a file of gruesome crime scene photos. Jake was nothing if not a workaholic.

Or maybe it was photos of Sofia in lingerie. Jake was a bit of a procrastinator. She doubted he’d spend much time deleting old images.

Before she could reel herself in, Amy clicked the file.

Her first instinct was to click out of it before she saw something she didn’t want to see, before she went down a path she couldn’t come back from. But, when the folder opened, she wasn’t met with dead bodies or naked images of an ex-girlfriend.

Instead, Amy’s eyes glossed over a myriad of neatly labeled files. Most of them had dates attached with little names to make their contents clear. Her eyes scanned the surprisingly well organized file folders with intrigue, as she read off the names.

Family

Academy

Birthdays

Holidays

Trips

Ames

Her eye caught with disbelief on the last one. That couldn’t be right, could it? A file with images dedicated to her? She almost couldn’t wrap her head around it. God, was it a compilation of all the sultry, sexual photos she’d texted to him over the course of their relationship? Was that creepy? Yuck.

Instead of opening up that opportunity for horror, Amy decided to click on the academy album. She figured she was already this far, may as well take the train all the way to the station and be a bad person.

Amy began scrolling through images, grinning with realization as she decided that these were a collection of photos from Jake’s police academy days. She clicked one to enlarge it, seeing a few familiar faces.

It was Jake, but about ten years younger. His dark hair was trimmed short, though she knew back then his preference was to let his curly mane grow out, the academy frowned upon that. He was dressed in a pair of cargo pants with a Brooklyn Police Academy sweatshirt on, sitting at a familiar bartop. Beside him, with her black curly hair tied up tight in a bun, wearing the same clothes as Jake, was a younger Rosa. Clearly, they’d just finished a long day of drills, as was made evident by the scuffs on their youthful faces and the dirt patches all over their clothes. They each had a beer in their hand, and they weren’t looking at the camera, but instead at one another, cracking up laughing. The low-hanging orange lights of Shaw’s bar were visible behind them. It was clear whoever had taken the picture was laughing too, because it was a little blurry and not centered.

Amy’s eyes softened as she looked at the photo. Jake looked so handsome; he really did have the most amazing smile. His cheeks and chin dimpled in a boyish, endearing curvature, and that hadn’t changed with age. Despite being barely into his thirties now, he looked so much younger in this image. As exuberant of a person as Jake was, he’d seen things most people didn’t have to; dead bodies, crime scenes, kidnappings and drug deals. This Jake hadn’t seen any of that yet. He was a bright-eyed, bushy tailed kid, who was having a drink with a good friend after what was surely an exhausting day.

She couldn’t help but smile before she clicked onto the next photo. Most of them were similar to this, Jake and random academy buddies at parties, hanging out at Shaws, even some were taken during drills, definitely in secret.

Amy came across another image of Jake at his academy graduation, dressed up neatly in his uniform, though the ceremony was clearly already over. His mom was there beside him, grinning into the camera with watery brown eyes and pride beaming across her face. An older woman stood on his other side, and Amy recognized her from other photos as his late grandma. She too was smiling with such pride and love that it made Amy feel safe to look at her face. She couldn’t help but notice the absence of his father there, on what was probably an important day for him, but with the two women at his side, Jake was smiling like he wasn’t missing anyone.

She finished out the academy folder before she knew it, and ended up clicking on the family file. Her smile grew as she passed through folders of pictures, mostly of Jake and his mom. Every once in a while there was one with his grandma, or a random cousin or uncle, but at the core of the album were the two Peraltas.

One image of a little Jake dressed up for Halloween made her touch her chest with awe. He couldn’t have been more than seven or eight, still holding on to his mother’s hand as whoever snapped the photo got their attention. His mom was wearing kitty ears and had whiskers drawn on over her nose and cheeks, she was smiling warmly down at her son. Little Jake had the curliest brown hair, just a mess atop his head. His big doe eyes took up most of his face (and still kind of did, if she was being honest) and he grinned back at Karen with a tooth missing from his cheeky smile. He was dressed in a slightly-too-big police officer uniform, complete with a walkie talkie on his hip and a plastic badge around his neck. If Amy had to guess, he’d probably told his mom “this is how John McClane wears it!”

Amy knew it was too early to be thinking about things like this, but the photo conjured up a thought in her brain. The image of Jake now, holding the hand of a little boy who looked similar to the one in the photo. A sweet, curly-haired little boy with love in his eyes and warmth in his heart. Well, another one, that was.

God, she was really in love with this guy, wasn’t she? Who knew Peralta had so many layers?

Amy skimmed over more photos, pictures of Jake with friends from school, pictures from Hanukkah celebrations and road trips, all which painted the picture of the man she was in love with. A silly man, with a big heart and a natural inclination for being a good person.

It was when she’d exhausted all the other albums, that Amy hovered over the one titled Ames. She was a little afraid, she had to admit. Though, all of her scrolling had revealed nothing more than her boyfriend’s sweet, sentimental side. The side of him he didn’t flaunt or want others to know about, but one that she now knew kept his personal photos organized neatly, so he could look at them whenever he wanted to.

She clicked on the album. Up popped dozens of boxes, though thankfully none of them showed exposed skin or nudity like she’d feared.

A lot of them were selfies of her, ones she’d sent him when they spent time apart and he complained that he missed her. Some of them made her groan out loud; she was without makeup or proper hair care in a lot of them. In some he’d caught her stuffing her face with food or making some sort of ridiculous expression, which most likely made him laugh so hard he had to snap a picture. Some were photos of the two of them, quick images captured in the midst of wonderful time they spent together, a mere attempt to express the joy they felt in a small, condensed box.

Amy felt her chest do a little stutter at the collection of photos she was looking at. She felt for a moment, as if she were seeing herself through Jake’s eyes, as silly as that was.

She’d never understood what he saw in her. She was neurotic, a little obsessive, wracked with self doubt and desperate for approval. She wasn’t outgoing or adventurous, she wasn’t confident or sexy. She never felt like she could compete with the wild encounters he’d had before her. She always wondered slightly, why it was that he seemed to be so deeply in love with her.

Looking at the photos he saved, she sort of understood.

These were the pictures he wanted to keep, these were the moments he wanted to remember. Amy with ice cream on her nose at the fair, Jake kissing her cheek on the pier in Jersey on that Sunday they’d taken a long drive, the two of them with their shoelaces tied together as they’d been dared by Gina to try to walk home that way.

She loved the way she looked in these photos. Always smiling brilliantly and unbridled. Clinging to him as if he were her beating heart. Laughing with him when everyone else didn’t get the joke.

This was what he saw in their relationship; silliness, fun, affection, someone else to understand all of the weird things that you could never try to explain about yourself. Someone else who just knew before you even spoke what you were thinking. Someone who made you feel like you belonged, like you were worthwhile.

And Amy felt it too.

She was so engrossed in the images, that she didn’t notice when the front door unlocked and swung open. She didn’t hear the footsteps entering, and she didn’t make the connection that Jake had just walked in until his voice rang through her ears.

“Babe? Whatcha doing?”

Amy startled like a kid with her hand in a cookie jar. The laptop flew off of her knees and crashed to the floor before she could stop it. The force caused the charging cord to rip free and whip back at her, lashing across her face and conveniently hitting her directly in the eyeball.

“Ow! Shit!” She cried out, cradling her face in her hands.

“Ames!”

Jake rushed forward and she felt his hands on her back, then she was being turned around. He pried her hands away from her face, and she blinked through her burning eye to notice him coming into view.

His dark brown eyes were ringed with tired circles from a long shift. His curly hair was matted down across his head, probably in need of a luxurious shower. His face was inches from hers, his eyes studying her face with a concerned crease between his brow, his broad lips pursed thoughtfully as he looked at her. He still smelled of his aftershave, and the collar of his flannel had a coffee stain on it.

“You okay honey?” he asked her gently, taking her chin in his hand to tilt her face so he could look at her more closely, “It hit you right in the damn eye. It’s really red.”

“Jake, I’m so sorry.” Amy began rambling out a pathetic apology, “I wasn’t going through your stuff! I remembered I needed to pay my water bill, but my phone wasn’t letting me and I saw your laptop sitting there and figured you wouldn’t mind if I…but then I saw the photo album and I just got curious and I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to invade your-”

“Whoa, whoa whoa, slow down there killer.” Jake laughed as he pulled away and shrugged out of his leather jacket before sitting back down beside her, “You don’t have to apologize babe, it’s fine.”

“B-but I used it without asking.” Amy replied, “I went through your personal photos…”

Jake shrugged, “I gave you a key, didn’t I? I got nothing to hide.”

Amy eyed him carefully, well, as much as she could through the blinding pain in her retina, “You’re not upset?”

“No Ames, it’s really okay. I know I’m dating like, the nosiest most know-it-all girl on earth.” Jake smirked playfully, “I expected you to go through my stuff when I wasn’t here, honestly.”

“I didn’t!” she insisted, “I mean, I kinda thought about it, but I swear I didn’t! Just the laptop and I didn’t really mean to-”

“Amy.” Jake’s voice took on a bit more of a serious edge, where before he’d been lighthearted. He rested a hand gently on her thigh, and offered her a small smile, “It’s really okay, I promise. I trust you. I want to share stuff with you, including my laptop. Mi casa es su casa, and whatnot.”

“It’s tu casa.” Amy corrected before she could stop herself.

“Oh, right. Tu casa es su casa.” He nodded proudly, as if he’d nailed it.

“No, no it’s-” Amy stopped herself before she could correct him again, smiling with the realization that he wasn’t mad. He really was the most perfect fucking man on the planet.“Nevermind. Thanks for being so understanding, Jake.”

“Nothin’ to understand.” he paused, as if something had just occurred to him, “Hey, how’d you guess my password?”

Amy grinned, “Got lucky.”

Jake’s face turned a little red, and he glanced down at his laptop, scattering on the floor, “That’s embarrassing.”

“No it isn’t!” she insisted, “Jake I think it’s so sweet that our anniversary is your password. I love that.”

Jake glanced at her curiously, “Our anniversary…oh. Right! Yeah, no yeah, it’s our anniversary. Yeah.”

Amy cocked her head sideways, frowning at him, “Isn’t it?”

Jake scratched the back of his neck nervously, letting out a shrill laugh, “It’s also sorta kinda the day Bruce Willis’ PR team liked my tweet about Hans Gruber being the best movie villain of all time. It was a really, really good day.”

“Oh my god!” Amy exclaimed.

“Soooooo,” Jake was quick to change the subject, squatting down to pick up his laptop, looking relieved that it still worked, “You were looking through the Ames album?”

Amy nodded, bringing one hand up to cradle her aching eye, “Yeah. It’s so sweet Jake. You really have some nice pictures in there.”

Jake smiled as he clicked through a few of them, then glanced at her with sympathy, “Let me get you some ice for that.” He set the laptop down and headed for the kitchen.

He returned a moment later, rejoining her on the end of the bed and reaching up to press a bag of ice against her eye. Amy sighed with relief at the feeling, leaning into his touch and looking at him through her good eye as he held the ice against her face.

“I’m in love with you.” Amy found herself saying, though she knew they’d already said this to one another.

Jake smiled at her, “I’m in love with you too, Santiago.”

She reached over with her free hand and kissed him quickly, savoring his soft lips and the familiar warmth of his body against hers. He smiled slightly into the kiss, brown eyes crinkled at the corner as he looked at her with so much affection it made her heart stammer in her chest.

“I really love your photo albums.” She murmured.

Jake offered her a small chuckle, “Well I realized a long time ago that nothing lasts forever. But uh…it’s nice to look back on the memories and be grateful for all the good things you’ve had in life.”

Amy’s heart filled with warmth at his sweet, genuine words. This man wanted everyone to think he was some too-cool-for-school jokester with no substance, but he was by far the most sensitive and kindhearted man she’d ever met. She couldn’t believe he was with her.

“You are just full of surprises.” Amy mused, “I didn’t realize you were so sentimental. And organized.”

Jake’s ears turned the slightest bit red, and he looked down bashfully, “Does the organized thing uh…excite you?”

She smirked, “You bet your perky little ass it does, Peralta. Give me two minutes to toss this ice pack and strip.”

“This is why you get your own album.” He said, leaning in to kiss her again, longer and deeper this time.

When they pulled away, he gave her a wink and began heading toward the bedroom, shedding clothes as he walked.

Normally the disarray of clothes on the floor would bother her, but tonight, Amy just chucked the ice pack and raced after him.

She wanted to show him just how much she appreciated his sensitive side.

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