♔AhahahaLEX♔ @iwasborntopostandreblog - Tumblr Blog

“I just want you to understand that I’m not a happy person. I’m sad most of the time. Sadly hopeful, sadly peaceful, sadly in love and sadly alive but I’m not really broken. Sometimes I feel that I am damaged, but I really am not. I’ve recreated myself into this person, and I’m okay with what I see. Sometimes I see me when someone says something nice for something I wrote, or sometimes I see me when my mother is happy, or my brother hugs me, but I’ve never seen myself in anyone else’s eyes and feel like I’m going to be sadly okay for the rest of my life. That’s kind of what love is for me. Love is being okay or feeling okay or knowing that I will be okay eventually just as long as I don’t blink when I see myself in the lake of someone’s eyes because a lot of people blink and miss a moment. A moment that could’ve changed everything if only they gazed long enough for something magical to happen. Maybe one day I’ll see myself in someone’s eyes and think “I am magic for all these surviving.” and that makes me feel like I don’t just want to survive. I want to live and living means that I have to be better because being better for someone who loves me is everything that I could ever ask for. So, when something makes me think or ask: “Am I broken?” I am certain that I am not broken. I am the strongest sad person that I know, and sometimes I just want to be strong as well for someone else just to feel like a home. A home that’s okay and I’m here for you, Anne. I can be a lighthouse, a lifeboat or just a hand to hold when you feel like the world is simply too much. And I’ll guide you to feeling okay because that’s where I want to be at the end of the day. Just you being okay. P.S I’ll leave the lights on till’ midnight.”

— juansen dizon, You & me & a home of okay

promisesofamazing

“I’m trying really hard to be this person that has her shit together, that has some form of fucking control over anything that has to do with my life. I’m trying really hard not to be so god damn fucking angry at everything. At the world, at myself, at people in my life. I’m trying to mask it all with some point or validation or giving it a mean by saying “this has to happen for a reason. It had to.” But maybe that’s just it, that’s what’s driving me crazy. Maybe there is no reason why bad things happen or good things happen. Maybe there is no reason and it’s just that, a thing that happened. It’s just the universe being cruel and the universe giving you a break once in a while because if we’re being honest there is ALWAYS something. There will always be a time in your life where it feels like bricks are sitting on your chest and there will always be a time after the bricks when the light peaks through one small crack and you have that moment where you don’t feel like you’re drowning and you think “This is it, this is where things get better. This is where I get better.” And it’s true you do get better. You get better every time, but there will never not be a time when there isn’t bricks sitting on your chest and that is what is so goddamn heartbreaking to me. We are born and we suffer and we live and we are happy and sad and everything in between and then we just die. Our bodies go into the ground or get spread out somewhere that was once meaningful to you if your family or friends know you, if you’re lucky. If you’re lucky you might also find love. I’m trying, I’m really trying to find the goddamn crack in the pile of bricks but fuck. What’s the point? What is the god damn point.”

— Wednesday, March 25th, 2020 11:33 pm

4am-reflections

love is not rational and it isn’t supposed to be. it’s okay to fall in love with the boy everyone wants. it’s okay to fall in love with the boy who lives on the other side of the world. it’s okay to miss someone you just met. it’s okay to fall in love fast. because love is not rational. love is hearing their voice for the first time and knowing that you want to hear it say i love you every night before bed for the rest of your life. love is thinking of them every second you aren’t speaking. love isn’t supposed to make sense. it’s supposed to make you do things you never thought you would. it’s supposed to be a whirlwind, a hurricane, that’s what makes it so amazing.

4am

remanence-of-love

skzhhssh-deactivated20190330

its really comforting to know that all the times i was at my lowest and loneliest in the past the whole time i had my self in the future and present who had survived those things looking back with love and tenderness and wishing desperately to offer comfort…i am my own guardian angel and i can use that knowledge when im struggling now and remember that somewhere there is a version of me that has survived this and is watching me with love and pride and joy in her heart

catarinehancock

“1. it’s not always loud. it’s not always obvious. the poison doesn’t always hit you like a gunshot. sometimes, it seeps in quietly, slowly. sometimes, you don’t even know it was ever there until months after. 2. love is not draining. love is not tiring. this is not how it is supposed to be. 3. apologies are like band-aids, when what you really need is stitches– they don’t actually fix anything long-term. soon enough, you’ll be bleeding again, but they will never give you what you really need. 4. this is not your fault. you did not turn them into this. this is how they are, how they’ve always been. you can’t blame yourself. 5. there will be less good days than bad days but the good days will be so amazing that it will feel like everything is better than it actually is. your mind is playing tricks on itself and your heart is trying to convince itself that it made the right choice. 6. they do not love you. they can not love you. this is not love. 7. you’re not wrong for wanting to run, so do it. 8. you will let them come back again and again before you realize that they only change long enough for you to let them in one more time. 9. it’s okay to be selfish and leave. there is never any crime in putting yourself first. when they tell you otherwise, don’t believe them. don’t let them tear you down. they want to knock you off your feet so that they can keep you on the ground. 10. after, you will look back on this regretting all the chances given, all the time wasted. you will think about what you know now, and what you would do differently if given the chance. part of you will say that you would never have even given them the time of day, but another part of you, the larger one, will say that even after everything, you wouldn’t have changed a thing. and that’s the part that is right.”

— 10 facts about toxic relationships (what i wish i’d known) -c.h. // instagram: @evanescent.love (via @poeticaffinity)

juansendizon

“People don’t have to see the sunlight in your heart for them to fall in love with you. Bring them coffee, forehead kisses, and hugs and let them love freely. You cannot force anyone to have feelings for you just as you cannot force yourself to have feelings for anyone. Love should always make you feel like flying even if you’re already in the state of falling.”

— Juansen Dizon, Love Freely

hidden--quotes

“So, if you are too tired to speak, sit next to me for I, too, am fluent in silence.”

— R. Arnold (via purplebuddhaquotes)

hidden--quotes

“I woke up this morning with the thought of you in my mind, Maybe because you were my last thought last night That even in my dreams I see you holding me tight. I want to see you, I want you to slowly put your arms around me as we walk the grounds I want you to say cheesy things and talk about your life. I want it all with you and no one else. I’ve never felt this insane with someone But I will let time tell if these feelings are true, I dont want to rush things with you, I dont want to make the same mistake I did last time Because you deserve better And though im not at my best these days I want to grow with you. Cuz my everything is telling me you are the one. [my first and last poem for you]”

— J.G.A

hidden--quotes

You can’t force yourself to move on because you didn’t force yourself to love him.

彡★ 𝐉.𝐆.𝐀

musickeepsmealive

teacup13-deactivated20200319

“maybe breathing is the only thing you can do right now. maybe your success is just surviving the day. it’s ok. you don’t need to compare your journey to others. it’s ok. it’s ok to just breathe.”

— Just so you know