( maude apatow, 30, cis woman, she/her/hers )Β β all the way fromΒ LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA, supernova records is excited to welcomeΒ ISABEL βIZZYβ AARONS! as our residentΒ CALIFORNIA, you remind us ofΒ watching youtube at double speed, driving with no real destination, still using wired earbuds, always having your foot out the door but knowing youβll never leave, biting pencils and pens. youβre also expected to beΒ IMAGINATIVEΒ andΒ INTROSPECTIVEΒ at all times. we know you tend to beΒ MELANCHOLICΒ andΒ APPREHENSIVEΒ as well, but letβs do our best to keep that under wraps, okay? we look forward to ensuring you shine under our guidance!
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izzy was born in a suburb of los angeles and always felt like her hometown had nothing to offer her, she was always dreaming of getting out but never actually doing much to make that dream come true
izzy and arden were two peas in a pod from the moment that the aarons decided to foster and eventually they adopted arden into their family because they couldn't bear to separate the two
izzy would tell you that her childhood was fine. uneventful. which is good. no trauma or anything like that but that's all it was, fine. it was boring and sometimes lonely.
izzy had been surrounded by music her entire life but she mostly did it as a hobby. up until arden's band was down a guitarist and needed her to fill in which she did with a lot of convincing and coaxing from arden and ruby. she ended up being the main guitarist of mulholland drive.
she had always been incredibly determined to make it in the music industry after joining the band. especially after her parents told her that she shouldnβt do it, that she should stay on track to become a social worker. she thought, you think itβs a mistake? let me prove you wrong on every front.
but now that sheβsΒ here,Β that sheβs gotten everything she said she wanted, maybe itβs not all that itβs cracked up to be. because why does she constantly feel homesick for the place that she wanted to escape for her entire life? why does she feel like she got what she wanted and now she still feels empty?
she has one foot out the door but is keeping the feeling as quiet as she can because she doesnβt want to let her bandmates down. because they all built this band from nothing together. but she canβt fight this feeling that this isnβt what she wants anymore.
personality wise, she is more on the introverted side and the kind of person who is never satisfied where she is, because sheβs always longing for another place to be. but as soon as she gets to that place? she wants to leave eventually. itβs like sheβs trying to escapeΒ herselfΒ but she canβt.
it immediately embarrasses her that she doesn't have an answer. she's not excited about honeydew's music β she's excited to have an audience, an avenue, to spend time with her friends (not family, not like izzy has), to see the world. but nothing about the art calls to her, and favorite feels so strong a word. " i really like the choreography to leak it. and anything where i'm center of attention vocally. but, that's selfish to say out loud. " birdie likes to give an honest answer when she can, even if it takes a minute for her to come up with something where she's stepping around the minefield of her restlessness and dissatisfaction. " and probably why they would definitely call me annoying. "
izzy isn't quite sure what to make of that because she just doesn't have that sort of relationship with her band's music or performing in general. her idea of choreography is maybe jumping a few times on stage but even those are a rarity, especially these days. and being the center of attention? there's a reason she's a guitarist who sometimes adds backup vocals. even when this was what she swore she wanted and believed she wanted with everything in her, she never really had that crave for the spotlight. "i mean, you're in a girl group, don't all of the members like that and want that?" the genre of music of honeydew and the structure of the group is so different from mulholland drive and she's sure that the dynamics are much different than what she's used to. "aren't they your group members, though? why would they call you annoying?" the one thing izzy always appreciated about being in a band was the sense of camaraderie and the family formed in it, both literal and found.
"i think everyone would hate being an accountant. i think people who are accountants are braver than the marines for fulfilling that public service." kennedy took another massive chomp out of her sandwich, not caring that she was getting crumbs on her cargo pants. "i don't know. maybe i'm biased and people could really enjoy that. maybe i'm a snob and i'm gonna get cancelled by Accountants United. but doesn't the idea of an office job feel like death now that you know what it's like to do all this?" she had wanted that once, maybe, some quiet desk job where she could hide forever. but now that she knew what the spotlight felt like, she was terrified of how cold she'd be without its warmth. "kind of ruins you for anything else."
izzy tries to readjust her face to seem more normal, to seem more like kennedy. she wants to seem like the kind of person kennedy could relate to because at some point, she was. but right now, all she could think of was that maybe an office job wouldn't be so bad after all. sure, she figures it would get tedious at times, but doesn't everything? or was that just her? "yeah, an office job kind of pales in comparison to all of this." lying through her teeth has become her speciality at this point. "i mean, what would you even do in an office job? make coffee and enter stuff into a spreadsheet? fall in love with your boring coworker?" fuck, now she's kind of romanticizing an office job because at least it's not this.
"why would i not mean that i'm the happiest i've ever been? i'm in a band that's opening for a huuuuge tour. why wouldn't i be happy? i'm so happy," izzy laughs, something between a scoff and a chuckle. she's trying to convince herself of this as well. "wouldn't you be happy if you got to this place with do not disturb? wouldn't anyone be happy?" all she can think of is why the fuck aren't i? isn't this what i wanted? "i'm happy." she's said the word so much in the past few seconds that it's beginning to not feel like a word anymore but it's always felt like something of a foreign word to her anyway.
gemma was making her way back to her seat, during a break in the ceremony. though it was taking much longer than it should with others also trying to get to their seats, mingling with peers, or going for a quick bathroom break. these events were always a bit of chaos behind the scenes. "izzy!" gemma called out upon spotting the familiar face of a friend and reached out for her arm as to not lose each other amongst the crowd.
well, she wasn't sure if izzy really felt that way about her but gemma still considered her a friend. part of her was scared to ask despite the definite shift that could be felt in the friendship. gemma hoped that being on tour together would give her a chance to mend things with izzy. not here, of course, this wasn't the time or place for any sort of serious chat. but eventually she wanted to pull the other aside. she was still figuring out how and when was the best time to do it. "you look amazing," gemma complimented with a smile. but also genuinely wanted to check on izzy, knowing these events weren't her favorite thing. "how're ya doing, you good? if you want to catch a breather, just say the word and there's a side door we can slip out for at least a little bit before anyone notices." / @izzyfm
being at an awards show was never really izzy's idea of a good time. she dreaded the potential speeches and pretending like she felt like she belonged. she felt like she had been doing the latter her entire life, if she were being honest with herself which she hated being. when she saw gemma, she gave her a smile. it wasn't the kind she used to give, whatever hunger and drive used to be behind it was gone. she was grateful to see someone she knew though. however bad things were between her and ruby right now and clover in general, she tried to not let it bleed too much into how she treated gemma. partly because gemma was dating her sibling but also, it wasn't gemma's fault that ruby fucking sucked.
"oh, thanks. i feel like i can't breathe in this thing." it would make more sense for her to say that if she were wearing a tight fitting dress instead of a suit and combat boots. but it wasn't about her outfit, not really. "you look great too. no surprise there." the fake smile she was wearing turns a little more genuine, though it still never truly reaches her eyes when gemma asks about how she's doing. when most people ask, she feels like they're just being courteous but she feels like gemma might actually be curious. "i'm okay." a lie but izzy needs to practice that tonight anyway and not to get too exodus when it's two months past passover, but why should this night be different from any other night? "i might take you up on that offer though."
" it's parasocial is what it is. i saw last week someone tattooed my face on their back. who the fuck does that. "
birdie. birdie would probably do that, elian thinks. fucking weirdo.
elian does not know how to politely inform izzy she would benefit from a high dosage of zoloft. " uhhuh, " xey utter half-heartedly, shoving their hand into their pocket and pulling out a handful of werther's originals. " you want one ? " elian had a tendency to do that. to abandon thoughts mid-conversation, as if staying on the same topic for more than a minute bored xer. " i dunno if i'd call being boring foresight. when our god cardi b meets us at the pearly gates, she's gonna wanna know if you can throw it down. "
"i mean, yeah. that's kind of the whole deal of being in this industry." izzy shrugs. she can sympathize with elian to a degree but she also feels like...duh? she doesn't want to come across as cruel but it isn't exactly a revelation that fans have parasocial relationships. "uh...sure, grandma." izzy says with a small laugh. she really hasn't had any werther's originals that were not from her grandmother or someone else's grandmother. putting one in her mouth, she gets kind of sad because she realizes that werther's candy taste like something akin to home. she tries to push the thought away, blinking and recalibrating her face until she feels like it's gone. "you can throw down without having a criminal record." to be fair, isabel aarons could not throw down and she didn't have a criminal record. the only real skeleton in her closet was the foot out the door.
"oh my god, you are being so intense right now! no, my feelings aren't hurt, you were just doing a lot and as a result of all that extraness, we are stuck in here!" ruby was partially telling the truth. their feelings were a little hurt! why wouldn't they be? her best friend was screaming all this shit at her, and she seem to really believe that ruby was a villain. damn! with their feathers bristled, ruby turned, and for once, their usual nonchalant and easy grin was nowhere to be found. "why do you keep digging your heels in this heap of bullshit, izzy? i didn't abandon you guys! it's not like i ever said, 'oop, i'm not in mulholland drive anymore so i'm no longer speaking to you. you guys were the one who cut me out just because i wanted to do something else with my career. you're the abandoner!"
izzy should've known better than to start anything with ruby because she knew it was never going to get anywhere. she scoffed when they basically blamed everything on her. "that's fucking rich. are you seriously that fucking selfish that you think my behavior isn't a direct result of yours?" she never thought she would be talking to ruby like this, a person she used to consider her best friend. it felt like a scene from a movie about a daughter and her narcissistic mother to izzy. there might've been some truth to what ruby was saying but izzy couldn't hear that right now and all she could hear was the lack of accountability and all she could feel was the anger pulsing in her veins. "you literally sat us down, treated us like we were a stepping stone instead of a band, instead of aβ" a family, she almost says. "don't..." she puts up her finger, almost wagging it like a disgruntled teacher, and then her hand. "don't turn this around on us. you can try to deflect and reverse the blame all you want but that doesn't change the fact of what actually happened." it felt like ruby viewed their departure of mulholland drive as merely a business move but izzy could not separate it like the other was so easily able to do. "you know, sometimes...even if we want to do something else, some people think about how it's going to affect others." izzy's so angry, she doesn't even think about how that could be interpreted as her also wanting to leave the band. she hopes ruby doesn't read too far into it, she hopes all ruby hears is the stuff she says about her and not herself. izzy hopes ruby is selfish enough to only focus on that. "but you never did, did you? all you ever fucking think about is yourself. oh, how will this better my career? you never once fucking thought about us and now you want us to consider you? fuck you."
βno fair, did you wipe your instagram or something? why am i stuck with this bullshit?β lucky complained, looking over a photo of her on a 2010 red carpet in a pair of uggs for godβs sake. she felt no relief on izzyβs behalf, only pity for herself. which was a bit pitiful, to be fair. annoyed, she shoved the folder at izzy and pulled out her phone again. only half paying attention now, she asked, βso what are you going to say about that day, at coachella? do you have any stories?β
on twitter, she wrote back to moot: literally forever babes and you have no idea how bad i needed to hear that today x
"oh yeah, anything in high school is definitely in the archives or fully deleted." anything from high school reminds her of the hunger, the grit, the tenacity she had to make it. before she actually did and the hunger changed. she tries not to laugh at the picture of lucky wearing uggs on the red carpet but a giggle does escape. all that was missing was a frappuccino from starbucks in her hand and it really would've been a relic of that era. her eyes widen a bit when lucky shoves the folder towards her. she looks through the photos.
"it's hard to remember any specific stories." especially because all izzy really remembers about that and most memories is her urge to leave. and it doesn't help that izzy doesn't have fun stories in general. maybe that's why she always felt so out of place in these interviews because everyone had either a story about how they were wild and crazy or quirky and charming. she felt like she had none of those. "i do think i might've tripped or something...?" how pathetic, the most memorable part of it was her tripping. not even in a funny way because she doesn't have that jennifer lawrence charm.
she gets a ding on her phone. she pauses from looking at the folder of photos, gladly. she needed a distraction because everything in these folders made me her want to crawl out of her skin. smiling at the reply, she likes and replies, "oh my god me too <3 work has been crazy lately i always think about quitting but what can you do." that was probably the most honest she had ever been, the anonymity of film twitter and her being able to vague (or just lie) about her job made her able to be a bit more candid.
"i know i'm not supposed to do it, but sometimes when i'm in a bad mood i search my name on reddit and see what gross shit people are saying about me. literally why i only wear closed-toed shoes now. people are freaks," she said, matter-of-factly. she knew it was only picking at a wound when she read posts about her hair, her body, her voice, saw herself dissected like a laboratory frog. but wasn't it better to know what they were saying about you than to live in suspense? "not that i mean to complain. like, even at it's worst, this is so much better than being ... like ... an accountant, right?" kennedy's mother was a waitress and her father had taught high school history - she would take an intrusive interview any day over a twelve hour shift working for tips.
"oh god, i've had to stay off those sites, especially reddit because of all those snark pages." the one site that was hard for her to stay off was twitter. even on her film twt account which was where she was most of the time, she still sometimes got music content and then she would sometimes see the comments on supernova base talking about how miserable she seemed on stage and her gradual lack of stage presence. "yeah, no free feet pics." she laughs. nodding, izzy understands what kennedy is talking about because while she grew up in los angeles, it was a suburb and it wasn't like the band was a benefit of nepotism with her parents having comfortable but relatively normal jobs. "i think i would hate being an accountant." but then again, is there a job where she would feel content? at least being an accountant, she could complain about her job without feeling guilty.
lucky stops listening to izzy after she confirms the interview is for vanity fair. not because she cares for her that little, but because she gets a notification on her phone that she canβt help but check. the hashtag and sweet sentiments draw a smile to her face, but it quickly fades when she looks back at izzy.
βright, yeah, itβll be super rough. so should we look at the pictures? monica printed them for me,β she explains, pointing at a folder on the desk next to izzy. βi think the first one is that time we went to coachella β you know, when ruby kept making us drink out her flask because we werenβt vip back then.β
she keeps checking her phone while she talks, mulling over a response to her moot.
izzy isn't exactly sure what she's supposed to say lucky, who unbeknownst to her is one of her favorite people to talk to on twitter. but in real life? it's awkward and it's written all over izzy's face even when she tries to hide it the most. she would never say it out loud but she's itching to leave, a way out.
"yeah, that's a good idea." she doesn't really want to look at pictures from the past because back then, she was dreaming of this moment. and now that she was in the moment, well...that was also written all over her face. the mention of ruby makes her face twitch a bit. she's still reeling from their fight at glastonbury and the overall betrayal situation. "thank god you don't have any pictures before mulholland drive was signed, the 2000s fashion..."
( @izzyfm ) // a deep frown etched across ruby's face as they sat in the green room for their upcoming dublin show across from izzy. the band managers had stuck the two of them in a room alone so they would work it out - at least on screen. the managers had suggested (volun-demanded?) filming a silly tiktok video to show the fans that were was no bad blood between the supernova superstars. after the ridiculous screeching match at glastonbury, ruby didn't have anything left to say to izzy. well, other than... "you didn't have to yell at me by the way."
this was the last place izzy wanted to be right now. but honestly, she felt that way about a lot of places lately. but none quite like this. she wasn't going to make a tiktok with ruby while their managers parent trapped them in a green room. it was bad enough that ruby had betrayed her and mulholland drive but to act like it wasn't as big of a deal drove her insane. maybe it wasn't to ruby, but izzy had put everything into the band. she had always put the band first, even when she wanted to quit. where the fuck did ruby get off getting to leave while izzy felt obligated to stay? "ohhhh, did i strike a nerve? did what i have to say hurt your little feelings?" she rolled her eyes, being a little crueler than she would normally be. this was years of resentment bubbling under the surface that was about to explode. "i didn't realize you even fucking had those. did you ever think about how we would feel when you abandoned us?" she almost said when you abandoned me but she knew her voice might actually break if she uttered that.
" that's why i'm friends with the alley. i don't do so well in loud environments unless i'm three drinks in in a miniskirt. " birdie mused, running a nervous thumb over the knuckles of her other hand as she tries to soothe her worries. it's easier to ground herself when she's not considering how it looks to an outsider. she doesn't like thinking of her tour mates with that word, believing most of them are just friends she hasn't connected with yet. but in moments like this, birdie felt like everyone was an outsider. " and i like being alone before i perform. i get annoying, as i'm sure the other honeydewers could tell you. this costume has a thread loose, someone's still stepping right instead of left on this song and i'm making it everyone else's problem... " she laughs, as self-deprecating as it is nervous.
izzy almost said same but she didn't really want to let on that she wasn't enjoying all of this, even if it was written all over her face. because she thought she would and for a time, maybe she did. but no matter how hard she tried, the feeling that she was running from was still there. "i'm sure they wouldn't call you annoying. they're your bandmates." maybe izzy is overestimating the relationship birdie has with the other members of honeydew, but even when things are at their very worst, izzy always comes back to mulholland drive being a family. and in some senses, it was literal because her sibling was in the band with her but it was also something they chose. "what song are you most excited to perform?"
she doesn't quite catch the sarcasm in izzy's tone, tilting her head to the side as she considers the possibility of ending up on a feeder subreddit "ew. not to kink shame. but ew." she continues to maul her sandwich, forgetting that it is generally considered rude to speak with one's mouth full (criminal, given how hard her grandmother had tried to instill that in her). "allegedly it's a cheese toastie. whatever. tastes like a grilled cheese, looks like a grilled cheese, it's a damn grilled cheese." her accent is starting to slip out, and she pauses, breathes, corrects herself.
"sorry. it's been a long day, and either they keep forgetting to feed us as we're doing all this press bullshit or i have unreasonable expectations for three meals a day. i've been starving all day. is that normal?"
izzy almost laughs at kenny's kink shaming comment. almost. it's almost like her mind catches herself almost having a good time, almost enjoying where she is even for just a millisecond and has to remind her. "i mean, you can definitely kink shame. it's a safe space. not for feeders but for kink shaming them." izzy nodded. she fucking loved a grilled cheese. she had never heard of a cheese toastie before though. when she imagined traveling london, this wasn't what she had in mind. and even though she'd never admit this to herself, even if she had done everything she had in mind, she probably still wouldn't have enjoyed it or at least not in the way she wanted to. which meant she wouldn't have enjoyed it. "oh no, it's totally normal. this whole press thing is fucking grueling. i get hungry a lot too." although it's not really grueling for that reason for izzy. she's hungry for something else. something other than this.
there is a sort of half snort half laugh released from elian. as if to say wow, you idiot, ooooobviously i know they're public, when elian had no idea actually. seems a little intrusive, if xe were to be honest. what business was it of others if they had a little . . . fun every now and then. " maybe they thought it was a different elian moreno. there's probably at least seven more of me. " lion follows this with an indifferent shrug, but the attention -- online, even -- makes them uncomfortable. besides . . . it's not like fucking izzy can be squeaky clean. elian is convinced there's at least four felonies under that good two shoes façade. " what , like you don't have any skeletons in your tweed, monotone closet ? "
izzy nods. xey were kind of right, there were probably other elian moreno's out there. but from the same place? and sometimes even mugshots made their way to those sites. "maybe you're right. i just think it's very easy to connect the dots especially because these fans or whatever are really rabid." it's true, izzy feels like if she ever goes mysteriously missing, the mulholland drive fans will be more useful than the fbi. "tweed? i don't..." she doesn't bother trying to get into her wardrobe with elian and she doesn't even bother addressing the monotone comment because she can't really argue with it. her clothes can be colorful but it's clear that the color and joy had faded from her in general over the years. "i don't have any skeletons that are public record or easy to find. everyone has skeletons in their closet, it's a matter of foresight." she shrugs.
" that's . . . not what i said, " elian drawls, looking from xer phone to the person across from them with an unimpressed furrow of their brows. " i don't know where these gossip accounts get their information. " they huff, admitting defeat when they show the other the attached screenshots ( verifiable and not at all ai , unfortunately. ) they pout. " it was one time, ages ago. how was i supposed to know someone would dig up my arrest records from 2019 ? "
izzy looked at elian's phone and furrowed her eyebrows. she wasn't sure why someone would make that up about xem. maybe it was jealousy because they were not at the same level. izzy used to have that jealousy of people who were on stage and now she feels jealous of her fans. "wait...elian. you don't know that arrest records are public record? i mean, wouldn't they be one of the first thing that popped up when someone searched your name before honeydew?" there's a little judgement dripping on her voice. she honestly doesn't understand how someone wouldn't know to get ahead of it. maybe that's just because she always imagines the worst case scenario paired with her diligent nature. but it's not like izzy had an arrest record to worry about, that was much more her sibling's wheelhouse. izzy was far too boring to be arrested for anything.
sober and away from the buzz of being a newfound star at her first festival, birdie had lapsed back into the quieter, more subdued version of herself. there was a quiet intensity that pulsed underneath her, often coming across as over-eager when she was happier. more solemn, and she could be stand-offish. she's in a blocked off alley outside of their venue in stockholm, forty-five minutes before honeydew is set to go on, weighing the benefits of taking up the habit of smoking on her vocal cords versus her nerves, when she spots someone leaving out the back exit. out of the corner of her eye, there's a familiar face who looks almost as miserable as she is. still swallowing panic, birdie only gives a side glance to izzy. " sorry. do you want to be alone out here? i can go back, uh, back inside. " @izzyfm
the last time izzy and birdie interacted, it was mostly birdie doing the interacting. she didn't mind that because she tended to be the more introverted one in most groups even when alcohol was involved. although there were parts of what birdie said about all the different universes that made izzy want to run away from the conversation as quickly as possible. "no, it's fine. i don't own the alley." izzy feels like birdie seems different than the last time so she's oddly and unusually hopeful that the conversation will go differently as well. and even if she wanted to be alone, she would never want to impose on someone else's desire to be alone. "is it still super crowded in there?" she asks as if that was the reason she left and as if she didn't feel like she was being suffocated and feeling claustrophobic no matter how many people were in the room.
( @izzyfm ) the only good thing about the forced collaboration with izzy is that she's just as anal as lucky about it. that, or she's just willing to do whatever lucky says. either way, she's letting izzy into her hotel suite right now, so they can prep their talking points...though haeri's eyes are still glued to her phone screen while getting the door. she only holds it open for a second before heading back into the suite and letting it fall shut behind her, so hopefully izzy is quick to follow.
a good two minutes pass before haeri looks up at izzy; her focus is writing, erasing, and re-writing a witty reply to oomfie about i love boosters. she finally lands on, "when your circle small but y'all crazy," then clicks send.
"hey," she finally greets izzy. "so who's doing this interview again? vanity fair? i just remember they're showing us old pictures of us together, and we have to talk about what we were doing."
izzy did not look forward to interviews at this point in her career. the whole charade like she was enjoying this was a little too much to keep up. but she did it, she couldn't betray the band and her sibling like that. she had known what it felt like to get the rug pulled out from under her and she didn't want to put anyone else through that. knocking on the door to lucky's hotel door, izzy is rehearsing the answers to the interview questions in her head. it's kind of funny that she used to do this with anticipation and hope and now rehearsing her answers was filled with dread.
izzy fidgets with her hands, waiting for lucky to start speaking. she eventually gets out her phone when she gets a notification saying her mutual had replied to her tweet. she laughs softly, more of a snort than a laugh, and almost smiles. she likes the tweet and replies back "you're in my circle forever <3 and i'm not just saying that because you used to be in my twitter circles when that still a thing #riptwittercircles." she almost apologizes to lucky for taking out her phone when they should be talking about the upcoming interview but before she can, the other breaks the silence.
"yeah, it's vanity fair. i looked up the series and it seems pretty straight forward." leave it to izzy to do research for an interview and one she doesn't even want to do. "gonna be rough looking at some of those old outfits though."
