Okay no. This shit is so fucking satisfying. I can not tell you the joy it brings me when an underage kid tries to buy GTA and when I tell them they need a parent, they go get said parent, and then I say āhey, this game is rated M for these reasonsā AND THE PARENTS GET SO APPALLED AND SAY āNO WAY YOU ARE NOT GETTING THAT GAME.ā And the look of hatred the kids give me is so raw and pure it gives me fucking life. Damn I miss GameStop.
Keeping online matches safe from annoying 13 year olds.
OKAY FRIENDS SINCE YOU LIKE HEARING ABOUT 13 YEAR OLDS GETTING OWNED LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT ONE OF MY GREATEST ACHIEVEMENTS SO FAR AS AN EMPLOYEE OF GAMESTOP.
It was spring 2014, early in the week.Ā Pretty sure it was a Tuesday, but itās been awhile.Ā It was so dead in our store, I hadnāt seen anyone in over 40 minutes.Ā Eventually, in comes this mom and we start chatting.Ā She said she was here to buy her son a game he wanted, Grand Theft Auto 5, and could I help her find it?
Now, Iām sure many of you are aware how awful Grand Theft Auto 5 is in terms of violence, gore, and sexism.Ā But in case you donāt, the Grand Theft Auto series has always been one of the most violent series that you can buy in stores.Ā The very first GTA was banned in Brazil and condemned in several countries, GTA 5 has a graphic torture scene that is player initiated.Ā GTA: San Andreas had the Hot Coffee scandal which happened in 2004 when modders found unused code in the game for a sex minigame that was player controlled.Ā And thatās only the beginning of the controversies surrounding the GTA series (click here to read more! X X X X X X X )
Anyways, back to me and the Mom.Ā Who will now be referred to as Mom because she is that awesome.Ā Since I was behind the counter I pulled a copy of GTA 5 from backstock and started ringing her up while making polite chitchat, the usual cashier stuff.Ā But everything changed when I asked for her ID because of the M rating.Ā At first Mom replied, āOh sure thing let me grab it.āĀ And started digging in her purse.Ā But then what I said registered with her and she paused and looked at me.
āM rating?Ā What does that mean?ā
āOh GTA 5 is rated M for violence, gore, bad language, and other stuffā.Ā I wonāt bore you with the whole spiel I go into when Iām asked about the M rating but basically I just explain why the game is rated M, what the M rating means, and that they can go on ESRB.orgĀ to see why it got that rating.Ā
So I tell Mom about the website and she whips out her cell phone and gets on the site and starts reading.Ā And she got MAD.Ā She starts telling me about how her son knows she doesnāt like this sort of game and how he is going to be in so much trouble because he knows better than to ask for this sort of thing as she doesnāt tolerate this in her house.Ā And he is so grounded for thinking he could get away with this.Ā Then, Mom looked me in the eye and asked me to look up several other games for her to see if heād done this with any other games.
āYea sure thing, which games would you like me to look up?ā
āBioshock 2.ā
āI can already tell you without looking that Bioshock 2 is rated M.ā
āMY CHILD IS SO GROUNDED FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR.Ā What about the first Bioshock?ā
āYep, thatās also rated M.ā
āOH MY GOSH, what about Gears of War?ā
āThat entire series is rated M.ā
To spare yāall from another 10 rounds of that, basically take every popular M rated title from the last 5 years and insert them in the above dialogue.Ā
Eventually, Mom says āOh my gosh, you must think me a horrible parent.Ā I canāt believe I let him have those games.ā
āMaāam, I donāt think that at all.Ā The fact that youāre concerned about this tells me that you are a good parent.Ā And just so you know instead of throwing out those games youāre more than welcome to trade them in here and get some store credit or cash back for them.ā
āReally?Ā Iāll have to do that, I donāt want him playing those games anymore.ā
āYea, we also take gaming consoles, iphones, and tablets too!ā
āOh thatās wonderful!Ā Thank you for being so patient with me and telling me all about this. Iām going home and to go through his gaming collection right now!ā
And off she went, leaving me bored till I finally got to leave for the night.Ā
BUT THATāS NOT THE END.Ā THIS IS WHEN SHIT GETS AWESOME.
The next day Iām working again, bored out of my goddamn mind.Ā Thereās only so many times you can alphabetize the store before going insane.Ā As Iām looking out the window I see a car pull up and Mom hops out and then pulls out two huge duffel bags and walks in.
āHey welcome back to Gamestop!Ā What can I help you with!ā
āOh Iām so glad youāre here!Ā So last night I went through my sonās game collection and most of them are rated M!Ā So I decided to teach him a lesson about why you donāt lie to your mother.Ā Seeing as I bought him these consoles and most of the games were bought with my money, his game consoles and games actually belong to me.Ā Therefore, I would like to trade in all this.āĀ And proceeds to pull out his XBox 360, PS3, and every game he had for both consoles (over 50!) as well all the extra controllers and headsets he had.Ā
āAre you sure?ā
āAbsolutely.āĀ I will never forget her smile when she said this nor the look in her eye.Ā This is not a woman to be crossed.
So I traded everything in and she got back over $300 in store credit for everything.Ā And with it she bought a Wii, a couple extra controllers, and a couple games rated E.Ā Then she looked me in the eye and asked if we had any extra boxes laying around for the XBox One and if so could she have one?
āAre you going to put the Wii in it and give it to him?āĀ
āYes.Ā Along with a note saying that this is what happens when you abuse the trust of your mother.Ā Iām going to make sure this never happens again.āĀ It is at this point that Mom ascended to God Tier status with all Gamestop employees falling to their knees for a chance to bask in her glory.Ā
I got her an XBox One box and sent her on her way after asking her to take the survey on the receipt.Ā
āOh of course dear, youāve been such a big help.Ā Let me write down your name so I donāt forget it.ā
āOf course!Ā Iām Lexi, but if your son asks my name is Deegan.āĀ (Deegan was my storeās manager at the time.Ā
And then she left, leaving me with the best trade numbers of the month and the greatest story Iāll likely ever be apart of at GameStop.Ā Mom, I never got your name, but you are my personal Gamestop Hero.
This story is fantasticĀ
