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@j-buchanan
Welcome to the showÂ
Hi! Welcome to the show!
I'm Sav | 25 | swiftie
lover of all things MCU & men way too old for meÂ
This blog is 18+ only!!! If I find out you are a minor you will be blocked.Â
MasterlistÂ
Requests are OPEN (see here for list of characters I write for or message me to ask)Â
âiâm always on my own
fake boyfriend! jack x eldest daughter! reader
âKnow I wanna beat it, wanna beat it bad Oh, everyone looks happy in a photograph I've crossed the county line, I cannot go back I'm always on my own.â -All Them Horses, Noah Kahan
summary: your family is in town for the annual âparents berating their kids for their decisionsâ get together. jack overhears you talking about how much easier it would be if you had a boyfriend to shove in their face, and offers his services. No strings attached, of course.
wc: 15.7k (steak is too juicy lobster is too buttery)
tags/tropes: jack falls first and harder, reader is an eldest daughter (but not the eldest child) to a large judgmental family who are constantly disappointed in her, jack pretty much uses the fake dating as a chance to show reader what a good boyfriend he COULD be to her if she let herself have nice things, jack 'i'll pay for it' abbot, jack is YEARNING in this one, a teeny bit of mean dom jack as a treat
a/n: how are we all feeling about the latest noah kahan album. Doors is great. i do NOT repeat timestamp 2:14-2:21 of All Them Horses. iâm normal and can be trusted with noah kahanâs discography. this fic was supposed to be crossposted on ao3 at the time of post but ao3 crashed and i lost all of my tagging and uploading process so im saving that. for later. when it is POSTED it will be linked below :)
acknowledgements: thank you @wesandresons for the amazing gif and @saradika-graphics, @chrisssiren, and @uzmacchiato for the dividers! and thank you @leeknowpegger for your work in keeping up morale and being deranged with me
masterlist
âYour familyâs in town?â
Youâre at the nurses station, tucked into a corner with your head in your hands while Shen, of course, drinks what has to be his third Dunkin coffee of the day. Where heâs getting them is one of the worldâs strangest unsolved mysteries.Â
You canât see his face, on account of the heels of your hands being pressed into your eyes so hard stars are bursting and swirling behind your eyelids, but you can hear the grimace in his tone.Â
âYeah. I moved out here to get away from them, but they decided to host the annual family dinner circuit here in Pittsburgh instead. My mom always complains about how itâs such a huge imposition to have the entire family fly out, but I never asked to do it and offered to just fly to them on multiple occasions. Apparently, my work schedule is too hard to work around.â
âDinner circuit?â
You wave a hand. âItâs actually a lunch circuit now, since I work nights. Basically, for every single day that theyâre here everybody has to attend a lunch, no matter what. Most of the time theyâre at different restaurants, but sometimes my mom demands to have them at my place.â
âYikes,â The attending says, sipping on the last bits of his coffee, âAnd the whole successful doctor thing doesnât work on them? It got my parents off my back.â
You shake your head. âIâm the only doctor in the family, but they thought I shouldâve been a hospitalist or go into general surgery.â
The sound of ice being shaken in a plastic cup rings in your ears. âThereâs money in emergency medicine. Eventually.âÂ
âThereâs money in all medicine eventually,â You groan, lifting your head and leaning against the wall, blinking dazedly up at the flickering fluorescent lights. âIâm sure if I'd picked general surgery they wouldâve found a problem with that too.â
âSo your fucked, basically.â
Your eyes slip shut again. âYep. Anything short of showing up with a rich boyfriend and a promise of grandkids on the way wonât get my mom off my back.â
Shen clasps you on the shoulder. âBest of luck with that. Youâre the only intern the night shift has got, so weâd rather you donât off yourself via poisoned wine.âÂ
âI wouldnât do poison. Iâd choke on bread so theyâd have to live with the guilt of not being able to save me.â
âJesus fuck, man. I mean, clearly, they suck, but thatâs brutal.â
You shrug. âNot as brutal as my mom not coming to my med school graduation.â
He gapes. âWhat reason could she have possibly had for not showing up?â
âI told her at dinner the night before that I was going into emergency medicine.â
âThatâsâŠâ Shen trails off, flabbergasted, ââŠWow. Now I'm worried youâre going to kill one of them.â
âWay too much effort. They arenât worth the jail time.â
The attending tosses his now empty coffee in a nearby trash can. âWell, if you snap and kill them all in a fit of extremely valid rage, please donât call me. I canât afford to be implicated.â
âYou saying I canât hide a body myself?â
âIâm saying I canât hide a body.â
âWhoâs hiding bodies?â Jack says, sidling up to the two of you with a tablet and a chart open in his hand.Â
Shen jams a thumb in your direction. âSheâs killing her parents later today.âÂ
You roll your eyes. âIâm not. Honestly, so long as I agree with whatever my mom says and donât bring up any trigger topics, Iâll be fine.â
Jack snorts. âYouâre describing being held hostage by someone mentally unstable.â
âDr. Intern?â Ellis interrupts, using the stupid nickname Santos picked for you when she found out youâre the only PGY1 on the night shift, âThereâs a woman in the lobby here to see you. Says sheâs your mom.â
Your stomach drops to your feet and your heart seizes in your chest. âItâs six in the morning. Oh my god. Oh my god.â
Someone behind you says âHoly shit,â but youâre already gone. As youâre speed walking you whip out your phone, checking the dates of their flights that youâd only had a chance to skim andâ fuck. They got in an hour ago. Why the fuck would she stop here? At the PTMC?
You practically slam the doors open and make eye contact with your mom across the crowded lobby.Â
âMom?âÂ
âThere you are sweetie. I was trying to explain that thereâs nothing wrong with me and I was here to see you, but they wouldnât let me. Something about a security issue?â
âItâs not safe. Weâve had incidents in the pastââ
She waves a hand, dismissing you. âIâm your mother. Honestly, I wouldnât have had to come down here if youâd just respond to my texts.âÂ
âIâve told you mom, Iâm really busy here and I donât get very much time to look at my phoneââ
âYour brothers take the time out of their busy schedules to text me back,â She sighs, then continues on, âDid you get time off this week for dinner?â
You frown. âI thought we were having lunch.â
âWell, I figured since weâre all making it easier for your work schedule to come to you, you could manage to take a few days off for your family. But if we need to make an extra effortââ
âItâs fine, mom,â You tell her with a gritted-toothed smile, âI can make something work. Can you just send me the dates again?â
âItâs this Friday and Saturday.â
Before you can even open your mouth to respond, a large, warm hand settles on your shoulder. Accompanied by the hand is a steadying one on your lower back, a familiar, rich scent and a low voice.Â
âCan I help you, maâam?âÂ
Jack.Â
Jack fucking Abbot.Â
Hottest man in the ED. Probably in the world.
Your mom blinks, clearly caught off guard, before regaining her judgy senses and narrowing her eyes at him.Â
âIâm trying to have a conversation with my daughter. Donât tell me youâre security.â
You know for a fact that Jack has his stethoscope around his neck and his keycard in his scrub pocket that says âDOCTORâ on it, so your momâs just being bitchy. Figures.Â
Jackâs hand in your shoulder gives you a tiny, reassuring squeeze before he speaks.Â
âIâm Dr. Abbot,â He sticks out a hand for her to shake, the one that was on your shoulder, âIâm an attending here at the ED.â
And my boss, you mentally add. Your mom probably hears it anyway.Â
âYou work with my daughter?â
âYes maâam. Sheâs the most promising intern we have here on the night shift.â
Your lips twitch at his words. Heâs joking. Testing your motherâ youâre the only PGY1 on the night shift. If your mom remembers that, sheâll pick up on his joke.Â
She doesnât. She purses her lips for a moment before giving him one of her big, fake smiles.Â
âWell thatâs good to hear. Weâre very proud of her.â
Proud of the money I send home, maybe.Â
âIf youâll excuse us, I need her working on patients.â
âOh yes, of course,â Your mom gushes, clearly already charmed by Jack. He has that effect on people. âI didnât realize she was so important and busy here.â
You would if youâd ever let me talk about work before interrupting me and telling me what I should be doing better.Â
Jackâs thumb makes tiny sweeping motions on your lower back, little tingling motions that distract you enough to unclench your jaw and relax your shoulders.Â
âIâll text you as soon as I can, okay mom?â
Your mom sweeps you into a hug, a rare show of affection. Putting on a show for Jack, more than likely.Â
âNo rush. Whenever you get the chance, sweetheart.â
Jack gives her a parting nod, but you wait until your momâs turned around and walking out of the lobby before allowing Jack to steer you back inside.Â
The second the doors close behind you and youâre enveloped in the sounds and smells of the heart of the PTMC, you shut your eyes and release a long exhale.Â
âI,â You start, âAm so sorry. I never thought sheâd show up here, I got the flight times mixed upââ
âHey,â Jackâs voice is low and steady, a much needed anchor. He uses the hand still on your lower back to turn you towards him, âNone of that was your fault. We deal with patients like that every day. It is not your job to keep your mother in line.â
âI know. I know. Still, Iâm sorry. She can be⊠difficult.â
He snorts. âUnderstatement of the year. But seriously. Donât worry about it. If I didnât want to get involved with her, I wouldnât have swooped in there.â
You huff a laugh. âMy hero. Iâm pretty sure if youâd introduced yourself as my boyfriend she wouldâve had an aneurysm. Or a heart attack.â
âAre those desired outcomes?â
âMostly.â
He slides his hands into his pockets and leans against the opposite wall. âMight be worth a shot, then.â
Itâs a very well kept secret that youâve harbored an embarrassing, âthink about him while youâre falling asleep at nightâ crush on Jack.Â
So naturally, your response is to laugh. Loudly. And semi-awkwardly. Because he has to be joking. Obviously.
âYeah, right,â You say, looking down at your feet because eye-contact has never been your forte and Jackâs gaze is too intense, âCould even take you to dinner with me. Maybe my dad would have a heart attack too. Really just wipe out the whole family.â
âYou could.â
âWipe out my entire family?â
âTake me to dinner with you.â
Jackâs body is relaxed and his tone is even. Not light and humor-filled. Thereâs no mischievous uptick to the corner of his lips. He looks like heâs serious.Â
âAre you joking?â
He canât really be serious. Heâs probably just fucking with you. He wouldnât actuallyâ
âNo.â
You run a hand over your hair. âYeah, sure, laugh it up, hahaââ
âIâll go to dinner with you. As your boyfriend.â
What. The. Fuck.Â
âNo.â You gape, incredulous.Â
âNo?â He raises an eyebrow.Â
âNo, I meanâ fuck. Dr. Abbotââ
âJack.âÂ
You purse your lips. âJack. You canât just⊠pretend to be my boyfriend at a family lunch.â
âWhy not?â
âWhy not?â You sputter, âFor one, we hardly know each otherââ
âYouâve been working here for three months. Weâre hardly strangers.â
âYouâre my boss, your way older than me, youâreââ You cut yourself off before you can say something embarrassing like âyouâre ridiculously fucking hot and I havenât washed my socks in monthsâ, âIt wouldnât even be believable. How would we even have met?â
âIn the ED, obviously.â
âHow long have we been together?â
âMonth and a half.â
âWhy are we even dating?â
âBecause youâre a beautiful and intelligent woman, not to mention a good doctor.â
Your mouth goes dry, and your stomach does an entire gymnastics routine.Â
âHave you⊠thought about this?âÂ
He makes a noncommittal hum, tilts his head back a bit. âWould it work?â
âAre you rich?âÂ
Thereâs that devilish, pants dropping smile.Â
âIâm a senior attending on night shifts in an emergency department. Iâm comfortable.â
You worry your lip between your teeth. âI still canât⊠I appreciate the offer, but I canât subject you to my family. No one else should have to suffer through these lunches and dinners.â
âBut you do?â
âTheyâre my family.âÂ
Jack doesnât respond, but he doesnât move off the wall and walk away either. Distantly, you really hope a patient isnât coding somewhere.Â
You sigh. âWhy would you even offer, anyway?âÂ
âYou need help, and Iâm in a position to give it. Plus life has been kind of boring recently. My therapist told me to pick a new hobby that doesnât involve people dying or getting shot at.â
âSo you thought spending an evening being subjected to backhanded questions, comments, and not very subtle micro-aggressions was a good substitute?â
âBeats drinking beer in the park.â
You canât say yes. Itâs crazy. One, it would make your crush a million times worse and you might never recover on that fact alone, and two, when this inevitably blows up in your face, your family will never let you live it down and bring it up in literally every conversation for the rest of your life.Â
On the other hand, if it works, it will work. Your mom would probably get off your back for a while. You wouldnât be a complete and total disappointment. If it works, it would be a much needed win.Â
âSo. Weâve been dating for a month and a half?â
Jack nods, another smile playing at his lips. âI asked you out, of course.â
âFlowers?â
âNaturally.â
âYou pay?âÂ
âFor every meal.â
âWhatâs my favorite color?â
âNavy blue. Mine?âÂ
You roll your eyes. âBlack. What are we going to tell my mom when she pokes at the age gap?â
Someone rushes by, pager beeping, and you both wordlessly start moseying towards your respective patients.Â
âWill she really be that upset about it?â
âProbably not, but sheâll definitely ask about it. My dad will probably be angry, but heâs easier to placate than my mom is.â
Jack hums thoughtfully. âWhenâs the lunch today?â
âTwelve-thirty, at that Italian place that has that mussel dish.â
âHow about this,â He starts, apparently not needing anymore clarification on the location, âLets focus on finishing our shifts right now. Then go home, get some sleep, and Iâll pick you up at eleven so you can pick my brain for every detail that you want to make this work. Deal?â
Last chance to back out. Say hell no, this is a crazy idea, why would you even volunteer for it, I changed my mind.Â
âDeal.â
â
Holy fucking shit. Jack Abbot is your boyfriend.Â
Fake boyfriend. But for the next few hours, heâs as good as yours. Kind of.
In a way.Â
Youâre standing in front of your bathroom mirror, dressed in the outfit you picked out for the stupid lunch when your mom texted you the plane ticket details a month ago.
Neither your makeup nor your hair are cooperating and you really need them to because you have to be perfect, so you need your mascara and stop clumping and your hair to stop laying like that and you just donât want to fucking go.Â
Before frustration induced tears can ruin your half-done makeup, a knock sounds at the door.Â
You rush through your apartment, nearly cracking your skull open on the corner of the couch when you trip over a stray shoe.
Shit, heâs here and youâre not ready, god heâs going to be so upset you have to make him wait itâs so rudeâ
âHi!â You swing open the door and plaster what you hope is a cute-frazzled smile and not a panicked one. Itâs a thin line between the two, âIâm almost ready, Iâm so sorry, you can come in and sit down wherever, I promise I wonât take too long to finish up. Sorry.â
You turn, unable to bear the anger or frustration on his face and dart away (an old methodâ hiding and disappearing is much better for everyone in the long run) but a hand encircles your wrist before you can successfully escape.Â
âWoah, easy girl. Nobodyâs mad at you. We have time, remember?â
Your smile is definitely coming across as panicked.Â
Your nails wander and find a hangnail to pick at while you talk. âI know, but that was so weâd have time to plan and itâs rude to make you wait and I really need time to plan, but I canât get my makeup to look rightââ
Jack nudges you into the house and you cut yourself off with another apology. Right. Cause heâs just standing in the hallway and youâre rambling on like someone deranged. God. Why canât your brain just work? Get into gear? Actually function properly?
âFirst of all,â Jack starts, gently steering you towards your couch, âYou look beautiful.â
Why does he have to say these things? Has he no care for what heâs doing to your heart? Is he unaware that Simone Biles would be impressed with the flip routine your stomach is currently doing?Â
He places a throw pillow in your hands which were previously clenched in your lap. Itâs your favorite throw pillow, actually, because the texture is very soothing. You squeeze it and rub your fingers across the grain.Â
âSecondly, we donât have to do this if you donât want to. I can go home and go to bed and if you want, Iâll never bring it up again. Not even to Robby.â
You crack a wobbly smile. âNot even to Nurse Evans?â
âSheâd probably guess on her own, but I would never confirm her suspicions.âÂ
You tuck your feet under your legs, shrinking into the corner of your couch. âI couldnât even if I wanted to. I already texted my mom to add a person to the reservation, and if I show up without a plus one thereâll be hell to pay.â
âYou could swap me with someone else?â
âDo you think I would have agreed to let my boss be my fake boyfriend if I had someone else to bring?â
âTouchĂ©.âÂ
The corner thread of your throw pillow has begun unraveling, and your wandering fingers pull and tug at it erratically.Â
âIâm sorry. Iâm not usually this neurotic, I swear. My family brings out the worst in me.â
âI ainât judging, sweetheart,â Jack soothes, âBesides. Weâre ER doctors. Weâre all a little neurotic.â
Steadfastly avoiding his gaze (again, just a little too knowing, like he can see every insecurity youâre trying to hide) you stand on shaky legs and rush to the bathroom.Â
âIâll just. Finish up. Sorry again.â
âIâm gonna start a tally of unnecessary sorryâs. Youâre gonna owe me an hour of overtime for each one.â
Oddly enough, getting ready (the rest of the way) feels much more manageable and much less difficult with Jack nearby. He doesnât critique how long it takes you, the fact that you change earrings three times, or tell you that you look good enough and should just go.Â
He just hangs out in your living room, on the couch, practically oozing calm and nonchalance. The foolish, romance-starved part of you wants to cancel on your mom and spend the rest of the day curled up next to him on the couch, like a cat. Lazily dozing while Jack watches TV or something sounds like a much better way to spend your time after work than experiencing all five stages of grief over the course of one lunch. Repeatedly.Â
Finally ready, and with your sanity intact thanks to Jack, you pause by the kitchen and debate the merits of taking a shot to loosen your nerves. Unfortunately, your mom would undoubtedly somehow smell the alcohol on you and no doubt chew you out for a minimum of twenty minutes. Heaven forbid you make the event bearable.
Ever the kind host, you peek your head around the kitchen wall. âDo you want a shot, Jack?â
âYouâre aware that Iâm fifty?â
Right. That's probably an unhinged question.
âJust thought Iâd offer,â You say, meekly tucking the bottle back under the shelf, slightly embarrassed, âSometimes alcohol is the only way I can survive these things.â
Heâs leaned up against the couch, hands in his pockets when you exit the kitchen. âIt was very considerate, thank you. But I think the days of vodka and tequila shots are behind me. Iâm more of a whiskey man, anyways.â
âIâll keep that in mind when we end up at a bar afterwards to drink away memories of the lunch.â
Jack raises an eyebrow. âYou act like weâre going to be hung, drawn, and quartered after showing up.â
You worry your bottom lip between your teeth. âSorry. I just donât want you to be unprepared, because theyâre not always bad but when theyâre bad theyâre bad, you know? And I just donât want to scare you off, and ruin the day you could be spending sleeping, and I really am thankful, by the way, I just donâtââ
âDo you always ramble when youâre worried?â Jack interrupts, tilting his head to the side.
âUm. No? I donât know. I try not to. But like I said. My family brings out the worst in me.â
He searches your face for a moment, then taps the underside of your chin with a crooked finger, raising it slightly.Â
âWe got this, okay? Iâm not easy to scare. Combat med vet, remember? Plus, if it really gets that bad, Iâll fake a call from the hospital. Say there was some horrible accident and weâre being called in.â
âWonât my mom get wise when she never hears it on the news?â
Jack shrugs. âItâs the city. Something horrible is always happening here.â
He holds the front door open for you when youâve got your shoes on and purse ready, but as youâre sliding past him, he leans down, the angle of his jaw almost brushing the side of your neck, and breathes in deeply.Â
âYou smell good.âÂ
Fuck the gymnastics routine. Your stomach is going for Olympic Gold.Â
âOh,â You exhale, a shiver running up your spine and a pleasant tingling sparking where your skin barely brushed his, âUhâ Thanks. Vanilla and spice. I like layering scents.â
âItâs nice. Suits you.âÂ
You manage to squeak out another awkward âThanksâ before hastily locking the door, hoping he canât tell just how flustered he keeps making you. Judging by the smile playing at his lips, your hopes are in vain.Â
The car ride to the restaurant is longer than it should be, on account of Pittsburgh traffic, but the time goes by quickly as you pepper Jack with questions to prepare for the million and one that your mother will no doubt ask.Â
(âWhat should I say if she asks if weâve slept together?â
âDo you really, honestly, truly think your mother is going to bring up the topic of sex at the table, in a nice restaurant, with your entire family present?â
âFair point.â)
By the time you arrive, youâve picked and torn every single hangnail and loose cuticle around your fingers down to raw flesh and tiny dots of blood. Jack parks the car (parallel parks easily in one go, no repositioning needed, in downtown Pittsburgh. Itâs one of the hottest things youâve ever seen in your life) a good distance away from the restaurant, so that your family wouldnât be able to see you if you decided to flee to his car to escape them.Â
At least, thatâs what he says.Â
âI want you to hang onto the car keys, okay? If they get too much, you can sneak out through the kitchen and go to the car. Iâll meet you there.â
You canât help but smile at his efforts. âAnd what will you be doing while Iâm sneaking out?â
âSinging your praises, of course.â
Exhaustion from the shift you worked in what seems like a lifetime ago lines your limbs, but as you step out of the car (through the door Jack insists on opening for you âIn case theyâre still watching,â) and loop your arm through Jackâs, you feel⊠almost capable.Â
The lunch is going to suck. Thatâs a given. But Jack assured you heâs seen worse (âProbably done worse, sweetheart,â) and will not leave the lunch in a fit of rage and cause a scene. His arm is firm and solid âand fucking huge, how are his biceps that bigâ under your arm, and his presence is steadying.Â
As you cross the street and begin your final walk towards the building, he un-loops his arm from yours, but after you make a questioning noise in your throat, worried youâd be completely untethered (how pathetic to already be this reliant on a man, but thereâs no time to unpack that now) but instead he wraps his arm around your waist instead, drawing you to his side and effectively grounding you to his body.Â
The entire left side of your body lights up at the contact, and if this were your apartment, it would be very difficult to refrain from climbing him like a tree or doing something equally embarrassing, like plastering yourself to his side and begging him to never stop touching you.Â
Youâve almost managed to come off unaffected, but then he leans down, lips almost brushing your ear, and whispers:Â
âYouâve got this, baby. And if you donât, I do.â
Forget your family. Jack Abbot is going to be the death of you.Â
When you walk into the restaurant, hyper-aware of Jackâs grip on your body (your delusional mind has you thinking how⊠possessive the hand almost feels, if you ignore the fact that this is all fake) your family is waiting in the foyer, talking amongst themselves.Â
Your mother immediately zeroes in on you. âHoney, weâve talked about you being on time to these things. You canât be late to important familyââ
You watch in real time as your motherâs gaze finally flicks to Jack, and the shades of recognition, shock, almost disgust, and confusion before settling back into forced pleasantness.Â
Your father, however, looks downright murderous. Looks like the age gap isnât going down too well.Â
If Jack is at all nervous or put off by the several stares and outright glares from your family, he does not show it. He exudes cool confidence, the same unflappable energy he has during chaotic night shifts. The same calm that makes him so alluring to you in the first place.Â
He sticks out his hand for your mother to shake, a mirror of earlier that day in the PTMC lobby.Â
âI believe weâve met before, but Iâll introduce myself again. Iâm Dr. Jack Abbot.â
Your mother shakes his hand, but looks between the two of you like youâve just spilled wine on her Persian rug that she canât afford in the first place.Â
âYouâre my daughterâs plus one?â
Jack nods. âHer boyfriend, yes.â
Your brotherâs gape. Your dadâs glare intensifies. You want to kiss Jack.Â
âHoney,â Your mother says, gaze darting to you, âYou didnât sayââ
âI didnât want you to meet him at the hospital,â You tell her, hoping the lie doesnât come across as too rehearsed, since you did rehearse it several times with Jack in the car on the way over, âThe lobby of the hospital isnât the best place to introduce people. And we really did have patients to get back to.â
Your mother purses her lips. âWhy the last minute addition? If youâd told me that he was coming before today, it wouldâve been easier to make the reservation.â
Jack is quicker to respond than you. âThatâs my fault, actually. I didnât think I was going to be able to come, what with my shifts as a senior attending, but when we met in the lobby I understood how important it was to make the time.â
You have to try hard not to smile at Jackâs not-so-subtle flex. Senior attending.Â
âYes, well. My daughter doesnât always stress the importance of these things.âÂ
Jackâs grip on your waist tightens ever-so-slightly at the backhanded remark, and your motherâs gaze darts to the point of contact. But your father jerks his head towards the tables before she can say anything. âIâm starving.â
Everyone files in behind him, with you and Jack at the back of the line. Again, he leans down to whisper to you.Â
âHowâd I do?â
You elbow him in the side. âWeâll discuss your performance after this is over.â
âLooking forward to it.âÂ
The hostess leads everyone over to a large table near a window (your mother is particularly about seating) and everyone finds a seat. One of your brothers, either as a test or just to be a shit (your moneyâs on the latter) slides into the open seat next to you before Jack can.Â
To his credit, Jack doesnât cause a scene, but he doesnât back down either. He just stares at your idiot brother for awhile before finally asking:Â
âDo you really wanna do this right now?â
Your brother must sense that Jack Abbot is not a man to be fucked with (just a man you want to fuck), and scurries to his own seat, tail between his legs.Â
Once everyone is seated and the food is ordered (you donât bother ordering anything other than the salad; Jack orders the most expensive thing on their menu. Heâs never seemed like one to care for finery and expensive Italian restaurants where you practically have to order in Italian, but again, his unfazed demeanor makes him fit in anywhere) your family immediately begins peppering him with questions. Questions you knew theyâd ask and appropriately prepared him for.Â
âSo. Dr. Abbotââ
âJust Jack is fine.â
ââHow long have the two of you been dating?â
âA month and a half.â
âWhyâd you start dating?â
You take a generous gulp of your wine.Â
âBecause your daughter is an incredible woman and an even better doctor.â
âDo you think sheâs pretty?â One of your brothers chimes in.Â
Jack takes it in stride, despite that not being a question you prepared. âIâd have to be blind and stupid if I didnât.â
You feel hot from the tips of your ears down to your toes.Â
Thatâs going in the mental folder.Â
âHave you always wanted to be a doctor?â
âPretty much. Took a bit of a detour as a combat medic first, though.â
âWhyâd you leave?âÂ
âHonorably discharged after I lost my right leg. Below the knee amputation.â
You drain the rest of your glass and inconspicuously motion to the waiter for more wine.Â
The table is silent for the customary length of time after someone drops the âgot a limb chopped offâ bomb. Your family is clearly mildly uncomfortable, but Jack just keeps sipping his drink, his free hand drifting down and brushing the side of your thigh.
Your dad clears his throat. Here we go. Home stretch. Final questions before weâre in the clear.Â
âMr. Abbotââ
âEither Doctor or Jack works.âÂ
Ooo. There was some bite in that one.Â
Your Dad frowns. He does not like to be interrupted or corrected. Youâve been on the receiving end of far too many hour long lectures (read: berating and borderline verbal abuse) to know better.Â
But Jack isnât his daughter. Jack is pretty much his equal. Actually, the fact that Jack not only served but is now a doctor places him above your father, by social conventions.Â
This no doubt infuriates your father. Heâs always hated it when he couldnât tear somebody down to his level. A true coward.Â
âJack,â Your dad continues, a trademarked forced smile to save face, âYouâre a smart man, yeah? Havenât you ever considered the age difference between the two of you might be a little much?âÂ
Yikes. Questioning Jackâs competency is not the way to go. Jack is very competent. And smart. And capable. Itâs really hot.Â
Your fake-boyfriend just reaches over and grasps your hand, over the table, and looks at you with such devotion in his eyes that you forget how to breathe.Â
âWar doesnât really lend to longevity. Iâve learned to hold on tight to things I care about.âÂ
For a moment, it doesnât feel fake. Thereâs raw, punched emotion in his voice, and his thumb rubs your hand gently. Like he really does care that much. Like he wants to hold on.Â
But then your brother fake-gags and your fake boyfriend looks away with that, heâs passed the tests, and the conversation moves onto to different topics. Jack laughs at all the right moments, doesnât bring up any argument-starting topics, doesnât rise to bait when itâs thrown his way.Â
Heâs perfect.Â
Eventually lunch is drawn to a polite close. You have one last glass of wine while Jack settles the bill. Himself. With one card. He doesnât even look.Â
Your mom sends a smirk your way after he waves off your fatherâs attempt at splitting the bill or offering to pay. Itâs probably the third time sheâs actually looked at you for the entire duration of the lunch, but since itâs positive, youâll let it slide.Â
Pretty soon bags are grabbed, hands are shook, and Jackâs hand magically finds its way back to your lower back and youâre being (very gently) escorted out of the restaurant and to the car.Â
âWow,â You breathe as you slide into the passenger seat of his car. âI think thatâs the smoothest a lunch with my family has ever gone in my entire life. Youâre really good at this.â
Jack doesnât respond though. Doesnât make any kind of noise that he heard you. His hands are nearly white knuckled on the steering wheel and heâs staring straight ahead.Â
âJack?âÂ
âThey didnât even talk to you.â
You blink.Â
âWhat?â
âYour family never tried to include you in the conversation. Didnât even ask you any questions.â
You snort. âTrust me, itâs better that way.â
He hasnât started the car yet, just keeps staring off into the middle ground. He canât be old enough to start doing a thousand yard stare already, right?
âYou ordered a salad.â He says, a very prominent frown on his lips.Â
âSo? It wasnât too expensive, was it? I swear, if I knew you were gonna pay for the whole bill I wouldâve looked at something cheaper, I donât know why salads are so expensiveââ
âPlease donât apologize for ordering a salad,â Jack says, voice pained, âEspecially because I know you hate salads.â
Oh.Â
âHow do you know that?â
âI overheard you talking to Dr. King that time you two were discussing the merits of Olive Garden. You said the salad there was the only kind you like, because of the dressing and the pepperoncinis.â
Your cheeks heat. âI never said I hated all salads. I said I like that one in particular.â
âYou hardly ate anything during lunch.â
âMy family tends to have that effect on my appetite.â
Jack does not look placated. He doesnât take the out that your little joke provides. Doesn't so much as huff. He looks upset. Distressed.Â
Something about what he said goes ding! in your mind.
ââŠMel and I had that conversation like, last month. You seriously remembered that?âÂ
He frowns harder, like the answer to your partly rhetorical question should be obvious.
(Itâs not. Why would he remember that conversation? Why would he care at all?)
âOf course I remember.âÂ
There isnât much to say after that. Youâre not really sure what in particular has upset Jack, what possibly blunder or error youâve made to incur him going completely monosyllabic and frowny. Ever eager to appease, you refrain from any attempts to cajole him, make conversation, breathe too loudly, or make any kind of indication that youâre still present.Â
The tension in the car is thick and uncomfortable. It prickles at your skin and the hairs on the back of your neck, but the only thing you dare to do is scroll through Pinterest, only looking at the safest, basic boards in case Jack glances over (he doesnât.)
But then he does glance over. He just doesnât look at your phone.Â
Jack just keeps looking at you.Â
Heâll look over, eyes darting over your face like heâs looking for something, and then heâll look away. Over and over for almost the entire course of the drive. He only stops when you accidentally time your staring (monitoring) of him wrong and make eye contact.Â
He parks by your place (he once again sexily parallel parks with ease) and then puts the car in park. And then he starts talking.Â
âYouâre so much more than them.âÂ
Jack has the heat on, but the air in the car suddenly feels cold.Â
âWhat?â
âYour family,â Jack clarifies, like that was the confusing part âYour parents. I hated watching you⊠disappear like that. You deserve better than that. You are better than that.âÂ
You try to swallow, almost choking on the sudden lump in your throat.Â
âListen,â You start, unaware of how to even begin processing what he said, let alone formulating the best response because your brain is just flashing abort! Abort! Abort! in big neon letters,, âThank you for today. I really appreciate it. But if this is all just too much, I can handle things from here. Really. I can say that someone called out and you had to cover shiftsââ
âNo.â
Jack says it with such vehemence, bordering on vitriol, that it startles you, and you flinch backwards ever so slightly.Â
An old habit.Â
Something flashes across his face âgone before you can decipher itâ and he noticeably forces himself calmer. Â
âI wouldnât be able to live with myself if I let you go alone again. Ever.âÂ
Your brain starts short-circuiting at his words. âI really canât ask you toââ
âItâs a good thing youâre not asking me then.âÂ
âJackââ
âPlease.â
Youâre stunned silent at the rawness in his toneâ the pain.Â
He said please. He said it like he was begging. He is begging.Â
âI donât know how you do it,â He continues, jaw working, âI can see it on you, plain as day. How you hate what they do, how it makes you hurt. But you keep going.â
You shrug uselessly. âIs there another option?âÂ
Jack reaches out for you, then falters, like he thought better. A tiny part of you wishes heâd followed through; bridged the yawning gap between the two of you thatâs made up of the center console in his car, a couple decades, and your own unwillingness to try at vulnerability.Â
âIâll walk you to your door.âÂ
The walk to your door is a stark contrast to the walk to the restaurant. Thereâs no mischief on his face now, only a mask of stony distress.Â
At the doorway to your apartment building, you pause. It seems customary. Appropriate. Necessary.
Really, you just want to look at Jack some more. Try to puzzle out why the lunch that felt like it went so well made him so upset. Where youâre getting signals wrong and crossing wires. Why success to you is failure to him.Â
(As an ED resident, youâve seen child abuse cases. Youâve seen foster care children littered with cigarette burns and criss-crossing scars of broken bottles and the corners of coffee tables and haunted eyes. Â
You know your family isnât great. But there arenât any cigarette burns or glass scars or eyes that track fast movement.)
You have this burning inclination to apologize to Jack. Logically, you know you havenât done something wrong, but you feel like you have because heâs upset so maybe you can make it better?Â
âYou have that look on your face.â
You frown. âWhat look?âÂ
âThe âIâm gonna apologize for something stupidâ look.â
âI wasnât going to.â
âYou were thinking about it,â Jack ducks down, catches your eyes, âHey, listen to me. You cannot fix what I am upset about. It is not your job. My mood is not your responsibility.âÂ
âItâs freaky when you do that.â
âDo what?â
âYou always know what Iâm thinking.â
Jack just huffs; shoves his hands in his pockets.Â
Emboldened by his reassurance, you ask: âWhy are you upset?âÂ
âBecause your family treats you like shit, and I want to fix it, but I canât.âÂ
âOh.âÂ
Itâs not that bad. It canât be that bad. Youâve seen bad. This isnât it. Itâs hard, but itâs not bad.Â
He stays quiet, seemingly sensing the inner turmoil his words have sparked. That, or he really is that good at reading you.Â
Jack nods towards your door. âWe can talk later. Get some sleep. We both have shifts tonight.â
Right. Yeah. All of these events roughly occurred over the course of six hours. Time makes sense.Â
Despite the fact that you are exhausted and desperately need to sleep if you have any chance of surviving your âquickly approachingâ shift, you linger.Â
âHow am I supposed to repay you for all of this?âÂ
The question thatâs been burning a hole in your pocket since he said Iâll do it.Â
He just shakes his head. Like itâs simple. Easy. âThis isnât something I want repayment for. Now go. Youâre no good to me as a zombie.âÂ
âIâll just have some of Shenâs Dunkin.â
âHe doesnât share that shit. Besides, heâs off tomorrow.â
âMaybe Iâllââ
âSleep,â He points at your door, âNow.âÂ
You smile at his insistence. Heâs sort of like cold coffee with sugar. Seems all bitter but then you get a bit of that sweet crunch, so it balances out. He balances out.Â
Sometimes it feels like he balances you out.Â
âGoodnight.â
He gives you a little smile of his own.Â
âGoodnight.â
â
Jack Abbot does not take his own advice. Mostly because he knows if he doesnât talk about what happened during that lunch from hell, heâs going to do something that will end in him being thrown in prison and having his medical license revoked. More importantly, if that happens, he wonât be around to take care of you.Â
So instead he collapses on his couch, works his prosthetic off to give his stump a needed break, and dials the number at the top of his favorites in his contact list.Â
âThis really isnât a good timeââ
âRobby,â Jack starts, âThey didnât even fucking talk to her.âÂ
âJesus, okay. Whitaker! Cover for me a sec, will you? I gotta deal with this.â
âThey justâŠâ Jack continues, genuinely at a loss for words. His vocabulary feels woefully unequipped to relay the depth of anger he feels about the events of the lunch, ââŠIgnored her. They talked over her, didnât ask her questions, hardly ever let her finish speaking when she did finally get a chance to speak, and threw jabs at her constantly. It was fucking awful.â
The background noise quiets over the phone, and Jack knows Robbyâs moved to either the break room or an empty patient room.Â
âShe fight back at all?â
âNo. Just⊠grinned and beared it. It was fuckinâ unsettling, man. Iâve seen her yell back at rude patients, watched her stand her ground to EMTâs who think they know better. It was like she hollowed herself out to sit at that table.âÂ
âChrist.â
âShe flinched away from me. Afterwards, in the car, when I raised my voice on accident.â
âFuck. Do you thinkââ
âI donât know. Maybe when she was younger. They donât live in state, so if they are, sheâs safe.âÂ
Jack scrubs a hand down his face. âGod. I donât know what to do, Robby. It doesnât seem like sheâs got⊠anybody. She didnât even understand why I was upset. She doesnât get why that would be upsetting.âÂ
âSheâs friends with Mel and Santos, right?âÂ
âAnd Whitaker by extension, yeah. But those are recent friends. Iâve never heard her mention anybody from back home. No boyfriend or best friend or anything. Sheâs just been doing everything on her own.â
Jack can picture Robby nodding. âWeâve done our fair share of that.â
âYeah, and look where that got us. I canât just leave her here. Fuck, it was like watching someone kick a puppy, over and over.âÂ
âThat bad?âÂ
âYeah.âÂ
The line goes silent for a bit, both men stewing on the subject at hand.Â
âSheâs always had these habits. I thought they were just personality quirks, you know. I mean, weâre all fucked up, but watching it happenâŠâ
âItâs different.âÂ
âYou could say that,â Jack sighs, âShe soaks up praise like a fucking sponge. She looks surprised every time I do something nice for her. And she keeps trying to make me happy.â
âYou lost me on that last one.âÂ
âIt doesnât⊠Sheâs not doing it to make me happy, exactly. She just does everything she can to keep me from getting mad.âÂ
âIs there a difference?â
âThere is. Eager to please versus eager to appease.â
âAre you sure you want to get involved?â
âBit late for that.â
âYou could pull back.â
âFuck no, I canât. Then Iâd be kicking the puppy.â
âShe is a grown woman.â
âWho happens to look like a kicked puppy.â
He scrubs a hand down his face, groaning into the microphone.Â
âYou finally realize how ridiculous you sound?â
Jack grunts. âIâm not giving you the satisfaction of answering that.â
The line crackles with the staticky sound of Robby chuckling. âThatâs an answer in it of itself, and you know that.âÂ
He lets the line go quiet again, briefly debating just hanging up.Â
âI donât know, Robby. Itâs justâŠâ
âWorse than you expected?â
âYeah.â
âCome on. You knew that was a possibility. Has it put you off, at all?â
âFuck no.â
âExactly. Now please, go to bed so I can get back to saving lives? Whitaker is covering for me and heâs only gone through two pairs of scrubs so far today. Iâm not a betting man, but if I were, Iâd bet money that heâs moved onto his third during this conversation.âÂ
âI save lives too.â
âYou wonât save any if you fall asleep on the drive over and die.â
âI would never fall asleep behind the wheel.â
âThatâs what they all say.âÂ
Jack really does hang up after that, plugging his phone in and rushing through everything he needs to do before bed.Â
But even as exhaustion pulls his body down into deep, dreamless sleep, he canât stop thinking about that hollow look on your face. And he knows, even half-asleep, that he wonât be able to let it go.
â
The next night at work is weird, because nothing has changed, except now you know what the inside of Jackâs car looks like and how his voice sounded when he begged you to let him help.Â
Itâs jarring, to say the least. Unsteadying and mildly world-rocking if youâre being honest.Â
But gossip travels fast within the walls of the PTMC, so by the time night shift is halfway over, youâre convinced youâve heard every variation in existence of the same two questions:Â
âDid you and Jack go on a date yesterday?âÂ
And:Â
âWhatâs Jack like on a date?âÂ
The answer to the first question is complicated and embarrassing, so you donât answer it or any of itâs variants. The answer to the second question is not complicated but it does, however, stir some very complicated feelings, so you refrain from answering that one too. You just try to refrain from thinking about or seeing him in general.
Youâre not avoiding Jack, per se. Just keeping busy. With other stuff. Thatâs conveniently nowhere near him.Â
Ellis keeps shooting you entirely too knowing looks, Mckay, whoâs pulling a double, pats your shoulder and tells you sheâs there if you want to talk, Shen is absent as Jack said he would be, and Jack himself is acting like nothing happened and everything is normal and heâs never been to your apartment smelled your perfume.Â
(ââŠI like layering scents.â
âItâs nice. Suits you.â)
Itâs all too much.
Hence the avoiding.
You try to curb your own ridiculousness for the sake of your patients, but itâs oddly difficult. Youâve always been amazing at compartmentalizing. If your family gave you any kind of skill, itâs the ability to shove your feelings in a box, and then shove that box in a corner of your mind you wonât access consciously until you end up on public transportation with your headphones. You should be more than capable of gathering up all the loose feelings labeled âFor: Jack Abbotâ and tucking them all nice and neat in that little box and then shove it in a dark mental corner.Â
But you canât. And along with the flurry of Jack Abbot causing a hurricane in your head, thereâs a lesser storm that is the result of your family. More specifically, how they look to Jack.Â
All roads lead back to Rome. Or, in your case, to Jack.Â
You catch yourself during every spare moment or menial task that doesnât require 100% of your brain power analyzing every interaction he had with them. Everything they said, everything they did, and how Jack wouldâve taken it. And why. Because clearly, the act of dealing with them isnât the problem. The ease and finesse in which he did so crosses that off the list. So itâs something else.Â
Itâs how they treat you.Â
You understand, logically, that it would be upsetting, from his point of view. If you were in his place, youâd also probably be upset too.Â
But this feels different. Jackâs reaction is different. Jack is different.Â
Itâs just never really been something that anyone should be upset over. Your family are who they are. Not great, but not truly bad either. You deal with them sparingly. You donât even live in the same state anymore. Itâs not a big deal.Â
âWhy are you hiding from me in a supply closet?âÂ
You whirl around, a box of gloves clutched in your hands.
âIâm not hiding from you.â
Jack crosses his arms and leans against the doorway. âThis is the third time youâve been here in two hours.â
âSo? I just want to be⊠on top of things. Iâm a productive person.âÂ
âYou are,â He amends, âBut all of your productivity tonight has been pretty strictly nowhere near me. Funny how that works.â
You sigh, placing the gloves back on the rack. âThings are just⊠weird, okay? I donât know how youâre being so normal about all this?â
He raises an eyebrow. âNormal how?â
âYou seemed pretty upset yesterday. Youâre acting like nothingâs changed, butââ
âNothing has changed.â
Your fingers wander and find a loose piece of skin on the edge of your cuticle, and you begin absent-mindedly picking at it.Â
You canât exactly disagree with him, right here, in the supply closet at the hospital. But you canât quite bring yourself to agree eitherâ because whether he acknowledges it or not, things have changed. Seeing him outside the hospital, perfectly placating your family into one of the most peaceful get-togethers youâve had in years isn't just nothing.Â
Itâs everything. And you, for one, canât just pretend that it didnât happen.Â
âHey,â He calls your name softly, âWhatâs on your mind? Whatâs bugging you?âÂ
âNothing.â
He snorts, pushing off the doorframe and shutting the door behind him, so itâs just the two of you alone. âLiar.â
He doesnât probe any further, just leans against the now closed door with his hands in his pockets, eyes flitting over you like theyâre looking for an answer. An answer youâre too hesitant to give.Â
âIâm just worried.âÂ
âYou? Worried? No.âÂ
You cut him a glare, âThereâs a very real chance that this could all go horribly awry, you know.â
âSure,â Jack dips his head, âBut thatâs not what youâre really worried about.â
âAnd how do you know that?â
âBecause that doesnât address the fact that youâre avoiding me.â
You sigh, scrubbing a hand across your face.Â
âWhy do you care?âÂ
The question thatâs been nagging at you since the beginning. The little itch in the back of your mind that you just canât seem to get rid of. The puzzle you canât figure out; the tune you canât place.Â
Youâre a logic driven person. You like knowing how things worksâ why they work. Why things do the things they do.Â
You like having the why. Having the why makes the world make sense.Â
Nothing about Jack Abbot makes sense.Â
âWhy do I care about what?â
âThis,â You gesture vaguely to the air, âMe. I donât buy that you just didnât have anything better to do or whatever it was you said. People donât just⊠do that. Youâre really ruining your life for an entire week for what? So I'm a little less uncomfortable? Me? At the end of the day, weâre just coworkers. I know how important your down time is for you, so I just donât get why youâre so okay with being miserable just for my sake. Iâm not that important. These stupid lunches arenât that important.âÂ
Itâs a stupid confession. Much too vulnerable for a supply closet and a man youâre harboring feelings for.Â
He doesnât respond right away. Hums, stares at his shoes for a bit. Re-adjusts so his prosthetic isnât taking so much weight.Â
âYou are important. Youâre important to me, to this hospital, to your patients. And for the record, I am not âruining my week.â If it was that easy for my week to be ruined, I never would have become a doctor, let alone joined the military.â
âBut why?âÂ
âJesus, you watched a lot of the science channel growing up, didnât you?âÂ
You snort. âGuilty as charged.âÂ
Now itâs his turn to sigh.Â
âYou⊠seem to have this misguided belief that caring is reciprocal in nature.â
You frown. âIt is.âÂ
âIt isnât. At least it shouldnât be, but I donât think anyone ever told you that.âÂ
You scoff. âSo this is about my family.âÂ
He shrugs. âAmongst other things.â
âTheyâre not that bad.â
âThey are.âÂ
âOther people have it worse.â
âItâs not a competition.âÂ
You resist the urge to throw your hands in the air. âWhy is this such a big deal to you?âÂ
âBecause itâs a big deal to you.âÂ
The air gets quiet and tense. Like the supply closet and all the medical supplies in it are holding their breath. If they were alive, if they were holding their breath, youâre convinced theyâd all be looking at you.Â
Itâs Jack who speaks first though.Â
âI can see it. You do everything yourself, get back up even when itâs hard. You look out for other people more than you look out for yourself. Youâre selfless and kind and I donât think very many people give that back to you.âÂ
A reflexive smile pulls at your lips, a habit you never quite managed to kick after years of people telling you âsmile, look grateful, stop looking so upset, thereâs nothing to cry about.â It feels awkward and clunky on your mouth but you donât know what else to do. Thereâs no pre-written protocol for something like this.
âI still donât really get it.â You murmur, more to yourself than to Jack.
Jack sends you a light grin. âWeâll work on it.âÂ
âWe will?âÂ
âSure,â He shrugs, âAlready started anyways.âÂ
âIf youâre sure.âÂ
âIâm sure,â He opens the door, âNow get back out there. And bring the gloves too.â
You roll your eyes but comply, snagging the box off the shelf where youâd left it and following him out.Â
The rest of your shift passes much smoother than before, even with the routine influx of patients as the time inches closer to morning. Jack doesnât hover, but doesnât pull the disappearing act that you (totally fairly) pulled on him either. He truly seems unfazed. Like it really, actually doesnât bother him.Â
Well. Correction. It does bother him, but not because itâs something heâs doing for you, the part that bothers him (apparently) is how all of this affects you. All this caring makes you feel like a deer in the headlights.
You recall something he said that night. Something that had made you shiverâ something that hit the nail right on the head.Â
âHey, listen to me. You cannot fix what I am upset about. It is not your job. My mood is not your responsibility.âÂ
He always seems to know exactly what to say to you. How to act, what to do, what specific worry youâre feeling and the best course of action to soothe it. Itâs great but itâs also difficult, because thereâs a part of you that wants to let him keep doing it, but then thereâs the part of you that bristles every time and wants to snap that youâre completely capable of doing things yourself.Â
That probably wouldnât even work. Heâd just say something infuriating and sexy, like âI know, but I want to do this for you.âÂ
He would. He totally would.Â
The thought is equal parts haunting and reassuring.Â
(And maybe, also, a little, kind of really sweet?)
â
The next two lunches go great. Jack is still freakishly incredible at charming your family. And, with his help, you actually manage to hold a (mostly) civil conversation with your parents for the first time in⊠years.Â
The lunches are fine, but the part youâve started looking forward to is the before and after. Before, Jack comes to pick you up, and sometimes he comes early and helps prepare (which mostly involves him either talking you off the ledge, pouring a shot or two, or assuring you that your makeup and outfit look great. Not fine, great) or just to hang out. The hanging out part is nice, because he never comes with any sort of expectation. Heâll sit on your couch and scroll through his phone and entertain all the inane chatter you like to get out of your system beforehand but never had an outlet for before.Â
The after is even more fun. You run through the highlights of the night and hate on all the annoying things your family said to you. This usually also involves stopping somewhere for food (only for you, Jackâs never hungry because he eats t=at the restaurants but youâre never allowed to order anything that isnât a salad) and then the two fo you fight over who pays. You always insist since youâre the only one actually eating any of the food, but then Jack usually takes your card, puts it in his pocket, and uses his own.Â
Itâs as frustrating as it is hot.Â
But for the most part, the lunches and your shifts at work have actually been pretty goodâ as good as night shifts in a trauma center can be, anyway. Jackâs presence is⊠steadying, even when heâs not physically there. Heâs always present in some wayâ whether itâs little reminders he leaves at your favorite spot for charting (he only uses blue sticky notes) or a real lunch left for you in the breakroom fridge (you werenât previously aware he actually knew how to cook, or that he knew how picky you are when it comes to what youâll actually eat for lunch and how often you get too busy to properly make something.) Sometimes heâs there in your head; in little things heâs told or taught you that you remember in the moment.Â
Itâs nice. To have someone be around. Someone you can relax with, joke withâ someone who hasnât looked down on you for the the way you turned out.Â
You were pretty ready to declare smooth sailing ahead, but then on the third lunch your mother shows up and is decidedly not in a good mood and the seas turn choppy and the boat smashes into the rocks below.Â
At least, two peach bellinis in, thatâs what it feels like.Â
âHonestly,â Your mother puffs, âI donât understand why making some simple appetizers could take so long. This is why I hate going to restaurants during lunch hours, the staff just gets so lazy. The menu is always better at dinner anyways.âÂ
You ignore the thinly veiled dig and instead choose to quietly drain the rest of your third peach bellini. They taste like juice and take a much needed edge (or two) of the evening. Lunch. What-fucking-ever.Â
Jack, ever aware of the best way to survive these functions (somehow) whilst keeping his sanity, remains silent as your mom huffs and puffs, seeming to understand that trying to placate her when she gets in these moods is a fruitless endeavor that only leads to your mom getting more upset and everyone else more annoyed.Â
You, made slightly optimistic by the wonderful powers of alcohol, attempt to put her in a better mood.Â
âI have the next three days off, mom. Weâll be able to do dinners instead.â
Your mother, however, only scoffs. âThatâs no good to anyone now. Weâve already spent half this week dealing with poor restaurant service. I mean, no respectable job would have such a ridiculous schedule."Â
âIâm a doctor, mom. It doesnât get more respectable than that.âÂ
Jack nudges your leg with his, either a silent laugh, show of support, or quiet question of your sanity. Maybe all three.Â
Another bellini appears in front of you, this one heavier on the alcohol than the last. Your server is getting a giant tip when this is all over.Â
âYou work in the emergency department, dear. Thatâs hardly stable, and stable is respectable,â Jack clears his throat, and your mother at least has the manners to look mildly sheepish, âNo offense, Jack.âÂ
He smiles thinly. âNone taken.âÂ
Conversation from there is stilted at best with even your brothers tip-toeing around your mother. No one wants to be the subject of a nitpicking lecture, even when the version she gives them is a slap on the wrist compared to what you endure.Â
So you keep drinking your belliniâs and they keep coming. After your fourth, you think you should maybe slow down a little, but then your dad starts grilling Jack about his life (again) and you decide that alcohol is, in fact, necessary.Â
âHave you ever been in a serious relationship before, Jack?âÂ
That one almost makes you ask the server for a shot of vodka, straight. Thatâs a question you ask a nineteen year-old pimple-faced boy, not a fucking fifty year old man.Â
âI have, yes. But, like most things in life, they were learning experiences. Iâve moved on.âÂ
Your dad snorts, then gestures to you. âYou could teach her a thing or two about moving on.âÂ
Your blood runs cold.Â
Jack sets his glass down. âAnd what do you mean by that?â
Itâs your mother who answers. Because one vulture circling your soon-to-be carcass wasnât enough.Â
âIâm surprised she hasnât told you. It was all she ever talked about for years. Sheâs had exactly one boyfriend before youâ what was his name honey?â
âChristopher,â You answer hollowly, stomach churning.Â
Your dad snaps his fingers. âThatâs it. It took ages for her to get her first boyfriend. We were fairly convinced it would never happen, but then one day she came home with Christopher. Whole family wanted to throw a partyâ finally found someone to put up with all that attitude!â
Your family laughs, but Jack doesnât.Â
âWhereâs the funny part, in all this?â
Your mother clears her throat, just a tad awkward. âWhen she broke up with him it was awful. She refused to leave her room for works, cried all the time. Honestly, I would have understood if he had broken up with her, but it was all her decision.âÂ
Your dad nods in agreement. âWe had to have a sit-down conversation with her about decisions and consequences before she finally stopped crying and hiding in her room. Christopher was such a nice boy, we hated to see him go.â
Jack opens his mouth, poised to fire something back and defend you, but you beat him to the punch.Â
âHe cheated on me with my best friend.âÂ
At that, your mother frowns. âThatâs not what Christopher said. You were in your teen angst era, remember? Always picking fights? He told your brother that you were so distant with him he didnât know you were still together.âÂ
âI wasnât distant, I was really busy. I was studying for the MCAT. He knew that. He knew how important medical school was to me.âÂ
Your brother rolls his eyes. âMed school was all you talked about. Itâs not like you were putting out.â
Your mother snaps her fingers once. âThat is inappropriate talk for public. You know better.âÂ
âCome on, mom. Itâs true. Everyone knowsââ
âSorry to interrupt,â Jack says, not at all sounding sorry, âBut the hospital just texted. Thereâs an emergency, and weâre needed, so we have to go.âÂ
Jack does not wait for your mother or father to excuse him. He just stands, offering you his hand. It turns out that you need it, because there is, apparently, such a thing as too many peach bellinis. Your mom sends you a pointed glare as you stumble once, after which you make a concerted effort to look more sober.Â
Neither you nor Jack bother saying proper goodbyes. Once he grabs your jacket and purse (and your vision stops swimming so much and youâre sure you can walk in a convincing approximation of a straight line) youâre both gone. You pass your server on the way out, who is slipped a very generous cash tip for the excellent bellini service.Â
By the time you get to the car, you realize that youâre about to have to save patient lives and you are very, extremely, drunk. There is no way you are capable of doing any life-saving at the moment.Â
âJack,â You mumble, fumbling with your seatbelt, âI think Iâm too drunk to go in. Did they say how serious the emergency was? Can I just get a banana bag?âÂ
âThere is no emergency,â He says calmly, batting your hands away and buckling you in properly, âI made it up. I figured youâd be okay with ducking out of there.âÂ
âOh. That was nice of you.âÂ
He clicks you in and gives you a wry grin. âTold you I would handle things.â
You nod, the movement exaggerated and lopsided. âI hate it when they bring up Christpher. They always take his side. Like, is there ever a situation where itâs okay to cheat on a girl with her best friend? I was studying for the MCAT. I didnât even wallow or break up with him when I found out. I waited until after I took the exam so I didnât fuck up my score.âÂ
âThatâs my girl.âÂ
âChristopher was an asshole. He was a real dickhead. The whole situation sucked. I lost the only two people who I thought cared about me at the same time. My family acted like I was the fucking anti-christ for being upset about it, too. It was fucking terrible. Iâm so glad I donât live with them anymore. I mean, I still love them, and I care about them, cause theyâre my family, but everything is just so much easier when theyâre not around.âÂ
âYouâre allowed to hate them, you know.âÂ
âI know,â You say, fiddling with a hangnail. âI know I probably should.âÂ
You sigh, tilting your head back against the headrest. âI always keep holding out hope, you know? That one day theyâll apologize, figure their shit out, care about me in a way that matters. I know itâs stupid.â
âItâs not stupid.âÂ
You frown. âItâs not? It kinda seems stupid. Youâd think by now I would know better.âÂ
âNo,â Jack eases the car out of the parking space, âWeâre biologically wired to love our families. Itâs the reason why they can fuck you up so bad. Your brain canât compute why the people who are supposed to love you above all else just⊠donât. Not in any of the right ways.âÂ
You blow air through your lips. âI think my parents fucked me up. I was so happy when I matched into the Pitt, because it was so far away. But then I got out here it just kind of hit me, all at once, that I was alone. My best friend was gone, my ex boyfriend sucked, and I was too busy in med school taking care of myself and my family to make any friends.â
Shit, that sounds so whiny. âBut it turns out it wasnât so bad. Now I've got Mell, and Santos, and Iâm pretty sure Iâm friends with Shen too. Mckay is nice too. I like her. Sheâs cool.âÂ
Jack huffs something that could be a laugh, and you turn to study him; the angles of his face awash in the glow of the red light youâre currently stopped at. From here, you can see the tiny bits of tension he carries in his faceâ a slight pinch in his brow, the tiniest downturn of his lips. Itâs the only evidence that heâs not as unaffected by your family as he pretends to be.
Then the light turns green, and his face isnât illuminated the same.Â
âAnd what about me?âÂ
Oh. Well. Thatâs a loaded question.
The alcohol emboldens you to answer honestly. âI donât know what to think about you.âÂ
âOh really?âÂ
âMmm. Nope.âÂ
âHow come?âÂ
"You're soââ You gesture vaguely, âConfusing. I canât figure you out. For a while there, I was pretty sure you hated me, but then you offered to help me with this and you keep saying you care so I think Iâm wrong.âÂ
âYou think youâre wrong?â
âStill canât figure you out.âÂ
âAnd how can I show you that I mean it?âÂ
Thatâs. Hmm.
âI donât know. I think what youâre doing is working,â You pause, debating the pros and cons of continuing to just say whatever the fuck you want before deciding youâre too tired to care, âIt helps that youâre really hot.âÂ
His lips twitch. âOh, does it now?âÂ
âMhm. Youâve got this whole⊠capable thing about you. Itâs hot. Competency is in.â
âIf you say so.âÂ
âI do say so. I feel like if I had a problem I could call you or something and you would fix it. Youâre soâŠâ
âCompetent?âÂ
âThatâs the word.â
If heâs at all irritated, annoyed, or otherwise put off by your stupid rambling, he didnât show it.Â
âYou should call me whenever you have a problem. Chances are, I can fix it.âÂ
âAre you like Bob the Builder?â
âIâm a doctor, so no.âÂ
âYouâre kind of like Bob the Builder.âÂ
âWhatever you say,â He pauses at an empty intersection before continuing on, âBefore I start heading towards your place, do you want to stop by mine? You didnât even get to eat your salad, and I have leftovers. You can say no.â
âAre you gonna be mad at me if I say no?âÂ
âNo.âÂ
âThen yes.âÂ
âYou sure? I wasnât lying.âÂ
âI know. But I like your cooking.â
You spend the drive to Jackâs continuing to ramble about nothing and everything, to which he entertains with a seemingly endless amount of patience. The only time he interrupts is to hand you a bottle of Gatorade he procured from his back seat. Apparently, he bought a few to keep in his car after the first lunch. âFor any alcohol excursions.âÂ
Itâs freaky how prepared he is for every situation.Â
When you arrive, he unbuckles your seatbelt for you (unbuckling is just as difficult as buckling when youâve had an unknown amount of peach bellinis) and helps you up the stairs to his apartment.Â
His gigantic apartment.Â
âWoah,â You mumble as you shuffle through the doorway, pulled along by your hand in Jacks, âI didnât know they made apartments this size.âÂ
âIts not that big.âÂ
âI think, like, four of my apartments could fit in here. Your living room is the size of my entire place.âÂ
You stumble once, heel catching on the little rug on the entry way, and heâs immediately motioning for you to sit on the little bench by the door and pats his thigh once. You clumsily raise your leg, barely managing to land your foot on the general area he gestures to. He pulls the first shoe off, then repeats with the second with an air of total calm. Like this is normal and he does this all the time for you. Like you regularly find yourself drunk in his apartment.
You decide to unpack the moment when youâre sober.Â
âOne, itâs not that big, and two, thatâs what you get for renting a studio apartment.â
âLike you could afford better when you were an intern.âÂ
He snorts, leading you to his couch and gesturing for you to sit. âIf you want to change clothes you can borrow some of mine.â
You chew on your lip. The outfits you choose to look nice for your mother are never exactly comfortable, and when else are you going to get the chance to privately live the scenario you fantasize about several times a week before falling asleep?
âOnly if you donât mind.âÂ
âI wouldn't have offered if I wasnât. Stay there.âÂ
Jackâs only gone for a few minutes before he reappears with a dark grey sweatshirt and a pair of sweatpants in a slightly lighter shade. The sweatshirt is oversized and looks well worn, but the sweatpants are suspiciously new, close to your size, and look eerily similar to a pair you changed into after a shift a few weeks ago.
He hands them to you. Neither of you mention the sweatpants. âYou can change in the bathroom. Door locks from the inside. Iâm gonna change too, and then Iâll heat up the food.âÂ
Jack shows you the bathroom (you donât bother unpacking why exactly he felt the need to tell you that the door locks and from the inside, thatâs for when youâre significantly more drunk than you are now and when youâre not in his fancy-ass apartment.)Â
Because heâs a man and men take approximately three seconds to change, heâs already in the kitchen setting stuff on the counter by the time you emerge from the bathroom. His countertops are solid granite, because the apartment is clearly expensive and heâs a man. Theyâre an inky black color with tiny flecks that sparkle when the light hits them just so.Â
âWhat are you doing?â Jack asks when he turns from the fridge to find you tilting your head this way and that.Â
âLooking at the sparkles.âÂ
âOookay. Do you want me to heat up the vodka pasta or the chicken?â
âYou made vodka pasta?âÂ
He shrugs. âYou said you liked it.âÂ
You slide into a seat at the kitchen island, a flush creeping up your neck. âThe pasta, please.âÂ
Suddenly exhausted now that youâre in soft, comfortable clothes that smell like Jack, you decide to just rest your head on your arms for a bit. And close your eyes. But youâre not going to fall asleep. Youâre not.Â
âDonât fall asleep. You need to eat something first.âÂ
âMâ not fallinâ asleep.âÂ
âMhm. Sure.âÂ
With great effort, you blink your eyes open and watch Jack while he heats up the pasta and prepares something else. A salad maybe?
âWhatâreâyouâ making?â
âJust a little salad. In case the pasta is too heavy for you.âÂ
âOh. How come?âÂ
âBecause I donât want you to throw up.âÂ
âI promise I wonât throw up on your furniture. I donât usually throw up when Iâm hungover.âÂ
âYou drink often?âÂ
âNo,â Your head lulls to the side, âIâm too busy. Iâm actually not-so-secretly very boring. I donât really like partying. I much prefer staying at home.âÂ
âThought you went to that thing with King and Santos?âÂ
âYeah, but that was âcause Trinity really wanted me to come and I felt bad and I didnât want her to think I was a boring, uptight bitch.âÂ
âI see.âÂ
âYeah. I kinda had fun, though. I wished you were there.â
âReally?âÂ
âYeah,â You sigh, probably a hint too dreamily, âMakes me feel better when youâre around.âÂ
âIâll keep that in mind.âÂ
He slides a little bowl with a light salad in it to you across the counter, and it's perfectly refreshing. Not at all heavy like the pasta ends up being.Â
âSorry I couldnât finish it,â You say, forcing down a yawn and resisting the urge to burrow into your arms and go to sleep right there, âI feel bad that you went through the trouble of making it and heating it up.âÂ
âIt wasnât that much effort. Besides, now you can just eat it for lunch tomorrow instead. Iâll send it home with you.âÂ
âMhm.â You hum, slowly inching your arms forward and down onto the counter, your head quickly following suit.Â
Jack chuckles, and you can hear the light step of his feet as he rounds the corner of the island and nudges you in the arm.Â
âCome on, sweetheart. You wanna get home to bed, donât you?â
âNo,â You shake your head, âI wanna sleep right here. Itâs comfortable.â
âIt wonât be when you wake up.â
You whine, curling away from him.Â
He just puffs another little laugh. âYou can either sleep in your bed, or my bed. You canât sleep on the kitchen island.â
âWhy not?â You finally lift your head, âAnd why is your bed an option?â
âOne,â He lifts up one finger in front of your face and slowly drags it back and forth, âBecause the kitchen island is not a bed. Two, Iâm not letting you sleep on the couch.â
âWhy? Is your couch uncomfortable?â
âNo,â He says, shuffling back over to where the leftovers are and tucking all the food away in the proper places, âItâs just not right to make a woman sleep on the couch.â
âI like sleeping on couches.â
He shoots you a look over his shoulder, âIâm sure you do. But youâre still a little drunk, and my bed is closer to the bathroom than the couch is.âÂ
You prop your head on your hand. âWho said Iâm even staying here tonight?â
Jack closes the fridge. âDo you want to? Because I donât care either way. We both have tomorrow off.â
âItâd be weird to wake up here.â
âWhy?â
âBecause youâre my boss.â
âAnd Iâm faking being your boyfriend so your parents get off your back. Pretty sure weâre past coworkers.âÂ
âWhat would we even do in the morning?âÂ
âSleep.â
âI donât want to kick you out of your bed. Iâll sleep on the couch.âÂ
âYouâre my guestââÂ
âYouâre already doing so much for me,â You blurt, stomach clenching, âIâ You know me. I can only handle so much. Let me do this one thing? Please?âÂ
Jack glowers for a bit, then sighs.Â
âOnly because you asked nicely and I believe in rewarding good behavior. And because I know my couch isnât uncomfortable. Iâll help you make it up.âÂ
Jackâs apartment is surprisingly tidy for the fact that a man lives in it (Christopherâs room at his parentâs house always looked like shit) and he pulls down a couple options for bedding. You go with the plain black sheet and its matching thick, fluffy comforter. He insists on making up the couch himself (despite the fact that the alcohol has mostly worn off by now) and even sets up a glass of water, a liquid IV packet, and a bucketâ âJust in case those belliniâs donât love you back.âÂ
The sight of it all is almost too much. Itâs just so much care. All of it. The fact that heâs helping out with you and your disaster of a family, the way that despite the horribleness of it all he hasnât judged you at all for how you deal with them. He refuses to let you drive yourself, always pays for every lunch for your entire family and the little snacks you get afterwards. Listens to you rant and he makes you food and gets you blankets andâ
âYou okay there?âÂ
âMhm,â You hum, âJust thinkinâ.âÂ
He leaves you be for a moment, busies himself with fixing your pillows and and tugging the comforter into its proper place.
Before you can talk yourself out of it, you turn, throwing your arms around Jackâs middle and burying your face in his chest.Â
âThank you,â You say, voice muffled by the fabric, âFor doing all of this. Thank you for looking out for me.âÂ
Jack is still for a second, just long enough for you to second guess initiating physical contact âa line you were previously too scared to crossâ but then his hands come up and it's so, immediately, remarkably over. Because youâre never ever going to draw that line again. You can never go back to your life without having this. Without having him.Â
Jackâs hands are big and deliciously warm as they slide up, around your waist, lingering to rub a few circles on the mid of your back before moving on. One arm stays, tightening around your waist and drawing you closer while his other glides further up, up, up, his callused palms sliding over the knob at the very base of your neck before his hand settles around your nape, fingers just barely brushing the edge of your hairline.Â
You barely manage to suppress a whine at how warm and incredible it feels to be fully enveloped by him. You never want him to let go. Goosebumps erupt everywhere he touches, little sparks of electricity lingering under your skin in his wake.
âI will always,â He presses the lightest of kisses to your temple, just a feathering of his lips, âLook out for you, baby. Iâm always gonna be right here.â
His arms tighten around you, drawing you inâ closer, closer, closer. Wrapped up in everything that is Jack you canât help but sag, going completely boneless in his grip and allowing yourself to just bask in him.Â
âYou smell good.â You mumble into his shirt, completely lost in the moment.Â
âDo I?â
âYeah. Good. Like man.âÂ
He chuckles, the sound vibrating pleasantly against your cheek. âThank you sweetheart.âÂ
âWhy do you call me sweetheart?âÂ
âBecause youâre a sweetheart.âÂ
âI am?âÂ
âDonât play dumb now,â He pulls back a little, just enough to get a good look at you, fingers curling in the fine hair at your nape and tugging down, angling your chin up so youâre forced to look at him, âYou know you are.âÂ
You shrug, eyes darting to the side, your cheeks flushing, âI donât know. I was just making sure.âÂ
âMhm.â He hums, tone almost mocking, fingers tightening around your hair just before the precipice of pain.
You stay like that for a few moments of charged silence. Jackâs eyes shamelessly rove over the planes of your face, mapping it out in his mind. He keeps his grip on your hair, not completely forcing eye contact but keeping your head firmly in place.Â
Itâs possessive. Bold. Probably too intimate for two people who (supposedly) are not actually dating
And you love it.Â
Jack only lets his hand (and your head) drop when your jaw opens in a splitting yawn.Â
âOkay,â He huffs, taking a step back, âTime for bed. Get going.âÂ
Embarrassment is the only thing keeping you from whining at the loss of contact and impending reality of sleeping on the couch alone. But you made your bed (figuratively) so now you have to lie in it.Â
The couch does look comfortable. Especially since Jack put all the blankets together.Â
He waits until youâve crawled under the comforter to bid you goodnight, followed by a parting reminder to âWake him up if you start aspirating on vomit.â Itâs a very Jack thing to say.Â
Youâre out almost the second Jack turns the lights off. You fall into deep, blissful sleep, dreaming of that final moment in the living room, your eyes boring into each other.Â
Except in the dream, you tilt your head up those last few inches, and kiss your fake boyfriend as hard as you can.Â
â
Generally, the annual lecture event ends with a massive blow out argument. Something dramatic and filled with expletives, after which your mother will refuse to answer any texts or calls you send before finally telling you thatâs sheâs sorry if (always if) something she said offended you, but talking to you is just so hard sometimes so she doesnât want to unless youâre ready to be more civil. By the time the two of you are on neutral terms again, itâs time for the next annual lunch circuit.Â
Youâre a mess of nerves in the hours before the last one. Like usual, your mom requested that the last dinner be held at your place. âSo it can feel like a real family dinner.â While you know that there isnât any saying no to your mother, you also know that there is no way youâre cramming your entire family in your tiny ass studio apartment. It happened once. It will not happen again.Â
You originally asked Jack during a last minute shift you both got called in to cover if he would help you move some of the furniture at your place to accommodate them, and then heâd gotten this incredulous look on his face and then told you to tell your mom that youâre having dinner at his place.Â
âJack,â Youâd gaped at him, âItâs fine. My apartment isnât that small, and you donât have to help move the furniture if you donât want to. I can ask Dennis to give me a hand instead. I really donât think you want to host my family.âÂ
âSweetheart, itâs just logic. Youâve seen my place.â
âOkay. No need to rub it in.âÂ
Heâd just rolled his eyes and pinned you with a firm look. âCome on. You know this is the best option. If your mom throws a fit, tell her I insisted and give her my number.âÂ
âDo you have a death wish?â You hiss, âThatâs asking for torture.âÂ
Jack had just shrugged. âWould having it at my place be easier for you?âÂ
â...Yes?âÂ
âThen weâll do it there. Youâre off in a bit, right?âÂ
Youâd nodded.Â
He fishes something small and shiny out of his pocket and tosses it to you. âThatâs my spare key. Iâll be here later than you, so just let yourself in if you want to get there earlier to start setting up. Iâll be home soon.âÂ
Robby shouted his name soon after and Jack was whisked away, leaving you standing in the middle of the ED, holding the fucking spare key to his apartment, gaping like a fish.Â
The line between real and fake has become so blurred youâre not sure if it ever was there to begin with.Â
Heâs started calling you sweetheart more and more oftenâ sometimes when no one's around. No familial audience to be persuaded into the romantic lie youâre selling. Is it still a lie if it doesnât feel like one anymore?
The question and accompanying feeling follows you all day. All throughout your harried dinner preparation. Even now, with a solid hour until your family is supposed to start showing up, you canât help but pace the length of Jackâs kitchen, heeled feet clicking on his floor. Jack himself is similarly dressed up, wearing a pair of dark jeans (âIâm not wearing slacks in my own home, and Iâm not old enough to start wearing khakis with everything.â) and a black button down shirt with the first two buttons undone and the sleeves rolled up to his forearms. He makes a very nice view and under other circumstances you might take the opportunity to climb him like a tree. But alas. Anxiety.Â
âTake your shoes off if youâre going to pace. Youâre gonna give yourself blisters.âÂ
You ignore him, chewing on an already stinging cuticle.Â
âThings have been pretty good this far, right? Do you think sheâs just waiting until the very end to bring up some secret thing that sheâs upset about?â
Jack begins preparing the wine âyour mother only likes redâ for decanting. âI think if your mother were that upset about something she wouldnât be able to hide it.âÂ
âTrue. But what if?â
âIâm not going to help you spiral.âÂ
âWhy not?â You whine.Â
He looks at you with a heavy glare and points to the shoe tray at the door. âShoes. Off. You can put them back on when they get here.âÂ
You grumble under your breath the entire way but comply. Only because your feet were starting to hurt.Â
When your family finally does arrive, it ends up being annoyingly anti-climactic. You spend the entire time on the edge of your seat (literally and figuratively) waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for conversation to turn sour, arguments to erupt, someone to choke on a piece of lettuce and die despite professional intervention.Â
But the argument never starts, conversation remains what it usually is and becomes no worse (or better, unfortunately) and no one passes away due to unevenly chopped vegetables.Â
The torture is over fairly quickly. Most everyoneâs flight back home leaves early the next morning and your dad is paranoid about flight times.Â
Pretty soon itâs all just⊠over. They leave, your mother bickering with your father on the way out about something that probably doesnât matter, and then itâs just you and Jack and the entire scheme is just done. Finished. Just like that.Â
There won't be anymore knee's brushing under the table, no more shared glances and pecks to the cheek when you make a joke that actually lands. No more excuses just to sit and watch him under the guise of playing the adoring girlfriend. No more late night milkshakes.
You'll just go back to being coworkers-- People who pretend not to know each other intimately. Jack probably won't struggle with it. But to you, right now, the idea of just not having him anymore seems like a another wound, right over top all the others.
You don't want him to become another person who used to know you.
Youâve been staring at the closed door for upwards of five full minutes, clenching and unclenching your fists when Jack comes up next to you. He hands you the same clothes you wore the last time you were there and jerks his head in the direction of the bathroom. Â
âWhy donât you go and change, huh?â
Your lip wobbles a bit as you answer. âBut I want to help you clean up.âÂ
âYou can,â He soothes, âAfter you change.â
âButââ
âHey,â He interrupts, âNo. Youâve been stuck in those clothes for hours. Go change. Iâll wait for you.âÂ
Jack keeps his word. Heâs leaned up against the kitchen island when you emerge, rubbing at your ânow bare, having had the foresight to bring makeup wipes with youâ face.Â
He looks up when the door opens. âBetter?âÂ
âYeah. Thanks.âÂ
He just hums, heading back over to the kitchen table, stacking plates and cutlery. You follow in silence, and he thankfully doesnât push for conversation.Â
Cleaning up doesnât take long enough. Jack has a fancy dishwasher (and probably doesnât want to stay standing any more than he has to this late in the day) and there arenât any leftovers to pack up. Your brothers are bottomless pits when it comes to free food.Â
It canât just be over like this. It can't.
When everything is finished and there isn't anything left to do, Jack wordlessly leads you to the couch and puts something quiet and calm on the TV. The white noise washes over you as you attempt to get comfortable, but the knowledge that it's all over proves to be an itch under your skin that you just can't seem to squash.
âSo,â You say after the two of you are seated on opposite ends of the couch, âThatâs it then.âÂ
âSo it is.âÂ
âGuess I owe you big time, huh?âÂ
âIâve already told you I donât care about that.âÂ
âRight,â You look down at your lap, âYeah. Sorry.âÂ
You lapse into silence.Â
Jack sighs. âSweetheartââ
âWas it fake to you?â You blurt, jiggling your knee, still staring at your lap, âWere youâ did you mean it?â
It never felt fake. It never felt like pretending.Â
It felt real.
It felt like, for the first time in your life, things could be easy.
Maybe easy isn't the right word. But it life sure as hell didn't feel as hard.
When you look up, uncomfortable in his silence and hoping thereâs answers in his face, but instead of finding something like disappointment or irritation, heâs grinning.Â
âWhat do you think?âÂ
âI donât know.âÂ
He dips his head once. âYes you do. Youâre a smart girl, I think you can figure it out.âÂ
Your fingers are curled around the hem of his sweatshirt, white-knuckling the fabric as if to stabilize yourself. Like youâre liable to somehow float away if you donât dig your heels into the couch and hold on tight.Â
âWhat if Iâm wrong?âÂ
âYou wonât be.â
A scoff escapes your lips, âYou canât know for sure.âÂ
He taps his pointer finger on his leg in an unhurried rhythm.Â
âYou do.âÂ
Your stomach is rolling in a combination of leftover anxiety from the dinner that went better than it was supposed to and the weight of Jackâs gaze on you.Â
âI thinkâŠâ You pause, worry threatening to overwhelm you, and take a deep breath before continuing, âI think you might like me.âÂ
âYou think,â He drawls, âI might.âÂ
âI donât want to be wrong!â You cry.Â
Jack huffs, throwing his head back in a good-natured sigh.Â
âCome here.âÂ
You scoot further down the couch, sitting criss-cross right in front of him. This is not going the way you thought it would. You were almost certain youâd walk away shamed and embarrassed, forced to fake your death and flee the country out of the sheer humiliation of thinking your boss would actually have a crush on you.Â
Jack does love to prove you wrong.
âSoo,â You start, still hesitant, âYou do like me.âÂ
Jack props his head on his hand, his expression something youâre starting to recognize as fond. âYes.â
âMore than a little?âÂ
âYes.âÂ
âAnd you werenât faking anything. You were serious about theâ You know.âÂ
âUse your words.âÂ
âThe flirting.â You clarify, ears burning.Â
âAll correct,â He nods, âThough I would have said it differently.âÂ
You frown. âAnd how would you have put it?âÂ
âI would have said,â He reaches out, snagging your arm and tugging until you fall down onto his chest with a little oof, âThat you have a hard time believing things that are good, so I had to audition for my role. Like old-fashioned courting.âÂ
You want to be offended, but unfortunately, it did work.Â
You frown.Â
Wait.Â
âHave you known I liked you this whole time?âÂ
Jack snorts. âOverheard you talking to Whitaker about it during your second week.â
Heâs known since the second week?
âOh my god.âÂ
âDonât worry, I didnât tell anyone. Except Robby. Heâs been hoping you would figure it out for awhile now.â
âOh my god.â
âI thought it was cute,â He smoothes a hand over your hair, âYou were so much more nervous back then. Youâve come a long way.âÂ
You shift uncomfortably at the praise, but Jackâs having none of it. He wraps his arms around you, holding you in place.Â
âCan you take a compliment?âÂ
âNo.âÂ
He re-positions under you, getting more comfortable. âWeâll try again later.âÂ
âAm Iâ Can I stay here tonight then?âÂ
âOf course,â he murmurs, âMy one condition is that youâre not sleeping on the couch.â
âFine,â You sigh, long and drawn out, âI suppose we can share.âÂ
âHow kind of you to share my bed with me.âÂ
âI have been told Iâm kind.âÂ
You both smile, and everything just feels so right and so perfect that you can't help but lean up, clearing the last few inches, and pressing a hesitant, gentle kiss to his lips.Â
Itâs just like your dream.Â
Only this time, itâs real. And Jack is kissing you back.Â
And youâre not alone anymore.Â
As the eldest daughter Iâm sobbing đ someone please get me someone to take care of me like this. I screamed and actually cried during the closet scene
They are emailing eachother
Jack Abbot (The Pitt) x fem!reader
Jack doesn't realise he's in love because loving you is a second nature to him
By the time anyone noticed it, it was already far too late for Jack Abbot.
Not that he knew that.
That was the problem.
Jack didnât realize he was in love with you because loving you had quietly become as automatic as breathing.
It lived in the unconscious things.
The instinctive things.
The things he did before his brain had time to catch up.
Like carrying an extra coffee onto the floor every single shift because you always forgot breakfast when you were running late.
Like automatically checking the trauma board for your name before he checked his own assignments.
Like knowing the exact look on your face that meant you were overwhelmed versus irritated versus one badly phrased sentence away from crying in the medication room.
He just⊠knew you.
The same way he knew how to intubate.
The same way he knew the sound of a crashing patient monitor.
Effortless. Embedded.
Natural.
So when people started looking at him strangely whenever you were mentioned, Jack genuinely had no idea why.
âYou are disgustingly obvious,â Dana informed him one night.
Jack didnât even glance up from his charting.
âI donât know what youâre talking about.â
âYou just gave her your sandwich.â
âShe forgot to eat.â
Dana stared at him.
âAnd yesterday you drove across town at two in the morning because she texted that her car wouldnât start.â
âShe was stranded.â
âAnd last week you threatened a resident for making her cry.â
Jack finally looked up.
âI did not threaten him.â
âYou told him youâd ârearrange his skeletal structure.ââ
âHe was being a dick.â
Dana leaned back in her chair.
âThatâs my point.â
Jack frowned.
âYouâre acting like this means something.â
âIt does mean something.â
âWhat?â
Dana blinked slowly.
Then she laughed under her breath like she couldnât believe he was serious.
âOh my God,â she muttered. âYou actually donât know.â
Know what?
But before Jack could ask, a trauma alert came in overhead, and the conversation died there.
He didnât think about it again.
Mostly because he didnât have time to.
The Pitt devoured time whole.
Twelve-hour shifts became fourteen. Fourteen became sixteen. The emergency department pulsed constantly â blood, chaos, noise, grief.
And through all of it, you were simply⊠there.
At his side.
Always.
Somehow, somewhere along the way, the two of you had become inseparable without ever discussing it.
You walked into work together most afternoons after meeting at the coffee cart outside the hospital.
You took breaks together when you could manage them.
You gravitated toward each other during difficult cases without conscious thought.
If one of you disappeared for too long, the other immediately noticed.
It became so normal that Jack stopped registering it as unusual.
Until one night when someone else pointed it out.
âYou two married or something?â
Jack looked up from washing blood off his hands.
The paramedic grinned.
âYou act like an old couple.â
Jack snorted.
âWe do not.â
The paramedic raised an eyebrow.
At that exact moment, you walked into the trauma bay looking exhausted.
Without even looking at you, Jack reached for the sports drink sitting beside him and held it out automatically.
âYouâve got a migraine,â he said.
You took it immediately.
âHow did you know that?â
âYou squint when youâre getting one.â
You blinked at him.
The paramedic stared openly now.
Jack finally noticed the silence.
âWhat?â
The paramedic burst out laughing.
âYou are so gone, man.â
Jack frowned again.
Gone where?
The problem was that Jack hadn't had the time to compare this feeling to anything else.
To his dead wife.
Heâd dated people before. After.
Casual things. Brief things.
Relationships that eventually fizzled because the ED consumed too much of him.
Because he wasn't interested enough.
But none of those had felt like this.
Nothing had ever settled into his bones so completely.
Loving you wasnât dramatic.
It wasnât fireworks or obsession or cinematic longing.
It was quieter.
Steadier.
You existed in every corner of his life so naturally that he stopped seeing the edges of it.
Of course he remembered your coffee order.
Of course he knew your favorite hoodie was the faded green one because you wore it when you felt emotionally wrecked.
Of course he noticed when you were forcing smiles.
Of course he saved you the cherry-flavored candies from the staff room because they were your favorite.
That wasnât love.
That was just⊠you.
Then you got hurt.
Not critically.
Not life-threatening.
But enough.
An ambulance arrival went sideways during a violent intake. A patient lashed out mid-restraint and caught you hard across the face.
The crack of your head hitting the rail made the entire trauma bay freeze.
Jackâs stomach dropped so violently it physically hurt.
You stumbled backward, dazed.
And Jackâ
Jack lost his mind.
âHey!â he snapped, grabbing the patientâs wrist with terrifying force while security rushed in.
Everything after that blurred.
Security swarming.
Shouting.
Dana taking over.
Someone pulling Jack back because he looked about two seconds away from committing a felony in the middle of the emergency department.
All Jack could focus on was you.
Blood trickling from your temple.
Your unfocused eyes.
The shaky way you said, âIâm okay.â
You were not okay.
Jack marched you straight into an exam room himself.
âIâm fine,â you insisted again.
âYou got hit in the head.â
âIâve had worse.â
âYou could have a concussion.â
You sighed.
âJackââ
âNo.â
The sharpness in his voice startled both of you.
Jack dragged a hand down his face immediately.
Then softer:
âNo. Just⊠let me check you over first.â
You went quiet after that.
Jackâs hands were careful as he examined you.
Too careful.
His fingers trembled slightly when he brushed your hair away from the cut near your temple.
And because you knew him so well, you noticed instantly.
âHey,â you said gently.
Jack didnât answer.
âYouâre shaking.â
âIâm not.â
âYou are.â
His jaw clenched.
You watched him for another moment before realization slowly dawned across your face.
Oh.
Oh.
Jack was scared.
Not annoyed.
Not angry.
Scared.
For you.
The realization settled heavily in your chest because suddenly a thousand tiny moments over the past year rearranged themselves into something startlingly obvious.
The late-night check-in texts.
The constant hovering during bad shifts.
The way his entire mood shifted depending on yours.
The unconscious touching.
The protectiveness.
The tenderness.
God.
Jack was in love with you.
And somehow he didnât even know it.
You almost smiled despite the pounding ache in your head.
âJack.â
âWhat?â
âYou care about me a lot.â
His expression immediately softened in confusion, like the statement itself was strange.
âObviously.â
Your heart did a painful little flip.
âWhy obviously?â
Now he looked even more confused.
âBecause youâre you.â
Like that explained everything.
To him, apparently, it did.
You stared at him.
Jack stared back.
Then his eyes narrowed slightly.
âWhat?â
You laughed softly.
âNothing.â
But the truth sat warm and aching inside your ribs afterward.
Jack loved you with the terrifying sincerity of someone who didnât realize love was what he was doing.
After that, you started noticing everything.
And once you noticed it, you couldnât stop.
The way Jack always unconsciously moved closer to you in crowded rooms.
The way he immediately looked for you after difficult cases.
The way exhaustion never stopped him from answering your calls.
The way he trusted you differently than everyone else.
One night, around four in the morning, you found him asleep at the staff station.
Head pillowed on folded arms.
Completely dead to the world.
You smiled despite yourself.
Jack almost never slept during shifts.
Carefully, you draped your hoodie over his shoulders.
The second the fabric touched him, his hand shot out blindly and caught your wrist.
Your breath caught.
Jack blinked awake slowly.
Then immediately relaxed when he saw you.
âThere you are,â he mumbled sleepily.
Not hello.
Not what time is it.
There you are.
Like heâd been looking for you even unconscious.
Something inside you melted completely.
âYou fell asleep,â you whispered.
âMm.â
âYou need actual rest.â
He made a vague noise of disagreement and tightened his grip slightly on your wrist before his eyes drifted shut again.
Still holding onto you.
You stood there for nearly five full minutes just staring at him.
Hopelessly.
Because how were you supposed to survive this?
How were you supposed to survive being loved this gently by a man too oblivious to understand his own heart?
The answer came unexpectedly.
As most important things did.
It was raining hard outside the hospital, turning the windows into smeared gray watercolor.
The shift had been brutal.
Three deaths in six hours.
Everyone looked wrecked.
Jack found you sitting alone in the stairwell afterward.
Your eyes were red.
Not crying currently.
But recently enough.
Without a word, he sat beside you.
Close enough that your knees touched.
Neither of you spoke for a while.
Then:
âYou okay?â he asked quietly.
You shrugged.
âJust tired.â
Jack studied you for a long moment.
Then he reached over and took your hand.
Simple as that.
Like it was instinct.
Your breath caught slightly.
Jack didnât even seem aware heâd done it.
His thumb moved slowly across your knuckles.
Grounding you.
Comforting you.
Loving you.
Second nature.
You looked at him carefully.
âCan I ask you something?â
âSure.â
âWhy do you do all this?â
He frowned.
âAll what?â
âThis.â You gestured weakly between you. âThe taking care of me. The always showing up.â
Jack looked genuinely puzzled.
âBecause I care about you.â
âI know.â
âOkayâŠâ
âBut why?â
His confusion deepened.
Like the question itself made no sense.
âWhy wouldnât I?â
Your chest ached.
âJack.â
Finally, finally, something shifted in his expression.
A tiny crack of understanding.
He looked at your joined hands.
Then at you.
Then back again.
And you literally watched realization hit him in real time.
It was almost frightening.
His entire body went still.
âOh,â he said quietly.
You swallowed.
âYeah.â
Jack stared at you like the world had just tilted sideways beneath his feet.
âOh,â he repeated, softer this time.
You couldnât help it.
You started laughing a little.
Not mockingly.
Just fondly.
Because this brilliant man had stitched you into every part of his life so completely that he hadnât even noticed he was in love with you.
Jack scrubbed a hand over his face.
âDanaâs going to kill me.â
You laughed harder.
âShe definitely knows already.â
âOh my God.â
âShe definitely talks about it with everyone.â
âThatâs horrifying.â
âItâs a little adorable.â
Jack groaned softly.
Then looked at you again.
And the humor faded from his expression piece by piece, replaced by something achingly vulnerable.
âI really didnât know,â he admitted quietly.
âI know.â
âI justâŠâ He shook his head slightly. âYou became part of everything so fast.â
Emotion climbed thickly into your throat.
âYou became part of everything for me too.â
Jackâs eyes searched yours carefully.
Like he was still trying to understand this new shape of reality.
Then, very softly:
âAre you in love with me too?â
You smiled.
âSo painfully.â
The look on his face nearly destroyed you.
Relief.
Wonder.
Joy so intense it almost looked fragile.
Then Jack kissed you.
Like heâd been doing it forever.
Like heâd always belonged there.
One hand cupped your jaw carefully while the other stayed wrapped around yours.
Warm.
Steady.
Certain.
When you finally pulled apart, both of you breathless, Jack rested his forehead against yours and laughed quietly to himself.
âWhat?â you whispered.
âI canât believe I didnât realize sooner.â
You smiled softly.
âWell,â you murmured, brushing your thumb over his knuckles, âloving me was never something you had to think about.â
Jackâs expression broke open completely then.
Tender enough to ruin you.
He kissed you again.
And this time, he kissed you like someone finally coming home.
Literally crying?? My chest aches?? How badly I yearn for a love like this??
My hope for whoever is reading this is that your life starts making sense and coming together. I hope the good days are right around the corner for you.
Hiii!! First request!!!
Could u do that reader and Steve are like best best friends buuuuuttttttt Steve gets a new girlfriend and shes just really mean to reader?? I love angst lollll. The rest is up to youuuu!!
Thanks cutieee
"Not his first choice"
ââË.â Steve Harrington x reader ââË.â
english is not my language please be kind and sorry if i wrote wrong :) requests are open if you want!
summary: steveâs girlfriend drives a wedge between you and him, and his failure to defend you leads to a painful fallout and broken friendship.
warnings: angst, jealousy, possessive partner, friendship breakdown
Steve had always said you were his person, not in the romantic way everyone assumed, not in the âSteve Harrington secretly in love with his best friendâ way Robin constantly teased him about. It was simpler than that, bigger, maybe.
You were just⊠you. The first person he called after a nightmare, the passenger princess in his BMW, the one who knew he liked his fries dipped in milkshakes and that he still got nervous before parent-teacher conferences for the kids even though heâd never admit it out loud.
So when Steve got a girlfriend, you tried really hard to be happy for him. At first, you were.
Her name was Amanda, pretty in the polished, intimidating kind of way. She wore expensive perfume and always looked like sheâd stepped out of a catalog. Steve smiled more around her, he laughed easier and you loved Steve enough to want that for him. Even if something in your chest twisted every time he canceled plans.
âSorry,â heâd said over the phone one friday night, voice muffled. âAmanda wants to go to the mall for the weekend.â
You stared at the pizza sitting on your counter and the two tickets to the horror movie marathon tucked under your wallet.
âOh,â you answered quietly. âYeah. Sure.â
âYouâre not mad, right?â
âNo,â you lied instantly. âOf course not.â
But then it kept happening. Movie nights forgotten, late-night calls unanswered, inside jokes fading into silence because Amanda would wrinkle her nose and ask, âDo you two always act this codependent?â
You laughed the first time she said it. Steve didnât and that shouldâve been your warning.
It got worse slowly, cruelly, like Amanda enjoyed seeing how far she could push before someone snapped.
âYouâre still hanging around?â she asked one evening when you showed up at Family Video with coffees for Steve and Robin. Robin immediately looked uncomfortable, instead Steve glanced up from behind the counter. âHey! You came.â
Amanda leaned against the display beside him, manicured nails tapping against her crossed arms. âThatâs⊠sweet.â Something about the way she said it made heat crawl up your neck.
âI was in the area.â
âMhm.â She looked you up and down. âSteve said you kind of just pop up everywhere.â
Robin coughed awkwardly, Steve frowned slightly. âAmandaâŠâ
âWhat?â she laughed. âIâm kidding.â
But she never sounded like she was kidding.
Every comment had teeth.
Youâre surprisingly pretty in good lighting.
Steve says you hate dating. I can see why.
Aw, matching bracelets? Thatâs adorable. Middle school vibes.
And Steve⊠God. Steve never really defended you, not properly, sometimes heâd mumble, âAmanda, stop.â
Sometimes heâd give you this apologetic look like please donât make this difficult, and because you loved him, you swallowed every hurt feeling down until they sat heavy in your stomach like stones.
The breaking point came at Nancyâs party, you almost didnât go. Steve had invited you three separate times, insisting he wanted you there.
âIt wonât be fun if youâre not there,â heâd complained over the phone.
So you went and for a little while, things felt normal. You and Steve ended up on the kitchen floor at one point laughing so hard soda nearly came out of your nose because heâd attempted to dance and immediately slipped into a wall.
âThere she is,â Robin said dramatically, pointing at the two of you. âThe soulmates reunite.â
Steve grinned at you, a big and warm and familiar grin
Then Amanda appeared, her smile dropped immediately âOh my god,â she muttered. âSeriously?â
Steve blinked. âWhat?â
âSheâs attached to your hip.â
The room quieted just enough for embarrassment to flood through you.
âAmanda,â Steve warned softly.
âNo, because Iâm actually tired of pretending this isnât weird.â She looked directly at you. âDo you not have your own life?â
Your face burned, Steve stood up quickly. âOkay, enough.â but Amanda kept going âYouâre obsessed with him. Everyone sees it.â She laughed harshly. âItâs honestly pathetic.â
The kitchen went silent, Robin looked horrified and Steve hesitated, just for a second, but that second was enough. Enough for something inside you to crack straight down the middle.
You looked at him waiting for him to say something, to finally choose you, to finally tell her to stop. He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly instead. âAmanda, maybe letâs just calm downâŠâ
Calm down, not leave her alone, not  don't talk to my best friend like that. Just calm down.
You suddenly felt stupid suddenly so unbelievably stupid.
âOh,â you whispered.
Steve looked at you immediately. âHeyâŠâ
âNo, itâs okay.â Your voice shook despite your effort to steady it. âI get it.â
âYou donâtâŠâ
âNo, I do.â
Your eyes burned, you hated crying in front of people. Hated it, but Steve looked more worried about the scene than about you. That hurt worst of all.
You laughed shakily, stepping backward toward the hallway. âI think maybe I stayed too long.â
âDonât do this,â Steve said quietly.
The words sliced right through you. Donât do this. Like you were the problem.
Amanda crossed her arms triumphantly and Steve let her. You nodded slowly, throat too tight to breathe properly. âYeah. Okay.â
Then you left.Â
Steve called twelve times that night, you ignored every single one.
By morning, your phone was full of voicemails.
âPlease answer.â
âCan we just talk?â
âYou know she didnât mean it like that.â
That one made you cry the hardest, because deep down? You knew she did.
And worse of all Steve knew too.
You didnât answer Steveâs calls, not the twelve from last night, not the seven more in the morning, not even Robinâs, which you knew meant sheâd either been bribed, threatened, or emotionally blackmailed into mediating.
Your phone kept lighting up on your desk like it couldnât understand that something had already ended. It wasnât even dramatic at first, that was the worst part, nothing had exploded, no final fight where everything was said cleanly and loudly and finally. No clear ending you could wrap your brain around and file away under this is over, move on.
Just⊠a slow shift, like a room youâd lived in your whole life had started shrinking while you werenât looking and Steve had been in the middle of it the entire time, acting like nothing was changing.
By the third day, you stopped going outside unless you absolutely had to.
By the fourth, you started flinching every time a car pulled up outside your place, half-expecting his BMW to be sitting there like it used to be when heâd show up uninvited with snacks and a stupid grin and say, âGet in. Weâre doing nothing today.â
On the fifth day, you finally went back to Family Video.
You told yourself it was normal, that you just needed a rental, that you werenât avoiding anything, that Steve Harrington working there did not suddenly make every part of your life complicated. But the moment you stepped inside, the bell above the door chimed and everything inside you tightened.
Robin saw you first, her expression softened immediately, like sheâd been bracing for this exact moment all week.
âHey,â she said carefully.
âHey,â you replied, too fast, too casual.
Steve was behind the counter, he looked like he hadnât slept properly since the party. Hair messier than usual, eyes flicking up the second he heard your voice like his body had been waiting for it even if he hadnât admitted it out loud. For a second, just a second, his face lit up. Then it faltered because Amanda wasnât just standing beside him anymore.
She was there, leaning into his space like she belonged in it and the way she looked at you said she absolutely remembered everything sheâd done.
âWell,â Amanda said brightly, voice sharp underneath the sweetness, âlook who finally decided to reappear.â
Robin shifted uncomfortably, Steve straightened quickly. âHey, you didnâtâŠuhâŠcall.â
You blinked. That was what he led with.
Not are you okay?Not Iâm sorry.Not I shouldâve said something.
Just⊠logistics.
âI didnât know I needed an appointment,â you said quietly.
Amanda laughed. âOh my god, sheâs funny.â
Steve shot her a look. âAmanda.â
âWhat?â she said innocently. âIâm just saying. She always acts like she lives here.â
The word acts hit harder than it shouldâve. You swallowed, stepping closer to the counter but not all the way in, like there was an invisible line now you werenât supposed to cross.
âI just came for a tape,â you said. âIâll be quick.â
Steve looked like he wanted to say something else. His mouth opened, then closed again like he couldnât find the right version of himself to speak with. Robin watched all of it like she was holding her breath. Amanda, meanwhile, leaned on Steveâs arm âSo,â she said, voice light, âare we still doing dinner with my parents tonight?â
Steve blinked. âOhâŠyeah. Right.â
Something in your chest tightened again, of course. He forgot things with you constantly now but not this, not her.Â
You nodded slowly, like that information made sense. Like it didnât sting âCool,â you said then you turned toward the shelves. You picked a movie you didnât even care about, your hands were shaking slightly when you brought it to the counter.
Robin started to take it, but Steve stepped forward first âLet me,â he said quickly.
Your eyes met his for half a second, that used to be enough to feel like home, now it just felt like standing in a doorway that had been rebuilt while you werenât looking.
He scanned the tape without looking at you for too long, Amanda watched from behind him like she was waiting for something to happen, like she was hoping something would.
âYou okay?â Steve asked quietly, sliding the tape toward you.
There it was again. Not Iâm sorry. Not I miss you.Just⊠Are you okay?
As if everything that had happened was still neutral enough to be a simple yes or no answer.
You forced a small nod. âYeah.â
Steve didnât look convinced.
Amanda sighed dramatically. âCan we go? Iâm starving.â
Steve hesitated, just for a moment, then he nodded âYeah,â he said.
And that was it, that was the moment something inside you finally stopped hoping.
You didnât see Steve for a week after that, not because he didnât try but because you stopped opening the door, stopped picking up, stopped letting yourself get halfway to forgiveness just because he sounded sad on voicemail.
Then, one evening, Robin showed up, no warning, no joke, no usual chaotic energy. Just Robin, standing on your porch like sheâd been assigned a mission she didnât fully agree with but was doing anyway.
You opened the door slowly, she studied you for a second. âYou look like hell.â
âThanks,â you muttered.
She exhaled. âCan I come in?â
You stepped aside. Inside, she didnât sit right away. She paced once, then turned toward you like she was choosing her words carefully âIâm gonna say something and youâre not gonna like it,â she started.
âThatâs usually your whole brand.â
That got a faint smile out of her, but it didnât last âSteveâs not okay,â she said.
You stared at her, a long silence stretched between you, then you laughed once, sharp and humorless. âOkay.â
Robin frowned. âIâm serious.â
âSo am I.â
Because what were you supposed to say to that?
That Steve Harrington, the guy who used to drag you into gas station parking lots at 2 a.m. because you âlooked sad in a way that required snacksâ, was not okay? You knew that, you just also knew something else now.
âItâs not just about him,â Robin added quietly.
Your gaze flicked up.
She exhaled. âAmandaâs been⊠yeah. I donât like her. At all, but Steve keeps acting like if he ignores it long enough, itâll fix itself.â That landed differently. Because that part? That part you knew too well.
Robin stepped closer. âHe misses you.â
You swallowed hard. âHe has her.â
Robin gave you a look like she was trying not to say something harsher. âYeah, and thatâs clearly working out great for everyone.â
Finally, she said, softer, âHe didnât defend you.â
It wasnât a question, It wasnât even an accusation, just truth.
Your throat tightened âI know,â you said.
And that was the problem, you did know, you always had.
Steve showed up the next night, you didnât open the door. He knocked again. Then again. Finally, his voice came through the wood, quieter this time âPlease.â
That alone almost broke you, you hated that it still affected you.
âJustâŠjust talk to me. Iâm not leaving.â
You leaned your forehead against the door, on the other side, he did the same without knowing you were there. âI messed up,â he said âI know that now. I shouldâve said something at the party. I shouldâve shut it down. I shouldâveâŠâ he exhaled sharply, frustrated with himself, âI donât know, I shouldâve been better.â
Your eyes burned.
âI didnât mean for it to get like that,â he continued. âWith her. With everything. I just⊠I thought I could balance it.â
A bitter laugh slipped out of you before you could stop it, balance it, like you were something he could put on the same scale as a relationship that clearly didnât like you.
âI miss you,â he said finally, quieter.
That one hit harder, because it sounded real, not rehearsed, not convenient, not like he was trying to fix a problem he didnât want to lose sleep over.
Just⊠Steve.
âI donât know how to do this without you,â he admitted.
Your chest tightened painfully, and for a second, you almost opened the door. Almost. But then you remembered Amandaâs smile at the party, the silence in the kitchen, Steve not saying your name loud enough to matter and you realized something that made your hands stop shaking. He didnât know how to do life without you but he had been doing just fine letting you feel alone inside it.
You stepped back from the door âSteve,â you said softly.
He went quiet instantly.
âI canât be the person you come back to when things get uncomfortable.â
ââŠI know,â he said, but it sounded like he didnât.
You closed your eyes âI love you,â you added, voice breaking slightly. âBut I canât do this version of it.â
On the other side of the door, he didnât respond right away, when he did, his voice was rough âIâll fix it.â
You shook your head even though he couldnât see it âThatâs not how this works.â
ââŠDo you hate me?â he asked quieter than ever
That question hurt in a different way, because the answer was no.
âI donât,â you said honestly. âI just canât keep getting hurt where Iâm supposed to feel safe.â
He didnât speak for a long time after that, when he finally did, it was barely above a whisper. âIâm sorry.â
âI know,â you said and you meant it, but sorry didnât rewind things. Sorry didnât make him choose differently when it mattered, didnât undo the moment he stood there and let you feel small in a room you used to belong in.
His footsteps lingered outside for a while after that, then they left and this time, your phone didnât light up right away. It stayed dark, like even it understood something was over.
Me everytime Amanda opened her stupid ass mouth đ€ now Steve what kinda no brain cell behavior was that??
Love me some angst at high noon đ đ
âscientists donât want you knowâ is a phrase that always cracks me up because if you actually meet a scientist they will be shaking and crying like an overstimulated chihuahua with the need to let you know
Lewis Pullman and Greg Williams take a walk around Hollywood
under your skin
summary:Â 10 things you hate love about frank langdon
pairing:Â fem!reader x frank langdonÂ
warnings/tags:Â abby and kids do not exist in this universe, enemies to lovers!!, frank is a bit of a dick in this (but in a hot way), mention and description of a patient death and the events of pittfest, mysoginistic interns!, reader gets black out drunk in this, swearing, fluff, angst, usual medical descriptions that youâd expect from the pitt!
notes:Â i love the concept of this fic sm, I haven't written enemies to lovers in a hot minute
likes, reblogs, comments are very much appreciated!
masterlist
Enjoy my work? Tip me! đ€
one.
Frank Langdon was arrogant.
Every doctor and surgeon had a little bit of an ego, sure. It was practically a job requirement.
But Frank Langdon had somehow mastered the ability of getting under your skin in a way no one else did, possessing a particular kind of arrogance that crawled in and nested there.
The kind that smirked at you across lecture halls.
The kind that leaned too close over your shoulder during labs.
The kind that always, somehow, knew exactly which buttons to press.
It had started in med school.
Youâd been paired together for a semester-long assignment during your second year, a fact that had nearly made you consider dropping out on principle alone.
"I graduated summa cum laude, you know."
Frank said it casually, leaning back in his chair like the statement was an objective fact rather than an insufferable introduction.
"That's nice."
You didnât look up from your textbook spread across the library table between you. Highlighting and neatly scribbled notes littered the pages in organised colour-coded sections. Frankâs side of the table, meanwhile, looked like a tornado had swept through it.
His brow furrowed slightly.
"Oh yeah? What were you, valedictorian or something?" He drawled.
"Actually yes." You answered smoothly, flicking over the page. "I just don't feel the need to announce it to anyone that will listen."
He blinked, staring at you for a moment before he let out a low whistle.
"Geez, alright Ace."
You finally glanced up at him at that, irritation pulling at your brow.
"Don't call me that."
The words left your mouth before you could stop them.
And judging by the way his lips twitched, Frank knew instantly heâd struck gold.
The nickname stuck.
It followed you through the rest of med school like a disease. Across lecture halls and internships and far too many crowded house parties.
Sometimes it was murmured under his breath when you answered a question before everyone else. Sometimes it was tossed across a room with an infuriating grin. Sometimes, rarely, it softened into something almost fond when the two of you were the last ones left in the library the night before an exam.
And like the nickname, you couldnât seem to shake Frank Langdon either.
You thought graduation would finally free you from him.
And for a short, glorious period of time, it did.
Until the two of you matched at PTMC. Both in the emergency department.
"Long time no see Ace."
You looked up from the chart in your hands and felt genuine despair shoot through you.
"You have to be fucking kidding me."
Frankâs grin widened immediately, blue eyes bright with something dangerously close to delight.
You felt like you were right back at med school, the two of you instantly competing over everything. In particular, the attention of Dr Robby, who seemed to have decided that one of you could be his favourite, he just annoyingly refused to pick who.
And as your residency dragged on, Frank Langdon's arrogance never waned. He never got a humbling that you so desperately hoped for.
If anything, it only got worse.
Because -
two.
Frank Langdon was good.
Like, really good.
The kind of good that made senior attendings pause to watch him work. The kind that made nurses trust him instinctively during traumas. The kind that made you grit your teeth every time he pulled off something impressive with that smug look still plastered across his face.
Which only made his arrogance more unbearable.
Because the asshole actually had the skill to back it up.
"Did you hear about Langdon's intubation today?"
You barely glanced up from your chart as Samira fell into step beside you.
"No, but I'm sure he'll find a way to tell everyone himself before the end of the shift."
Samira ignored the jab entirely, completely unphased due to the volume of them she'd heard over the years.
"There was so much swelling you literally couldn't see anything."
You paused, your pen stilling against the chart. "So what, you're saying he did it blind?"
"Completely." Samira nodded. "Robby said he did it perfectly too."
A reluctant pulse of admiration twisted in your chest before you shoved it back down where it belonged with a small huff.
"Nice."
The word came out clipped.
You dropped the chart onto the counter and headed toward the break room before Samira could catch the grimace on your face.
Hour ten of your shift was always when the headaches started.
Like clockwork, tension coiled up the back of your neck and settled at the base of your skull. The fluorescent lighting suddenly became too bright. The overlapping conversations too loud.
You shut the break room door behind you with a quiet exhale and reached for the medicine cabinet.
The door opened again just as your fingers closed around the Advil.
"You hear about my intubation today Ace?"
You rolled your eyes automatically before even turning around as you shut the medicine cabinet.
âI did.â
You grabbed a mug from the cupboard, acutely aware of his gaze following you across the small room.
âNice work.â
The words were stiff, rolled unnaturally off your tongue, said with an attempt at forced casualness which instead resembled something pained.
Frank blinked.
Then slowly, his mouth curved into a grin.
âWow.â
You finally looked over at him at that.
He was leaning against the doorway with his arms folded across his chest, scrubs stretched tight over his forearms, a smirk present on his face.
âWas that a compliment I just heard? Are you feeling ok?â
This time you rolled your eyes openly as you threw the Advil down your throat.
âIâm mature enough to acknowledge when a peer does something impressive, Langdon.â
His brows lifted slightly. âA peer? Is that all I am to you after all these years?"
He placed a hand over his heart. âYou wound me.â
Your eyes narrowed. âDescribing you as a peer is my way of being nice.â
You could see that a laugh was threatening to spill from his lips.
You turned toward the sink before your own expression betray you. You rinsed the mug beneath lukewarm water, missing the way his eyes tracked down your figure.
âOr maybe you just donât want to admit that youâre jealous I practically performed a miracle.â
You let out a humourless laugh.
âDonât worry, I perform miracles too.â
You set the mug down harder than necessary before glancing back at him.
âI just don't feel the need to announce it to anyone that will listen."
You saw his jaw tick slightly, indicating that youâd finally penetrated his thick ego shield.
âYouâre a real ball of sunshine today Ace.â
You smiled sarcastically. âOnly for you Langdon.â
three.
Frank Langdon loved to rest his arms on things.
Whether it was one arm leant lazily against the nursing station, both folded across his chest when he was thinking, or both braced on either side of your monitor as he loomed over you while you dictated.
His arms were alwaysâŠ.there.
It was irritating and more importantly, it was distracting.
Like right now, as a team of you prepped a trauma patient for transport to the OR.
Frank stood on the other side of the gurney, his gloved hands curled around the metal rails as he leant forward. His forearms flexed as he adjusted his grip, the veins there straining, just visible in the harsh fluorescent lighting.
Your gaze lingered, traitorous and immediate, tracking the movement of his hands as he tightened his hold on the bed frame. Your eyes ghosted upwards at the shift of muscle beneath fabric, his biceps straining slightly with the motion.
A flurry of images hit you.
His arms around your waist.
His arms flexed as he held his weight above you, steady and controlled, while he-
âThink sheâll make it?â
His voice cut through your thoughts cleanly.
You blinked, snapping your head up too fast.
He was already looking at you, with that infuriating, calm focus fixed directly on your face like you were the only thing in the room that required dissecting.
His tongue brushed briefly over his lower lip. A habit you first observed in med school and had never successfully un-noticed since.
You despised how your body reacted to it.
You turned away too quickly, hiding your burning face under the guise of discarding your gloves into the bin.
â50/50.â You answered, praying your voice was even as you spoke.
You shook your head slightly as you tried to shake yourself out of whatever this was.
You could not find Frank Langdon attractive.
That was not an option. Not a consideration. Not a thing your brain was allowed to do.
You wanted to slap yourself.
âIâm thinking more 70/30.â You heard him remark.
And just like that, mercifully, the fantasy collapsed.
four.
Sometimes, it felt like Frank Langdon could read your mind.
âIncoming trauma, two minutes out.â Dana announced in the middle of the pitt, red phone pressed to her ear. âMVA involving a single car and a motorcycle. The riderâs in a bad way.â
âWhatâs free?â Robby asked.
âTrauma one.â
You glanced up at Robby as he called out your last name.
â-and Langdon, with me.â
Frank didnât answer - he was already following you.
You were already scrubbing in as the ambulance bay doors burst open. The gurney rattled violently over the polished floors.
âWhat have we got?â Robby asked.
âRider unhelmeted. Found unconscious on scene. Hypotensive en route, tachycardic. GCS eight.â The paramedic answered as they wheeled the patient into the bay.
The room shifted and swelled around you - fluorescent lights too bright, the hum of equipment, the controlled chaos snapping into place like muscle memory.
âC-spine?â Robby asked.
âImmobilised.â
The patient was a young man. Early twenties. Dirt and road rash smeared across his face and chest, chest rising unevenly beneath cut fabric and exposed skin.
âAlright, transfer in three, two-â
Everyone moved together, sliding the patient onto the bed in one practiced motion.
âAirway appears patent but compromised.â
You leaned forward, placing your stethoscope on his chest.
âReduced breathing sounds on the left.â
Frank was already there on the opposite side, his hands steady as he moved his fingers across the rib cage.
âSubcutaneous emphysema.â He said. âLikely pneumothorax.â
âPulse-ox is dropping.â Perlah announced. âEighty-eight and falling.â
âAlright get ready to intubate.â Robby ordered.
âWait.â
The word left your mouth before you could second-guess it.
Every head turned slightly.
You leaned closer, eyes moving over the monitor, then the uneven rise of his chest, the subtle shift in breathing effort.
âHeâs compensating.â You said. âThis isnât primary airway failure yet. If we intubate now without addressing the thoracic injury he'll drop further.â
âAce is right.â Langdon agreed. âWe should do needle decompression first.â
âLeft second intercostal space, midclavicular line.â You added. âIf itâs tension physiology, thatâs whatâs driving the instability.â
Everyone turned to Robby, waiting for his call.
The smallest of nods, the slightest flicker of approval.
âYou heard them.â
You moved instantly, prepping the site, antiseptic swab snapping across skin, fingers precise as you located the rib landmarks through trauma and swelling.
Frank held the patient steady as the needle went in.
The hiss came instantly.
The patientâs chest expanded easier this time.
âStats stabilising.â Perlah confirmed.
âBetter.â Frank observed.
You exhaled through your nose, already shifting focus. âWe still need definitive imaging. Heâs not out of the woods, weâre likely dealing with associated haemothorax or pulmonary contusion.â
âAgreed.â
Frank didnât look at you when he said it.
But somehow, the two of you were entirely in sync anyway.
âChest tube tray.â Robby ordered. âLetâs move.â
The rest of the procedure blurred into controlled motion - scalpel, incision, blunt dissection, the familiar gravity that settled over a trauma room when everyone locked into the same rhythm.
And through all of it, Frank moved instep with you.
When you moved, he made space like it was instinct. When you reached for instruments, they were already halfway to your hand. When you spoke, he didnât interrupt - he simply factored your words into the next step.
It was infuriating how seamless it felt, dangerous how easy it was.
âTubeâs in.â Frank said finally.
âBilateral breath sounds confirmed.â You spoke.
A beat.
Then Robby stepped back, stripping his gloves off.
âGood call both of you.â
You looked up as he pushed open the swinging doors.
âYou arenât staying?â
He gestured between you and Frank.
âI know when Iâm not needed.â
Your eyes met Frankâs briefly.
A smile flickered between you before either of you could stop it.
-
The ambulance bay was quieter than the pitt, but not by much. The afternoon sun glared off the cracked bitumen, the distant echo of monitors still lingered in your ears like a phantom rhythm.
You rolled your shoulders back, trying to shake off the adrenaline that always persistently lingered after a trauma.
âGood work in there.â
You glanced out of the corner of your eye to see Robby.
âThanks.â
Silence stretched between the two of you.
His gaze shifted between you and the doors leading back inside.
âYou know.â He said slowly after a moment. âYou and Langdon work well together.â
You scoffed lightly. âWhen weâre not at each others throats, you mean.â
Robbyâs eyes twinkled with amusement, dipping his chin down to conceal it. âYes, thatâs exactly what I mean.â
You exhaled, leaning back against the brick wall.
âYeah." You admitted. "We do.â
It came out quieter than you intended.
You knew immediately that Robby noticed.
âBut if you ever tell him I said that, Iâll deny it completely.â
Robbyâs mouth twitched.
âNoted.â
âAnd, Iâll tell everyone about the time I caught you nearly in tears over a cockroach in the break room.â
Robby turned to you. âIt had wings.â He said flatly.
"You still screamed like a little girl.â
five.
Frank Langdon could be thoughtful, when he wanted to be.
It was never loud. Never performative. It didnât announce itself the way everything else about him did. No smug commentary, no pointed remarks, no expectation of recognition.
It was quieter than that, easy to miss if you werenât paying attention.
You saw it in fragments over time, tucked into the spaces between the chaos.
The way his voice would soften when he spoke to patients. Or the way heâd comfort them when he thought no one else was listening.
Youâd seen him pay for taxi fares out of his own pocket. Youâd seen him quietly remove hospital cafeteria food from a patient's tray and replace it with sandwiches from the deli over the road.
None of it fit easily with the version of Frank Langdon that lived in your head.
And that was the problem.
Because the longer you worked with him, the more difficult it became to keep those versions separate.
You were on hour nine of a shift.
School holidays had transformed the ER into something louder, hotter, more chaotic than usual. The kind of chaos that didnât spike cleanly, but accumulated in layers until the entire department felt stretched too thin.
The air carried a constant noise of beeping monitors, overlapping voices, crying kids, the scrape of gurney wheels against linoleum.
Like usual, your shoulders had started to tighten without permission, creeping up to your ears no matter how many times you tried to square them.
A slow, familiar clamp at the base of your neck. The kind that crept upward until it turned into something debilitating behind your eyes.
You half-heartedly tried to do your physio exercises in the breakroom before eventually giving up and opening the fridge instead, reaching automatically in for the Red Bull you knew was stashed behind someoneâs abandoned lunch bag.
You paused.
A ziplock bag sat neatly on top of your lunchbox.
A plain glazed donut stared back at you through the plastic, alongside two Advil.
You stared at it.
Youâd heard that upstairs had sent their usual trolley of unethical donuts down earlier. Youâd been drowning in back to back traumas, only resurfacing long after all of the plain glazed, your favourite, were gone.
Or so you'd thought.
You looked over your shoulder. Was this meant for you? Surely not. Someone must have just accidentally chucked it on top of your lunchbox.
Your stomach grumbled.
Although, it looked intentionally placed. Maybe you could eat it and if the owner came asking for it later you could just-
You turned slightly at the sound of your name to see Perlah standing in the doorway.
âRobbyâs looking for you.â
You hesitated only briefly before placing the bag back into the fridge, all thoughts of the donut dissolving as you heard the trauma code ring out over the loud speaker.
An hour later, the headache had settled in fully.
You leaned against the desk, elbows planted either side of the computer as pain pulsed behind your eyes. The words on the screen blurred at the edges.
You blinked rapidly, rubbing at your temples as you tried to massage some of the thrumming away.
âYou need to take your Advil earlier.â
The voice came from above you.
You looked up to see Langdon towering over you.
âWhat?â
He slid something towards you.
The donut and Advil now sat on a napkin, a cup of water beside it.
"Your shoulders always start tightening around hour nine." He said. "Which means the headache peaks around now because you never take the Advil early enough."
You stared at him for a moment, then your eyes flickered down to the napkin.
"What's the donut for?"
His mouth twitched, almost imperceptibly.
"Increased blood sugar helps stabilise headaches." He answered smoothly. "And you haven't eaten lunch today."
You surveyed the donut suspiciously.
âJesus Christ I havenât poisoned it.â He huffed as he nudged it closer to you.
âEat.â
You hesitated for a moment.
"...Fine." You relented as you pulled it in front of your keyboard.
"...thank you."
His eyes lifted sharply at that.
"Don't thank me. This is entirely for my own benefit."
You frowned.
"When you've got a headache you're somehow even more annoying than usual."
Your eyes narrowed immediately.
"You're welcome."
He was already stepping away before you could respond.
You stared down at the donut for a second longer, your stomach tightening hopefully at the smell of sugar.
What you didnât see was Frank lingering at the end of the corridor just long enough to make sure you actually took the Advil.
Just long enough to watch you finally take a bite, observing the small act of compliance like it mattered more than it should.
You didnât know that heâd had to almost physically fight Donnie for the last plain glazed donut because he knew they were your favourite.
You didn't know that he'd been buying the double strength Advil and sneaking it into the medicine cabinet for the last six months because he'd noticed your headaches getting worse.
What you did know, was that it was irritating when he did shit like this without explanation.
Because it reminded you that there was more under all of the bolstering and ego. Something softer, something complex.
Something that made you want to peel him apart layer by layer just to understand what lived underneath.
Even when you absolutely shouldnât.
six.
You couldnât escape Frank Langdonâs eyes.
It wasnât just that he looked at you often, it was the timing of it. You would glance up from a chart, be mid-sentence in a handover, reach for a new pair of gloves, and there he would be. Already looking. Already watching.
Those piercing blue irises never seemed to settle on you for long, but they always found you again. It was infuriatingly precise. Like some internal compass had been set to your presence without your permission.
âAre you going to knock off drinks tonight?â
The voice pulled you back into the present. You blinked, realising youâd been staring blankly at your tablet for long enough that the screen had dimmed.
Holland was leaning against the edge of your desk, casual in a way that was unique to interns, half confident, half desperate for approval.
âOh uh, I donât know. Maybe.â You said half heartedly.
âOh câmon doc, itâll be fun.â Hollandâs grin widened as he studied you, searching for a crack in your resistance. âEspecially if youâre there.â
You huffed a small laugh.
âNice try Holland, but this one here likes to be in bed by 9pm.â McKay smirked as she walked behind you.
Your brow furrowed. âWhatâs wrong with that?â
âNothing, if youâre like 80.â Holland shot back, making you roll your eyes.
âI do go out.â
McKay let out a snort that was entirely unconvinced. âSure you do.â
You straightened slightly, feigning offence. âI just like to keep my work and personal life seperate, so I can avoid doing things like oh I don't know..." You trailed off, pretending to ponder.
"Falling off a table in front of my coworkers in the middle of a drunken rendition of Mamma Mia?" You suggested, raising a brow pointedly at McKay.
McKay flipped you off cheerfully without even slowing down.
Holland, undeterred, was still hovering like a persistent shadow over your desk.
âSo⊠is that a yes?â
âYou interns are nothing if not persistent.â You grumbled.
âI prefer passionate.â
You studied him for a moment.
âIf you leave me alone to let me finish my charting, Iâll consider it.â
âIâm taking that as a yes.â Holland grinned, tapping the table once triumphantly, like the matter was closed. âSee you tonight doc.â
You exhaled through your nose in reluctant amusement as he finally backed away.
Only then did you look up properly.
And, like you always seemed to do, your eyes met Langdon's from across the room.
Something unreadable flickered across his face - too fast to catch, too controlled to decode. It vanished before you could even decide whether you had imagined it.
-
Later, you found yourself alone with him in the trauma bay.
You were halfway through de-scrubbing when his voice cut through the sterile hum.
âDidnât realise you had a thing for interns.â Langdon remarked as he yanked off his gloves, the latex snapping softly against his wrist.
You glanced over at him as you united your gown.
âHuh?â
âHolland.â He clarified, like it should have been obvious.
You frowned. âWhat about him?â
âHe was flirting with you.â
You scoffed immediately. âNo he wasnât.â
Langdon stopped mid-movement, staring at you like he couldnât believe what he was hearing.
âThereâs no way youâre that oblivious.â He said flatly.
Your brow knitted. âIâm not oblivious.â
âYou are if you donât notice the way he looks at you.â
You tilted your head slightly. âHow does he look at me?â
âLike-â Langdon cut himself off. His jaw tightened once before he looked away.
âNever mind.â He muttered, scrunching his gloves into a ball and lobbing it into the trashcan with practiced aim.
âWell if heâs flirting with me, maybe I can wrangle a free drink out of him.â You said lightly.
Frank stilled. Not dramatically, but enough for you to notice the tension settling across his shoulders. The brief curl of his fingers before he forced them open again.
You werenât sure what reaction you were expecting, but it certainly wasnât the one you got.
When he looked back at you, his expression had hardened slightly around the edges.
âSo youâre going tonight?â
You lifted one shoulder in a half-shrug. âI might.â
He shook his head slightly.
âWhat?â
âNothing.â
He pushed open the glass doors, holding it open for you to pass through first. âJust thought Iâd be free of you in a few hours.â
Your eyes narrowed as you stepped past him.
âDonât worry." You shot back, "Iâll make sure to sit at the opposite end of the table.â
-
The bar the pitt crew frequented was already too crowded for your liking by the time you arrived.
It was loud in a way that pressed against your skin. The kind of place where conversation blurred into overlapping noise and every surface felt slightly sticky.
Youâd been nursing a wine for the better part of an hour, perched on the edge of the booth, perfectly content listening to everyone else talk.
"I'll be back." You murmured to Samira beside you, sliding your unfinished glass toward her.
"Don't get lost." She teased.
You threaded your way through the crowd toward the bathroom, shoulders brushing strangers, the air growing hotter the further you moved from your group.
âI canât believe sheâs here.â
âWho?â
You froze when you heard the sound of your last name.
It wasnât spoken loudly, but it cut through the noise anyway.
âI know, Holland actually managed to convince her.â
You slowed instinctively.
A cluster of interns stood near the bar, half-leaning into each other, already loosened by alcohol and confidence. All oblivious to the fact you were only a few feet away.
âIt wasnât hard, just had to smile at her and call her doc.â
A few of them laughed.
âShe definitely has cat lady energy."
"In all fairness." Someone else said. "She is hot. Just way too fucking uptight."
"Seriously." Another voice added. âYou can tell sheâs never relaxed a day in her life."
The laughter swelled again.
The words landed like barbs in your chest.
The air felt suddenly too thin, too sharp. Your fingers curled instinctively around nothing.
âHolland, honestly, do everyone a favour and take care of her tonight so maybe she chills the fuck out next shift-"
You turned before you could hear the rest, not sure if you'd be able to bear hearing more.
Heat burned behind your eyes as you pushed through the crowd, swallowing the emotion down so aggressively it turned sharp inside your chest. You rerouted, diverting your course to the bathroom back to your table.
There were plenty of other doctors at PTMC who had sacrificed their social lives for this job. Robby and Langdon were self professed life long bachelors because of their obsession with work. But the difference was, they were men.
By the time you reached the booth again, anger had replaced humiliation almost entirely.
As you approached your table, Samira glanced up at you.
"Hey, you ok?" She asked.
"Never better." You answered smoothly, sliding back into the booth as you let the anger spark into something different.
You gestured to the bar.
"Want to get wasted?"
-
What neither you or the interns had realised was that Frank had been standing further down the bar waiting to order. And he had heard every word.
"Hey."
The interns turned.
Frank stood there holding two untouched beers, expression unreadable.
âMaybe be careful of how you talk about your seniors.â Frank said, too calmly for it to be genuine.
Holland, whoâd already had one too many, snorted.
âCome on man, you of all people know what sheâs like.â
Frankâs jaw ticked.
âI know that sheâs a brilliant doctor who deserves your respect."
"Respect?" Holland laughed. "We all see the way you talk to her." Holland continued, the alcohol flowing through his veins hindering his ability to realise that he was walking into a death trap.
Frank stepped forward just enough that the space between them shifted.
"Don't ever try and conflate your working relationship with what her and I have." He spoke evenly, his voice lowering just enough.
A hush descended over the interns.
"And from now on I suggest you watch your fucking mouth." He continued, his eyes moving from Holland to flit over the group. "Because if I hear any of you breath another bad word about her, I'll personally ensure that none of you make it through this internship."
No one dared to speak or move.
"Are we clear?â
Holland swallowed. âCrystal.â
-
You had never been one to hold your alcohol well, and tonight was no exception.
Three shots and four drinks in and your vision was blurring at the edges. You and Samira had managed to convince Dana and a few of the other nurses to join in, the group of you giggling and slurring like a bunch of underage teenagers.
And still, every so often, despite the bodies and the noise and the light, Frank's eyes would find yours.
You had no idea what time it was when you stumbled out of the bar.
The night air hit your face like relief and exhaustion all at once. You dropped onto a bench without fully deciding to, legs slightly unsteady, head tipping back toward the night sky. The music from the bar seeped out into the quiet street, carried by the faint breeze.
You could hear foot steps approaching.
You didn't need to look to know who it was.
"How's your night going?"
You blinked slowly up at him.
"Was going great until about two seconds ago."
Frank studied you carefully. "How much have you had to drink?"
"You tell me." You squinted.
His eyes narrowed slightly, but he sat beside you anyway, close enough that you could feel the warmth that radiated off his body.
"I'll answer for you." You continued, hiccupping as you folded your arms over your chest. "Not enough."
"You should have some water."
You let out a fake a gasp. "Is Frank Langdon worried about me?"
Despite himself, a small smile tugged at his mouth. "Worried about dealing with you hungover tomorrow? Definitely."
That pulled a laugh out of you. "Don't worry." You said as you leant back. "I've got the next two days off so you'll get a break from me."
He didn't answer you as you looked back up at the sky, your eyes settling on the full moon hanging above the two of you.
Instead, he watched you for a moment longer than necessary, like he was trying to place something unspoken.
"Do you think I'm uptight?" You blurted out.
Frank's brows jerked upward.
"Is that a trick question?"
The teasing disappeared immediately when he saw your expression shift.
"Maybe I should just go adopt some cats and embrace it." You mumbled, barely audible as you hugged your arms around yourself.
"Hey." He said, making you look up at him.
"So what if you're uptight?" Frank asked. "It means you care. Means you don't half-ass things."
A pause.
"Because uptight implies...I don't know.." You let out a small sigh as you glanced down at your hands. "That I'm boring or annoying, or both."
"You're definitely not boring." He said immediately.
"But yes." He added after a beat. "You are definitely annoying."
That loosened a real laugh from you this time.
Frank watched it happen carefully, something softer flickering across his face.
"But I like that about you." He added quietly, almost like he hadn't meant to say it out loud.
You shot him an incredulous look. "Sure you do."
"I do." He insisted.
"Uh huh." Your lips pursed in amusement. "Don't pretend like you wouldn't give me a personality transplant if you could."
"I wouldn't." This time he sounded firmer, too focused on proving you wrong to realise that he was giving away too much.
"I wouldn't change anything about you." He repeated, his eyes locking onto yours.
"I like you. Just as you are."
The words hung between you for a moment.
You stared at him as your body suddenly completely still.
And then the espresso martinis and tequila shots reminded you that they were still swirling around in your stomach, causing a wave of nausea to rip through you.
The colour drained from your face as the alcohol, the heat, the exhaustion - everything surged through you at once.
Frank noticed it instantly.
"Come on, let's get you home."
-
The walk up to your apartment was a blur of stairs, half-coherent instructions, and Frankâs hand steadying you at your elbow whenever you swayed too far.
By the time he guided you inside, you were well beyond the point of being able to remember anything.
Too drunk to notice the way Frank's eyes trained on the interior of your apartment, gaze lingering on family photos, books, decorations, anything that provided him a glimpse of who you were outside of work.
He got you into bed, moving around your space with a familiarity that made it feel like he'd been here a hundred times before.
You watched as he placed a glass of water and a packet of painkillers on your bedside table.
Then he paused.
Your pink bedspread was patterned with tiny cherries.
A smile tugged unexpectedly at his mouth.
"Try not to vomit all over your fancy bedspread." He remarked.
You looked up at him blearily.
There was something dangerously fond in his voice now.
You watched him hover for a moment, like he was trying to convince himself to leave.
"Thank you."
A smile, small and private, broke through.
"Don't mention it Ace."
He turned to leave when your hand caught his forearm lightly.
He stopped immediately.
"Hey." You whispered.
"What's wrong?" He asked, already shifting back toward you instinctively.
You studied him for a long moment, as if something about his face had changed shape in the quiet. Frank suddenly became aware that your hand was still on his arm.
"Your eyes have a little green in them."
Frank froze.
The words had been spoken so softly he almost thought he imagined them.
He swallowed, glancing down at the floor as he tried to reconcile the emotions flooding his nervous system, tried to formulate a response.
But when he looked at you again, you were already gone - head tilted slightly, lashes fluttered close, breath even, asleep mid-thought.
He stayed there for a moment longer than he should have.
Then he left quietly, closing the door behind him like he was afraid to disturb whatever had just changed between the two of you.
seven.
Frank Langdon could make you laugh like no one else could.
It wasnât just the words he said. Like everything else, it was the timing of them.
The way he seemed to sense the exact moment your thoughts started tipping somewhere too heavy and quietly redirected them before you could sink too far into yourself, like he refused to let it stay there too long.
Ever since that night out at the bar, things had shifted between the two of you.
Not dramatically. Not in any way anyone else would have been able to point at and name.
But there had been a change in the space between interactions. Less friction. Less sharpness for the sake of it. The edges of your usual back-and-forth softened into something that almost resembled ease - like both of you had, without discussion, agreed to stop pressing on eachotherâs bruises.
You couldnât remember much from that night. Couldn't even remember how you'd gotten home. You only had fragments to analyse - warmth, noise, Frankâs voice close enough to feel like it belonged somewhere under your skin.
"I like you. Just as you are."
That part, unfortunately, you remembered perfectly.
The words had settled somewhere deep and stubborn inside you, resurfacing at the worst possible moments. Mid-shift. Mid-sentence. In the brief seconds before sleep when your brain stopped pretending it wasnât still at work.
And now, weeks later, you were still carrying them around like something you hadnât figured out how to put down.
The unspoken truce between you and Frank held anyway.
Sharper jabs were replaced with quieter ones, almost always softened with half-hearted eye rolls and almost-smiles neither of you acknowledged.
If anyone else noticed it, they didn't say it out loud, careful not to disrupt whatever delicate peace treaty had been formed.
Youâd been having a good shift, until hour eleven.
Your patient, a young woman with a soft, girlish face that made her look even younger. Sheâd come in complaining of vague chest discomfort with a documented history of anxiety. No other significant past medical history. Stable vitals on arrival.
She'd been sweet, telling you all about how she had finally worked up the courage to book flights to Italy for the summer.
Then she crashed.
Chest compressions were already underway when you arrived, the rhythm of them loud and brutal in the confined space. Someone was bagging her. Someone else was calling out time intervals.
"Epiâs in." Jesse confirmed.
You were already moving, hands automatically checking rhythm on the monitor, eyes scanning for anything reversible.
Nothing.
Still PEA.
"Again." You said, voice steady in a way you didnât feel as you swapped in for compressions.
The bedframe rattled faintly beneath the force of it.
Time stretched in that strange, distorted way it always did during arrest, both too fast and painfully slow at once.
You all paused again, stepping away to look at the monitor for another rhythm check.
"Call it."
Robby's voice cut through the room.
"We can still try-" You began.
"You've been going for twenty minutes." Robby voice stayed calm, firm. "Call it."
The room shifted like it always did when a resuscitation failed. That invisible collective acknowledgment that the line had been reached.
You reluctantly moved your hands away from the patients chest, your gaze lingering on her glassy eyes that would never blink again.
You felt your chest tighten.
You glanced down at your watch. "Time of death, 5:17pm."
Your voice remained clinical despite the way your throat had started closing around the words.
Silence settled over the room.
The monitors still beeped softly in the background, almost offensively alive compared to everything else.
"Does she have next of kin listed?"
Robby glanced down at your hands that had started to tremor slightly. Something soft flickered across his face.
"I'll do it."
You shook your head before he even finished the sentence.
"No." Your voice tightened slightly. "She was my patient. I can do it."
A pause.
Robby studied you for a second longer than necessary, then nodded once.
"Ok."
The room began to reset around you, people stepping back, lowering their voices, the clinical transition from emergency to aftermath already beginning.
But your hands wouldnât stop trembling.
-
The wind up on the roof of PTMC was colder than expected. Sharp against your skin, grounding in a way that almost hurt.
You sat curled against the wall with your knees tucked to your chest, staring at your shaking hands.
âHeard you had a rough one.â
You turned your head.
Frank was standing a few steps away, hands tucked into his pockets.
âShe was only 19.â You murmured, shaking your head. âI just had to tell her parents that their daughter isnât coming home.â
You turned your head away as he sat down beside you, wiping at your face quickly before he could fully register it.
âIâm sorry.â
"I should have checked for a PE risk or a structural issue or-"
"She presented exactly like most young patients with anxiety do. None of us would have done anything differently." Frank interrupted gently.
You inhaled sharply. "But if I'd just-"
"Ace."
Your nickname, said like that, cut through the spiral before it could finish building.
You looked at him.
His gaze dropped briefly to your hands.
Then, slower, like he was deciding rather than acting, he reached forward and wrapped his hands around yours.
"This wasn't your fault."
The contact grounded you in a way that felt unfair.
The warmth of him grounded you instantly in a way that felt deeply unfair.
You swallowed hard and nodded once.
"I don't know how Robby and Dana are still here." You admitted quietly. "How they just keep... showing up."
Frank raised a brow. "Have you met them? They're both completely unhinged."
Despite yourself, a small sound escaped you - half laugh, half broken exhale.
"I didn't realise unhinged was an official medical diagnosis."
"It is according to me.â He nodded solemnly. âRight alongside basketcase and whacko."
That got another laugh out of you, sharper this time. More real.
He tilted his head slightly, watching you like he was checking whether it had actually worked.
"There we go." He said quietly.
You looked down then.
His hands were still around yours.
"Iâm scared to know what you'd diagnose me with." You said after a moment, voice steadier now.
A corner of his mouth lifted slightly.
"You're your own medical condition entirely." He answered. Pausing as he tried to think of the best way to describe it.
"Ace-itis."
That made you laugh again, properly this time, breath catching slightly at the end, the heaviness in your chest loosening just enough for you to breathe deeper.
Frank watched it happen like it mattered more than it should.
When the laughter faded, the silence between you felt strangely easy.
After a moment, he shifted slightly but didnât let go of your hands.
âYou want to go get a drink or something?â
The question was casual, but it didn't feel like it.
You blinked at him once, processing it slowly through the fog of adrenaline and exhaustion.
A joke rose automatically to your tongue, something defensive, something sharp, but you swallowed it as you studied him.
âOnly if the first rounds on you.â
He smiled faintly.
âAfter the day youâve had, Iâll even get the second.â
eight.
Frank Langdon could also make you cry in a way no one else could.
Because when he turned on you, it felt like being shut out of something you hadnât realised you were standing inside of, something that you suddenly didn't want to leave.
It was the day of Pittfest.
It was also the day for new interns and residents, which meant a whole slate of fresh faces trying too hard while the rest of the ER oscillated between mentorship and survival mode.
The halls were louder than usual. Too many voices overlapping, too many unfamiliar footsteps echoing off the linoleum floors.
And through all of it, there was Frank.
You noticed it within the first hour.
Something was off.
He moved like his body was running half a step ahead of everything - conversations, people, decisions. His voice came too quickly, clipped at the edges. His attention snapped between patients and staff with an intensity that didnât feel controlled so much as driven. Like his nervous system had been turned up too high and forgotten how to come back down.
His pupils were slightly too wide under the fluorescent light, sweat gathered faintly at the back of his neck despite the air conditioning.
And worst of all - his arrogance, usually carefully calibrated, was unfiltered.
Loud.
You caught yourself watching him repeatedly throughout the shift.
Each time, you told yourself you were imagining it.
Then another hour passed.
Then another.
Eventually, you found yourself avoiding him entirely, because something about the way he looked today made you think of a system running too hot right before it failed.
You just hoped that whatever was going on with him would settle and he wouldnât sweep up too many people in his chaos.
That hope lasted until you heard raised voices coming from trauma two.
You were already moving before you consciously decided to.
Even from the doorway, you could tell the atmosphere was off. A room holding its breath in the wrong place.
Frank was at the centre of it.
One of the new interns, Trinity, stood across from him, her body rigid, eyes wide. You had a brief thought that she resembled a frightened lamb.
Frankâs voice cut through everything.
â-stupid or arrogant, you need to realise that you are a beginner.â His voice was loud and unforgiving.
âWhich means your job is to shut up, listen, and learn, because so far today the only thing you have been successful at is proving repeatedly that you know nothing.â
Trinityâs eyes widened slightly when she spotted you over his shoulder. You couldnât decide if it was a silent plea or a warning.
Frank turned slightly at that movement.
For one brief second, his expression faltered when he saw you, like seeing you had been pulled back into himself.
Then immediately it hardened again, too fast to hold onto.
You swallowed, attempting to regain your composure as you glanced between them.
âSantos.â Your voice was level as you tilted your head towards the exit. âDr McKay needs help in Room 4.â
Relief crossed Trinityâs face so quickly it was almost painful.
She nodded once, eyes darting between the two of you before escaping the room like sheâd been given permission to breathe again.
The moment she left, the air changed again.
You turned back to Frank slowly, taking a few steps toward him so you were fully enveloped by the room.
He was still standing there, hands half-curled at his sides, like heâd been interrupted mid-impact and didnât know what to do with the energy still in him.
âWhat the fuck was that?â
His eyes snapped to yours.
âWhat the fuck was what?â
His tone made you bristle.
âDonât do that.â You said sharply. âDonât stand there pretending you donât know what you just did was completely out of line.â
âHave you worked with her yet?â He shot back, words tumbling out too fast. âSheâs arrogant and-and completely incapable of-â
âIt doesnât matter.â You interrupted. âThat is not how we talk to rookies. Actually, itâs not how we talk to anyone.â
Frank scoffed, sharp and humourless.
âDidnât realise you were the tone police.â
The agitation radiating off him made you instinctively want to step back.
Your gaze sharpened.
âWhat is going on with you today?â You demanded. âYouâre all twitchy and acting completely fucking manic-â
You stopped when you caught it.
Because you saw it properly now you were up close. His pupils were too dilated, not situational, not lighting, not stress.
Something else.
Something your brain immediately started assembling pieces around before you could stop it.
Sweats at his hairline, restless movement in his jaw, the uneven pacing of his breath.
And then the memory surfaced - uninvited, unwelcome.
Back pain from when heâd helped his parents move. Been too cheap to hire movers, heâd joked.
A prescription.
You remembered him mentioning it offhand weeks ago - something about weaning off them, something about not needing them anymore.
The realization hit so hard it almost made you feel sick.
You went still.
Frank noticed immediately.
Something defensive shifted across his posture like heâd followed your thoughts to their conclusion before you even spoke.
âFrank.â You said slowly.
Your voice softened involuntarily. Careful in a way that didnât match the argument anymore. Weeks of quiet moments and softened edges bleeding into the argument without permission.
âAre you having withdrawals?â
There was a beat of silence.
Something flickered across his face.
Not denial first, not anger.
Something closer to pain, mixed with a semblance of something like surprise, maybe at the sound of his first name leaving your lips, or being caught, you werenât certain.
And then it vanished.
âWhat?â He said, voice sharp enough to cut, âare you seriously trying to ask me if Iâm a drug addict?â
âNo, I-â You started immediately, stepping forward again.
But he was already unraveling faster than you could catch.
âYouâd love that, wouldnât you?â Bitterness curled through every word now. âGet your competition shipped off to rehab so you can be the only golden child of the ER.â
Your breath caught painfully.
âThatâs not fair.â
"Isn't it?" He studied you for a moment, his eyes intense and unblinking. "This place isyour whole life, it makes sense that you'd be dying to have Robby's attention all to yourself."
The words, slung like arrows, found their mark with deadly accuracy. They penetrated your thick skin, embedding themselves somewhere deep behind your rib cage.
Not because they were true, but because they were thrown like they were, like they were designed to hurt you.
Your throat tightened.
âI donât know what has gotten into you.â You said quietly, voice shaking now despite your efforts. âBut I seriously suggest you stop talking before you say something you canât take back.â
For a moment something in him wavered. A crack.
Like he could suddenly see you again instead of whatever he was fighting.
Your bottom lip was quivering now.
For a second, he looked horrified by it.
And then his expression closed again, like a door slamming shut.
âDonât worry.â He said flatly, void of any emotion as he stalked past you. âI was just leaving.â
You stood there frozen for a few seconds before the tears finally came, sliding down your face in hot, fat tracks.
Anger crashed through you almost instantly afterward.
Not just at Frank, but at yourself.
Because you hadnât cried when you heard interns say horrible things about you, hadnât cried when youâd lost a patient. Youâd been on the brink, but never quite fallen off the ledge.
But somehow, Frank Langdon was the one to push you off it.
And that terrified you more than anything.
Because it meant youâd let him get under your skin in a way that you never thought he would. And now, you didnât know if you could ever scrub yourself clean of him.
nine.
Frank Langdon left without saying goodbye.
You stood in the descrubbing bay long after your gloves had been peeled off and discarded, staring at nothing in particular. The curtain that separated you from the trauma bay still fluttered slightly, like the room itself hadnât settled yet.
You didnât want to move. Didn't want to pull back the curtain and see the blood soaked floor beyond it.
Because if you did, it would become real in a different way. Not just something you survived, but something that stayed.
A dull headache pulsed steadily behind your eyes. Your shoulders ached with tension. Your body felt disconnected somehow, like part of you was still moving even though youâd stopped minutes ago.
Your mind was struggling to process what you'd just witnessed. How many people you saved. How many you didn't.
You swallowed hard against the tightness in your throat.
For one strange second, you genuinely thought you might pass out.
The curtain shifted. You flinched before you could stop yourself.
âSorry.â
The voice was quiet and all too familiar.
Your stomach dropped before you even turned.
Blue eyes met yours.
Frank stood in the doorway, still in scrubs. Hair slightly dishevelled. Exhaustion carved into his face in ways that you were sure mirrored yours.
The mass casualty had left no room to think about him as anything other than another set of hands beside you. But now, standing here with him again, every emotion youâd shoved aside came flooding violently back.
âWhat do you want, Langdon?â
Your voice came out flatter than intended as you turned away again, like movement alone might protect you from whatever this conversation was about to become.
"I came to apologise... about earlier." He said quietly. "That was fucked up."
"Yeah. It was." You said.
A humourless breath escaped you.
"Although now it feels kind of trivial after-" You stopped yourself before your brain could drift back toward everything youâd all just witnessed.
You turned back properly then - freezing when you saw the raw emotion on his face.
"I'm really sorry."
This time, you werenât entirely sure he was only talking about the argument anymore.
You took a step towards him.
"What happened Frank?" You asked quietly.
His jaw tightened.
For a moment, he didnât answer.
"I fucked up Ace." He admitted, his voice cracking slightly, like it cost him something to say it out loud.
"Really badly."
Your expression softened before you could stop it, and that seemed to break something in him further.
"I think I need help." The confession came out barely above a whisper as tears pooled in the corner of his eyes.
You took a step toward him instinctively.
"Ok." You said immediately, nodding slowly. "Ok. We can get you help."
"Jesus-" He cut himself off, squeezing his eyes shut for a second like he was trying to physically reset himself. "Don't look at me like that."
"Like what?"
"Like you... like you pity me."
"Jesus Christ Langdon, I don't pity you I-" You stopped yourself, breath catching slightly as you realised what you were about to say.
"I care about you."
The honesty of it startled even you.
Frank went still.
"You do?" He asked.
There was no teasing in his voice now. No arrogance. Only something small and uncertain underneath it that made your chest ache unexpectedly.
"Yeah." You said, softer now. "Even though it pains me to admit it."
That got the smallest flicker of something, his eyes never leaving your face.
"Which is why we're going to figure this out." You continued, stepping closer again without thinking about it. "Whatever this is, we can sort it out, we can-"
You never got to finish your sentence.
Because Frank Langdon kissed you.
It was sudden - like something inside him had snapped beneath the weight of everything heâd been holding back.
You froze completely at first. Hands half-raised, breath caught, brain refusing to process the shift from conversation to collision.
Frank pulled back abruptly, eyes wide, mouth parted.
âI- oh my god." He breathed heavily. âIâm so sorry. I donât know why I-â
You grabbed the front of his scrubs and pulled him back down before he could finish.
The second kiss wasnât hesitant.
It was years of tension collapsing all at once into something sharp and immediate and impossible to take back.
Frank made a quiet sound against your mouth like he still couldnât quite believe this was happening. Like he couldnât quite believe you were kissing him back.
Then, just as suddenly, he pulled back. His breathing uneven, chest rising too fast.
"I'm sorry." He shook his head as he took a step away from you, like he needed the physical distance to stop himself. "I can't- I can't do this."
"Frank-"
But he was already gone.
You didn't see him again after that.
Not in passing, not in corridors, not in all the strange little spaces where the two of you had somehow built an entire relationship out of arguments and eye contact and timing.
You found out a week later from Dana that Frank had admitted himself into a treatment program that same night.
And then he disappeared from your life for ten months.
ten.
The thing you hated the most about Frank Langdon was that you didn't hate him.
Not even a little bit, not even at all.
Youâd known it long before you admitted it to yourself. But that moment - that kiss- had made it undeniable in a way you couldnât pretend to ignore anymore.
And that was the problem.
Because hatred wouldâve been easier than this constant, aching awareness of him existing somewhere just beyond your reach.
Fourth of July shifts were universally hated at PTMC.
Too hot, too loud, too many fire-work related disasters waiting to happen.
You could already feel a faint film of sweat start to coat the back of your neck as you opened your locker that morning.
Footsteps approached behind you.
You peered around the locker door out of habit, ready to say good morning to whichever poor colleague was stuck with you on this shift.
Your brain short circuited.
Frank Langdon stood there.
Cap on. Backpack slung over one shoulder. Like he belonged somewhere casual, somewhere outside of this building entirely.
Like he hadnât disappeared from your life for ten months without a word.
You stared at him for a moment.
Then he opened his mouth, your name formed silently on his lips.
You slammed your door shut with finality, then walked straight past him without saying a word.
Your pulse roared in your ears, your heart bashed against your ribcage.
You knew heâd be coming back, you knew you would have to see him again eventually - you just didnât think it would be today.
You didnât think it would hurt this much either.
-
The shift was unbearable in the quietest possible way.
Every time you turned a corner, you expected him to be there. Every time you reached for a chart, you expected his voice behind you.
Every time someone called your name, your body reacted before your brain caught up - a stupid, pathetic flicker of hope you immediately hated yourself for.
And then there were the moments he was there.
Hands steady, voice controlled, face carefully neutral in the way only Frank Langdon could manage when he was actively trying not to look at you.
Even then, you could feel his eyes on you wherever you moved.
It made your skin feel too tight.
By hour four, you had already done two traumas with him. Your body slipped back into your old rhythm together so naturally it made you feel sick.
By hour eight, your scrubs were starting to cling to you in a way that felt suffocating.
By hour ten, your tension headache had made itself home again.
By hour fourteen, you thought you might scream if you stayed in the same room as him any longer.
The stairwell was empty when you found it.
Quiet in the way hospital spaces rarely were - concrete walls absorbing sound instead of reflecting it. The air was cooler here, industrial and slightly damp, smelling faintly of disinfectant and metal.
You pressed your back against the wall and closed your eyes for half a second.
Just one breath.
Just one moment where you didnât have to think about him.
Your eyes snapped open when you heard the door open.
Frank stood in front of you, his chest rose and fell slightly faster than usual, like heâd decided to follow you on impulse and was only now catching up with the consequences.
You straightened immediately.
"I just want to talk." He spoke, taking a step toward you slowly like you were a wild animal he didn't want to spook.
"There's nothing to talk about Langdon."
He paused. "You know that's not true Ace."
"Don't call me that."
Your voice came out sharper than you intended.
His expression flickered.
âPlease Ace just-"
"I said stop." You cut him off again, stepping back slightly without meaning to. "You donât get to call me that anymore. Not after-"
You stopped.
The words jammed in your throat.
Because saying it out loud meant making it real in a way you werenât sure you were ready for.
His gaze didnât move from yours.
"Not after what?" He asked quietly.
Something in your restraint finally cracked, frustration pouring out of you.
"I wrote to you in rehab." You said, voice tightening. "Even after everything, I wrote to you. And you didn't write back."
Pain flashed openly across Frank's face.
"I'm sorry."
You shook your head.
"You kissed me Langdon. And then you disappeared without a word and then you just - just appear without any warning, like nothing happened." Your voice grew louder as you spoke, trembling despite your best efforts.
"I didn't want you to get caught up in any of this."
"That wasn't your call to make." You snapped back. "I can make my own decisions."
"You don't think that I know that?" He answered, his own tone sharpening. "There's more to this then my addiction."
"I know."
Frank's eyes flared in surprise.
You exhaled shakily.
"Robby and Santos have been glaring at you all day. And I saw the way he looked at you last year before you left.â Your jaw clenched. âIt doesn't take a genius to figure it out."
Frank watched you for a moment, his surprise morphing into one of disbelief.
"And you're saying what? You wouldn't have exiled me too?â
"No. I would have been there for you, if you'd given me the chance to."
His expression faltered as he shook his head slightly.
"What?" You challenged, taking a step towards him. "You don't believe me?"
"You hate me." He countered.
You stared at him, then let out a breath somewhere between exhaustion and disbelief.
"Jesus Langdon, I don't hate you.â You snapped. âAnd that's precisely the problem."
A pause.
He took a step closer.
"I didn't plan on kissing you like that."
You swallowed as you looked at him, all your frustration seeping out of you.
"Then why did you?" You murmured.
For a moment he didn't answer.
"Because I don't hate you either."
This time when he looked at you, there was something different. Like he wasnât looking at you as competition, or a colleague, but something more exposed than either of you had ever allowed before.
"You're all I thought about in rehab."
Your heart stuttered violently.
Frank laughed softly under his breath, humourless.
"You're all I've thought about since med school, really."
"That can't be-"
"It is." He cut in gently. His eyes dropped briefly toward the floor.
âEver since you sat across from me with your colour coded textbooks and looked at me like you wanted to kill me.â A small smile tugged briefly at his mouth.
Your breath caught.
âThat's probably why I was always such a dick to you.â He glanced back up. âBecause it was the only time you ever really looked at me."
The stairwell felt too small suddenly. Too warm, too honest, too vulnerable.
"It's always been you Ace.â His voice softened. âI just didnât know what to do about it.â
You swallowed hard.
"You left." You said quietly.
"I know." He said immediately. No defence. No excuse. Just truth.
âI panicked. I wasn't thinking straight."
A beat.
"And Iâve regretted it every day since."
He took another step towards you.
"The kiss, or you leaving?â You whispered.
His eyes heals yours steadily.
"You know which one."
Now he was close enough that you had to tilt your head slightly to keep eye contact. Close enough that you could see the small flecks of green scattered through his eyes.
"I don't think I can keep pretending that I don't want you anymore." He admitted.
Silence hung between the two of you.
"Say something." He said quietly. "Please."
The space between you was nothing and everything at once.
"Frank.." You breathed out.
"Yeah?"
"I don't want to pretend anymore either."
Frank swallowed, his eyes flickering down to your mouth.
"I'd really like to kiss you again.â
Whatever restraint you still had left finally broke.
You fisted his scrubs in between your fingers, guiding him down to your mouth.
The kiss wasnât careful this time.
It wasnât confused.
It was real in a way that almost hurt.
Like years of wanting each other had finally run out of places to hide.
Frankâs hand came up immediately to cradle your jaw, anchoring you there like he was afraid you might disappear if he let go.
You pulled him closer against you, one hand threading through his hair. You felt your back hit the wall, a small breath escaping your mouth at the impact.
The stairwell door creaked somewhere nearby.
You both broke apart instantly.
You turned, but there was no one there.
Frank looked back at you, breathing unevenly now, a grin slowly pulling at his mouth.
"You know what I just realised?â
"Oh god.â Your fingers scraped lightly against the back of his neck. âWhat?â
âI never got to tell you I performed a closed cervical reduction like thirty minutes ago.â
Your eyes widened. "Are you serious?"
"Completely." His smile grew as he ghosted his thumb over your jaw. "Guess that's two miracles I've performed today."
You snorted despite yourself. "That was terrible, even for you."
"I know." He smirked as he leant forward, his mouth hovering over yours. "You love it though Ace."
Your smile widened helplessly as you rolled your eyes.
"Just shut up and kiss me Langdon."
-
Robby glanced over his glasses to see Abbot making his way towards him, his face slack like he was trying to process something.
âWhy do you look like youâve just seen a ghost?â Robby asked.
âBecause Iâm traumatised.â
âI think we all are.â
âNo.â Abbot shook his head gravely. âSomehow this was worse than anything Iâve seen in here.â
Robby raised a brow as Abbot shuddered.
âI just caught your two protĂ©gĂ©es making out in the stairwell.â
âHuh.â
Robby glancing down casually at his watch.
âWell I'll give them credit."
Abbot's eyes narrowed. "For what?â
Robby shrugged as he turned back to his screen.
"They lasted longer than I thought they would.â
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Iâm actually freaking out because this is so perfect?! Youâve written Frank perfectly and I ate this up đ€đââïž
whys combat and military gear always got to look so fucking cool when the people wearing them just objectively arent. thats unfair
this goes for like, all of time. knights are serving the KING? the fucking KING?
you cant serve cunt and the government at the same time come on now pick the right side i know you have it in you
Jesus said this. Matthew 6:24
jesus said this
đ°đąđ„đ„ đČđšđź đŹđđąđ„đ„ đ„đšđŻđ đŠđ đđšđŠđšđ«đ«đšđ°?
đ©đđąđ«đąđ§đ : steve harrington x reader đŹđźđŠđŠđđ«đČ: your boyfriend loves you with his whole heart. and sometimes, youâre not sure what to do with something that big. đ°đđ«đ§đąđ§đ đŹ: 18+, established relationship, touch/love-starved reader, emotional hurt/comfort, angst, brief smut, implied past trauma/abuse but nothing explicitly mentioned, heart-aching fluff, character analysis đ/đ§: flipping my favorite trope onto reader. this one's for all my peeps who have a tough time with physical touch and emotional intimacy
⥠· · · ⥠· · · âĄ
Your boyfriend loves easily.
Affection stitched directly into the lining of him, inseparable from the rest of his body.
Touch, to Steve, is instinct before intention.
Automatic and unthinking, his hands find you the way roots find water.
Waiting in line at the fall fair, he hooks two fingers through your belt loop and sways you gently side to side while the Ferris wheel spins overhead in smeared red and gold light.
The air smells like fried dough and cinnamon sugar, cold autumn wind carrying bursts of laughter through the crowds. Steve stands behind you with his chin resting on your shoulder, warm chest pressed loosely to your back while he argues passionately about kettle corn versus popcorn.
Once in a while, he'll slide his thumb beneath the cuff of your sleeve mid-sentence, stroking the pulse point at your wrist, completely unaware that your heart is beating itself raw under his fingertips.
Itâs impossible to explain it.
How overwhelming it feels to be loved by someone so thoroughly.
Because Steve never hesitates.
Never acts like affection is something shameful.
Love pours out of him, as naturally as body heat.
If your hands are cold, he interrupts himself halfway through a story just to catch your fingers and tuck them into his jacket pockets alongside his own, rubbing warmth back into your knuckles while continuing his sentence without missing a beat.
If you yawn during movie night, his arm is around your shoulders before the sound can finish leaving your mouth. âCâmere, sleepy girl,â he murmurs automatically, pulling you sideways against his chest.
If your shoelaces come untied in the middle of the sidewalk, he drops immediately to one knee with a distracted, âhang on, baby.â
Rainwater hisses along the curb while he reties the bow tighter this time, fingers quick and practiced, one hand steadying lightly against your ankle. His knuckles brush your skin through your sock and you have to stand there, holding your breath until your lungs ache with it, staring down at the concentration pulling his brows together.
Wondering what it must be like to love someone with your whole heart and not feel like itâs going to break you open.
Heâs warm everywhere, your Steve. Warm hands, warm mouth. Warm stomach pressed against your back beneath blankets. He smells like laundry detergent and faint cedar cologne rubbed into the collar of his jackets. Sometimes vanilla chapstick, sometimes mint gum. Always Steve.
And the kisses are constant too.
Quick, thoughtless ones, born entirely from fondness.
The corner of your mouth while waiting for the microwave to beep. Your forehead when he passes behind you in the kitchen. Your shoulder while you lean over the sink brushing your teeth side by side. The back of your neck when he reaches around you for orange juice in the fridge, mumbling a sleepy, âmorning, honey,â against your skin before kissing beneath your hairline.
Sometimes he just looks at you for a second. Expression softening imperceptibly, like some private thought crossed his mind, and then he leans over and kisses your cheek with this quiet little hum in his throat.
Like loving you tastes good.
And god, the neck kissing.
Itâs terrible.
And right now, in the middle of a museum gallery so quiet you can hear shoes squeak against polished floors, heâs doing it again.
Youâre trying to read the plaque beneath some enormous renaissance paintingâsomething about divinity and grief, oil on canvasâbut Steve is behind you, arms folded around your waist while he scans the museum brochure one-handed.
One of his hands has slipped beneath your cardigan, warm palm spread low across your stomach.
âOkay, so,â he murmurs near your ear, voice low enough that the sound vibrates through you, âthereâs the Greek sculpture thing upstairs, or... thereâs apparently a room with these like, tiny dollhouses?â
You wrinkle your nose. âThat sounds horrifying.â
âRight?â His lips brush the shell of your ear as he speaks. âLike what if one of themâs haunted?â
Then his mouth finds the hinge of your jaw.
One lazy, distracted kiss.
His lips are soft, slightly chapped from the cold outside. Warm breath spills across your skin afterward, making your pulse jump beneath his mouth. He lingers there, nose nudging lightly against your neck while he keeps mumbling off different sections of the museum.
You feel the shape of his smile against your skin when he finds another ridiculous exhibit.
âApparently thereâs a room thatâs just chairs.â
âThat canât be true.â
âNo, I swear to god.â
Then his mouth drifts lower.
Open-mouthed kisses this time.
Slow enough that warmth blooms beneath every press of his lips. You feel the faint scrape of his teeth catch your skin playfully before he smooths over it with another softer kiss, his thumb stroking across your stomach.
Your entire body tightens around the feeling.
The worst part is knowing that he isnât trying to fluster you.
Steve isnât performing intimacy.
He just never second-guesses affection.
Unlike you.
For you, every touch feels catastrophic.
The second Steve touches you, awareness crashes through your body all at onceâyour pulse, your breathing, the weight of his hand, whether your hair smells okay, whether your stomach feels too soft beneath his palm, whether someone across the gallery can see this.
Whether you deserve to be loved this openly at all.
â....and Robin said thereâs some painting of a guy eating his own son which honestly seems kindaââ
He stops, hand stilling against your stomach.
âBabe?â
You blink hard, staring at the plaque without reading a single word.
Steve leans back, concern creasing immediately between his brows.
âHey,â his hand slides higher, rubbing gently over your ribs. âYou okay?â
âHm? Mhm.â
âYou sure?â
âYeah, Iâm fine.â
Another lie.
Your skin still burns where he kissed you.
And underneath all the panic is something worse.
Fear and hunger, knotted so tightly you canât separate them anymore.
Wanting him closer, wanting him to keep touching you forever. Wanting to crawl inside every warm, gentle thing he gives you and stay there.
Not knowing what youâd do if he ever stopped.
Because as terrifying as it is to be loved this softly, you think losing it might actually destroy you.
âYou wanna sit down for a sec?â Steve asks quietly. âI think I still have that granola bar in my bag if youâre hungry.â
You almost laugh, because of course thatâs where his mind goes. Â
Care.
Always care.
âNo, Iâm okay,â you say quickly, forcing a smile. âWe can keep going. The uh, Greek sculpture thing sounds good.â
He watches you for a beat longer than comfortable, thumb rubbing against your hipbone through your jeans.
âOkay,â he says finally.
His hand slides up your arm, gently fixing the cardigan slipping off your shoulder. His fingers brush your neck in the process, absentmindedly smoothing your hair back into place too.
And then, because heâs Steveâbecause affection lives inside him so naturally he doesnât know how to love except with his whole bodyâ
He reaches down and interlaces your fingers with his.
Warmth immediately fills the spaces between your knuckles, his callused fingers curling around yours with steady, secure pressure.
He keeps holding your hand the entire walk toward the staircase, thumb stroking across your skin while he talks about haunted dollhouses and ugly marble babies and whether you think ancient Greek people had chest hair.
And isnât it terrifying, how quickly your body has learned what safety feels like in someone elseâs hands?
...
It isnât just the touching.
You almost wish it was.
Because that would be easier to understand.
A touch can be explained away:
Steveâs just naturally affectionate. Steve likes physical contact. Â
But itâs not just that.
Itâs the way he loves you without condition. Without making you earn it first.
A few weeks into dating, he showed up at your apartment carrying a bouquet so enormous it nearly blocked his entire face.
When you opened the door, all you could see were flowers.
Soft cream roses crowded against pale pink delphiniums, petals curling delicately at the edges like silk ribbon. Deep burgundy dahlias bloomed low in the arrangement, velvety and dark as spilled wine, white babyâs breath drifting between everything like tiny bursts of snowfall.
And hidden right in the middle were your favorites.
Blue hydrangeas.
Dusty-blue petals clustered together like storm clouds at dusk, edges fading lavender where the light caught them. Â
You had pointed them out exactly once while passing a florist downtown.
Three seconds, maybe. Â
You remembered slowing briefly in front of the shop window because they looked beautiful beneath the warm yellow display lights. Rain had just started misting softly against the sidewalk and Steve had been halfway through ranting about some middle schooler trying to rent an R-rated horror movie with a fake ID. Youâd smiled at his story before murmuring, almost absentmindedly, âThose are so pretty.â
That was it.
You hadnât even thought he heard you.
But Steve Harrington has a habit of holding onto the tiniest details about you like they're something precious.
âBaby, I swear to god,â Steve was saying now as he stepped inside your apartment, nudging the door shut with his foot, âI had the craziest day today. This guy at work tried to return a tape completely melted.â
The bouquet landed in your arms before he shrugged off his jacket.
âMelted,â he repeated, horrified, running a hand through his hair. âLike, fully warped. Looked like somebody cooked that thing in a microwave.â
You stared down at the flowers.
The bouquet was heavy enough that you had to support it with both arms. Thick stems pressed cool and damp against your palms beneath layers of cream florist paper, the wrapping folded slightly unevenly around the flowers and tied together with rough twine that looked suspiciously hand-done.
Not florist-perfect, but Steve-perfect.
The flowers smelled dizzyingly alive: sweet rose perfume softened by rainwater and the cool, earthy scent of freshly cut stems.
ââŠum, Steve?â
ââand Keith asked me if I did that,â he huffed, toeing off his shoes. âI mean, can you believe that shit? What does he think I do at work all day, destroy tapes for fun?â
âSteve.â
âYeah?â
You blinked at him slowly.
âWhatâsâŠâ Your throat tightened strangely around the words. âWhatâs this for?â
He looked down at the bouquet like heâd genuinely forgotten he walked in carrying it.
âUhâŠâ His brows lifted slightly. âFlowers?â
He laughed softly after saying it, confused.
But you didnât laugh.
Because your brain was already doing what it always did: rummaging frantically for conditions. For expectations and hidden meanings tucked beneath kindness.
Your heartbeat started creeping unpleasantly high in your throat.
Was it an anniversary?
Oh god.
Had you forgotten something?
Your stomach dropped, dates scrambling uselessly through your head too fast to follow. One month? Six weeks? Was there something couples were supposed to celebrate this early? Had Steve done something thoughtful and now you were standing there empty-handed like the worst girlfriend alive?
The cellophane crackled beneath your tightening grip.
âDid IâŠâ You cleared your throat quietly. âDid I forget something?â
Steveâs forehead wrinkled.
âHuh?â
âThe flowers.â
âWhat about âem?â
Your voice came out impossibly small. âWhyâd you get these?â
âUh, âcause IâŠâ He huffed a tiny laugh through his nose, head tilting. ââCause I wanted to?â
His confusion only made your chest tighten more.
âIs it our anniversary or something?â
His frown deepened. âWhat? No.â
âThen⊠why?â
Steve stared at you for a second, slightly open-mouthed now, the soft amusement on his face fading into gentle concern.
âBaby, theyâre just flowers.â
You stared back helplessly.
âBut why?â you asked again, quieter this time.
âWell, IâŠâ He shrugged one shoulder slightly. âI saw them. And I thought about you.â
The apartment suddenly felt very quiet.
You looked back down at the bouquet in your arms.
The hydrangeas were even prettier up close, petals shifting between pale blue and soft lavender depending on how the light hit them. Tiny sprays of babyâs breath caught between larger blooms like stars scattered through clouds.
A single sunflower tucked near the back, drooping sideways because Steve probably had the bouquet strapped into the passenger's seat on the drive over.
Your throat burned.
âThatâs it?â you asked quietly.
Steve let out a soft breath through his nose.
His socked feet whispered against the floor as he stepped closer, one hand rising to cup your cheek.
Big enough to hold the entire side of your face, his palm enveloped you in warmth. Your lashes fluttered at the feeling of his thumb sweeping beneath your eye, brushing over the apple of your cheek, soothing something there without even knowing what hurt.
âYeah,â he said softly. âThatâs it. I saw âem and thought youâd like them.â His mouth tugged into a small smile. âYou stared at those flowers for like, ten minutes.â Â
You huffed weakly. âIt was not ten minutes.â
Steveâs smile widened, encouraged by the sound of your laugh.
âThere was this whole wrapping station thing too,â he added, gesturing proudly toward the bouquet still overflowing from your arms. The cream paper rustled softly as he touched it, uneven folds bunching around the stems where the twine had already started slipping loose on one side. âThe lady kept trying to help me but I told her I could handle it.â
He tipped his head, inspecting his own work. âPretty good, right?â
You looked down again.
The wrapping really was crooked. One corner folded inward strangely while another flared too wide, babyâs breath poking free through gaps in the paper. Â
It couldnât have been more beautiful.
Steveâs grin turned sheepish, one hand rubbing the back of his neck. âHonestly, I think she stopped helping 'cause I was stressing her out.â
A quiet bubble of laughter escaped you, and the second it did, you noticed the way his face changed. Grin softening, eyes gone warm at the realization that heâd made you smile. Â
That was the other unbearable thing about him.
How carefully he watches for your joy, waiting for the next chance to do it again. Â Â
He really had done all this just because he wanted to.
No special occasionsâhe just saw something beautiful and immediately thought of you.
You blinked quickly, staring down at the velvety rose petals before he could notice the dangerous sting gathering behind your eyes.
Nobody had ever remembered little things about you before.
Not enough to act on them later.
Certainly not enough to drive across town carrying an absurdly oversized bouquet because of one passing comment you barely remembered making yourself. Â
But Steve noticed everything.
The tea you always reach for when youâre sick. The songs you hum in the car without realizing. Which side of the bed you like to sleep on. Which sweatshirt you wear when youâre sad. The way you peel pepperoni slices off pizza before eating. Â
The flowers you paused to admire for three seconds on a rainy sidewalk weeks ago.
Your fingers tightened carefully around the bouquet.
âThank you,â you managed quietly. Â
Steve smiled, stepping closer until the bouquet crushed lightly between your bodies, cellophane crinkling in the quiet of the apartment.
âYeah. Anytime, baby,â he hummed, bending down to press his smile into the curve of your mouth, as natural as breathing.
...
You donât know why you get like this.
Why your body reacts like itâs bracing for impact when all heâs doing is being gentle. Why his affection makes your chest ache the way it does.
Why your first instinct is always to freeze.
Body going stiff whenever Steve wraps himself around your back in grocery store checkout lines, chin hooked over your shoulder while he complains about magazine prices and rubs his thumb beneath the hem of your shirt.
Sometimes he brushes your hair behind your ear mid-conversation and keeps talking without even realizing he did it. Sometimes he reaches for your hand in his sleep, eyes still closed, finding you beneath the blankets when his body notices your absence before he does.
And you wonder why, in all those sweet, wonderful momentsâwhen he kisses your forehead while waiting for the microwave to beep, when he pulls you against his chest during movies, when he drops to his knees on dirty pavement because he doesn't want you to trip over your laces, when he holds your face in both hands like itâs something preciousâyou feel this horrible urge to apologize afterward.
Sorry Iâm difficult. Sorry you picked me. Sorry you donât realize yet there are easier people to love.
Love had always arrived transactional before him.
Conditional.
Dependent on being easy enough, pretty enough, quiet enough, useful enough.
But Steve loves you without condition.
And being seen that intimately by someone so goodâsomeone as warm and earnest and sincere as Steve Harringtonâfeels unbearable sometimes.
Maybe thatâs why nights like this overwhelm you so badly.
A fancy dinner downtown stretches long past sunset, candlelight flickering gold across Steveâs face while he steals bites from your plate despite insisting twenty minutes ago he was âseriously so stuffed.â
Wine leaves his cheeks faintly pink by the time you leave the restaurant. His tie hangs loose, crooked around his throat, top buttons undone and sleeves rolled to his elbows. Summer heat still clings to the sidewalks even this late at night, thick with blooming jasmine spilling from flower boxes outside storefronts. Somewhere farther downtown, music drifts through open bar doors, muffled bass and laughter carried through the warm air.
Steve's hand never leaves your lower back, fingers flexing gently against you whenever the crowd thickens, pulling you instinctively closer to his chest.
By the time you drift into the park, your heels are dangling from one hand and your body feels pleasantly heavy from the wine.
The grass is cool beneath your bare feet. Damp earth presses between your toes as you wander deeper along the meadow paths, fireflies blinking through the dark around you like floating embers.
Steve is halfway through retelling some ridiculous story his students had told him earlier that day, pausing every other sentence because he keeps getting distracted trying to kiss you. Â
Grass stains smear across the knees of his expensive slacks when he finally pulls you down beside him into the field.
âSteve,â you protest weakly, glancing at his pants.
âWhat?â he asks innocently, tightening his hands around your waist.
âThose are gonna stain.â
âMm.â He kisses the corner of your mouth, grin lazy. âWorth it.â
You lose track of time there.
Talking between kisses, lying shoulder-to-shoulder in the grass while Steve points out constellations he names wrong on purpose just to make you argue with him. His fingers comb slowly through your hair while your head rests against his shoulder, skin sticking together in the humid night air.
And by the time he gets you home, youâre half-floating.
Steve crowds you against the apartment door before the lock has even clicked shut.
Both hands on your waist, lips sealing over yours. The force of it nudges you softly into the door, his body fitting against yours as he grunts low into your mouth like heâs been holding himself back all night.
Sweet burgundy wine still lingers on his tongue when his lips part against yours.
Heâs warm everywhere.
Warm hands sliding beneath your dress, warm mouth against your throat. Warm breath ghosting over newly exposed skin every time he pauses to look at you.
And he does pause, constantly.
Heavy-lidded hazel eyes drag across your face, your throat, the curve of your body beneath his hands, lips gone slack from that third glass of Merlot though his smile tells you heâs drunk on more than just the wine.
His palms skim along the back of your thighs while he kisses down your neck, the soft scrape of his stubble pulling a shaky breath in the shape of his name.
He smiles against your skin, feeling your fingers clutch tighter at his shoulders.
âCâmere,â he murmurs softly.
The bedroom lights stay low when he walks you backward toward the bed.
Blue comforter wrinkling beneath you when he eases you onto your back, following you down, kissing over every inch of exposed skin while your heartbeat stutters harder with each press of his mouth.
Broad palms smooth upward beneath your dress while his lips trail lower, the slow descent of it dizzying; his mouth dragging across your collarbone, the center of your chest, down your stomach, your ribs, each kiss separated by warm breaths and playful nips that make your muscles jump.
And when he kneels at the foot of the bedânudging your legs apart carefully, lovingly, thumbs stroking slow circles into the soft skin inside your thighs as he settles himself in betweenâhe lets out this quiet little sigh.
Like nowhere else on earth could possibly compare to this.
âPretty girl,â he murmurs against you, pressing the words directly into your skin. âYouâre so beautiful.â
His fingers hook beneath the waistband of your underwear while he glances up at you through heavy lashes, tongue darting briefly to wet his lower lip.
You reach for his hair quickly, panic flaring.
âSteve,â you whisper. âWait.â
His hands still immediately where they rest on your hips. âWhatâs wrong?â
You swallow hard. âNothing, I just...â
Your head spins pleasantly and horribly all at once from the wine and the heat and the sweet boy kneeling between your thighs looking at you like you hung the moon.
âI should shower first.â
His brows pull together. âWhy?â
âBecause,â you laugh weakly. âIâm sweaty.â
Steve smiles at that, like itâs the sweetest thing heâs heard all day.
He leans in even closer, nose brushing over your clothed mound before he presses a slow kiss there.
âBaby,â he murmurs against you, âI donât care.â
âSteve...â
âI mean it.â
His hands glide upward along your waist, warm and heavy as velvet, fingertips grazing your ribs on the way up.
âI like you like this,â he says softly.
Then he takes in a breath.
A deep, deliberate pull through his nose, the warm drag of air against the damp fabric making your thighs twitch around him.
âYou smell good,â he murmurs, kissing you there again. âLike summer.â
Your face burns, but Steve only smiles wider, already halfway gone.
âJust stay,â he whispers. âLet me take care of you. We can take a bath after, promise.â
He turns his head to the side, nose nudging affectionately along your inner thigh before he closes his lips around the sensitive skin there. The suction is soft at first, teasing warmth into you before the pressure deepens just enough to sting pleasantly. Â Â
A new love bite starts to bloom, petal-soft and tender, like a flower kissed awake by rain. His mouth traces over it, soothing the flush of it back into softer color with gentle, unhurried pecks.
âSo pretty,â he murmurs, pressing another kiss over the bruise-tinted skin. âMy perfect girl.â
To be loved this intensely feels like it could swallow you whole.
Like the warmth of it could burn straight through you.
You donât even realize youâve started crying until your breath catches sharply in your chest, a raw, jagged gasp tearing from your lungs.
Steveâs head snaps up instantly.
You jerk your face away in horror, both hands flying to cover your eyes before he can see.
God.
Oh god.
Not now.
Why now?
âBaby, are youââ
His voice cuts off the second your breath stutters again, louder this time.
The mattress jolts beneath you as he pushes upright, fast enough that the bed frame gives a small protesting creak.
âHey, heyâwhatâs wrong?â
You can feel him at your side immediately, his quick, uneven breaths brushing against your hands where they're pressed tight to your face.
âBaby, what happened?â
His fingers curl around your wrists, firm but impossibly gentle.
Always gentle.
âDid I hurt you? Did I do something?â
âN-no,â you choke out immediately.
âThen what?â His voice starts to break slightly, turning sharp with worry. âWhat is it? Honey, whatâs wrong?â
You shake your head helplessly, unable to form the words, unable to explain.
The lamp clicks on beside you. Warm amber light spills across everything at once: rumpled sheets and discarded clothes, Steve kneeling beside you, shirt open at the collar, belt buckle undone and tie hanging loose around his neck. Â
The flowers from dinner are on the dresser.
Slightly uneven in their vase, waterline crooked, the hydrangeas beginning to open wider in the warmth of your apartment.
Embarrassment crashes over you like a wave.
Perfect.
A night heâd planned so carefullyâreservations at the candlelit Italian place downtown, your favorite wine already waiting at your table, flowers arranged before youâd even walked through the doorâ
And now youâre crying halfway through sex because your brain canât handle something as simple as being loved.
You turn your face away again instinctively, shoulders curling inward, but the tears donât stop. They come harder, messy and humiliating, gasps of air ripping through your chest no matter how hard you try to swallow them down.
You feel Steveâs hand slide up your spine.
Slow, slow passes between your shoulder blades, fingertips pressing gently.
âHey,â he whispers. âHey, itâs okay. You donât have to hide, okay? You donât have to hide from me.â
âIâm sorry,â you choke out, wiping at your face uselessly. âI-I donât know w-why IâmâIâm sorry, fuck, Iâm sorryââ Â
âNo, hey, donât apologize, baby. Donât say sorry.â
You resist him weakly when he tries to gather you in his arms.
You canât look at him.
Canât stand the thought of seeing the concern on his face after ruining this.
âI justââ You let out a shaky breath, voice cracking completely. âFuck, I-I donât know whatâs wrong with me.â
Steve stills at that.
Then slowly, carefully, he takes your wrists fully in both hands.
You let him this time. Arms trembling the entire way down as he lowers your hands into his lap. You still refuse to meet his eyes, staring instead at the heavy rise and fall of his chest. His crisp white shirt is wrinkled, open at the collar, a faint pink bite mark just above his collarbone where you kissed him during the taxi ride home. Â
His gaze presses into you, heavy and intent, trying to read what you canât say.
âI need you to look at me,â he says quietly.
âI canât.â
âYeah,â he answers immediately. âYou can.â
Another tear slips down your cheek. He catches it without hesitation, wiping it away with the pad of his thumb.
âPlease,â he whispers, softer now. âLook at me.â
You finally do.
Steveâs hair is a mess, chestnut strands falling across his forehead where your fingers had been tangled moments ago.
His eyesâwarm honey and green and amber all blurred together beneath the low lightâare pained, tight with worry and unbearably expressive.
âThere's nothing wrong with you,â he says, unshakably certain. âNothing.â
His lips are swollen from kissing you, parted slightly with how hard heâs breathing.
Itâs so painfully clear, how panicked he is.
Steveâs face never hides anything
It doesnât know how to.
When heâs happy, it shows in the soft wrinkles at the corners of his eyes.
When heâs worried, it gathers in his brows, in the tight set of his mouth.
And when he loves, it radiates from him so naturally it feels endless. Like sunlight.
You wonder what that must feel like.
To love someone without fear.
To offer tenderness without expectation, without the quiet dread that grows the more there is to lose.
He reaches up slowly, clearing tear-sticky strands away from your temples, thumb brushing beneath your eye. Still trying to read what hurts, the furrow in his brows asking without words.
You want to tell him.
For him, youâd try.
But the truth feels monstrous once it reaches your throat.
How do you explain that being loved by him feels unbearable sometimes?
That every touch lands somewhere deep inside you that still expects pain?
That he gives and gives and gives, asking for nothing in return, and yet some terrified part of you waits for the bill to come due?
How do you explain that it makes you feel broken, not knowing how to take something he gives so easily?
You part your lips, throat dry and aching.
Steve waits, thumb rubbing soothing circles into your wrists.
Patient.
Always so fucking patient with you.
âI just...â Your voice shakes. You stare at his mouth instead of his eyes, because itâs easier than being seen.
â...I just really love you.â
It rushes out so quickly.
And in a horrifyingly beautiful moment of clarity, you realize itâs the first time youâve ever said it to anyone.
Ever.
Steve goes still. His brows soften, eyes drooping at the corners. His lips part soundlessly for a second.
âOh,â he breathes.
You feel his hands twitch against yours, squeezing your fingers unconsciously. Â
âI love you too,â he says, immediate and certain. âI... I love you so much itâs kind of insane.â
He watches you for a moment, thumb rubbing slow over your knuckles.
âIs that... is that why you're crying? 'Cause you love me a lot?â
A small, startled laugh breaks through your tears; it sounds so simple when he says it like that. Â
It isnât simple.
But maybe it also is.
So you nod, watching him visibly come back to himself, drawing out a shaky breath, shoulders dropping heavily like heâd been bracing too, just in a different way.
âOkay,â he murmurs. âOkay. Câmere.â
This time you donât hesitate.
You fold into him, feeling his arm wrap securely around your back, the other cradling the back of your head.
And what you always used to brace againstâtonight, you sink into willingly.
âIâve got you,â he murmurs into your hair.
You let your eyes slip shut, burying your face in the crook of his neck, fingers crinkling his shirt as you hold on tight.
âI love you,â you whisper again, the words pressed softly against his skin.
Thank you, you mean.
Thank you for being gentle with me. Thank you for waiting. Thank you for loving me like itâs easy.
Thank you.
⥠· · · ⥠· · · âĄ
anddd youâve done it again đ absolute masterpiece, healed a little piece of my heart
hold still ; michael ârobbyâ robinavitch
summary: you have a sex dream about your attending that leaves you hot, flustered, late for work, and completely off your game. then things go from bad to worse when gossip spreads and the entire emergency department finds outâincluding dr. robby.
notes: i honestly haven't been this excited or motivated to write in forever, and i just really hope it doesn't suck. this one feels a little different, kind of like... it just flowed? my writing feels less mechanical, i think? i don't know, i feel like i've been stuck in a rut and even though this isn't perfect, it feels like i finally enjoy writing again. i put so much love into this and tried so hard to get the characters right, i just really hope you guys enjoy! please, please let me know what you think!
warnings: more sitcom than drama (just let them have a good day, i beg you), swearing, italics, reader can drive, medical descriptions, blood, medical procedure descriptions (it's not super graphic though), most definitely incorrect medical information (my friend is a doctor, i am not), implied age gap but never specified, very likely incorrect tagalog (i'm sorry in advance), reader doesn't know tagalog, implied smut but nothing explicit, reader gets injured (and stitches), and making out (on shift, lol, nothing graphic but still, mdni please).
word count: 12763
You wake all at once.
Not slowly, not gently, but with one sharp inhale like youâve surfaced from deep water.
For a second you donât know where you are. Your room is too warm, the air too heavy, every inch of your skin flushed and slick with sweat. Heat clings to you, your heart pounding wildly in your ears, sheets twisted tight around your legs, and for one disorienting moment you swear you can still feel himâwarm hands, breath close, the dizzying pull of something forbidden and overwhelming.
The echo of his voice follows you up from sleep, low and wrecked and impossibly real.
Dr. Robby.
Your stomach flips.
âFuck,â you mumble into your pillow, already mortified, already knowing your brain has crossed a line it absolutely shouldnât have this time.
Because it didnât feel like a dream. It still doesnât. Fragments flash behind your eyelidsâthe way he touched you, his voice softer than youâve ever heard it, the teasing burn of stubble where he shouldnât have been close enough to touch.
You roll onto your back and drag both hands over your face, groaning quietly as awareness settles in piece by piece. Your pulse refuses to slow, every nerve still humming like your body missed the memo that none of it actually happened.
You stare at the ceiling.
ââŠYou have got to be kidding me.â
This wasnât random. Not by a long shot.
It was him. Your attending. The stubborn, overworked, infuriatingly competent man who makes unresolved emotional baggage look hot. The man you have to see in barely two hours.
A small, helpless sound escapes you as you roll onto your side again, squeezing your eyes shut.
This is a problem.
A very real, very immediate, absolutely unprofessional problem.
And yet, you still donât move. You lie there too long, cheeks burning despite the fact that no one else can see what youâre replaying in your mind. Warmth lingers beneath your skin, pooling low in your belly as you let yourself remember every phantom touch. Every whispered word. The look in his eyes as heâd settled between your legs andâ
BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.
You bolt upright, your hand flying out to find your phone.
Youâre still hot, still flushed and sticky. Still half-dreaming about Robby and his goddamn handsâbut now? Now youâre late. Horribly late. Because that alarm isnât your wake-up alarmâitâs your backup alarm. The one that goes off when itâs time for you to leave for work.
âFuck!â
You throw the covers back and rush into the bathroom. You strip quickly out of your damp sleep shirt, tossing everything on the floor before stepping into the shower without even waiting for the water to warm. Which is exactly what you need, you remind yourself as you hiss beneath the cold spray.
Fifteen minutes later, youâre standing in front of the mirror in your black scrubs, trying to fix your hair and will the colour to drain from your cheeks. But itâs stubborn. Bright. Hot to the touch and utterly telling.
âJesus Christ,â you sigh, squeezing your eyes shut for a second too long.
A second you donât have.
With a deep breath, you turn, grab your bag, and sling it over your shoulder, wondering whether running to the hospital might actually be quicker than your usual commute at this time. Traffic is never greatâyou never truly know which route will get you there fastestâbut now youâre about to hit peak hour.
You spend the entire drive trying to think about literally anything other than the dreamâpatient charts, upcoming shifts, whether your stethoscope is in your bag or your lockerâbut your thoughts keep slipping sideways, traitorous and vivid.
So vivid.
Stop thinking about his hands.
Stop thinking about his voice.
Stopâ
You groan softly and turn the radio up louder.
It doesnât help.
By the time you pull into the hospital parking lot, youâre almost twenty minutes late. You slam your car door shut, hike your bag higher on your shoulder, and practically run toward the ER doors.
âWoah,â Donnie says, quickly stepping out of your way. âSomeoneâs in a hurry.â
You donât reply. You just keep going until you hit central, then slow to a hurried walkâhead down, eyes fixed on your feet, praying everyone is already too busy to notice you.
âYouâre late,â Dana says.
You stop mid-step, more out of habit than intention.
âYeah, Iâm sorry. Iââ
âShit, hon, you okay?â She steps around the desk, peering over her glasses. âYou look like youâre burninâ up.â
You step back before she can press a hand to your forehead.
âIâm fine, I swear.â You keep backing up. âJust myâmy carâs A/C isnât working and Iâm a little warm. Thatâs all.â
You know she doesnât believe you. This is Dana youâre talking to, not some brand-new, bright-eyed RN. Dana can see through any and all bullshit, and by the look on her face, she isnât buying this at all.
âIâm fine,â you say again, forcing a smile before turning sharply on your heel.
Only to turn right into something solid.
Warm. Tall. Unmoving.
âShit, Iââ
You look up.
And your entire nervous system shuts down.
Dr. Robby.
âSorry,â you blurt instantly, stepping back so fast you nearly trip over your own feet. âI didnât seeâI mean, I was looking, just notââ
His hand is still wrapped around your elbow, grounding you in place, and for one terrible second all you can think about is how close he is. How close heâd felt last night. How real it feels right now.
His eyebrows lift slightly, confusion flickering across his face. âYou alright?â
âYes,â you say too quickly. âFine. Totally fine.â
You are not fine.
Your face feels nuclear, and youâre suddenly aware of everything at onceâhis height, his proximity, the way his sleeves are pushed up, the fact that heâs looking directly at you like heâs trying to figure something out.
His head tilts slightly.
âYouâre late,â he says, not unkindly.
âI know.â
Neither of you move for a moment.
You can feel your pulse in your throat. Your chest. Lower.
âIâIâm gonnaââ
You donât even finish before you turn away, hurrying down the hall toward the lockers. Every inch of your skin feels like itâs on fireâand every thought in your head is so wildly inappropriate for where you are right now you feel like you might throw up.
âDamn.â Santos appears beside you, her eyes flicking between your face and the tablet in her hands. âEither youâre febrile or you just did something really embarrassing.â She tucks the tablet under her arm. âWhat gives?â
You shoot her a flat look as you key in the code to your locker. âNothing gives. Iâm fine.â
She snorts. âSure. That tone is really selling it.â
You take a deep breath and turn toward your locker, shoving your bag inside before unzipping your jacket and shrugging off. You stuff that in tooâthen sling your stethoscope around your neck, shut the door, and turn back to your fellow R2.
She looks concerned now, brows drawn as her eyes track over your face and neck.
âYouâre seriously flushed,â she says. âAre you sure youâre feeling okay?â
âIâm fine.â You turn and start walking back toward central. âJust running late, okay? Now can I start my shift beforeââ You stop yourself, his name catching somewhere in your chest. âBefore I have an attending down my throat for slacking off?â
God. You could have chosen better words.
âOkay, whatever,â Santos mutters, holding her tablet out again. âSorry for caring.â
She gives you a sarcastic little eye roll before veering off around the other side of the nurseâs station and ducking into one of the active patient rooms. You watch after her for a second before a voice across the room steals your attention.
Heâs on the other side of central, nodding along while Mohan and Whitaker brief him on a patientâand looking entirely too hot for seven-thirty on a Monday morning beneath harsh fluorescent lights.
âStop it,â you whisper to yourself, pausing at the nurseâs station to collect a tablet.
âStop what?â
You startle, head snapping toward the man suddenly beside you.
âJesus Christ, Dr. Abbot,â you sigh. âAre you trying to get me admitted for a heart attack?â
The corner of his mouth twitches. âYou already look halfway there.â
You roll your eyes. âOkay, I get it. Iâm red and Iâm sweatyâcan everyone please stop commenting on it now?â
He chuckles. âSorry. Didnât realise youâd already been bullied about it.â
You sigh again and turn your attention to the board, tipping your head back to read it.
âWhy are you still here, anyway?â you ask.
âWanted to see my favourite resident,â he says. âYou sure you donât want to come back to nights?â
You huff a laugh through your nose. âI love you, Abbot, but nights arenât for me.â You glance across the nurseâs station, where Dana and Robby are now discussing the latest incoming trauma. âI just miss Dana too much.â
Abbot snorts. âDana?â
You look back at him. âYes. Dana.â
Amusement flickers across his face. âYou sure?â
âYes,â you say, too quickly. âI mean, whoâwhat else wouldââ
âDoctors,â Javadi interrupts, stepping in front of you both. âSorry to interrupt, but could I get a second opinion on a patient in South Twenty-One, please?â
Abbot nods, glancing at you. âIâll go. You settle in.â The corner of his mouth lifts a little higher. âMaybe check in with your attending.â
Then he turns and walks away with Javadi at his side.
You stare after himâeyes wide, pulse racing, wondering what the fuck he meant by all that.
Youâve always suspected Abbot might be a mind reader, but that? That was something else. Too knowing. Too dangerous. And now you need to figure out what the hell he thinks he knows.
âDoctor,â Perlah calls from behind the desk. âCould you check on Central Twelve? Sheâs still complaining of pain after morphine and Zofran.â
You turn to her, shaking your head as if that might knock your thoughts back into place. âUhâyeah. Of course. Central Twelve, heading there now.â
She gives you a curious look, brows drawn, but you turn away before she can ask any more questions.
On your way to C12, you pull up the patientâs chartâseen by Whitaker about half an hour agoâand double-check the morphine and Zofran doses she received. You pause just outside the room, drawing a deep breath and reminding yourself that you are at work. You donât have time to be flustered. You donât have time to worry about what Jack Abbot may or may not know. And you definitely donât have time to obsess over the imaginary rasp of Robbyâs beard against your thigh that you can somehow still feel.
When you push the door open and step inside, youâre the picture of professionalism. You offer the patient a polite smile, introduce yourself, and start the routine checks that feel more like second nature than work.
After the exam and a brief conversation, you order two more milligrams of morphine, review the labs Whitaker sent, and make a note to check back in fifteen minutes. Then, still intent on avoiding your attending, you bury your nose in your tablet and move on to the next patient waiting in South Sixteen.
Pressure-like chest pain. Diaphoretic, no shortness of breath. Initial ECG normal. Labs pending.
âAlright, Mr. Mullens,â you say, squirting a pump of sanitiser into your palm. âWeâre going to get some scans done so we can get a better idea of whatâs going on. If the pain gets worse before then, let us know.â
The man nods. âThank you, Doc.â
You smile, stepping out into the hallway. âIâll be back soon to check in.â
As soon as you turn around, you look for Robby, making sure youâre not about to run into him again. Literally.
You spot him all the way across central, walking with Santos toward the North hallway. Good. Youâre safe. And if all goes well, maybe youâll manage to avoid him for the entire day. Maybe you wonât have to come face to face with the face you can still see buried between your legs.
Fuck.
Your pulse kicks, heart beating too fast as you remember the way his eyes had watched you in your dream. Itâs almost too much. Even the phantom memory of it is making you breathless.
God. If it ever actually happened, you might pass out.
âWhy would you even think of that?â you mutter to yourself, stopping at the nurseâs station.
When you finally look up, Perlah and Princess are watching you closely, speculation sparkling in their eyes.
âSobrang pula ng mukha niya,â Perlah murmurs.
Princess nods. âHindi lagnat âyan.â
Perlah lowers her voice even more. âSa tingin mo ba may kinalaman ito sa crush niya?â
They both laugh quietly, turning away from you as if it isnât you theyâre gossiping about.
âMalinaw,â Princess says.
You give them both a tight smile before glancing up at the board, searching for something suitably distracting and far away from nosy nurses and unfairly attractive attendings.
Youâre just about to head back toward the South hallway when a gurney crashes through the ambulance bay doors.
âTrauma Two!â Dana calls. âRobby!â
Abbot is already moving, meeting the paramedics halfway and guiding the gurney toward T2.
He points at you as he walks. âWith me.â
âShit,â you mutter, dropping your tablet on the desk and jogging over.
âThirty-two-year-old male, MVC, restrained driver,â the paramedic says. âFront-end collision, airbags deployed. No LOC. Increasing shortness of breath during transport. Breath sounds decreased left side.â
âLetâs get him on monitor,â Abbot says, moving to stand opposite you at the head of the bed. âOn my count.â
Robby steps in at your side, like he always doesâclose enough that you feel him before you see him.
His arm brushes yours.
Your stomach flips.
Focus.
âOne. Two. Three,â Abbot counts.
You transfer the patient from gurney to trauma bed, and Santos starts cutting away clothes.
âTwo large-bore IVs,â Abbot tells Jesse. âTrauma labs. Portable chest X-ray.â Then he looks at you, brows raised. âBreath sounds?â
âOhâuhââ You fumble with your stethoscope, pressing it to each side of the patientâs chest. âDiminished on the left.â
You reach for the patientâs neck, fingers steady despite the noise around you.
âTrachea midline.â
Abbot nods, then turns to Santos. âLetâs get ultrasound.â
âBP holding?â Robby asks.
The sound of his voice sends goosebumps racing along your armsâand you shiver before you can stop yourself.
âPressureâs 118 over 76,â Jesse replies. âStable.â
Robby glances at you, brows drawn. âYou okay?â
You nod quickly, without looking up. âNever better.â
âAbsent lung sliding on the left,â Santos announces.
âLikely pneumothorax,â Abbot says, looking at Robby.
âSats dropping,â Jesse calls. âEighty-nine.â
Robby nods once. âOkay. Weâre putting in a chest tube.â
âChest tube tray. Twenty-eight French. Left side,â Abbot orders.
You try to move out of the way, but Robbyâs hand catches your elbowâand you canât help but look up. His dark eyes meet yours with an intensity youâve never noticed before, and suddenly your lungs forget how to work.
âYouâre up,â he says. âIâll walk you through it.â
You know thereâs no time to argue. You know you canât. Shouldnât. This is your job. And itâs not like you could say no to this man even if you wanted to.
You swallow. âOkay.â
Robby nods, then looks at Jesse. âAlright, letâs get some lido. Sutures ready. Hook up suction.â
You turn back to the patient, watching Abbot position the left arm above his head while Jesse preps the areaâchlorhexidine swab, sterile drape. The rustle of sterile gowns and the snap of gloves fill the room as you pull on your own and push a pair of protective glasses up your nose. Then you grab the lidocaine from the tray and lean over the patientâs left side, steadying your hand as you guide the needle in.
The room is quieter nowâsave for the steady beeping of the monitorsâchaos narrowing into focus as everyone watches you sink the needle into the patientâs skin.
âA little deeper,â Robby murmurs.
Your breath catches, but your hands stay steady.
You can feel him just behind you, leaning close, his warmth bleeding through your scrubs and setting your whole body on fire.
âNow find the rib,â he instructs. âStay above it.â
You discard the needle onto the tray and start feeling ribs, counting down until you find the space.
âScalpel,â you say, refusing to take your eyes off the spot your fingers found.
Jesse places the scalpel in your hand, and without hesitation, you cut a three-centimetre incision.
âGood,â Robby murmurs.
Your pulse thrums beneath your skin.
âClamp,â you say, your voice almost breaking.
Jesse takes the scalpel from your hand, replacing it with a curved clamp.
You insert the clamp, pushing past muscle layers, and begin to spread. It feels forceful. Too much. Invasive, even though you know this is exactly what youâre supposed to do.
Robby steps closer. âCommit to it.â
His hand covers yours to adjust the angle, add pressureâuntil you feel the pop. And it takes every ounce of your self-control not to react. Not to whimper at the very normal, very professional way your attending is guiding you right now.
âNow sweep,â he says, so close you can feel the warmth of his breath against your cheek.
You insert your finger into the space, confirming entry into the pleural cavity and checking for adhesionsâthen nod. You donât dare turn your head as you hold your hand out for the tube. Heâs too close, too warm. You can smell the faint scent of soap on his skin even over the antiseptic and metallic tang in the air.
âInserting tube,â you say, more to yourself than anyone else.
You start guiding the tube inâslow and controlledâfeeling every millimetre of movement.
Until it stops.
Too much resistance.
âUp,â Robby says, his hand covering yours again. âAim higher.â
He adjusts your wrist slightly, guiding the pressure.
You swallow hard and nod, hoping no one else can hear your uneven breathingâbut knowing Robby definitely can.
He helps you apply more pressure, firmer now, angle corrected, and the tube starts moving again.
âThatâs it,â he murmurs. âGood girl. Keep going.â
Your brain short-circuits.
Heat floods your face. Your chest. Lower.
His voice echoes from your dream. Breathless. Panting. Words whispered against your skin.
Fuck. Now is not the time.
You tighten your grip on the tube and push.
Thenâ
A rush of air.
âAir return,â Abbot says, a hint of pride in his tone. âNow secure it.â
Robby steps back, and you hear the snap of his gloves coming off.
âO2 sats climbing,â he announces.
âCool,â Santos says, grinning at Abbotâs side. âIâm doing the next one.â
You barely look up. You canât. Your whole face feels like itâs on fire. You've never blushed this hard before. Youâve never been this hot in your life. And youâve definitely never been this horny in the goddamn trauma bay.
âYou good to finish up?â Robby asks Abbot.
Abbot nods.
From the corner of your eye, you see Robby step toward the door, glancing over his shoulder with a small, impressed smile.
âNice work, Doctor.â
You donât reply. You just nod, lips twitching with a soft smile as you keep your eyes on the patient.
As soon as you finish suturing and securing the tube, you step back, tearing off your gown and gloves as if thatâll somehow give you a reprieve from the heat beneath your skin. Jesse takes your place beside the patient, nodding along to Abbotâs orders while he and Kim start cleaning up.
You shove your gown, gloves, and glasses into the biohazard bin and head for the door without looking backâwhich is exactly why you donât notice Santos trailing you.
âThat was so cool,â she says, startling you.
âJesus,â you mutter. âDonât sneak up on me like that.â
She frowns. âSneak? I was right behind you. Itâs not my fault youâre all weird and jumpy today.â
âIâm notââ You glance across central to make sure Robby isnât somewhere in your path to the ambulance bay. âIâm not weird and jumpy.â
Santos scoffs. âRight. And Iâm not behind on my charting.â
You donât bother arguing with her. You just keep walkingâand she follows. All the way through the ER and out to the ambulance bay, where you stop just before the curb and draw a deep breath. It isnât nearly as refreshing as youâd hoped, but a break from the fluorescents is always welcome.
âOkay,â she says, folding her arms. âWhat is with you today? Youâre never this off. Iâve seen you perform procedures youâd only read about without a single assist from the attending. And I know youâve done a chest tube before.â
You donât answer. You donât even look at her. You just tip your head back and stare at the roof of the ambulance bay, wondering whether it might collapse and save you from this conversation.
âAnd on that note,â she goes on, âDr. Robby knows youâve done a chest tube before, so why the hell was he being so patient? I swear heâs got a soft spot for you. Javadi pointed it out a few weeks ago and I honestly donât know how I missed it. I meanâhas he ever yelled at you?â
You finally look at her, brows drawn. âIâuhâno, I donât think so.â
âExactly,â she says, stepping closer. âAnd please tell me I heard wrong, but did he say good girl to you back there?â
As soon as she says it, your cheeks burn with renewed intensity. You can feel your heart in your throat, beating out of rhythm and way too fast for someone who is definitely not in a life-or-death situation.
And Santos noticesâbecause of course she does.
Her eyes go wide. âOh my God. This totally has something to do with Dr. Robby.â
âShut up,â you mutter. âItâs notââ
You stop yourself, squeezing your eyes shut and pinching the bridge of your nose.
Santos isnât going to let this go. You know her. Sheâs too inquisitive, too nosy, and thereâs not nearly enough chaos today to distract her.
âOkay, fine,â you sigh, looking up, face burning. âI had a sex dream about him and now I canât stop thinking about it.â
She stares at you for a second.
âA sex dream?â
You nod miserably.
Her mouth twitchesâthen she snorts.
Not a polite laugh. A full, startled snort she triesâand failsâto muffle behind her hand.
âOh my God,â she says. âI knew you had a thing for him, but a sex dream?â
âWould you stop saying it?â you hiss, glancing nervously around the empty ambulance bay.
She laughs a little harder. âWas he good?â
âOh my God,â you mutter, dropping your head into your hands. âI regret everything.â
âHey,â she says, still laughing as she drops a hand on your shoulder. âFor what itâs worth, Iâm pretty sure heâd go there if you asked.â
Your head snaps up. âIf I asked?â
She shrugs. âWhy not shoot your shot?â
âBecause heâs my boss!â
âHeâs your attending,â she says. âTechnically, Dr. Underwood is your boss. Dr. Robby just supervises you.â
You shut your eyes again and draw a deep breath, trying to steady your pulse.
âOkay,â you say, squaring your shoulders. âIâm done with this conversation. Iâm going back to work, and youâre not telling anyone what I just told you. Okay?â
She mimes zipping her lips. âIâm a vault, I swear.â
You nod. âGood.â
Then you turn and start walking back inside, trying not to conspicuously check for Robby on your way to the nurseâs station. Santos is still at your heels, still wearing an amused grin as if your humiliation is her exact brand of humour.
âOne more question,â she says, stopping beside you as you grab another tablet from the rack.
You sigh. âWhat?â
She leans in. âDid he say âgood girlâ in the dream too?â
Your pulse jumps.
âGoodbye, Dr. Santos,â you say, turning quickly on your heel.
âIâm taking that as a yes,â she calls after you.
You ignore her, turning toward S16 to check on your chest pain patient.
âHey, Mr. Mullens,â you say as you push back the curtain. âHow are you feeling?â
The older man sits up a little. âIâm okay.â
âGood.â You pull up his chart on your tablet. âThe pain hasnât gotten any worse?â
He shakes his head. âNo.â
âThatâs good to hear,â you say, quickly flicking through his lab results. âYour first labs look reassuring, but weâll repeat them in a couple of hours just to be safe.â
You glance up, and he nods.
âThank you, Doctor.â
You smile softly. âIf the pain gets worse, or if you start having trouble breathing, press the call button.â
âWill do.â
You offer him one last nod before tucking your tablet under your arm and squirting a pump of sanitiser into your palm as you exit the room.
The second you step into the hall, you take a deep breath, finally feeling like your lungs remember how to work. Like your pulse might finally be settling into something resembling a normal rhythm. Like maybeâjust maybeâyou can survive the day if you stay distracted with work long enough not to think about last night.
About his voiceâlow and rough in your ear, whispering something you canât quite remember.
Except the way it made your spine arch.
Or the moment heâd braced his hands on either side of you, his head dipping just enough that you could feel the warmth of his breath before heâ
âDoctor.â
You jerk slightly, heat rushing straight back into your face as the memory evaporates.
âSorryâwhat?â
Whitaker, now standing in front of you, clears his throat. âNothing. I justâyou looked a little out of it.â
You shake your head and turn toward central. âYeah. Sorry. Iâm a little off today.â
He nods, falling into step beside you. âSantos mentioned.â
Your head snaps toward him. âSantos mentioned what?â
âJust that you were out of it today,â he says quietly, staring at the floor.
You stare at him. âAnd?â
He shrugs, but itâs stiff. âAnd nothing.â
You stop at the nurseâs station and drop your tablet on the desk.
âI swear to God, Whitaker, if she told youââ
âShe didnât tell me anything,â he says, clearly panicked now. âIâIâve got to go check on a patient.â
Then heâs gone, hurrying off toward the South hallway.
Fuck.
You told Santos barely ten minutes ago and sheâs already told Whitaker?
So much for being a vault.
âWhatâd I tell you about swearinâ on God, little lady?â Dana asks, peering over her glasses from the other side of the desk.
You sigh, resting both forearms on the counter. âSorry. Rough morning.â
âTell me about it,â she says, glancing down at her tablet. âSprained ankle in North Four wants an MRI and a wheelchair escort to the parking lot. Psych hold in B2 tried to climb out the bathroom window. Ogilvie ordered the wrong labs and blamed the computer. And someoneââ she pauses, squinting toward where McKay is assessing a patient, ââkeeps leaving half-empty coffee cups everywhere like weâre running a cafĂ© instead of an emergency department.â
You huff a quiet laugh.
âAnd weâre only on hour two,â she adds, looking back up at you.
âLucky us,â you mutter.
She sets her tablet down and slides her glasses off, folding them into the breast pocket of her scrubs.
âWhatâs with you, hm?â She leans in. âFirst youâre late, then you run out of trauma like youâre about to pass out. Thatâs not like you, kid.â
You shrug. âJust a little off today.â
She watches you for a second, her eyes narrowing just a fraction. Sheâs not stupid. She knows thereâs more to it than thatâbut Dana isnât the type to push.
She hums quietly.
âAlright,â she says. âIâll pretend I believe that.â
You give her a small, appreciative smile as you push off the counter. âLove you, Dana.â
She just shakes her head, the corner of her mouth lifting as she glances back down at her tablet. âYeah? Then check on North Four for me and see if you can get âem discharged.â
You nod. âNorth Four, on it.â
You start to turn away, then stop yourself and swivel back toward her.
âHeyâuhâis Abbot still here?â you ask.
âNo, he left right after the MVC trauma,â she replies without looking up.
âOh.â
âWhy? You need him?â she asks. âIâm sure whatever you need, Dr. Robby canââ
âNo,â you say quickly. âNope. Iâm good. Totally fine. Donât need anything at all.â
You hug your tablet to your chest and start turning away again.
âEverythingâs fine!â
You donât dare look back. You just keep walking toward the North hall, completely missing the sceptical look Dana sends after youâand the confused look on Robbyâs face as he glances between the two of you.
On your way to N4, you pull your phone out of your pocket and tap on Dr. Abbotâs contact, typing quickly.
So much for saying goodbye to your favourite resident.
Then you hit send and tuck your phone back into your pocket.
Youâre not actually offended. Not really. This is the ER. People barely have time to finish a sentence, let alone say goodbye.
Youâre just⊠nervous.
Nervous because Abbot thinks he knows somethingâand you need to figure out what that is before he decides to say something to Robby and make this whole situation infinitely worse.
You stop outside N4 and take a deep breathâyour hundredth deep breath of the morning. You can do this. This is the easy part. The patients. The work. The familiarity of what you do every day. You just need to focus on this for the next twelve hours and definitely not the way you can still feel the weight of his hand on your hip, steady and certain, holding you exactly where he wanted you as heâ
âNope,â you tell yourself out loud. âAbsolutely not. Focus.â
You shake your head as you step into the room and slide the curtain back, greeting the patient with your practiced mask of cool, calm, and collected. You manage to convince them they donât need an MRI, since their ankle is only sprained, but you do get Ahmad to escort them out in a wheelchairâand now you owe him ten bucks and a bagel tomorrow morning.
Then you move on to the next patient. And the next.
The next few hours pass by in a blur of minor catastrophes. A migraine that melts away with the standard cocktail of Toradol, Reglan, and Benadryl. A Lego piece extracted from a three-year-oldâs nose while Whitaker distracts the squirming patient. Three stitches in the eyebrow of a man who swears he doesnât drink before 10AMâeven though you can smell the alcohol on his breath. An overworked woman with chest pain that turns out to be a panic attack. A teenager with a swollen knee and a devastated look on his face when you suggest he might be benched for the rest of the season.
And at half past noon, you step into C9. Mid-thirties, right lower quadrant abdominal pain, nausea, mild feverâwhat you can already guess is appendicitis.
âHi, Ms. Park, how are you feeling?â you ask, squirting a pump of sanitiser into your palm.
She winces. âNot so good.â
âIt says here youâre having abdominal pain, nausea, and a bit of a fever,â you say. âWhen did that start?â
She nods. âEarly this morning. Four, maybe.â
You set your tablet on the cart, grab a pair of gloves, and drag a stool beside the bed. âMind if I take a look at your abdomen so I can get a better idea of whatâs going on?â
She nods and tips her head back against the pillow, hands falling either side as you start palpating her lower abdomen. It doesnât take more than a few presses for her to hiss and lift a hand, trying to push you away.
âSorry,â she says, voice strained. âIt hurts a lot.â
âThatâs okay.â You scoot back and rise from the stool, peeling off your gloves. âIâm going to order a CT scan to take a better look, and weâll give you something for the pain and something for the nausea in the meantime.â
You step around the bed and grab your tablet off the cart.
âA nurse will come in shortly to start fluids too,â you add. âYouâre probably a little dehydrated if you havenât been able to eat or drink much this morning.â
She looks at you with wide eyes. âI donât know if I want a CT. Isnât that a lot of radiation?â
âItâs a relatively small amount,â you reply evenly, âand itâs the best way for us to see whatâs going on inside your abdomen. I can assure you, itâs very safe.â
âI try to avoid unnecessary radiation,â Ms. Park argues, shifting uncomfortably. âIs there another option?â
âUltrasound can sometimes help, but itâs not always reliable in adults,â you say. âA CT scan will give us the clearest answer.â
She hesitates, eyes dropping to her lap. âWellâcould I please speak to the doctor in charge?â
You open your mouth to reply when someone steps in beside you. Tall. Solid. Close enough to make your pulse skip and your stomach take a nosedive.
âYou are,â Robby says, arms folded. âSheâs the physician managing your care right now, so weâll follow her recommendation.â
You step to the side, nearly tripping over nothing, clutching your tablet to your chest.
âUhâDr. Robby, this is Ms. Park,â you say quickly. âThirty-five, right lower quadrant pain since early this morning. Nausea, no vomiting, low-grade fever at triage. Tenderness at McBurneyâs point. Iâve ordered labs and a CT abdomen to rule out appendicitis.â
Robby nods once. âThat sounds appropriate.â
Ms. Park sighs.
âAlright,â she says, a little more pleasantly now. âIf thatâs what you recommend.â
She doesnât even look at you as she says itâher eyes stay fixed on Robby, softening in a way that makes you briefly consider poking her appendix again.
Not that you can blame her.
Your gaze flicks to Robby, wondering if heâs noticed the sudden change in demeanourâor the way sheâs practically making heart eyes at him.
But he isnât looking at Ms. Park.
Heâs looking at you.
You clear your throat, quickly glancing back down at your tablet. âUhâthatâs good. Great. Iâll finish the orders now, and a nurse will be by shortly with some pain relief.â
Ms. Park gives you a brief nod before turning back to Robby with a smile that makes you want to roll your eyes. Robby just nods, squirts a pump of sanitiser into his hand, then steps out of the roomâand you try not to follow too closely.
You slide the curtain shut before turning into the hall, half expecting Robby to be goneâbut he isnât. Heâs still standing there, holding his tablet in one hand while the other scrubs at his jaw in that mildly anxious way it always does.
âNice work in there,â he says without looking up.
Heat floods your face.
âThanks,â you say with a tight smile. âAnd thanks for backing me up.â
He glances at you over the top of his glasses.
âYou had it handled.â
You clutch your tablet to your chest. âWellâuhâthanks anyway.â
Then, before you completely lose the ability to function, you turn on your heel and start down the hallâbut not fast enough to miss Danaâs voice.
âCareful, Robinavitch,â she says dryly. âYouâre hovering.â
âI supervise,â Robby mutters.
Dana hums.
âUh-huh. Iâll pretend I believe that.â
Hovering?
You tighten your grip on your tablet as you hurry down the South hall, pretending you know where youâre headed.
Robby wasnât hovering. He was just doing his job. Right?
He hovers around every resident and med student.
Itâs not like he wasâ
You shake your head.
NoâDanaâs just teasing. Itâs her thing. Itâs practically her love language.
You stop short when you reach the end of the hall. Elevator ahead. Restrooms to your right.
Nowhere else to go.
âYou okay, Doctor?â McKay asks, stepping out of the ladiesâ room.
You blink. âUhâyeah, I justââ
Youâre not sure what excuse to use nowâstanding in the middle of the hall, staring at the elevator, white-knuckling your tablet like youâre one bad patient away from a psychotic break.
âYou look like youâre buffering,â she says, the corner of her mouth twitching. âWhy donât you take a break?â
You shake your head. âI donât need a break.â
Her brows lift as she gently places a hand on each of your shoulders, turning you back the other way. âAlright. Well, why donât you go sit down and catch up on your charting?â
She starts guiding you slowly back up the hall.
âCharting,â you echo, a faint frown forming between your brows. âYeah. Thatâs a good idea, actually. I havenât done much all day.â
She nods. âSee? Iâm full of good ideas. And you are seriously concerning me today.â
You give her a look. âIâm fine. Everyone is just beingââ
âCaring?â she offers.
You roll your eyes. âOverbearing.â
She shakes her head, laughing quietly as she steers you toward the nurseâs station.
âHere,â she says, pulling out a chair in front of a vacant computer. âSit.â
âYes, maâam,â you mutter, dropping down at the desk.
She steps behind you, pushes the chair in, then leans over your shoulder.
âGood girl,â she murmurs.
Your entire spine locks.
âWhat was that?â
McKay straightens, already grinning.
âCharting,â she says lightly, tapping the monitor. âTry it.â
âButâyou justââ
She laughs under her breath, already backing away.
âFinish your notes, doctor. You donât want to have to stay late.â
Then sheâs gone, shaking her head again as she disappears back toward triage.
You sit there for a few seconds longer than you should, staring after her while your brain desperately tries to reboot.
âFucking Santos,â you mutter, finally turning back to the computer.
âYou called,â Santos says, appearing on the other side of the desk.
Your eyes snap up. âYou.â
Her brows lift. âMe?â
âYes,â you snap. âYouâve been telling people.â
She triesâand failsâto suppress a smile.
âNot technically.â She leans forward, resting both forearms on the counter. âI only told Huckleberry, but McKay overheard. Can you blame me, though? Itâs the most interesting thing to happen around here today.â
âYes,â you hiss. âI can blame you. And I will blame you ifââ
You stop, your eyes flicking past her to where Robby has just stepped out of C8, chart in hand and head bowed. Santos frowns for a second before following your gaze over her shoulder.
She snorts. âOh my God. You canât even function.â
âWho canât function?â Whitaker asks, stepping up beside Santos.
You drop your head into your hands and sigh. âGreat. Theyâre multiplying.â
Santos leans closer. âHey, whatâs the song that plays in your head whenever he walks past? Is it, like, SexyBack, or more⊠Like a Prayer?â
Whitaker snorts softly, his cheeks turning pink.
You glare at Santos. âNeither.â
âYouâre right.â She nods thoughtfully. âI can practically hear the Careless Whisper sax playing in your mind right now.â
Your eyes go wide as you snatch a pen off the desk and lob it straight at herâbut she dodges it easily.
âWow,â she says, still laughing. âIâm on fire today.â
âIs that so, Dr. Santos?â
You recognise the voice before you even see himâbecause of course you do. You dream about that voice.
âThat would mean youâve caught up on all your charting and discharged your patient in North One?â Robby asks as he steps up beside Santos.
Her grin drops. âUhâyeah. Actually, I was just on my way to North One.â
Her eyes slide back to you as she pushes away from the desk, lips pressed tight to keep herself from laughing.
âDr. Whitaker,â Robby says. âAre you hovering?â
Hovering?
Whitaker glances up. âOhâuhâno. I was just finishing some orders.â
âGood. You can finish them on your way to discharging South Twenty.â
Whitaker nods, barely even glancing at you as he grabs his tablet off the desk and turns toward the South hall.
Then Robby looks at you, holding up the pen you threw at Santos.
Your pulse stutters.
âThink you lost this,â he says, leaning forward to drop it on the desk.
âI threw it,â you blurt.
He hesitates, the corner of his mouth twitching before he turns away.
âI know.â
You watch him go until he turns a corner and disappearsâthen you look down at the pen.
âFuck,â you sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose. âI need today to end.â
You slide the pen aside and force your attention back to the computerâto the cursor blinking patiently beside the single word youâd managed to write since sitting down.
Right.
Charting.
You manage exactly four more words before youâre interrupted againâsomething about your abdominal pain patient in Central Nine.
With a sigh, you push away from the desk, grab your tablet, and head for C9.
After confirming Ms. Park does indeed need an appendectomy and contacting Garcia for a surgical consult, Dana stops you in the hall to ask if Mr. Mullens can be discharged from South Sixteen. Then Javadi grabs you to present a calf laceration that you end up supervising while she sutures it, and after that Whitaker calls you in for a second opinion on a dizziness patient in North Five.
The hours start to blur together. You bounce from one room to another, just barely finishing your notes in between patients and med students and reviewing labs. By the time you finally make it back to the desk again, youâve almostâalmostâforgotten about why your heart is still beating a little too fast.
âBack to charting?â Princess asks.
You nod. âThe never-ending task.â
She gives you the same quiet, speculative smile she gave you this morning.
âYou seem off today,â she says.
âIâm fine,â you mutter. âJust tired.â
âAnd red,â she adds before turning away.
You frown, pressing a hand to your ridiculously hot cheek as you turn back toward the computer. If this keeps up, youâre more likely to end the shift as a patient than a doctor.
With a small sigh, you scoot your chair closer to the desk and pull the chart back up. Your eyes flick to the corner of the screen, to the little clock telling you that you only have a few hours left. A few hours to finish your charting, discharge a couple more patients, and keep avoiding Dr. Robby. Then youâre free. Then youâve got at least eight solid hours to sort yourself out before youâre back here tomorrow.
Just as you position your fingers over the keyboard to start typing, your phone vibrates in your pocketâand your pulse jumps.
Abbot.
You quickly pull it out, swipe up, and open the notification.
Sorry. Too busy mourning the loss of my status as your favourite attending.
Your stomach drops.
What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
You stare at the text for an unreasonable length of timeâheart pounding, face burning, thoughts racing. Abbot definitely thinks he knows something. Something he shouldnât know. Something heâs probably very wrong about. Something you need to figure out and shut down immediately.
Before he decides to say something to Robby about whatever it is he thinks he knows.
âHey,â Dana says, stopping on the other side of the desk. âThought you were working?â
You clear your throat. âUhâyeah. Sorry. Got distracted.â
Her brows lift. âDistracted, huh? Thatâs exactly what we want in emergency medicine.â
Then she shakes her head and walks away.
You tuck your phone into your pocket and turn your attention back to the chart in front of you. The chart of exactly five wordsâthe first of many unfinished charts standing in your way of going home on time.
And today is not a day you want to stay back.
Your fingers hover over the keyboard again, eyes flicking over the few words already written. It takes a minuteâprobably longer than it shouldâbut eventually you remember how to do your job and start typing.
The ER fades into background noiseâmonitors beeping, nurses chatting, the rumble of beds rolling pastâand for the first time all day, you feel focused. Steady. Untilâ
âRobby,â Dana calls, âcan you come over here for a sec?â
Your fingers slow over the keysâand against your better judgment, you glance up.
âMrs. Alvarez,â Robby says fondly. âWhat brings you here?â
Your brows draw together as you study the older woman sitting on the bed. She looks familiar, and Alvarez rings a bell, but you canât quite place it.
âPerlah,â you say, without fully looking away from the woman. âWhoâs Mrs. Alvarez?â
âShe used to work here,â Perlah replies. âShe was the night shift charge nurse before Lena. Partially retired a couple years ago, but sheâs covered a shift or two since then.â
You tilt your head. âOh.â
âShe probably asked for Robby,â Princess chimes in. âShe always had a soft spot for him.â
Perlah tries to muffle her laughter. âKatulad ng ibang kakilala natin.â
Princess laughs behind you, but the sound barely registers. Youâre too captivated by the scene unfolding in front of you. The very normal, very professional interaction that is hardly out of place in an ERâyet for some reason, it feels like youâre watching an adult film made specifically for you.
Mrs. Alvarezâs bed is parked up against the wallâa sight that would normally remind you to look for patients to discharge, but right now thatâs the furthest thing from your mind.
Robby has pulled a stool up beside her, leaning in while she talks, forearms resting loosely on the bed rail. He nods along as she explains whatâs wrong, his expression soft, his posture relaxed. Thereâs absolutely nothing obscene about itâbut your pulse is still racing.
Thereâs just something about the way he listensâreally listensâthat makes it difficult to look anywhere else. That makes it difficult not to envy Mrs. Alvarez right now.
âLetâs take a listen,â he says after a moment, voice low and steady.
Your stomach does a strange little flip.
Itâs such a normal sentence. Completely harmless. Totally professional. Youâve probably said the same thing yourself at least three times today. But hearing it in that voiceâcalm, warm, just rough enough at the edges to carry across the departmentâdoes something deeply unhelpful to your concentration.
He slips the stethoscope from around his neck, the tubing sliding through his fingers with the kind of easy familiarity that only comes from years of doing the same motion over and over again. The movement is quick, practiced, almost absentminded.
Still, your eyes follow it.
They follow the way he leans forward, one hand bracing lightly against the mattress while the other presses the diaphragm of the stethoscope gently against Mrs. Alvarezâs chest.
âDeep breath for me.â
Your pulse stutters.
Because suddenlyâunhelpfully, vividlyâyou remember exactly how those hands felt in the dream.
The same steady fingers. The same calm voice, dropped just a little lower when he leaned close enough that you could feel the warmth of his breath near your ear.
His hand had been wrapped around your wristâfirm but carefulâguiding your hand above your head and pinning it against the pillow.
âHold still,â he murmured.
The memory is sharp enough that for a second you can almost feel it again. The weight of his body pressing into the space between your knees, the quiet authority in his voice when he spoke, the way his fingers tightened against your skin just enough to keep you right where he wanted you.
Your hands had curled into the bed sheets as his lips traced the line of your jaw, his voice dropping againâsofter now, almost thoughtful.
âLook at me.â
Your breath had caught in your throat when you did.
Because he was watching you the same way he watches patientsâcalm, focused, completely absorbedâexcept the attention felt different in the dream. Slower. Heavier. Like he was studying every reaction you gave him and deciding exactly how much more you could handle.
Your pulse had started racing the second his gaze dropped to your mouth.
It wasnât subtle.
Just a brief shift of his eyesâthoughtful, almost curiousâbut the heat that followed it made your stomach tighten.
His thumb found its way back to your jaw, tracing slowly along the curve of it as if he were considering something. Following the line of your chin as he tipped your head back just slightly beneath his hand.
You hadnât realised youâd stopped breathing until his fingers stilled.
âBreathe,â he said quietly.
The word brushed over your lips.
You remember the way your chest rose when you obeyed himâslow, unsteadyâand the way his gaze followed the movement before drifting back to your mouth again.
God.
The corner of his mouth had lifted slightly then, like heâd noticed exactly what he was doing to you.
Like he wasnât in any hurry to stop.
His hand slid from your jaw to the side of your throat, fingers warm against your skin, thumb resting just beneath your chin as if he were holding you thereânot tightly, just enough that you stayed exactly where he wanted you.
And the entire time he watched you with that same quiet concentration.
Like this was just another thing he was very, very good at.
âHey,â Santos says, appearing beside the desk. âYour abdominal pain in C9 just went upstairs.â
You blink at her. âAlready?â
She shrugs. âGarcia signed off.â
You nod once, shifting awkwardly in your chair as you turn back toward the computer, trying very hard to ignore the heat pooling low in your belly.
âYou good?â Santos asks, as if you havenât been asked that enough today.
You clear your throat, eyes flicking briefly back to Robby and Mrs. Alvarez. âYeah. Fine.â
She follows your gaze, the corner of her mouth twitching.
âWow,â she says. âYouâre down bad.â
You glare at her. âIâm charting.â
âYouâre drooling.â
You quickly lift a hand to your mouth, swiping at the corner.
Santos smirks. âMetaphorically.â
âFuck you,â you mutter.
âFuck who?â Whitaker asks, appearing beside Santos.
Santos grins. âWell, it depends who youâre asking, because if you askââ
âSantos,â you warn.
She laughs. âCome on. Itâs just a joke.â
âIsang biro?â Princess says, smiling. âWalang nakakatawa sa paraan ng pagtitig niya kay Robby.â
Your stomach drops.
You might not understand Tagalog, but you sure as hell know what that last word was.
âSantos,â you say, slowly rising from your chair. âHow many people have you told?â
She presses her lips together sheepishly. âAgain, technically? Just Huckleberry.â
âAndâand I havenât told anyone,â Whitaker adds quickly.
âAno ang pinag-uusapan nila?â Perlah says behind you.
Princess shrugs. âMay alam lang na sikreto si Santos.â
Your eyes widen. âSantos, I swearââ
âRelax,â she says. âTheyâre not talking about the dream. They were talking about your staring.â
Princess steps forward. âA dream? What dream?â
You bury your face in your hands. âOh my God.â
âWait,â Perlah says. âDid she have a dream aboutââ
Santos smirks. âYep.â
âOh,â Princess gasps. âThatâs why sheâs been so weird today.â
Perlah snorts.
Princess mutters something else in Tagalog that makes them all laugh again.
âOh my God, Santos!â you say again, louder this time. âIâm just trying to get through the day without my attending finding out I had a sex dream about him and youâre telling the entire emergency department?â
Silence.
Perlah is staring at you.
Princess is staring at you.
Whitaker looks like someone has just pulled the fire alarm inside his head.
And Santosâ
Santos is very carefully not looking at you anymore.
âWhat?â you snap. âNo more jokes?â
No one answers.
Instead, Princessâs eyes flick slowly past your shoulder.
Whitaker clears his throat.
Santos presses her lips together, the corners twitching like sheâs fighting for her life not to laugh.
âWhat?â you repeat, glancing over your shoulder.
And there he is.
Your attendingâstanding just a few feet from the nurseâs station, tablet still in one hand, glasses sliding slightly down his nose as he looks at you over the top of them.
Your stomach drops so violently it feels like all your organs have fallen out of your body.
He clears his throat.
Once.
âAlright,â he says evenly. âBack to work.â
Thatâs all it takes.
Perlah and Princess busy themselves on the other side of the nurseâs station.
Whitaker rushes off toward triage.
Santos lingers just long enough to give you a look that promises she will never let this go before she slips away too.
And then itâs just you.
And him.
He doesnât say anything for a moment. Just adjusts the tablet in his hand, pulls his glasses off, folds them into the pocket of his scrubs, and turns away.
And as he steps away, you could almost swear you see the faintest twitch at the corner of his mouth.
Almost as if heâs fighting a smile.
But that would be ridiculous, right?
It takes an embarrassingly long time for you to remember how to move.
How to function.
You can feel Perlah and Princess watching you. Waiting for you to do something other than stare at the spot your attending had been standing when you announced your sex dream about him to the entire department.
God.
This has to be some kind of HR violation.
Robby is probably on his way to find Dana right now so she can tell you to go upstairs and talk to someone about misconduct. If youâre not fired, youâll be transferred.
Or worseânight shift.
You gasp and fumble for your phone, pulling it out of your pocket.
Abbot's message thread is already open when you swipe up and start typing.
Whatâs that supposed to mean?
Then you hit send and tuck your phone away again.
Itâs a ridiculous thought, but maybe if you can talk to Abbot and explain that this was all just one giant misunderstanding, maybe he can convince Robby not to hate you for it. Maybe he can convince Robby to let you finish your residency at PTMC without it being painfully awkward for both of you.
Because as funny as this is to Santos and the nurses, youâre not so sure Robby will see it that way.
Not when youâve let it affect your work.
Not when you just embarrassed himâand yourselfâin front of the entire emergency department.
You draw in a slow breath and grab your tablet off the desk.
All you can do now is your job.
All you can do for the next hour is avoid Robby and pray Abbot will hear you out when he comes back on shift.
You turn deliberately toward the North hallway and pull up the lab results for Whitakerâs dizziness patient, keeping your eyes fixed on your tablet as you walk.
The department hums around you like it always doesâmonitors beeping, beds rolling past, nurses calling out vitalsâbut you can still feel eyes on you. Whether itâs the nurses or the med students, or even a patient who overheard your outburst, you know youâre being watched.
Whispered about, probably.
But if you donât look up, it doesnât count. Right?
By the time you circle back to central, Mrs. Alvarez has already been discharged, which you take as a small mercy. Then you duck into South Fifteen to check on a teenager with a sprained ankle who is mostly interested in whether he can still play soccer this weekend. After that itâs a quick review of labs for a chest pain patient in Central Tenânormal troponins, thank Godâand a brief stop at the nurseâs station to sign off on discharge instructions Dana has already printed.
None of it requires you to look up very much.
Which is ideal.
You spend the next half hour moving steadily from room to roomâlistening to a set of lungs for a persistent cough in North Three, answering a worried daughterâs questions about her fatherâs blood pressure in South Twenty-Two, and checking a set of repeat vitals on a dehydration case Princess flagged earlier. Every task is perfectly ordinary. Completely routine.
And through all of it, you make a very conscious effort not to look for your attending.
Not that youâre avoiding him.
Obviously.
Youâre just⊠busy.
You still see him, thoughâacross the hall, talking to patients, nodding along while med students present. He doesnât look up. Never looks at you. Just keeps walking, keeps working, keeps nodding.
Like nothing happened.
And somehow, thatâs worse.
Youâre on your way back from dropping discharge paperwork at the front deskâwalking a little slower than you should as you wonder how long until the end of your shiftâwhen McKay calls out from triage.
âHey, you busy?â
You stop mid-step. âAlways. Whatâs up?â
âCan you grab me a suture kit?â she asks. âIâm out in here.â
âOf course. What size?â
âFour-oh nylon. Whatever's closest.â
You nod. âOn it.â
âAnd maybe send a med student to grab more from supply,â she calls as you walk away.
You donât reply. You just duck into Trauma Oneâthankfully emptyâgrab a kit, then call out to Ogilvie on your way back, telling him to go get more suture kits for triage as soon as heâs free. You donât even wait for him to answer, but you do hear him turn to a nurse and ask where supply is.
You wedge your tablet under one arm as you head back toward the triage bay. With the kit held against your chest, you start peeling back the sterile packagingâsince you know McKayâs already halfway through cleaning whatever it is she needs to suture up.
Youâre just being helpful.
But the plastic seam is stubborn, and just as you turn into the bay the wrapper gives with a jerked tearâand the scalpel slides free.
You shift to catch it, but the blade grazes the inside of your upper arm before you can pull away.
âOhâshit.â
Itâs not dramatic. Just a sharp sting at first, and for a second you assume itâs nothing more than a scratch.
Until the warmth starts to trickle down your arm and drip from your elbow.
âDamn,â you sigh, watching a small droplet of blood hit the floor.
McKay glances up, eyes going wide. âWhat the hell happened?â
She quickly takes everything out of your hands, and you lift your arm to inspect the damage.
âScalpel slipped.â
McKay winces. âThatâs going to need stitches.â
Ignoring the confused patient still sitting in the triage chair, she grabs a wad of gauze off the cart and presses it against your arm.
âHold this,â she says. âIâll go get someone to take over here, then we canââ
âItâs alright,â a familiar voice says from somewhere behind you. âIâll deal with this.â
Your stomach drops.
âOh.â McKay glances over your shoulder, the corner of her mouth twitching. âThanks, Dr. Robby.â
Fuck.
You turn slowly, one hand still clamped over the gauze on your arm.
Heâs already so closeâbarely half a step awayâand you have to tip your head back to look up at him.
âLet me see,â he says, voice low.
You hold your arm out obediently.
His fingers brush yours as he peels back the gauze, and your pulse jumps.
âAlright.â He nods once, something indistinguishable flickering across his face. âThat needs stitches.â
Before you can respond, his hand closes lightly around your wrist, guiding your arm back toward your side as he turns you with him.
âCome with me.â
The touch is brief, professionalâbut when his hand shifts to the small of your back to steer you out of triage, the warmth of it makes your heart stutter out of rhythm.
âDana,â he calls, walking quickly through central. âWhatâs open?â
Dana looks up from the desk just as the two of you pass. Her gaze flicks from the gauze on your arm to Robbyâs hand still resting lightly at your back, and something sharp and knowing slides into her expression immediately.
âCentral Eleven just got cleaned,â she says.
Robby nods once. âThanks.â
Danaâs brows lift just a fraction as she watches the two of you step into the room, like sheâs just connected several very interesting dots.
You move automatically toward the bed, trying not to feel disappointed when Robbyâs hand leaves your back. He shuts the doors on both sides of the room, then slides the curtain closedâand every move makes your heart rate climb higher.
âLay back,â he says.
Your whole body flushes with heat as you adjust yourself on the exam bed, trying desperately not to think about the other circumstances in which he might give you that instruction.
He rolls the stool beside the bed and reaches for your arm, turning it out gently.
His fingers are warm as he removes the gauze.
You try not to think too hard about his fingers.
âItâs a clean cut, at least,â he says after a second.
You nod. âSharp blade.â
Like he didnât already know that.
He releases your arm long enough to pull on a pair of gloves and gather what he needs from the tray beside the bed. You watch him move around the room with that same quiet efficiency that has been ruining your concentration all dayâsteady hands, calm voice, not a hint of hurry even though the department outside the door is probably chaos.
âCome a little closer,â he says, almost absentmindedlyâas if he doesnât know what saying something like that is going to do to you.
You shift against the mattress while he lifts your arm again, angling it under the exam light.
Heâs so close now you can hardly breathe. You can feel his breath against your cheek, his warmth bleeding through the thin fabric of your scrubs, every touch careful as he starts cleaning the cut.
The antiseptic stings enough to make you tense.
âEasy,â he murmurs, steadying your arm. âItâs not that bad.â
âIâm aware,â you say quickly. âI do actually work here.â
âYes,â he says mildly. âIâm aware of that too.â
You risk a glance at him thenâand immediately regret it.
Heâs standing now, leaning close enough that you could count every fleck of grey in his beard. Close enough to notice the way his glasses have slid slightly down his nose while he concentrates on the wound. His fingers move with careful precision as he prepares the needle driver, completely focused.
Completely calm.
Completely unaware that your brain is still stuck somewhere between the nurseâs station and a very inappropriate dream.
âHold still,â he murmurs.
Your stomach flipsâand when you squeeze your eyes shut, that exact moment from your dream flashes through your mind again.
The lidocaine burns for a second when he injects it, and you suck in a breath before you can stop yourself.
âBreathe,â he says automatically.
God.
If he could stop with the direct quotes from your dream, maybe you would actually be able to breathe.
You clear your throat, staring stubbornly at the wall now while he begins the first stitch.
âTry to relax,â he adds quietly.
You let out a short, incredulous laugh. âIâm trying.â
His hands pause for the briefest moment.
Then he glances up at you over the rim of his glasses.
âYou of all people should know better than to open a suture kit while walking.â
You let out a small, embarrassed breath and shift slightly on the bed while he works, trying not to react every time the needle passes neatly through the edge of the cut.
âSorry,â you mutter. âItâs been a weird day.â
âMhm.â
The sound is absentminded, the same one he makes when a patient is explaining symptoms he already understands. His attention stays on your arm while he ties the knot and reaches for the next stitch, movements calm and precise, like this is the most ordinary thing in the world.
âYou seemed a little distracted earlier,â he adds after a moment.
Your stomach tightens.
âBusy department.â
He hums again as he adjusts your arm slightly.
âNot exactly what I meant.â
You stare at the ceiling again, your pulse racing dangerously fast.
âItâs not unusual, you know,â he says after a moment, his voice calm and thoughtful as he works. âThereâs actually quite a lot of research on it. In high-stress environments peopleâs subconscious tends to latch onto someone they admire rather than⊠straightforward attraction. Itâs a way of organizing all that pressureâlong hours, constant adrenaline, the need to trust the people around you.â
He pauses briefly to adjust the stitch.
You feel like youâre about to throw up.
âHospitals are particularly good at creating that kind of dynamic,â he goes on. âEveryoneâs exhausted, everyoneâs relying on each other, and if there happens to be someone who seems steady in the middle of all thatâsomeone people look to when things go wrongâitâs very easy for admiration to blur into something else.â
Another small pause, the thread tightening neatly under his fingers.
âItâs rarely intentional,â he adds, quieter now. âMost of the time the person experiencing it doesnât even realise what their brain is doing.â
You finally look at him. His face is barely inches from yours, close enough that you can see the faint crease between his brows while he concentrates on the last stitch, all of his attention focused on closing the cut.
âWait,â you say slowly. âSo⊠IâIâm not fired?â
His hands still for the briefest moment before he glances at you, genuine confusion flickering across his face.
âFired?â
You swallow. âFor⊠you know. The thing I said. Out there. To the entire department.â
He huffs a small laughâbarely a breath.
âWhy would you be fired?â he says mildly. âEmbarrassing yourself in front of the nurses isnât exactly grounds for termination.â
Your face burns.
He sets the needle driver down and reaches for the scissors, his tone settling back into that same calm, matter-of-fact rhythm.
âYou shouldnât have let it distract you from your work, though,â he continues. âThatâs the only part I was concerned about. But one off day doesnât suddenly erase an otherwise solid record.â
You stare at him.
âConcerned?â
âMhm.â
He snips the suture, then reaches to adjust your arm slightly under the light, examining his work.
âFirst you were late,â he says, almost absently. âYou were flustered during the chest tube. Youâve been avoiding traumas all dayââ His eyes meet yours briefly. âAnd your attending. Youâve barely caught up on your charting, and youâve unintentionally encouraged the nursesâ gossiping.â
Your stomach drops.
âNot to mention,â he adds, just a little drier now, âthe pen you threw at Dr. Santos forâwhat? Teasing you, I presume.â
Your brain short-circuits.
Because suddenly, Danaâs voice echoes through your mind.
Careful, Robinavitch. Youâre hovering.
Hovering?
Like the way heâd stood so close while you placed that chest tube. The way his hand had settled at your back when he guided you out of triage.
Why was he even there to begin with?
Santosâ voice cuts through your mind next.
I swear heâs got a soft spot for you.
Iâm pretty sure heâd go there if you asked.
And suddenly the entire day looks⊠different.
Not like an attending keeping an eye on his resident.
Like a man trying very hard not to make it obvious he was paying attention to you.
Robby smooths the edge of the dressing over the sutured cut, pressing it down carefully as he glances back up at you.
âKeep that dry for the nextââ
And thatâs the moment your brain finally catches up.
Before you can talk yourself out of it, your hand shoots out and grabs the front of his scrubs, fingers bunching the fabric at his chest as you pull him the few inches closer.
Then you kiss him.
Itâs not graceful.
Itâs barely even planned.
Just a quick, impulsive press of your mouth against hisâwarm and startled and over almost as soon as it begins.
For half a second, he doesnât move at all.
âOhâfuck. Iââ
You drop his shirt like itâs suddenly on fire and lean back on the bed, horrified.
âIâm so sorry,â you blurt. âI donât know why I justââ
The apology dies halfway through, because Robby hasnât stepped away.
He hasnât leapt back, shocked or offended. Heâs just⊠there.
Where he was when you grabbed himâclose enough that you can still feel his warmth, with one hand resting lightly near your arm where heâd been finishing the dressing. For a second he simply watches you, studying your face with the same quiet concentration he uses when heâs working through a diagnosis, like heâs trying to decide whether the last thirty seconds actually happened.
Your pulse is hammering.
âI shouldnât haveââ you try again.
His hand lifts.
The movement is slow, deliberate, and before you can finish your sentence his thumb and forefinger settle lightly around your chin, tilting your face upward just enough that you have to look at him.
Your breath catches.
He hesitates for the briefest moment, his gaze moving across your face as if heâs still weighing the decision.
Then he leans in.
The first contact is firmer than you expectâhis mouth warm and solid against yours, the faint scrape of his beard against your skin as he adjusts the angle. His glasses are still on, the frame nudging the bridge of your nose when he shifts closer. His nose bumps yours before he tilts his head, finding a better position.
For a second itâs almost restrained.
Then it isnât.
His grip on your chin tightens a fraction as he deepens the kiss, tipping your head back against the pillow while he leans over you. The change is sudden enough that your hands catch the front of his scrubs again without thinking. The fabric bunches in your fingers as he moves closer, the pressure of his mouth shiftingâslower now but more certain, like heâs stopped pretending heâs about to pull away.
The beard youâd been trying not to notice all day brushes your cheek again when he moves, softer than you expected, and when his teeth graze your lower lip for half a second the sound that escapes you is embarrassingly honest.
He exhales quietly through his nose against your skin.
Not stopping.
If anything, the opposite.
His free hand comes down beside your shoulder on the mattress to brace himself as he leans over you, the movement tilting your head back further while his mouth finds yours againâdeeper this time, the rhythm of it suddenly practiced enough to make your stomach flip.
Like this is something he hasnât done in a while.
But definitely knows how to do.
And the entire time his thumb stays lightly under your chin, holding you exactly where he wants you while he kisses you like heâs still trying to decide whether this is a mistakeâand losing that argument by the second.
You barely notice when he shifts closer again, the movement subtle but unmistakable, his hand tightening slightly against the mattress beside you as if heâs about to lean in further, about to let himself forget the door, the department, the fact that this is an exam room in the middle of a shiftâ
The curtain whips open.
âBeen looking for you, Robinavitchââ
Abbot stops dead.
For half a second no one moves.
Youâre still on the bed, Robby bent over you, your hands fisted in the front of his scrubs while his hand is still braced beside your shoulder.
Abbotâs gaze flicks from your grip on Robbyâs shirt, to Robbyâs face, to the dressing heâd just placed on your arm.
His eyebrows climb slowly toward his hairline.
âWell,â he says after a beat. âI wish I could say I'm surprised, butâŠâ
Robby straightens immediately.
Not panicked. Not flustered.
Just very, very still for a second before he adjusts his glasses and steps back from the bed like heâd simply been finishing a routine procedure.
âJack,â he says evenly.
Abbot folds his arms, the corner of his mouth already curling upward.
âMichael.â
The silence stretches just long enough for the humiliation to fully settle in.
Abbot glances at you again, then back at Robby.
âShould I come back later,â he asks mildly, âor are you two⊠just about done here?â
The heat that floods your face is instantaneous, and you slide off the bed so fast you nearly fall.
âDonât get it wet for twenty-four hours, stitches out in a week unless thereâs redness, swelling, drainage, feverâI know the drill,â you ramble, slowly backing toward the door.
Robby has already turned back to the tray, calmly disposing of the suture needle like none of this is remotely unusual. Only the faint redness creeping up the back of his neck gives him away.
Abbot doesnât move. He just stands there, arms folded, with a look of deep theatrical satisfaction on his face.
âThis,â he says pleasantly, âis exactly what I meant, by the way.â
Your stomach drops.
âWhat?â
His brows lift.
âYour text.â
Your eyes widen.
Abbot tilts his head, studying you for a moment before glancing toward Robby again.
âI mean, honestly,â he adds. âI leave you two alone for whatâten hours?â
âWhat day shift does is none of your business, Dr. Abbot,â you mutter, trying to slip past him.
Abbotâs mouth twitches.
âOh, I wouldnât say that,â he says. âIt seems very much like my business now.â
You snort, the sound escaping before you can stop it.
âDonât be jealous,â you say, glancing over your shoulder as you step out the door. âHeâs still your boyfriend.â
Behind him, Robby drops the gauze into the bin and gives a quiet shake of his head, laughing softly despite himself.
âThatâs my girl,â he murmurs.
Abbotâs eyebrows shoot up.
âYour girl, huh?â
Robby scrubs a hand over his beard and turns away.
âShut up.â
Youâre not sure you were supposed to hear that last bitâbut it makes your heart race anyway.
The second you step into the hallway, the emergency department crashes back in around youâmonitors beeping, nurses calling for labs, a stretcher rattling past that you have to dodge. Almost like the last fifteen minutes never happened at all.
âHey, Doc,â Princess calls from the nurseâs station. âNorth Five, dizziness patientâs daughter is looking for a doctor, but Whitakerâs stuck in chairs.â
âAnd Javadi needs you in South Seventeen,â Perlah adds. âSomething about a rash.â
âOhâand imagingâs back on your sprained ankle kid,â Santos says. âHeâs asking when he can get out of here.â
You nod. âUhâright. Okay, yeah. Iâll justââ
âHey,â Dana cuts in, appearing beside you. âYou okay? Howâs the arm?â
You blink down at the fresh dressing like youâd almost forgotten about it.
âOh. Yeah. Itâs fine.â
She studies it for a second before her gaze drifts up to your faceâand her brow lifts.
âUh-huh,â she says slowly.
You frown. âWhat?â
âNothing,â she says lightly, starting to walk away. âJust thought that looked like beard burn.â
She gives a small shrug, then glances back over the top of her glasses.
âBut I know my doctors are far too professional for that.â
Your entire face goes hot.
You open your mouthâthen close it again, because there is absolutely nothing you can say to that without making it worse.
Santos leans across the desk at the nurseâs station, squinting at your face.
ââŠOh my God.â
Her eyes widen.
âOh my God.â
Your stomach sinks.
Will this day ever end?
© 2026 geminiwritten
GET IT GIRL
his best girl
Part One | Masterlist | ao3
frank langdon x reader, michael robinavitch x reader
summary: Youâre Robbyâs favorite reward. When his staff earns it, he doesnât hesitate to offer you up. And today, it's Langdon's turn.
|| smut MNDI 18+ f!receiving oral, fingering, dirty talk, free use kink, dom!robby, praise kink, pussy inspection, m!masturbation, face riding, medical malpractice lol, they do it at the hospital, orphaned reader, reader has trauma, no reader age specified but always legal, reader has no physical descriptions except for having breasts and hair long enough to grab, takes place during s2e14, reader likes Flamin' Hots cause I like Flamin' Hots, the relationships in this fic are not healthy!!! I do not condone this!!! but its kinda hot!!!!! power imbalance, pet names like honey / sweetheart / baby, reader calls langdon 'frankie' sometimes || a/n: listen... I had ONE little daydream about being shared by the pitt men....... and here we are....
"Look who we have here!" called a familiar voice from the center of the bustling ED.
The cool air hit your bare skin the second you stepped inside, AC blasting hard enough to slip under the hem of your shorts and across the damp curve of your chest where your blouse hung low. You shivered at the abrupt change, rubbing your hands once along your arms as your sandals flipped over the tile. The place was alive in the way it always was: doctors and nurses calling codes and medication orders, rumbling of stretchers over tile, machine chirps overlapping one another as you walked by.
"Just what the doctor ordered," came the same voice, her Pittsburgh accent thick. Dana came around the desk before you could answer, her sneakers squeaking with each step, and pulled you into a hug that smelled of hand sanitizer and coffee. As she pulled back, her palm slid down your arm, eyes checking you over.
"Was that a nurse joke?" you asked with an eyebrow.
"I only got a few, so I use âem when I can," she shot back, not missing a beat. Then her eyes narrowed. "You eat today? You look a little peaky."
"Yes, Dana," you said, a little put-upon, youâd heard her mothering comments a hundred times, but even now your mouth pulled into a smile.
She gave you that look. Her brows lifted and lips pressed flat like she didnât buy it for a second.
"I had a bagel!" you insisted, tipping your chin up just a bit.
"Okay, okay," she relented, one hand lifting in surrender, though her eyes stayed on you. "But just so you know, I got my good LaCroix stash in the lounge and some flamin' hots I know you like. Hidden behind the protein shakes in case anyone got greedy. Iâd make an exception for you, though, angel girl."
"Thank you, Dâ" your face lit up, "the tangerine?"
"With your name all over it."
You grinned, and she hooked an arm around your shoulders, pulling you into her side as she steered you through the emergency department. Her hand was warm and firm where it rested against you, guiding without asking.
As you passed Perlah and Princess, they both paused at the desk. Their eyes followed you and Dana across the room, widening for a second before flicking to each other, something silent passing between them before they looked back at you.
"Not a word, ladiesâ" Dana said, pointing at them without even looking. They both straightened and spun their chairs around to face away.
Dana walked you a few more steps before stopping, turning you in front of her with a light hand still at your shoulder. Up close, you could see the tired lines at the corners of her eyes, her lips pursed tightly like she was thinking too hard about something.
"Now listenâ" she said, lowering her voice to separate it from the rest of the noise around you. "Robbyâs havinâ a bit of a day." Her eyes flicked down the hall, then back to you. "Iâll send him over as soon as heâs free, alright, angel girl?"
"Yes, Dana," you said gently, "is he okay?"
"Are any of us ever really okay?" she shot back, but there was something heavier sitting under it.
You nodded, your fingers brushing absently at the hem of your shorts. "I understand."
"But thatâs why youâre here, innit'?" she said, her tone easing, the hand that was on your shoulder sliding down squeeze your upper arm. "Brighten things up a little. They need you, kid."
You smiled softly. Dana was always like this, as much as she had once hated the idea of it all the moment she became aware of you and Robby'sâŠsituation. But it grew on her the more she realized how much you meant to everyone, how you lifted their spirits too, nevermind the fact that you and Dana just plain liked each other. And yes, sometimes there was the typical testosterone shoot out where the men of the ED became territorial or antsy if you were around, Dana always said they were no better a pack of hungry wolves! when they got a whiff that you were in the hospital.
"Right in here, hon," she said, pushing open a door with her hip.
The room was quieter, the hum of the main floor dulled to a low murmur, curtains pulled tight across the glass and the overhead lights dimmed. The bed in the center was clean and fresh, no blankets or usual patient gown.
"Robby said go on ahead and get changed," she added, nodding toward the bed. "Leave the top on, alright?"
You nodded, already hooking your thumb into the button of your denim shorts.
"Heâll be here any minute," she went on, pausing in the doorway, one hand still braced against the frame. "You holler if you need me. And donât you go leavinâ without sayinâ goodbye."
"Yes, maâam."
She gave you a quick wink, then pulled the door shut behind her with a soft click.
When the room quieted, you took a moment to gather yourself, shunting your shorts down to the floor before picking them up again, folding them neatly and setting them off to the side. It was almost always the same routine when you came to see Dr. Robby. Once, sometimes twice a week if his schedule allowed. Sometimes heâd text you not to come in if things were bad. Sometimes heâd tell you to come in now if they were worse.
You and him had a good deal.
Heâd found you after the crash. Or what was left of you, anyway. Youâd come in shaking, blood barely beginning to dry down your arms that wasnât yours, your parents already being rushed past you on separate gurneys, machines breathing for them before you could even understand what was happening.
That day--and the months that followed--were all a blur. But you remembered him, his steady voice and kind eyes. He was always there.
You never left their bedside, not when the machines took over or when the doctors would come in with those sad eyes and pitiful looks on their faces. People who you thought you were close to started to avoid you once your parents got moved permanently upstairs to a shared room on life support.
But Robby came every day to check on you. Other people started to come too. For him, you knew realized after a while, since they all had those same scrubs on, all of them had badges--residents, attendings. They'd bring you coffee, or just sit with you when he couldnât. You got used to seeing the same faces, and they got used to seeing you.
Youâd promised your parents youâd never date again. You werenât sure if they could hear you, but you told them anyway. You told them if you could go back and change that night, you would. You wouldâve never taken them to that god-awful dinner with your piece of shit boyfriendânow ex, thank you very much. His family was just as bad as he was. You should have known. About him, about them. About how the car ride would go after, your parents telling you that you deserved better, that they couldnât believe youâd settled for any of that.
The whole ride had been tight with hurt feelings and raised voices, your dad turning in his seat to argue, your mom trying to calm himâand then the light, run red, and the sound that followed.
Youâd never let them down again.
When the time finally came to take them off their breathing machines, to let them go naturally instead of artificial lifesource, you didn't have anything to go back to. Your job had let you go for not showing up without telling them what happened. Your bills went overdue and you were evicted from your house, the recliner by your parentsâ bedside becoming the only thing you could even kind of call yours. Even then, you knew youâd be buried in debt for how long you kept them hanging on.
Robby took you in.
He had no hesitation, he didn't even let you argue. You vowed to him you'd never be his girlfriend, and that was fine by him. You told him you'd be an easy roommate if he let you stay for free. You'd cook for him, keep his place clean though he was barely there. You'd do and be anything else he needed.
And he needed you.
He'd come home to find you after his shifts, and you'd be there on his darkest days, and on the good ones too. You were something soft for him to fall into, something warm and steady after everything he carried through those hospital doors. A place for all that restless energy to land, for his hands to find you, for him to press his cock into you until the day finally left his body. Sometimes he'd let you take care of him instead, climbing into his lap, easing him back, letting him breathe while you did the work. In exchange, he gave you a place to stay, his credit cards, his company. He rebuilt you from scratch, a broken girl who'd been left all alone, now his one way or another.
And he began to change. His fellow attendings noticed, his residents noticed. People started asking questions. He'd bring you around just so you could say hi and get out of the house. He wanted the hospital feel like something other than the place you lost everything. Youâd stay close to him at first, tucked into his side or in the break room, smiling when people spoke to you, letting them fuss over you a little because it feltâŠgood. To be seen, wanted, loved. They already knew your face. They already knew your name. They felt like family.
Robby saw how his staff gravitated towards you any time you came in. And he was never territorial like some of your exes had been. If anything, it made him more confident, standing taller. Whenever anyone paid you a compliment near him he'd always puff his chest up, smile, and say That's my girl.
It wasn't anything at first-- when things really changed. that is. You'd gotten so used to Abbott's long and intense eye contact, Langdon's lingering touches and sweet words. Even Park, with those cocky smirks he never bothered to hide when he saw you. You'd started wearing less and less, choosing thinner fabric so if you got a chill, your breasts might peak and they'd get an eyeful, or you'd bend over in your little skirts Robby would buy for you to give them a flash of a pretty black thong beneath. Youâd catch the way their eyes followed you around the ED, the way conversations stalled for a second before picking back up.
It was the night that Robby told you to give his resident a kiss goodbye when things really shifted direction. You'd listened, did as he told without hesitation, and that night he'd taken you home and nearly broke his king sized headboard with the force of how he fucked you into the mattress.
SoâŠyeah. Things changed. He saw how much happier his staff was when you were around, how the whole place seemed to ease just a little with you in it, and you liked the way he looked at you because of it, the quiet pride in his eyes.
You were like his little reward to give out, and you were more than eager to please.
Though, there was a catch.
Robby saw you first. Always. He needed that moment with you before anyone else got their treat. He'd come in and check that everything was in 'working order' and that you were ready for his chosen resident or attending. Only if someone earned you, did they get to enjoy what was his.
"And how is my best girl doing today?"
It was a familiar voice that cut into your thoughts, one with a kind, rough crack through every word. He was so tall, hair mussed and fussed from where you knew he'd dragged his hands through it all day. Brown eyes twinkled down at you as he pulled on the usual blue sterile gloves, coming to the bedside of the hospital bed.
"Good." You sat up on your knees and pursed your lips, waiting for his greeting. He bent down and pressed a fat peck to them, humming contentedly. "How are you?" you added.
"Oh, living the dream as always," he said, shaking his head, laying his hands on either side of the guardrails raised around your bed.
"That bad?"
"I've had worse," he said softly, smiling at you, and then patted the end of the bed. "Scoot."
You grinned back and moved toward him, coming to the end of the bed, beginning to lay yourself downâbut not before planting one more kiss to his lips, then along his bearded jaw. Your hands pet over his shoulders, his arms, until you could no longer reach him and you were flat on your back. His fingers hooked into your panties immediately, pulling them swiftly down your legs and putting them in his pocket. Then he guided your feet up to the stirrups and placed both hands on your knees, his touch warm despite the gloves, and opened your legs for his gaze to settle between them.
He hummed his approval, and dragged one hand light down the center of your thigh, "And how is she doing?"
"Better now," you whispered, breath catching as his gloved fingers pressed against the pearl that had throbbed all day at the thought of this. Your eyes closed in contended bliss.
"You haven't been playing, have you?" he asked, glancing up, head tipped.
Another rule: no touching unless he says so.
"No," you said quickly, opening your eyes. "Just thinking about you. About coming to see you."
"That so?"
Your hand came up, finger pressed between your teeth in anticipation. He dragged his finger down the seam of your center, and you could hear the humiliating shlick of wetness that gathered there for him, making your tummy flip.
"You must've been thinking some filthy things to be this soaked already, honey," he said, voice edged with amusement.
You nodded.
"You gonna tell me what you were thinking about?"
He worked two fingers along your folds, slow, thorough, up and down, spreading you open, circling your clit, making your hips undulate under his touch.
"Umâohâyes, please, ohâ"
And then you heard a thick, throaty sound, and he was spitting onto your already soaked core, making you mewl.
"Easy, easy," he added softly, "Gotta be a good girl and stay quiet now. These glass windows are only so sound proof, honey. Now c'monâtell me what you were thinking about today."
"WellâI heardâum, I heardâŠ"
You hesitated. Robby wasnât going to like it. Maybe you could pivot.
"You seemed in a bad mood when I was texting youâandâ" you scrambled, grasping for something safer, "and when you're in a bad mood you get rough with me andâandâ"
"HmâŠ" he hummed thoughtfully, and reached up with his hand that wasn't teasing you, pulling the fabric of your top down so your breasts spilled over the neck band. You gasped, but smiled when his fingers twisted your nipples, making them pebble beneath his touch.
His other hand now pressed at your entrance, the slick sound of latex and wet making your eyes roll back so you couldn't watch him play. "You like when I'm a little rough, honey? That it? Thought I'd take my reward for myself tonight?"
"Mhmmmm," you moaned.
You opened your eyes once more, and instead of seeing his usual sweet demeanor, his kind brown eyes, he was now looking down at you with a stone face.
"You're lying."
"I'm not!" you squealed, and then choked on a moan as he entered two thick fingers into you.
He pulled back, then thrust again, hooking them up, working against the front of your walls as his lip lifted in a sneer. "Good girls don't lie to their doctors. Now tell me what you meantâgo on."
"Ah! Ah!" you moaned, head thrown back.
"Tell me or this stops and you go home."
You brought your head back up to look at him over your breasts, sweat beginning to dabble your skin.
"Frankâ" you hiccuped, "I heard Frank is back."
He paused the thick, long thrusts of his fingers inside of you. His eyes darkened even further, huffing out a sarcastic laugh you knew all too well.
You had been right, bad day to bring it up.
"I justâI missed him, Robby, I'm sorryâitâs been a while, and I kept thinking howâoh fuckâ"
He began finger-fucking you in earnest then, the loud sound of your slick all over his hand as his lip curled, eyes black, "Language, young lady." he growled.
"You're lucky he's earned you today." he went on. "If you'd come in here moaning his name with my fingers inside you without him acing that fucking manual reductionâ"
"Robbyâoh fuckâplease, please, I'm sorry, I'm gonnaâ"
He spat on your pussy again, the glob hitting you right on your clit before his thumb began working the little bundle of sensitive nerves. You were wailing like a damn cat, back arching in a boneless arch.
"Come for me, baby, c'mon, show me what's mine, make her soaked for my fucking resident."
Your thighs seized up, and jaw came unhinged, mouth open wide as you moaned his name.
"Robby, Robby, Robby," you gasped, thighs shaking, hips riding his fingers, until you were all breath and sweat and heat and all he could do was watch you.
"That's it, that's my good girl, nice and easy now, breathe," he soothed, his other hand sliding from your chest, down to your waist where he squeezed you assuringly, then resting warm at your knee, petting slow as he eased his fingers out of you. He brought them to his mouth, licking them clean. "Think she's ready for him. Don't you?"
You nodded, eyes half lidded. Your brain felt light and foggy, dazed as you watched the chief attending strip off his gloves.
"RobbyâŠ" your voice came quieter now, uncertain, your fingers curling into the hospital bed sheet beneath you. "I'm sorry I brought upâŠ"
He moved to your side, bare hands replacing latex, fingers combing through your hair, grounding, warm, welcome. He helped you cover up your breasts again to keep warm. "I'm not mad at you for wanting Langdon, honey. Justâcaught me off guard. I know you missed him."
"You missed him too, didn't you?" you murmured, leaning up just enough to press a soft kiss to the bridge of his nose.
Robby closed his eyes at that, a breath leaving him before he straightened, tossing the gloves into the bin. "Stay put. I'll bring him in."
It was only ten or so minutes later that the door was opening again, and Frank Langdon entered.
"Frank," you sighed, a smile pulling at your lips. You sat up in the bed.
"Hey, you," he said, but he didnât come any farther once the door shut behind him. He stayed there, leaning back with hand still on the handle, like he hadnât decided if he was staying or leaving.
"Umm⊠how are you?" you asked, a little unsure now.
"Iâm good. Iâmâyeah, Iâm good," he said quickly, then glanced up at you, "You?"
"M'good."
You watched himâhe'd changed since the last time you saw him. He wasn't as antsy as he usually was. Sometimes he'd come into the room bouncing off the walls, sometimes he'd come in irritated, but the ten months away seemed to have settled him down. It almost put you off a bit. He was suddenly hard to read.
"Come here, please," you said, reaching out from where you sat at the edge of the bed, your legs dangling.
His eyes flicked to your outstretched hands first, then up to your face, then down again, catching himself. It made your heart twinge. You always liked when he looked at you. Why didn't he want to look at you?
"Iâ" he shook his head once, like he was trying to clear it. "We should probably justâtalk first."
"Hug me first?" you asked softly, wiggling your fingers where they were waiting for him.
You missed him too much, you didn't even bother trying to hide it. You just needed to know he was okay, that you and him were okay. There was a funny feeling of butterflies in your belly that didnât quite feel like excitement, something you werenât used to having around him.
He let out a slow breath, looking down at the floor for a second before finally pushing off the door.
"Yeah. Okay. Justâ" he muttered, more to himself than you, as he crossed the room.
You didnât give him time to finish the thought. You were eagerly at the edge of the bed, arms and legs wrapping around him the second he got close, clinging tight like a little barnacle.
"Missed you," you said softly, muffled by the way you pushed your face into his chest.
He stayed still for half a second before his hands wrapped around your shoulders, pressing his cheek against the crown of your head. "Yeah?"
"Mhm," you hummed, fingers wandering up his back, over the ridge of his strong shoulder blades, then down along his waist. "You smell so nice. Just like I remember."
He let out a quiet chuckle, but his hands slid down to your upper arms, gently pulling you back. "Listen⊠we need to talk."
Your stomach dropped. Your brows pulled tight as your thoughts started to spiral, one worse than the nextâhe didnât want you anymore, he was leaving for good, youâd done something wrong. So many things began to cloud your thoughts, worries, insecurities you thought you'd thrown away after all this time. The confidence you'd built over the past few years crumbling under his intense stare. You pulled back from him too quickly, but he didnât step away, still standing between your legs like he hadnât fully committed to the distance.
"Iâ" he exhaled, dragging his hands over his face. "Do you know why I was gone, sweetheart?"
You nodded.
"You know I was in rehab, then?" he said, quieter now, his hands lowering again, hovering near you like he wanted to touch but stopped himself again.
"Yes," you whispered.
"Well, I've been making my amends, owning up to the things I did. Trying to be better," he went on. "Been 186 days."
"Thatâs amazing," you said softly, your hands finding his waist again. Okay. Now you understood. This wasn't about you. This was about him. His journey, his need for reassurance.
He nodded, licking his lips as he looked down at you. Once it had clicked that he wasn't rejecting you, you suddenly could see how hard he was fighting himself from giving in. "But that means I canâtâ as much as I appreciate you asking for me, sweetheartâwe canâtâ"
"Oh, but Frankie," you whined with an exaggerated pout as you pulled him in again, arms wrapping tighter around his waist. You had to crane your neck to look up at him, your legs wrapping around him again, breasts pushed up into his stomach. "I missed you so badly! Didn't you miss me?"
He let out a breath, his hands settling on your shoulders, steadying you. "I did, baby. I missed you too, butâ"
"What ifâ" you wet your lips, your gaze dropping briefly to his mouth before lifting again, "what if we just kissed? Please? I've been thinking about you all day."
He dragged his teeth over his bottom lip, eyes fixed on you. You could see it there, the wheels turning in his head and how he paused. He was hesitating. Your feet pressed into the backs of his knees, waiting.
"Just a kiss?" he asked.
You nodded.
"Iâ" he sighed, "Okay. But only kissing, you understand?"
"Yes, Frankie," you said, already beginning to purse your lips up at him, "I promise."
He leaned down, finally, finally. You let your eyes flutter closed, waiting for him, and when his lips pressed against yours, you sighed dreamily into him, winding your legs tighter around his so you could feel him flush against you.
You couldn't help the noise that slipped out of you when his tongue traced the seam of your top lip.
"You're getting too excited," he murmured, but he didnât stop.
You moaned again, hands gripping at his back, trying to keep them from wandering where you wanted to, keeping them locked around him instead. With how close you had him against you, you could feel the growing press of his member through his cotton pants on your stomach, and you shifted just slightly, pressing yourself even closer.
You opened your mouth for him, his thick, wet tongue finally finding yours, and it wasn't only you making pathetic little whines anymoreâ Frank had let out a suffocated moan at the taste of you, too.
"FuckkkâŠ" he whispered against you, his hands sliding from your shoulders to your face, tipping your head back even more so he could deepen the kiss, taking more, licking and eating at you, each press of his lips and slide of his tongue more urgent by the second.
He was fully hard beneath his black scrubs now, and you could feel him pushing into you just as much as you were pressing into him, not an inch of space between the two of you. Your breasts felt sandwiched against him, almost to the point of soreness, but they were aching for his touch, the throbbing between your legs only getting worse.
"I missed you so much, Frankie," you said again, pulling back to breath for only a second before kissing him again, his pillowy, swollen lips panting for breath. He smelled like mint, like that aftershave he always used. It was Pavlovian, only making you want more, practically drooling from your mouthâand between your legsâfor him.
He let your tongue explore his mouth just the same, tasting behind his teeth for more of him, and when you suckled on his tongue between your lips, he groaned as if it pained him. He pulled you away with one more gentle lick to your lips, looking down at you.
His blue eyes were half lidded, a mirror of your arousal with pupils dilated, his pulse thick and quick where you felt his heart against your jaw when you rested your chin on his chest.
"I know, I know," he said softly, pressing one more kiss to your lips. "Come on, get up."
Your heart jumped in your chest, "But you saidâ"
"âOnly kissing," he nodded, and he reached back behind him to unlatch your fingers from his shirt where you'd clung to him. "Be a good girl and listen now."
You knew better than to disobey, and pulled yourself away, albeit reluctantly, sliding off the bed and coming to stand beside him.
"Just kissing," he murmured, quieter this time, more to himself, the words coming out under his breath as he climbed up onto the bed. He shifted the thin pillow, flattening the stretcher before looking back at you as he settled onto his back.
"Take that off, baby. Câmon now, not done with you yet," he said, voice gentle.
You obeyed instantly, pulling your top over your head and tossing it aside, leaving you bare while he stayed fully dressed.
He patted his chest, coaxing you. "Up here, you know I've got a bad backâ"
You climbed over him eagerly, a soft giggle slipping out when he smiled up at you and pinched your ass. He let you resume kissing him again, and you couldn't help but rock against the outline of his throbbing bulge. He didnât let it go on longâhis hand slid into your hair, fingers threading through before tightening at the nape, making you gasp, then tipping your head back.
"Getting too excited againâ" he warned.
"Mâsorryyyyy," you whined, hands pawing at his chest. "I told you Iâve been thinking about you all day."
"Yeah?" he whispered, nipping at your chin, and you nodded. "What a sweet girl you are," he added, cooing as he brushed his lips against your skin while he spoke. You gnawed at your bottom lip as he kissed up your jaw, suckling the skin under your ear, until you felt his breath against the shell of it as he said, "gonna let me kiss your pretty pussy, baby?"
You gasped, and made to pull away, but your hair was firmly in his grip.
"Yes, Frankie," you moaned in answer.
"Climb up." he ordered.
He helped you climb on top of him, your knees settling at the top of the bed, your hips lining up with his shoulders before you pushed yourself upright.
"Are you sure Iâm not gonna suffocate youâ"
"Trust me, if this is the way I go out, Iâd die a happy man," he said with a breath of a laugh. "Besides, weâre in a hospital. If I pass out, there's plenty of doctor outside that door."
You giggled again, carding your fingers through the front of his long brown hair. He brought his hands up to squeeze the cheeks of your bum, hoisting you up so your core was hovering above his mouth. He leaned up and planted a light kiss to the top of it, and you gasped.
"Just as sweet as I remember, come closer," he murmured, and as you let yourself down onto him, he hooked his hands over the back of your hips and suddenly pulled you flush on top of him.
"Frankie!" you gasped, instinctively trying to pull away, worried you might hurt him.
"Shh, sh, sh," he cooed, his hands locked around you, "let me enjoy this."
You moaned when his tongue flattened over the slick seam of your folds, gathering all the arousal you'd made for him. Finally, you gave in as his lips closed over your clit, pulling hard. Your head fell back, a hoarse moan leaving you as your hips began to move against him, up and down, slow at first, then needing more.
"Ohhh, Frankie, holy shitâ" you mewled. Your tongue peeked out to catch the bit of drool that had began to pool at the corner of your open mouth. "Feels soâohhhhhâŠ"
"Yeah, baby? Tell me." he moaned, a little muffled against your skin. His tongue kept up a rhythm then, cupping your entrance and back up to your clit where it swirled around, lips closing on the nub. You jolted a bit at the abrupt pleasure.
"So good, so so good," you whimpered, and as you opened your eyes to the feeling of the bed rocking, you looked behind you where his hips were moving, gently up into the air with no relief.
"Let meâ"
"No, no," he cut in, breathless. "Sâokay. Let me take care of you. You justâenjoy."
"But I wannaâ!" you said petulantly, reaching around to touch his cock through the cotton pants.
He groaned at the contact, letting you quickly untie his scrubs and shove them down just enough to free his pulsing member. Your hand wrapped around him, velvet at the head and thick and warm at the shaft, but only for a second before he pulled your hand away, replacing it with his own, working himself with a rough grip. The sight of him like thatâpleasuring himself, his cock red and angry with a pearl of arousal at the tipâmade your mouth part and your brain fuzzy.
His other hand came up to cover your mouth as you let out a loud moan when his tongue plunged deep into your pussy, and you held onto his wrist for support. His hand moved to press two fingers into your mouth, and you sucked on them, hard, tongue sliding between his two fingers, letting your teeth graze the top of his knuckles just how you knew he liked his cock sucked.
You heard a very muffled oh fuck come from between your legs, and you let your hips rock harder and harder against his face. You no longer seemed to care if you suffocated him to death. You were so soâ
"Close! Frankie, I'm so closeâI'm gonnaâ"
"Come all over my face, pretty girl," he said, tongue flat so you could ride against it, "doin' so good, you're such a good girl, I'm gonna fucking come too, oh fuck fuck fuckâ!"
You weren't able to watch how his eyes rolled to the back of his head as your spine arched, stiffening, toes curling as one hand gripped his wrist, the other flat against the wall to steady yourself. You tried your best to stay quiet, the ecstasy coursing through your bloodstream too strong, and Langdon took his fingers that were in your mouth and buried them deeper down your throat. The pad of his fingers pressed at the back of your tongue where you began to gag on him, choking your moans, and he went stiff under you as his own orgasm tore through him.
You road out the wave of your orgasm with his, feeling the thick ropes of his spend shoot over your back. Soon, it quieted with only the sounds of your breathing and those of the hospital coming back to you outside the doors.
Frank was panting beneath you, both of his hands coming down to sooth you at the junction of your thighs, kissing sweetly at the apex of your center until you were a fidgety mess, twitching from overstimulation. You shifted back, giving him room to breathe, but he didnât let you get far. You ended up seated on his stomach instead, his arms wrapping around your hips from over your legs.
"Thank you forâŠasking for me today," he said, a shy smile tugging at his mouth as he looked up at you. His lips were still shining, parted as he caught his breath, taking in slower, shallow lungfuls. "I think I needed it."
You rested your hands flat on his chest, letting your fingers drift back and forth over his pecs, up along his collarbones, to his strong shoulders and neckâtracing, remembering, like you were relearning him all over again. Your smile softened, just a little sad around the edges.
"You almost said no." you said quietly.
He pressed his lips together, rolling them once before answering. "I know. Iâm sorry⊠itâs notâyou, you know? It's a me thing. I wasn't sure if ..."
"I know." you whispered, touching his lips to quiet him.
"Câmere," he said gently, patting your leg, guiding you off him. You swung your leg to his side, and he scooted over to let you lay against him. He tucked himself back into his scrubs without much thought, more focused on pulling you close, his arm sliding under your head so you could rest against his shoulder.
He let out a long breath, "I meant what I said, about trying to be better." he whispered.
You believed him. Though you never saw anything the matter with him before, once you heard about his addiction, it made you wonder if you ever really knew what he was like beneath all the hubris, if the fidgety Langdon you knew was really him. You were glad that he was still here, beneath it, next to you now. He still had his gentleness, his sweet way with words. He was just⊠more mellow.
"And I owe you an apology too. I let a lot of people down. And you were nothing but good to me."
You tilted your head up, resting your chin against his chest. "That must be so hard to admit. Youâre doing so well, Frank."
He huffed out a small laugh. "Iâm trying to tell you Iâm sorry."
"For what? You were perfect. You still are."
"Far from it," he said, softer now, "but thank you, sweet girl." He leaned down and pressed a kiss to your nose.
You hummed, eyes slipping closed.
"I should probably clean you up and get back out there," he said after a moment, though he didnât move.
"Stay for a few minutes," you murmured, wrapping your arm around his middle. "Just lay here with me."
He looked over at you with his eyes half closed, a grateful smile pulling at the edges of his lips like a string was tied to each end. "Alright."
You settled your cheek against his chest, listening as his heartbeat slowed under your ear, so steady, so warm, so himâ and let your eyes close, drifting asleep as he dozed beside you.
coming soon:
‷ x Abbot ‷ x Park ‷ x Robby
whoooo đźâđšđ€€đ”âđ«đ« didnât expect that one but hot damn Iâll take it
pass me around next boyssss
Buffy the Vampire Slayer â 7.06: Him
Hello! I saw that you write for langdon!! If you're taking requests could I ask for one where his partner comes to the ER, because of a burn or cut or something and she's not told him she's there so she waits until she's called cause she doesn't want special treatment and he's just concerned and wants to take care of her, pls ignore if you're not taking requests!! Love your work đ
special treatment
pairing: frank langdon x fem!reader ( no use of y/n ) content warnings: established relationship, blood, stitching, i am no doctor so i apologize for any mistakes :) a/n: thank you so much for your request, i hope you like it, lovely :) my inbox is always open for langdon requests btw <3
You push the toe of your sneaker against the floor, back and forth, back and forth, watching the rubber squeak against the scuffed linoleum. It gives you something to do besides think about the hot throb in your hand, or the way your whole arm aches right up to the elbow.
The man next to you groans again, shifting in his chair. You try not to look at him. Try not to think about how youâve been both just sitting here for hours.
Youâre so tired. The kind of tired that makes your eyes sting and your thoughts go slow and syrupy. And the pain is worse now than when it happened.
You lift the edge of the bandage with your good hand, just a peek, and immediately wish you hadnât. The gash is red, very red, maybe even too red. You drop the bandage quick, swallowing hard.
You shift in the hard plastic chair, trying to find an angle that doesnât pull at the wound. But every tiny movement hurts and you canât help the hiss that escapes through your teeth. You curl your hand against your stomach, hold it still, try to breathe through it.
All this because you wanted orange juice.
Itâs almost funny in a stupid way. Youâd been tired then too, stumbling around your kitchen at 8am, fumbling with the carton. The glass slipped right through your fingers. And when you bent down to pick up the pieces, because youâre not the kind of person who leaves broken glass on the floor, your palm found the sharpest piece of glass there was on the floor.
You couldâve gone anywhere. The urgent care across town, the little clinic near your apartment. But your boyfriend works here. And even though you know heâd want you to come find him, even though you know Dr. Robby would probably wave you straight back if Langdon just asked, you couldnât do that.
Special treatment. You hate the thought of it. Hate the idea of people looking at you and whispering, oh, thatâs his girlfriend, thatâs why she got seen so fast. So instead youâve been sitting here for two hours, watching the clock above the admissions desk tick so slow youâd think it was broken, watching the same people walk past with clipboards and coffee cups.
You know how bad the wait times are here. Youâve heard Langdon complain about it plenty. You know. And still, you sat down and waited. Your eyelids are heavy. You catch yourself nodding forward and jerk awake. The man next to you groans again. The fluorescent lights buzz.
But then you suddenly hear your name being called.
You blink, disoriented, like youâd been deeper in sleep than you realized. Relief washes through you as you clutch your makeshift bandage and push yourself to your feet.
The man next to you doesnât look up. You give him a small smile anyway. Sorry for cutting in line and I hope you get seen soon.
When you reach the desk, Lupe is watching you from behind her glass. Her eyebrows are already up, perched high on her forehead. She knows you, seen you loitering near the exit waiting for Langdon to finish his shift.
âHow long have you been waiting, honey?â Her eyes swept over your tired face, the clumsy bandage, the way youâre holding your arm so carefully.
âNot long.â You smile. It feels thin on your face.
Lupe gives you a look. She knows youâre lying. You can see it in the slight downturn of her mouth, the way her gaze flicks to the clock and then back to you. But she just looks down at her papers, shuffling them into neat alignment.
You hesitate, you're not sure if Langdon's working triage today, but still you'd prefer to be treated by any other doctor than him, not wanting to concern him. And you hear yourself speak before you can stop.
âUh, could Iââ You cut yourself off, but Lupe is already looking at you, waiting. Your face warms. âNever mind. Itâs fine.â
âDr. McKay will take care of you.â She nods at you as if knowing what you were going to ask.
You exhale. âThank you.â
When you turn, Dr. McKay is already there, standing in the doorway of the treatment area with a warm smile. She lifts her hand in a small wave and you smile back, and it feels a little less thin this time.
Cassie was always kind to you. So when she smiles at you now, it's like a small weight lifts off your chest. Her hand finds the space between your shoulder blades, guiding you away from the noisy waiting room and down the hallway.
The treatment room is small and quiet. So quiet. You let out a relieved sigh.
"Loud, isn't it?" Cassie says, already pulling on gloves, smiling at you.
You nod, sinking onto the edge of the exam bed. The paper crinkles beneath you. "So loud."
She settles onto the rolling stool across from you, knees bumping gently against yours as she scoots in. She holds her hand out, palm up, and you place your injured one in it.
"Now," she says, tilting her head, "what happened to you?"
You open your mouth to answer, but then her fingers are very gently turning your hand over, resting it on your thigh so she can get a better look. The shift in angle pulls at the wound and you can't help the hiss that escapes.
Her eyes flick up to yours, apologetic. "Sorry, sorry." She lifts the edge of your sad little bandage, peeling back the tape bit by bit. When she sees what's underneath, she sucks air through her teeth. "Oh, ouch."
You grimace. "Yeah. It'sâ"
The door opens.
"âworse than it looks, actually," Cassie finishes for you, not looking up, because she's still peering at your palm.
"Hey, McKay, there's aâ" Frank stops talking.
You watch his face cycle through about four different expressions in two seconds. Confusion first, eyebrows drawing together like he's walked into the wrong room. Then recognition. Then his eyes drop to your hand, cradled in Cassie's gloved fingers and the blood. Then it settles into something deliberately neutral.
Cassie's head has turned. She's looking between the two of you, her "oops" face already in place, clearly realizing Langdon did not know you were here.
"Crap," you mutter.
Frank is still holding the door open. He's not moving. Not coming closer, not stepping out. Just standing there, one hand on the frame and his gaze hasn't left your hand.
For a beat, nobody speaks.
Then Cassie clears her throat. "I should, um." She's already peeling off her gloves, already scooting her stool back. "I'll go check on that thing. The thing I was going to check on. Before I came here." She's standing now, edging toward the door.
Frank doesn't move to let her out. Doesn't seem to register her at all.
"Sorry," Cassie murmurs to you, and there's genuine apology in her voice beneath the sly curve of her mouth. She shoots Frank a look on her way past go easy on her and slips through the narrow gap between him and the doorframe.
The door clicks shut. And then it's just you and Frank.
For a moment he just stands there, hand still on the handle, looking at you. Then he takes Cassie's abandoned stool, rolls it close. His knees bracket yours. His fingers find your wrist gently, turning your hand over, tilting it toward the light. You watch his face as he studies your palm.
"What happened?" His voice is quiet. He lifts his gaze to yours and something in his expression softens like it always does when he sees you.
And when you meet his blue eyes, you suddenly realize how much you'd missed him.
You'd seen him three hours ago but still. You'd only gotten a glimpse of him in the early grey light. His early shifts eat up the best hours of the day, swallow him whole before the sun's even thought about rising. In the beginning you used to fight it. Set your own alarm, drag yourself upright, shuffle to the door to kiss him goodbye.
But after a while your body stopped cooperating. The alarm would go off and you'd burrow deeper into the blankets instead, surfacing just enough to feel the mattress shift as he stood up.
So, he started waking up ten minutes earlier just so you could have those ten minutes together. You'd lie there in the dark, your head on his sternum, listening to his heartbeat beneath your ear. Talking sleepily about what you should eat tonight, if he was getting home early, what plans you had for his day off.
He'd, then, kiss your temple, untangle himself. You'd hear him in the bathroom and you'd drift. But you always woke again when the mattress dipped. He'd come back to the bedside, dressed, and face-plant into the curve of your neck. His breath warm against your skin, his body heavy. You'd lift your hand, stroke the back of his head, careful not to mess the hair he'd just spent five minutes gelling. Go to work, you'd murmur. And he'd groan, press one more kiss to your temple, and finally go.
Three hours ago he did all of that. Three hours ago his mouth was against your skin and his hand was in yours and now here you are, sitting on an exam bed in his hospital, bleeding into your lap.
You miss him. It's stupid, he's right here, his fingers circling your wrist, his knee warm against yours, but you miss him. The feeling sits heavy in your chest.
You sigh, and it comes out shaky. "Dropped orange juice," you mumble. "Tried to pick it up."
Your free hand lifts and your fingers find his hair, the strand that's come loose and you tuck it back. It's softer than the gelled parts. You let your hand linger.
Frank stares at you for a beat too long, his thumb still resting against the inside of your wrist. Then his gaze drops back to your hand.
"Does it hurt much?" His voice is like he's asking any patient, like he hasn't spent countless mornings with his face buried in your neck.
"No, it's not thatâouch, what the hell, Frank?"
You practically yelp, snatching your hand back on instinct. He'd pressed right at the edge of the wound.
His jaw is set, but there's something flickering at the corner of his mouth. "That's for lying."
"Youâ" You glare at him, fully aware that you look more pained than intimidating. "I wasn't lying, I said it's not that badâ"
His touch gentles immediately, fingers careful now as he turns your hand back over. He didn't mean to actually hurt you, you can see it in the way his brow pinches, the way his hold softens. But he's not apologizing, either. You keep glaring for another moment, then sigh, the fight draining out of you.
"Fine," you mutter. "Work your magic or whatever."
He releases your wrist long enough to stand, crossing to the supply cabinet. Your sad little bandage goes in the bin. He gathers what he needs and arranges them on the tray beside you.
"Why'd you wait?" He doesn't look at you when he asks.
You shrug with one shoulder. "Didn't want special treatment."
Frank's head turns. He gives you a look. The one that says are you serious?
"You were bleeding for two hours." His voice is quiet. He's making an effort to stay calm. "That could easily count as an emergency. 'Special treatment' doesn't matter."
He's mad. You appreciate the effort he's making to stay gentle. You also know you upset him, deeper than either of you are saying.
"I wasn't bleeding for two hours, Frank." You can hear how petulant you sound. You don't care. He looks up from the tray. "I had a bandage on!" You can feel your lower lip pushing out. Actually pouting, like a child, and you can't seem to stop. "A perfectly functional bandage."
"A bad one."
"You barely saw it. Cassie already took it off when you came in."
"I know you well enough to know it was bad."
That shuts you up and you look away. He pulls on fresh gloves and the sound of the latex snapping against his wrists is loud in the small room. He takes your hand again carefully, and positions the tray closer.
"Ready?" His voice is softer now.
You nod. The saline stings as it runs over the wound, and you hiss through your teeth. You can't see what he's doing, your view is blocked by his head, but you can feel it. Your eyes start to sting.
"Almost got it," he murmurs, not looking up. You don't answer. Your throat is tight. "Grip my arm."
He doesn't need to tell you twice. Your free hand finds his bicep, fingers digging into the fabric of his scrubs.
When he's done stitching, he snips the thread, discards needles, bloody gauze all vanishes into the red bin. His gloves come off with a loud snap, and then he's just standing there in front of you, hands empty, looking down at his work.
It's neat. You can see that much. Six tiny sutures, precise and even. He's good at this. "You okay?"
You shake your head. "No."
He exhales slowly, and then his arms are opening, just slightly. You fall into him. Your knees part wider and he steps into the space between, close enough that you can feel the warmth of him through his scrubs. Your one good hand grips the back of his shirt. The other lies bandaged and useless against his chest. He wraps his arms around you properly, one hand spanning your shoulder blades, the other settling at your waist. You press your face into the curve of his neck and close your eyes.
"I didn't mean to upset you." Your voice is muffled against his skin.
His hand moves in slow circles on your back. "You didn't."
"I did." You pull back just enough to look at him. "You're upset. I can tell."
He doesn't deny it. His jaw shifts, that tell he can never quite hide. His hands come up to frame your face, thumbs brushing the curve of your cheekbones. He looks at you for a long moment.
"You know I worked my ass off to become a doctor." His voice is quiet. "The special treatment should be used."
You sigh, and it's mostly fond. "Come on, Frank. It's not fair to other people."
He opens his mouth, but you keep going.
"I saw a teenage boy in the waiting room. His ankle was the most purple color I've ever seen in my life. Like, eggplant purple." You shake your head slightly, his hands moving with you. "How is it fair that I just skip past him because my boyfriend works here?"
Frank's jaw does that thing again. He fixes a strand of hair behind your ear, tucks it gently, his fingers lingering. He doesn't say anything, but you can see him turning it over, weighing your words against his own stubborn concern.
"My point stands," he finally says softly. "Next time you come here immediately. Got it?"
You don't reply. He gives you a look and you give him a look right back. He makes a mental note. You can practically see him filing it away under Conversations To Have At Home, right next to Why She Doesn't Eat Enough At Work and The Thing About Leaving Wet Towels On The Floor.
But for now, he lets it go.
His hands are still framing your face and he smooths your hair again, tucking another stray piece behind your ear. His fingers trail down, adjusting the collar of your shirt, straightening it.
"When you get home," he says, his voice settling into doctor mode, "keep the bandage dry for twenty-four hours. After that, you can shower normally, just don't soak it." You nod. "The sutures need to stay clean. Watch for redness, swelling, any drainage." His thumb brushes your jaw. "If it starts looking angry, you come back. No waiting."
"I won't wait."
He pauses. Looks at you. "No waiting."
"...I won't wait."
He doesn't look convinced. But his hands drop to your shoulders, squeeze once, and then he's reaching for the aftercare sheet on the counter, scanning it. His other hand finds yours, holds it carefully, the uninjured one.
"Elevate it when you sleep," he murmurs, still reading. "Pillow under your arm. And take the ibuprofen before the lidocaine wears off, not after."
"Frank." He looks up. "I'll be fine."
After a while, your head drops against his chest, right over his heart. Your fingers find the edge of your new bandage, toying with the tape, pressing gently to see if it still hurts. It does, but less now. Clean and closed and taken care of.
"How's work going, by the way?" You tilt your head up to look at him, chin pressing against his chest. Your smile feels easier now, the tension finally bleeding out of your shoulders.
Frank glances down at you, and the corner of his mouth ticks up. "Oh, you know. Much better ever since my girlfriend showed up with a bloody hand."
You poke his chest with your good hand. "Very funny."
"Not trying to be funny." His voice is dry, but his eyes are warm. "Really brightened my shift. Nothing like a little relationship crisis to break up the monotony."
"Relationship crisis." You snort. "Is that what this is?"
He considers it. "Minor relationship crisis then." His thumb finds the back of your head, threading through your hair. You shove at his chest, but you're smiling now, and so is he.
The silence stretches again and his hand keeps moving in your hair. Slow strokes from your scalp to the ends, over and over.
To be honest, Frank is quite happy to have you here. Happier than he expected. He's missed you. More than he guessed.
Usually it doesn't hit him until later. Until he's finally walking through the front door after twelve hours. Until he sees you on the couch in your pajamas, some show paused on the screen, your face lighting up when you notice him. You always jump up, always wrap your arms around him like it's been weeks instead of just a day. And he holds on too long, probably, his face pressed into your hair, his arms locked around your waist. He gets clingy after long shifts. Terribly clingy. You tease him about it sometimes, but you never pull away.
That's when it usually hits him. How long the hours really are. How much of the day he spends without you.
But now you're here. Right here, in his hospital, with your head on his chest and your breath warm through his scrub top. And all he can think is that this shift, this shift that was already shaping up to be chaotic, already had him running from room to room, is about to become the longest shift of his life. Because now he'll get to wonder if your hand hurts. Wonder if you're eating enough. Wonder if you'll still be awake when he finally gets home.
He sighs and keeps brushing through your hair. His fingers catch on a small tangle and work through it carefully.
"Do you think it'll be a long day today?" Your voice comes out smaller than you meant it to. It's your day off, the whole empty apartment waiting for you, the whole afternoon stretching ahead. You'd been hoping, maybe, for something else.
He's quiet for a moment. His fingers still in your hair. "No," he says. "I don't think so."Something loosens in your chest. "I'll get dinner on the way home, okay?" He says it casual, like of course he'll be home at a reasonable hour, of course you'll eat together. "And please don't touch any more dishes today." He pauses. "Or anything made of glass, actually. Just to be safe."
He's grinning now, that particular slant of his mouth that means he's very pleased with his own joke. You shoot him a look. It doesn't land.
"Fine," you sigh. "But you're doing dishes for a week."
"I'll clear my schedule."
You shake your head, but you're fighting a smile. His thumb is drawing slow circles on your scalp now, and you could honestly fall asleep like this, right here, with your head on his chest and his heartbeat under your ear.
But you shouldn't. He has patients. He has work. You're taking up his time, his attention, his hands that should be on someone who actually needs a doctorâ
"I should let you get back to work." You start to pull away, shifting your weight off the bed.
"Uh uh." His hand on your shoulder, easing you back down. "Nope."
You blink at him. "Frankâ"
"We're going to the cafeteria." He says it like it's the most obvious thing in the world. His palm is already open, waiting for yours. "We're making you eat something so you don't get dizzy from blood loss. Then I'm calling you a cab. Got it?"
You open your mouth and close it. He's watching you with that particular expression, the one that says I'm not asking. You've learned your boyfriend's antics well enough by now. A year of him looking at you exactly like this until you sigh and give in.
And you sigh and give in.
Once you had more than enough food in you, it was time to go back home. At the entrance of the hospital, Frank hesitates, his hand hovering over his phone. He has been thinking about driving you home himself, about having a few more moments together before the long hours of his shift swallows him again, but he knows youâd argue with him if he tried. With a reluctant sigh, he taps the cab app and summons a car. Leaning back against the wall, he gestures for you to stay close, and you do, yawning and pressing lightly against him as you fiddle with your bandage.
âCareful with that,â he mutters for the third time, snatching your hand gently from your bandage. You sigh and he just shakes his head, brushing the hair out of your face instead, letting his hand linger there as you waited.
Frank exhales slowly, feeling the warmth of your body next to his. It was the kind of warmth that made him painfully aware he wouldnât see you for another seven hours.
You look up at him and smile softly. âThanks for taking care of me, by the way.â
âNo need to thank me,â Frank smiles softly, brushing his thumb lightly over your cheek. âNext time, you visit me without a bloody hand, yeah?â
âWill do,â you murmur, smiling back. You glance down at the street just as the cab pulls up, then back at him. âTake care of yourself, okay?â you say softly. âIâll see you at home.â
Frank nods, reaching out to cup your hand gently, inspecting the wrapping one last time. âIâll try to be home as soon as I can. Be careful, please,â he murmurs.
Instinctively, you lean in to kiss him, your good hand sliding up toward the back of his neck. Out of habit, you try to tug him down to you, the way you always do, but you forget about your other hand. The bandaged one presses a little too firmly against the side of his neck as you reach, and a small groan escapes before you could stop it.
Frank reacts instantly. âHeyââ His hands are already gently lifting your injured hand away from him. His brows pull together, concern flashing across his face as he cradles your wrist carefully. âEasy.â
He turns your hand over in his, brushing his thumb lightly across the inside of your palm. âLet me do the work, yeah?â he murmurs softly.
This time, he steps closer instead of letting you strain toward him. One hand slides to your jaw,the other still loosely holding your wrist so you wouldnât forget and reach again. He leans down slowly and presses a gentle kiss to your lips. His mouth moves softly against yours and for a second you forget about the throbbing in your hand, forgot about the shift waiting to swallow him whole.
When he pulls back, he doesnât go far. His forehead brushes yours, his nose grazing lightly against your cheek. âSee?â he murmurs quietly. âMuch safer.â You huff out a quiet laugh.
He studies your face for another second, before finally straightening just enough to look at you properly. A teasing glint returns to his eyes.âNo dishes tonight, yeah?â he says, the corner of his mouth curling upward. âNo cleaning. No heroic attempts at doing anything one-handed.â
You roll your eyes at him, though your smile gives you away. âYes, doctor.â
He shakes his head lightly, thumb brushing once more over the inside of your wrist before finally letting you go â reluctantly.
Why am I getting emotional over this? He just wants to love and be loved doing what heâs meant to do đđ
Spicy brownies and Sweet confessions
Pairing : Frank Langdon x Resident Dr.! Reader
Summary : You eat questionable brownies and get high during your shift. Most embarrassing thing to ever happen to you, right? WellâŠâŠat least until you confess your undying love to Dr. Frank langdon in front of the entire team
Word Count : 3k
Warnings : Reader gets high, mentions of spicy brownies, reader saying embarrassing stuff, Unprofessional behaviour
A/N : I had so much fun writing reader be unhinged and unapologetic when she's high. Mostly because I'm a little crazy too lmao. Tagging my dearest @buckysdecaflove because I'm physically unable to not tag her when I'm writing about Frank langdon.
You don't know what's wrong with you.
Your head feels light and your feet sway every so often, yearning to dance. You gulp down a glass of water, willing away whatever distraction is consuming you.
Walking toward the ambulance bay you try to remember how you ended up feeling like a bar dancer mid shift. Although nothing much comes to your mind.
You had arrived at the hospital on time. Checked up on yesterday's patients to see how they were doing before moving on to the current ones.
By noon one of the nicer ladies who had come in two days ago with an ankle sprain from a stumble down the staircase had come in to get her paperwork sorted and had brought homemade brownies as a thank you.
âIt'll help you loosen upâ she had said. She probably meant having something sweet will help you be in a better mood for the day.
You had eaten about five pieces before stashing it away in the lounge to save for later.
Little did you know the brownies would do a lot more than âloosening you upâ
You feel your body unbind even more as you stand there. The tightness in your shoulders from the day's work slipping away ever so slightly.
You're about to go back in when you see an ambulance turn the corner and stop with a sharp screech of the tires.
The paramedics start reciting vitals and numbers as soon as they drop out of the ambulance and wheel the patient out.
âA 27-year-old female presenting with reported perioral numbness after repeated use of a lip-plumping agent. Sensory loss is localized to the lips.â
Any other day you would've asked questions, what lip plumper did she use and how often. If she's allergic to any agent. If she was familiar with the formation of the product she was using and what not.
But the sane part of your brain has turned itself off for who knows how long because when the lady is wheeled out and you look at her to assess damage, you burst out laughing like a lunatic.
Her lips are swollen three times their normal size and to your tipsy brain she looks extremely funny. As a doctor you must analyse the patient professionally and you have been doing that for years now except somehow, today you can't seem to focus on anything else but the fact that she looks like Kevin the cucumber to you.
You stumble back, laughing maniacally until your eyes water and you have to lean on the nearest pillar to stay upright.
All while the paramedics look at you like you've grown third head. The woman on the gurney has started to cry by now, humiliated by your reaction.
You're wheezing by the time Dr. Robby rushes out with Dana and wheels the patient in assigning cassie to her care before finding you again.
You've pressed a hand on your mouth, stifling laughter that's pouring out of you like water from a broken tap.
âThat is very unprofessional of you, docâ robby condemns sternly âI'm really disappointed. I didn't expect this from you.â
He walks away with a borderline disgusted expression that you notice but fail to register as you toddle your way inside behind him.
But your feet have more of a sway now and before your mind can recognise the glass door in front of you, your body slams into it.
Heads turn in your direction. Patients, doctors, nurses.
They watch you analyse the door like its an otherworldly object and then you giggle. Squeaky and very amused.
âOh I'm so sorryâ you bow in front of the door âyou didn't deserve it. Forgive me your highnessâ you salute, backing up into the waiting room and almost stumbling into someone's lap if not for Mel catching you.
âWhoaâ she exclaims, guiding you inside the ER, muttering apologies to the watchful eyes you have earned.
You, meanwhile, are busy examining your own hand like it has just been discovered. âMel,â you say very seriously, âmy fingers feel like theyâre on vacation.â
âSheâs high!â santos deadpans.
âIâm not high,â you protest, then pause. ââŠI might be a little⊠elevated.â
The room has gone so still you could hear a pin drop. Robby is massaging his temples âJust the thing I needed on an already busy dayâ
Dennis and Santos are high fiving each other and trying to hide their laughter from the already frustrated attending.
And that is when dr. Langdon walks in with the most confused expression in the room. âWho died?â He inquires.
Mel loosens her grip in your shoulders just enough to fill Frank in with whatever situation you have going on right now.
And as if you haven't already done enough damage, you sneakily make your way towards the nearest trauma room.
Why? You have no idea?
It takes a few minutes for everyone to realise you're missing before chaos breaks out again, this time to find you. A few doctors take over on emergency patients while the rest few try to decide what to do with you, when they find you.
You're in the room with first patient you sawâa middle-aged man clutching his armâwho didnât even get a chance to explain his injury before you gently crouched in front of him, eyes soft with deep, unwavering focus.
âThatâs not why youâre hurting,â you say quietly, gesturing at his arm.
The man blinks. âIâwhat?â
âYouâre carrying something heavier,â you continue, nodding slowly, like you can see straight through him. âThe arm is just where itâs⊠showing up.â
Frank freezes mid-step as he recognises your voice.
Robby turns, following frank's line of sight. âOh no.â
The man looks⊠oddly receptive. âI meanâworkâs been stressfulââ
âAnd no one listens,â you say, placing a hand over your heart. âBut you deserve to be heard.â
ââŠWhat is happening?â Robbyâs voice is annoyed.
Frank exhales slowly. âShe must've had something she's allergic to.â
Robby turns to the rest of the team âIf this is a prank and someone spiked her water or something, I swear you'll spend the rest of the day cleaning the morgueâ
The team looks at each other having no idea at all before javadi perks up âI saw her eating brownies. I'm not saying anyone spiked them or anything but they did smell funkyâ
âBrownies?â robby raises an eyebrow in suspicion.
âYeahâ she confirms âremember Rosaline with ankle sprain?â Robby nods âshe made them for her as a thank you. Said it would help her 'loosen upââ
Victoria punctuates âloosen upâ with sarcastic air quotations and robby facepalms.
âHow many times have I told you guys to not take any edible stuff from patients if you don't know what's in itâ robby condemns
âBecause I remember saying we don't want another mass food poisoning episode like the motorcycle guy's donutsâ
A few people chuckle and robby glaringly dismisses everyone to go back to work before turning to Frank.
Meanwhile, you are fully locked into what could only be described as an impromptu therapy session.
âYouâve been strong for too long,â you tell the man, who now looked like he might cry. âItâs okay to not be okay.â
A nurse walking by actually slowed down.
ââŠIs she staff?â someone from a nearby bed whispers.
âNo,â Robby mutters. âShe was. Five minutes ago.â
Frank steps in the room then, gently but firmly taking your arm. âAlright, thatâs enough. Letâs go.â
You look up at him like heâs just interrupted a life-altering breakthrough.
âBut he was opening up,â you protest softly.
âHe can open up with an actual therapist,â Frank says, trying to guide you toward the exit.
You allow yourself to be pulledâbriefly. Then you stop again. Eyes finding another patient with the curiosity of an orange cat.
An elderly woman sitting alone, staring at the floor.
You slip from Frankâs grip like it's nothing.
âNot againâ Robby groans.
You approach her slowly, sitting beside her without a word at first. Then, very gently, you poke her arm with your finger, âAre you lonely?â
The woman looks up, startled. ââŠYes.â
Frank closes his eyes, sighing.
âYou remind me,â you start, voice soft and full of emotion, âthat sometimes people just need someone to sit with them.â
The woman reaches for your hand.
âOh my god,â princess murmurs. âSheâs actually good.â
âTHIS IS NOT THE POINT,â Robby hisses, scowling at her.
Frank steps forward again, more determined now. âOkay. Weâre done. Come on.â
This time, he doesnât give you the chance to wander. Hand wrapping securely around your wrist, steady and grounding, pulling you gently but firmly toward the exit.
You followâŠ.for about three steps, before turning to face him.
And everything shifts. The chaos, the wandering thoughts, the strange emotional clarityâit all focusing into one single, intense point.
âFrank,â you start, wiggling your forearm currently held by him, to make him look at you.
Something in your tone makes him do just that. Eyes finding yours with calm but curious glint. ââŠYeah?â
The ER, somehow, gets quieter. Waiting for whatever stupid thing you're about to say next. Trinity pulls her phone out to record your next tantrum for blackmailing purposes.
âI need to tell you something,â you say, completely serious now. âI am filled,â you place a hand dramatically over your chest, âwith an overwhelming, undeniable, deeply profoundââ
You hiccup. Frank blinks, waiting.
ââlove for you.â
The ER drops into stunned silence. Absolute, complete silence. Somewhere in the background, a monitor beeps. Someone makes a choking sound. Perlah drops a clipboard. Someone hoots and robby glares at them.
And frank just stares at you. Completely bamboozled. You stare right back, eyes shining with sincerity so intense it couldâve powered the building.
âSometimes when I see you,â you go on, voice hushed but intense, âmy heart does that thing⊠likeâtachy⊠tachy⊠the fast one.â
ââŠTachycardia?â he offers.
âYES,â you point at him like heâs just proven your point. âThat. My heart goes whoosh whooshâclinically concerning.â
âAnd your face,â you continue, squinting at him like you're analyzing a scan, âis⊠statistically unfair.â
Frank blinks, cheeks already rosy with the grin heâs trying to swallow. âWhat?â
âSymmetry,â you say, gesturing vaguely around his face. âOff the charts. If there was, like, a scale? You would have broken it. Very⊠structurally sound face.â
Robby slaps a hand over his mouth. Totally rethinking his life decisions that lead him to witness this moment.
You lean even closer now, lowering your voice like you're about to say something scandalous.
âI think,â you whisper. Well try to, but your voice hasn't even lowered a notch âif someone did a CT scan of my brainâŠâ
Frank, in all his glory, has the audacity to look tired âI donât like where this is going.â
ââŠtheyâd find your face in there,â you finish proudly. âJust⊠floating around. Causing problems.â
Dennis and Santos turn away, shoulders shaking in sync.
âThatâs not how CT scansââ Frank starts, brushing a strand of hair out of your face from where youâre trying to blow at it so it wonât fall into your mouth, completely forgetting the existence of hands to serve the purpose.
âNo, listen,â you cut him off, grabbing his sleeve for emphasis. âItâs, like⊠chronic. Persistent. I have symptoms.â
âWhat symptoms?â he asks, more out of habit than intention.
You count on your fingers, very seriously. âIncreased heart rate. Bad decision-making. Wanting to stare at you for⊠medically inappropriate durations.â
ââŠMedically inappropriate durations?â Robby echoes faintly.
âYes,â you nod. âAlso I forget words. Like⊠all the time. Because my brain is busy being like ââooooh, Frank.ââ
Frank is done. A laugh breaking out of him despite himself âThatâs not a condition.â
âIt is,â you insist. âItâs called⊠umâŠâ You pause, thinking hard. ââŠyou syndrome.â
You wait for a beat before softening a little, still completely unfiltered but quieter now.
âI think you did something to my system,â you murmur, more like you're talking to yourself. âLike⊠messed up my baseline vitals. Now everythingâs just⊠you-shaped.â
That one hits harder than the others. Robby, for once, doesnât interrupt. Probably taking in the intensity of the tender moment.
Frank just looks at you, caught somewhere between exasperation and something else he can't yet admit.
ââŠYouâre not going to remember any of this,â he says. You tilt your head, considering that.
âMaybe not,â you say, shrugging. Then, with a small, crooked smileâ âBut my heart will. Itâs very dramatic like that.â
You pause for a moment and then perk up like a meercat âAlso Iâm like⊠80% sure I still want brownies.â
Robby groans. âOf course you do.â
Frank lets out a quiet sigh, shaking his head. âYeah,â he muttered. âThat tracks. But you're not getting any more brownies tonight.â
âWhy not?â Your bottom lips jut out in what frank thinks is the world's most adorable pout.
He pulls your hand slightly until you're leaning against his shoulder replacing the pillar that you were hugging like it was your soul mate.
His eyes meet Robbyâs for a second and a silent agreement passes between them âI've got herâ
He guides you gently towards the ambulance bay, a hand resting on the small of your back, other holding you steady in case you stumble again.
âWhere are we going?â You look up at him with soft expectant eyes, that sound like he can take you anywhere and you'd gladly go.
âTo take care of your âme syndromeââ
You giggle. Bright and warm and frank feels something tighten in his chest. He talks to you the whole time, entertaining you and giving exaggerated excuses for why you can't have any more brownies, until he finds an empty ambulance and asks you to sit inside.
You try to climb it, but your body is loose. Swaying like a jellyfish. You flop forward into his chest after the third attempt of climbing in and failing.
He chuckles, palms coming around your ribs and gripping slightly before pulling you up and sitting you inside.
Your arms slide around his neck instinctively. Pulling him closer even after you're settled in properly.
His heart kicks wildly against his chest at the proximity. You're so close. So so close.
If he just leans in a little moreâŠ..
He's measuring the distance between you when your hand sneaks it's way up. Finding the cleft on his chin.
âThis little divotâ you smooth your fingers over it âmakes me lose my mind. I want to touch it all the time. And you know what?â
He smiles, a genuine one âwhat?â
âWhen you're all grumpyâŠâ you mimic his grumpy face and he chuckles âI don't look like thatâ
âYou doâ you nod passionately.
âWhen you're grumpy, and your chin juts out like thisââ you mimic him again. Poorly again. âI want to kiss itâ
Your cheeks have tinged red ever so slightly and it doesn't go unnoticed by him. âYou want to kiss me?â
âYeahâ you look away, bashful âlike thisâ you lean in closer, shy but sure, lips pouting aggressively as you place a very wet, but very chaste kiss on his chin.
Frank freezes.
He swears his heart has stopped beating for a moment. Kick starting again when you giggle against his chin.
He has to pull back slightly to avoid doing something he'll regret.
But you're determined right now. Grabbing him by the front of his scrubs and pulling him closer before resting your head on his shoulder.
âI love you so much. I'm gonna dream about it. We can be married and have lots of kidsâ you murmur near his ear. Voice dropping a little more as you grow sleepy.
âLots of kids, huh?â his hand comes around you, holding you steady, other hand alternating between stroking your back and caressing your head.
âYeah. Like ten. Or more if you wantâ
He laughs. It vibrates through his body and into yours. âThat's a lot of kidsâ
You hum slightly. Breath turning even as your body goes slack against him.
Frank sighs, relaxed and a fond. Head resting on yours as he holds you just a little tighter.
He'll go inside eventually. Carry you unto the family room and lay you down on the couch for the rest of the shift. Maybe start an iv in case you need a little glucose to help with the hangover later on.
But right now. He lets himself live in the moment for a few more minutes.
Perhaps the brownie lady rosaline will face a lawsuit. Perhaps the team will have embarrassing videos of yours.
Perhaps you'd forget all about today.
But if you don't. If you remember what you said to him and if you mean itâŠ..maybe he'll be brave enough and say a little truth of his own too.
The truth he's keeping buried inside him for a while now.
The truth that threatens to make itself known every time you smile at him.
And in this old ambulance and you in his embrace, he can't help it when it breaks through him and his mouth works on its own when he says âI love you too, sweetheartâ
The pitt tag list : @herejustforbuckybarnes, @phoenix-in-writing, @emmathefanficgal, @letsgotothecityandfallinlove, @sashelp, @v33mustdie, @my4ncy, @patchs-curiosity-corner, @angel113431
Note : Frank Langdon is unmarried and single and his wife and kids don't exist in this parallel universe
Dividers by @diviniyae
Comment or send an ask to be added to the taglist
literally out here giggling and kicking my feet over this




