hey \(OoO)/

🌸 hi, i’m krys. on the outside, i’m warm & soft — but my words come from anchored places. here you’ll find poems about quiet fears, gentle regrets, and the ghosts we keep close. sometimes cute, sometimes sad, always real. welcome to my drifting thoughts.

[j0llyk]

Purposeless

Anything I do or say

Is a void that is too comforting

I had found it terrifying but I don’t

So what if one person goes away

I’m just another dime for others in any

Workforce.

Another pay check to get by.

Also strange a person can care for someone

When they don’t know them

I’m assuming they care last minute because depression can be invisible-like air.

-j0llyk

[j0llyk]

Story Time: Under the Bunk Bed

Hey,

When I was a kid, my sisters and I would play outside and inside. The times before we had our faces glued to our phones but it was just outside play, mud pies, driving bikes to our friends to see if they can play outside side or land line phones. Yeah where you can just be people and a kid. Times when we were suppose to be inside-we would play hide and seek, play with toys, make haunted house with our bunk beds and rehearse movies like the lion king as a play to pass time ect. You get it.

There are some stories I have in mind but this one would play in the back of my mind at times. So one day my sister and I were suppose to stay inside then my friend across the road (we didn’t have a street but gravel roads) came to my house-aka my grandparents house bc my mom and sister lived with them. We all started playing until we decided to play hide and seek and so we did. It was this persons turn and who was caught first was it. It was fun and games until it was my turn and let me tell you, I sucked at finding people-don’t ask me how. I was looking up and down the stairs and getting a bit frustrated and smelled oranges like someone was eating oranges and I got excited and said “are you eating an orange? I can smell it” following the smell I was going to check the top bunk until I heard something underneath the bottom bunk.

Let tell you how the bunk bed was: it was your casual bunk bed but with the bottom bunk it had two big drawers and there is a gap underneath where u can just crawl under and it’s pretty dark also medium size space a bit big but not much

I decided to check under neath the bunk bed thinking to myself *but I smelled oranges up the bunk or unless they are actually underneath?* but I went anyways and I seen a figure and I got excited, in finding someone. I shouted and said “I found you I found you” while slowly crawling to the figure and it was slowly going back and a bit closer to me at the same time. I felt annoyed bc I thought they were rage baiting me.

Whe I was getting closer, my heart was racing, fear was settling. I didn’t know why but in a shaky voice I said “hey.. I found you… this is not funny….stop” it made a weird noise and I will tell you, it had a head and arms her hair covered the face the when I slightly got closer- I couldn’t make out what the face was but I knew I was hella scared- I said a again but this time I said “stop” in a shaky crying voice. It was coming closer and I couldn’t move and I started shouting and screaming loud and clear. Almost sounded like i was being suffocated.

Until someone pulled me out of underneath the bunk bed from my ankles and I was in tears. my sister asked what’s wrong and explained what I seen- she check but no one was there. Maybe in the moment it was hard for her to hear what I was explaining but she did understand that I seen someone but they were not there.

The orange smell was indeed coming from the top bunk because it was my friend that came down who was under neath the blanket. In the end i stopped playing and just watched movies while they played what ever they were playing.

So it made me wonder, who was the girl underneath the bed and why lure me underneath the bed? Why did the underneath the bottom bunk became so long and large? it was medium size space and a bit big…but it became a long when I crawled..

That is one of my mini scary stories.

-j0llyk

[j0llyk]

When thy is almost there- chaos comes without invitation,

the body sinks back where it fought to be not there.

Exhausted-is thy selfish to be how I am-isolated thyself becasue getting close seem to be too much or embarrassing to be.

Hard to fight to go up when I have tried so hard in the beginning therefore in the end I’m where I started. The ace that haunt me until over and over

“Do you deserve the good things?” Which whispers when I am trying or when I am low with sorrow and chaos-apparently I am weak.

-j0llyk

[j0llyk]

cut it off

The feeling of loss of direction in life unease of being frozen in time spikes all around the body unspoken thought that devours one What is it to be okay jealous and glad all together. What a bitter Joy to be living before you die, but they have There is meaning in the meaningless What purpose does it serve Why waste your time on one dead leaf It is better to cut it off  before it spreads to the living A gardener knows better There is no use or purpose in keeping let what lives lives on let the dead be dead Was it kept well or unattended? What would be better is to cut it off

[j0llyk]

Unheard My heart races with unheard rage, unheard sorrows, unheard thoughts. It overflows with bitterness, disgust, confusion. Yet my mind and mouth choose: To keep the peace while drowning, To follow when I shouldn’t, To make the right choice—when it isn't mine to make. But my soul, my body, they long to wander where adventure breathes, to take risks, to break free, to grow without invisible chains. To know limits, but not be bound by them, to walk through chaos, yet carry peace within.

[j0llyk]

quite bird

One day, she will go unexpectedly or by will. just another crumbling, complaining, self-centered, sad, depressed girl who is slowly letting herself go~ They are quick to listen, yet they are quick to speak like a hero. It will be a party for everyone There is no more sadness or depression, and they can keep their reputation of happiness instead of sadness. The sadness of depression will be a quiet bird

_J.K

[j0llyk]

what am i

(You don't have to read this this is a part of or part one. i just put it here becasue i know ill end forgetting about it)

Mysterious You are wondering I have drifted unworthy of Your comfort and grace for the heart speaks while the mouth and mind are shut It escapes my heart as I sleep vulnerable throughout the night You can abandon me leave me to the unknown Give me to the wolves unchanging of despair withholding me from You guilt and shame as I allow it to be What is so great about Your creation in I with no pride in praising myself in greatness coming with questions of the existence But what creation am I in the plan for Your kingdom Give me up-put someone else in my place For you know where my heart is when I am awake The spirit within starves for You for the body takes action like a chicken's head is chopped off, running aimlessly Why is your love so great that it is overwhelming Your comfort runs wild like a soft gust of wind You, as the almighty protects and provide that people sleep well at night with no fright waking up with assurance of You.

J.K

[j0llyk]

when....

It hurts when, I try to speak-hurts when its time to speak. why is it difficult then it was before- the day carries on while my whole body wants to stop as it been tossed left and right with grief, anger, regret, shame, questions… thinking it was an ending, each time it stops just for it run up again for the day feels like years just for me to open my eyes to see it has been 2 mins… the string in the heart pinches as it snaps apart lungs deflated as a balloon sinking into the sea legs shakes like an earthquake with each steps stiff and soggy as a board that soaked up on shore from the sea before I thought I was done experiencing this at least for another seven years Life has its plans whaling within- cried a bit outside. J.K

[j0llyk]

white as snow Often, the blizzard rolls in where I thought I could breathe with the breeze aimlessly walking on white ground, cold to the touch of being lost in snow stiff as ice on a lake where it breaks with unexpected cracks that should be expected unknowingly, it will break for disaster or melt through steadily… The question is, where is she…. where the cold never ends or where seasons change? a lot to be told yet, so little to see for what she shows J.K

[j0llyk]

goodbye~

hush baby- I'm doing fine flying a distance As you are observing from afar

when I was not there- You appear like a distant whisper being where I needed you the most from a distant memory But where were you?

Now you are there, as we are strangers now-- supporting quietly from afar (thank you). As I plead like a stranger mourning at a funeral You turned away- Having selective hearing is suffocating

So I silently became angry that I left flying So I won't regret things I say

giving up that I flew in silence- the silence that was louder than my pleading words wishing you the best of love, luck, and blessings

thought it would hurt until it was a blessing -J.K

[j0llyk]

are you real?

heart paces when i don't pace outside it races when i am still in peace

the peace i once wanted to accept now i am afraid of it because the remembrance of it i once enjoyed it crumbled like a cookie that wasn't sealed.

felt like a fish that been baited. thinking it was peace with no strings attached i was incorrect..

_J.k

[j0llyk]

many faces

Wearing many faces isn’t a flex. It’s not depression I’m naming— it’s the poison you spill to keep your boat afloat.

Make up your mind. Get therapy. Stop acting helpless when you’re the one rocking your own ship.

It’s plain to see: take your boat to the water. Pushing others under won’t make you rise— it only shows how bitter you’ve become.

I’m not blind. I’m fishing for forgiveness, but for now I’ll fight my storm, pacing these hours so my heart won’t run wild the way yours did.

And no— I won’t be carved into your mold of “creativity.”

_J.k

[j0llyk]

puppet

I'm not heroic I'm exhausted

I'm an example not a product

I am a person not robotic If I am just an object in a show and tell to the whole world?

Leave me alone in the lost and found.

J.k

[j0llyk]

the science of fucking off

Isolation is a vacation. scientists, psychologists, therapists say it’s dangerous. fact-check me, because I don’t fucking know.

in the end, I’m living without chaos — manipulation, gaslighting, fear, yelling.

mastering every person’s steps just so I can pretend to sleep (sorry).

I’m just fucking tired.

pardon me — I’m going to fuck off to where I’m not excluded: my bed, my room, my house.

peace <3

with no one hovering over my fucking back.

j.k

[j0llyk]

Odd but True

~Wednesday Letter~

Death is loud It is not quite It is sneaky It is not quick It takes time However, time passed quickly like the wind different circumstances In the end, it's the same_ Death flows in many ways that we cannot count.

_J.k

[j0llyk]

the truth that echoes

~ Sunday Letter~ strange, I feel at home wherever I am at although Where I grew up is where I don't feel at home nor do I miss being there, however_ Visiting is a must for those I care about.

_J.k

[j0llyk]

burtsting

Everything is overflowing from the past bottled within-leaking through the cap didn't know what to do until I went numb

couldn't reach out even if I tried competition arise suppressing what I said to acknowledge No hate, patiently waiting

_J.k