jfk’s head just did that

justice for harry styles’s extra nipples

[auckie]

At least whatever is wrong with me is really really funny

[turing-tested]

Sorry am on lsd. Shouldn't have told you 2 eat a sandwich. That is your decision not mine. Sorry

this ask is so awesome. my favorite part is I can't find the other ask they're apologizing for.

[benelopes]

constantine, 2005

[ulysses-but-somehow-more-transer]

take my ass to torture city where the grass is ouch and the girls are hit me

[armpits-are-crying]

nope. funkytown again

[ulysses-but-somehow-more-transer]

come on

[kabaks]

I wish we had a fresh wave of stupid black sails arguments. I would have so much fun

[kabaks]

[jackaldope]

Squid the cat has broken her leg which means she is on cage rest which means she is on gabapentin. She is also very hard to tablet so we tried putting it in her food, which did not work because her fat son Toby ate it instead. Toby is such a chilled out idiot generally though that it was impossible to tell he’d even done it except for his giant saucer pupils.

[my-dailydreams]

[freezi-drink]

Hey um??

Via ID in alt

[sagetheunwise]

licking you bee wanted your sweat. that second one was just a freak I think

[egberts]

i got that dog in me but it's poorly socialized and i don't take it on as many walks as i should

[loveridden1999]

[chillyfeetsteak]

ricardo diseno

[onion-souls]

Slenderman is a tall good boy and there’s nothing wrong with tormenting and killing amateur filmmakers

[arbor-viridanus]

What did amateur filmmakers ever do to you

[onion-souls]

I live in New York City

[certainly-april]

Ragebaiting my fat dog? More like master baiting my fat hog!!!!!!!!

[grimoiremanifest]

❗️Great Hog is displeased by this.

The kingly pig looks taken aback by this statement. "You claim to be 'baiting' our kind?.. A master of it, no less - after all the trust we hsve placed in you?"

- Your relationship with the Hog Society 🐖 is now Unfavourable.

[certainly-april]

[fidelcostco]

the human brain is so cool, if you're tired and stressed enough, your brain will go, "don't worry, I got you" and shadows will start moving

[fidelcostco]

and what's the genital situation on the shadows

[fidelcostco]

oh this is my post

[horsemotifs]

joining the war on pigeons on the side of pigeons

[jackaldope]

everything hurts and I have been rejected from every show I’ve applied to this year but it’s very hard to wallow in that when this sweet baby idiot cat flops down next to my face every morning and gently licks my nose until I rub his dumb little tummy

[inbabylontheywept]

you're not allowed to bring wireless devices into classified areas and a security guy noticed a square phone-ish shape in my pocket so he asked me to show him what it was and i had to show him my can of pocket herring :/

[inbabylontheywept]

artists depiction of event

[inbabylontheywept]

i am banned from eating my herring inside. they make me eat it on the smoking area by the loading dock, under the theory that it already smells bad there. but it was raining today which was preventing my breakfast, so i was feeling sad and hungry and then i realized that there was a large cardboard box in the dumpster from a previous delivery. like a fridge sized box. so i fished it out of the dumpster, then tipped it on its side and had a nice little cardboard cave to watch the rain and eat my fish in. which was a great experience. very soothing. very zen. at least until the security guard from the day before stepped outside to smoke. then i tried hiding from him by crawling deeper in the box, which unfortunately did not work. instead he saw a sort of damp sniveling pale hairless creature eating fish in a box, and delivered the verbal killshot of "good morning, mr. smeagol." which is how my day was ruined before 8 am.