The other day my friend so kindly reminded me that it's been nearly a year since the break up. And as devastating as that break up was for me i am damn proud of the person ive become since then.
Friends - this life change has really helped me open up to my friends emotionally. I feel closer to them instead of always feeling like I have to put up a tough front. I was never one to show weakness. To Julie and Diana especially. Fuckin real ass bitches. Diana saw the day by day toll it took on me and even though I may not have agreed with all of her input, she still made sure I knew I was worth more and better on my own rather than staying in a loveless relationship. She caught me at my worst when I couldn't put myself together to walk inside the office. Julie ran over and cradled me as i cried just an hour or so after i called for help. I’ve spent many afternoons at her place just cause i didnt want to be alone and she understood. She helped me feel like everything was going to be okay. Ashley picked me up when I came home to an empty apartment and broke down. Junie took time out of her own bachelorette party to make sure I was okay. I have some amazing friends and I could not be more grateful. I really cannot express how much i love my people. And I have met so many new people and gotten closer to old friends that would not have happened without this life change. And these new people in my life are awesome.
I've come to the point in my life where I don't have the time or patience to keep BS people in my circles. Im very happy with the current company I keep.
Career- probably my biggest and proudest change in my life this past year is my new job, as I type on my quartz huntsman keyboard with purple optical switches and spectrum wave chroma lighting ^.^ i started a new job at Razer in February, managing digital marketing efforts for the peripherals business unit across the US and Canada. I’ve graduated from a regional theme park with limited growth to an international brand that specializes in gaming and performance tech. My god has it been a tough transition but i fucking love my job. The work is constantly challenging in a good way. I still have much to learn, not just about razer but the gaming industry and consumer electronics market in general. Tbh the thought of leaving the comfort of Knotts freaked me the fuck out. I was soo good at that job but i knew i had outgrown that position, like how i had outgrown him. It really was a defining moment to leave my comfort zone in pursuit of something more. I’m back under the mentorship of Brad and soaking in as much info as I can while being surrounded by people who embrace my nerdy weirdness and understand my meme jokes. Im making friends with smart, fun people and reconnecting with old cki folks too. Fucking nerds. I definitely did not accept this new job to spite you,(tbh it was the money) it's just funny how i learned about this industry and Razer as a brand because of you. My knowledge of gaming, exposure to nerd events like blizzcon, was all because of you. And now I work in the industry of your dreams and could have brought you along for the ride. Funny how things work out.
Living situation - my most recent life development is my new apartment. It was the final step to being completely rid of you. No longer do I walk into my home and remember how it was once filled with our happiness and our heartbreak. You moved out and ive moved on. I live in the cutest town filled with adorable cafes and shops while being just walking distance from the farmers market. I feel safer in this area. I feel free-er in this area. I feel happier. Also im damn proud that ive been able to make this apartment my home without much help. I set up the wifi, i bought and fucking built the couch. Im making this into my smart house dreams. Things I used to depend on you for, I have proven that I can handle myself. This is my space under no influence of my past life. Not to mention, katies a dream to live with. She does her thing, i do mine. Its chill.
Hobbies- a bitch lost weight. And im damn proud of it. I've been going to the gym consistently, hiking more with my friends, snacking on celery sticks. Thus far ive lost about 25 pounds and that's just by adding cardio into my routine. That's not even including dieting or strength training. Once i incorporate those then watch out world. I've also just in general started trying out new things, being open to new experiences. I’ve been going out to club nights for different music genres, concerts, bars, etc. stuff i wouldn't do before. I even took a random ass bar tending class which was actually a lot of fun.
I’ve also been looking into traveling more. Its something i've always talked about doing but for one reason or another just never committed to. For the first time i'm going to travel international out of pure personal pleasure. No family appointments or obligations. Just me and my best friend exploring the sites doing whatever and eating whatever we please. Im so fucking excited.
Family - it's comforting to know their confidence in me to take care of myself but also willing to drop everything to come out and spend time with me. I wont say I feel closer to my family because we’ve always been tight. And this breakup didn't change any of that.
I've been told a lot of different things from a lot of different people this past year. Forget him, erase that part of your life, etc. but I don't want to forget. I don't want to erase. I'm not gonna act like it didn't happen because it did and it helped me become who I am today. The good and the bad, and im grateful for it. I admit there are still times I think about you, miss you. But those moments are becoming fewer are farther between. I spiraled hard this past year. For the first time in a long time, I let myself be weak and vulnerable. I let myself show weakness and vulnerability. But now ive regained my strength and feel more like myself than ever before. Is this the light at the end of the tunnel? Is this moving on? We shall see.
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