Tony teasing everyone that he’s the best in bed, he’s literally excellent at sex, that’s why he’s still the worlds most eligible bachelor at 42
Steve snorts “no way to prove it, people just say you’re good in bed because of your money, no one insults billionaires”
Tony is literally the most offended he’s ever been in his life, literally the most offended, actually speechless and can only make high pitched offended noises in Steves general direction
Sets out to seduce the SHIT out of Captain America, pulls out all his best tricks, all his ridiculous moves, even waxes you know where because whether Steves down for some oral or not at some point Mr “people only say that cos you’re rich” is gonna be kissing Tony’s ass and begging forgiveness.
So much seduction. Much sexiness. Steve being an absolute Minute Man but like three times over because BOY HOWDY he was not prepared for Tony Stark on the Nekkid Prowl.
Tony ends up enjoying the hell out of it, not faking the effort at all, actually forgetting at some point that he’s supposed to be proving a point because he and Steve fit together just that well.
And afterwards he asks “see? Arent I the best?” And steve says
“The best I’ve ever had for sure, that was my first time. Wow”
And Tony has a full blown crisis over not being emotionally prepared to have popped the All American Cherry and starts booking therapy sessions with Sam and whining about how he wouldn’t have tried to tea bag himself to death on Captain Patriots Star Spangled Balls if he had only KNOWN the guy was a virgin.
Finally after a solid two weeks of Tony’s shame and emotional crisis and way to many descriptions of what Tony WOULD have done instead of what he ACTUALLY did, Sam swoops down with his wings and dangles Steve over the edge of the building and demands
“You tell Stark you are not a virgin and are in fact a Star Spangled Ho right now or so help me God I’ll drop you, the guy is literally making me insane thinking he stole your virtue or something.”
Steve refuses, he’s holding out for a marriage proposal, that’s only the proper thing to do after a fella like Tony compromises him like that.
Sam threatens, Bruce threatens, Clint and Natasha threaten....
Bucky gets wind of the rumour, laughs until he throws up and then tells Tony “gimme a break. Steve a virgin? The gals in the USO tour didn’t call him the Man with a Plan, they called him The Man Without Pants. Steve popped it before I did, where did you ever get the idea he’s a virgin.”
Steve is served the next day with summons to court, Tony Stark is suing him to the tune of $100k, his shield, an authentic copy of the glittery tights he wore with the USO and all rights to every dorky commercial he’s ever produced as compensation for emotional distress and near religious repentance.
“I WENT TO SEE A PRIEST!”
“And was confession good for the soul?”
“THERE IS GOING TO BE A MURDER IN THIS HOUSE TONIGHT ROGERS! MARK MY WORDS!”
“Your ass when I plow it?”
The last thing everyone hears is Tony making all those high pitched offended noises again but then a bedroom door slams and everybody starts taking bets on how long it will be before Tony drops the lawsuit.
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