@jaeminzie - Tumblr Blog

Aug 24, 2021

each time you fall in love | h.rj

↳ huang renjun x fem!reader

synopsis: as a result of being coerced by jaemin to attend a stupid college party, he met you; got to know you; and lived — with you there to help guide him temporarily. without you, he’s become the type of person he’s ridiculed in the past. though thanks to you, he’s learned that the past is the past and life goes on.

genre: angst, fluff, college au

word count: 10k

warnings: cursing, mentions of cigarettes and alcohol, one sex scene but no explicit smut

playlist: here ☆ *listen in order if possible

a/n: it’s finally here... i’m so proud of this, my first work that’s longer than 3k words !! how exciting is that, and it’s only the beginning :] ( feedback is always lovely ) enjoy !

i. each time you fall in love

renjun is confused as to why he’s standing between sweaty bodies of frat boys when he could be laying down in his own clean sheets while binge watching a new show. but unfortunately not as his best friend just had to quite literally drag him to this party. jaemin has been pestering renjun into accompanying him to a party so renjun can finally “get some.” while in reality, the only “some” renjun is in need of is a break, and attending an overly loud college party only to be pushed around by intoxicated, feral, and freakishly meaty boys isn't the break renjun is quite fond of.

the short boy has been on his tippy toes in an attempt to look for his friend who forced him here (apparently only to ditch him) in the sea of people. when his toes begin to cramp, renjun gives up and marches his way to the backyard. the wrinkles on his forehead begin to smooth as he feels the cool air relieve his slightly sweaty forehead.

he observes the area around him — people out here are dancing more appropriately than those inside, and the music is calmer too. he thinks the dimly lit backyard sets the mood well, complimenting the chill r&b music playing in the back. though, the calmness comes to an end when he hears the infamous loud voice of his good friend, donghyuck, calling his name from the side of the area.

renjun smiles at him and jeno, who is standing right beside donghyuck, feeling relieved that he will no longer look like a pathetic loner since he’s found a few friends who can make him feel less lonely. as he came closer to them, the acrid smell of their cigarettes became more prevalent.

“didn’t take you as a party guy, injunie.” donghyuck nudges him with his shoulder as renjun finds place in between the two, resting his back against the fence.

“that’s because i’m not.”

jeno chuckles at his response, “so jaemin finally succeeded.” renjun huffs at the statement. “well, at least enjoy it now that you’re here.”donghyuck makes a noise of agreement.

“and you guys consider smoking in the corner fun?” renjun eyes the boys, obviously joking with them but is also curious if they genuinely find pleasure in welcoming those toxins into their system. donghyuck clicks his tongue and pushes it against the inside of his cheek, chuckling.

“well, apparently you, a prude, think being a virgin is fun. but i guess we all have different definitions of enjoyment, huh?” donghyuck teases before taking another hit, releasing the smoke and polluting the air.

renjun blinks repeatedly to moisten his burning eyes, “yeah, i expect that same attitude from you when you need an inhaler every five seconds. that’s the only thing you’ll ever hit then.”

jeno coughs out puffs of smoke as he laughs at the feisty remark, “you’ve done pissed him off, hyuck.” he bumps renjun’s shoulder, “here — take a hit, it’ll feel better.” jeno places the cigarette in front of renjun’s face and winks at him.

renjun mockingly smiles at the taller boy before rolling his eyes and heartily laughing at the banter between him and his good pals.

the boy observes how the smoke leaves the tip of the cigarette to form patterns in the air, creating an infinite amount of stems and designs. similar to a camera lens, his focus on the killing object in front of him blurs and readjusts on a dancing figure directly behind the cigarette from afar.

jeno slowly drops his hand down as he sees his friend’s gaze shift to another hazardous entity — a girl. specifically, you. “you know her?”

renjun thinks about his answer, because you guys don’t know each other personally nor have even talked to one another but he does know of you but he doesn’t want to sound like a creep. saving himself from more insults, he shakes his head. “maybe i should, though.”

not that he pays attention but he’s seen you at a couple of his classes last year, but sadly none this year — renjun guesses it’s due to the difference of majors. he remembers how you’d always come in late, but not too late. just late enough for everyone to stop what they’re doing and watch you walk down to your seat. or maybe that was just a natural effect of yours that you hold on people. i mean, renjun didn’t miss to notice that you put thought into your outfit for every class even if it was a boring lecture. hell, you could even show up to class hungover and in pajamas (which you’ve done a shameful amount of times before) and still manage to catch everyone’s attention.

renjun has a pair of functioning eyes with clear vision, if he’s aided by his glasses or contacts, so he is very much aware of your charming looks. tonight was different, though. you danced confidently right in the center of the grass, with a drink in your hands that hasn’t spilled once thanks to your graceful mannerisms. with the fairy lights’ glow hitting your skin, making you glimmer underneath the nearly black sky, renjun thought you couldn’t get any prettier.

he was about to inform his friends that he’ll be getting a drink, but notices that the two boys had already left his side. he cowered at the thought of him just standing there alone with nothing and no one to accompany him while he shamelessly stared at you. worsening the churning feeling in his stomach, your gaze meets his while you continue to dance to the sensual music. your hips swaying to the sedate beat while your arms draw imaginary shapes and lines as you dance, you look behind your bare shoulder to maintain eye contact.

you shoot a smile first, renjun immediately gives you one back as he straightens his posture. renjun sees you giggling at his actions followed up by whispering something in your friend’s ear, simultaneously handing your drink to her, to which she pushes you toward his direction and gently taps your bottom. your friend smirks at your figure as you begin to step closer to the lone boy.

renjun isn’t sure if it was the alcohol taking control or you were just this bold, strutting your way toward him — a boy who you don’t even know.

you halt your steps when you stand in front of him, getting a clear view of his pretty face. “you seem a bit lonely.”

renjun gulps, collecting his confidence. “just a bit.”

“would you like some company then?”

renjun smiles after clearing his throat. “i would like that.” he stares at your features, admiring the dots on your face that would resemble star constellations if someone were to draw lines to connect them. possibly, he could be that person if given the chance. “i’m renjun.” he’s smart enough to wipe his hands discreetly behind him before putting them out for you to shake.

you grin at the gesture. it’s as if people, especially college boys, seem to forget what a handshake is and immediately go in for a hug or a grip on the waist, or both, in the first meeting. “nice to meet you, renjun. i’m y/n.” you take his hand and shake it lightly. “i think i’ve seen you in one of my classes before? i might be wrong.” you tilt your head slightly. renjun almost melts at the sight.

he smiles again before nodding, eyes shining. “yeah, i’m shocked you remember. that was a while back and i don’t usually talk during class.” he laughs. it seems that every time you smile back, his palms become sweatier and his body temperature increases.

“don’t worry, pretty boys like you don’t need to do much to catch yourself some attention.”

renjun laughs nervously at the compliment, fiddling with the ends of his oversized jacket. “i, um, yeah- thank you.” his eyes twinkled as he spoke, the moonlight hitting the highest points of his face precisely. clearing his throat, “you wanna go sit over there?” he points to the chairs near your standing figures. you nod and begin to walk your way toward the spot with renjun following suit.

renjun isn’t sure how it happened. how the night turned from arguing with jaemin over a pointless party to now — not wanting to leave the damn place. how he was able to maintain a real conversation with you, not some excruciatingly boring small talk that neither party enjoys. he learned much about your character and questioned how much more perfect you can get. on the other hand, you learned that renjun makes pleasant company as he eases through the night talking to you about anything. he made any topic worth listening to, only if he’s the one doing the talking.

as he drove home with a drunk jaemin snoring beside him in the passenger seat, he realized that, for once, renjun was thankful that his best friend is the most stubborn person on the planet and made him go to that stupid frat party.

because now, you’ve got him in your hands and he was completely okay with that.

ii. and each time you kiss a girl

the warmth from the convenience store’s heater is so overbearing that renjun clutches onto the cold beer package – which his friends made him go buy after losing a game of rock, paper, scissors – to his chest. it’s another guys’ night that’ll end with his group of friends slumped on the floor, leaving renjun (the only conscious one) to carry them into their respective beds. that’s how they always end.

they start the same, too; donghyuck typically arrives late while the others choose the video game or movie for the night, but he makes up for it because he brings a gift (typically a box of chicken wings) as a sign of forgiveness for his tardy. then, someone is forced to walk down to the store to buy more alcohol, and unfortunately, tonight — it was renjun.

the frown on the boy’s face disappears when he hears the loud twinkles from the door which indicate that someone has entered — you dressed in clothing that’s way too big on you but renjun thinks it’s still cute. he smiles at the sight of you but looks away when he’s come to his senses and realizes that he’s wearing his spider-man pajama bottoms along with his matching socks that were seen through his black pairs of crocs. if it makes it any better, his top is just a regular grey hoodie. his eyes set on the floor as he waits for the person in front of him to finish paying for their stuff.

hearing the last beep from the cash register relieves his worries, yet, he is still so far. “nice pants.”

renjun slowly turns his body to the side to see you snickering at him. he decides to joke back since he’s taken note that you like playful banter, “yeah, they should be! designer, y’know.” he jokingly clicks his tongue and flaunts the red pajamas.

he smiles brighter and his shoulders relax when your giggles increase. “oh i bet,” you nod and wink. “what are you doing here so late, jun?”

his heartbeat skips at the nickname. “my friends need more alcohol, they say.”

“oh, yeah? midterms can have that effect.” renjun hums at your statement, fully agreeing. “i saw you with jeno at the party?”

renjun raises an eyebrow briefly as he gestures to you to pay before him. “you know him?”

you smile at the cashier before turning back to renjun who continues to stand coyly behind you. “we’ve hung out a couple times, nothing much. he’s nice.” you nod at your words. “you guys close?”

renjun hums. “very. quite odd that i haven’t heard your name pop up.”

chuckling, “we’re not that close. we actually kinda drifted apart after the first year here.”

renjun wants to inquire about what happened but he doesn’t want to barge into your privacy. “got it.”

you finish paying for your late-night snacks and step aside so renjun could pay for the beverages. you watch him smile shyly at the cashier and say a small ‘thank you,’ before putting his attention back to you.

you walk side by side in silence as you make it outside, finally feeling the cool breeze that the night brings after being inside of what it seemed like a sauna.

“i guess this is where we part ways.” you drag the last word while you eye renjun who’s looking at you softly.

he parts his lips to speak but pauses, then shakes his head. “i should walk you to your place, it’s too late for you to be walking alone.” he waits for your response but you were taken back because as sad as it sounds, no boy has offered you any kind of gesture like that in the past. renjun starts to overthink his words and thinks he made himself look like a stalker wanting to know where you live. “i-i mean, like, if you’re okay with that, of course.”

you put your hand on his arm to calm him, “no, no, it’s okay. i would really, really appreciate that.” you give him a smile that convinces him that you don’t think he’s some weirdo.

the boy stands timidly, he hesitates whether to take the first steps. thankfully, you take the lead and begin to walk the direction you came from. “how are your midterms treating ya?”

renjun laughs. “kicking my ass, you?”

“i’ve been trying to distract myself,” you face him. “y’know, keeping myself sane by doing other things instead of choosing to drown in papers.”

renjun nods as he kicks some rocks while you both walk on the sidewalk. he wordlessly walks to your other side when he realizes that you’re the one standing near the open road, even though there are no cars around at this late hour. nonetheless, he always wants you to be safe. you smile at the action and the intentions of it, “when he’s a gentleman.” you pretend to fan yourself making renjun let out a loud laugh.

he plays along. “i try, i try,” pursing his lips and shrugging his shoulders.

the giggling stops along with your footsteps as you approach the front of your complex. “thank you for walking me.” renjun likes seeing you like this. in front of him, you stand as you fidget with your fingers and renjun could just coo at the sight but he refrains himself. it seems like to renjun that he makes a fool out of himself whenever you speak to him. he curses at the natural talent of yours that makes the well-spoken boy forget his vocabulary when you flash a quick smile. seeing you in this coy state boosts his confidence.

“no biggie, i enjoyed the walk.”

you giggle, “it was barely three minutes.”

he smiles. “i know.” and pauses. “but any time is lovely when it’s with you.”

quirking an eyebrow and smirking at him, “growing some balls finally?”

he stuffs his hands in the pockets of his hoodie after setting the heavy box of beer bottles on the floor, smiling, “possibly.”

“well then, i can’t wait for what the future has in store.”

a sudden wave of confidence and the inflation of his ego waves through him, big enough for his hand to reach up and cup your cheek, pulling you into a kiss. maybe it was the banter that both of you were engaging in that served as encouragement. or because he was able to recognize earlier that the effect you have on him was the same effect he has on you. or it’s just your aura, how you were able to make him feel at ease even if he had no damn clue what to say to you. possibly it could be how you allow the silence to prolong, never forcing a topic or asking generic questions to get rid of the silence. frankly, he doesn’t care how it happened. not when he’s kissing you, and when you’re kissing him back. he pushes all the thoughts away and lets himself feel you. the cold lips pressed against his softly, the delicate hands resting on his chest. all he cares about is you kissing him back tenderly with the same eagerness, yet, the kiss remains delicate as if you were both made of glass.

renjun’s other hand lands on the small of your back as you become closer to him, chest to chest. your lips moving against each other at the perfect speed with the perfect combination of tenacious and softness.

you pull away first which was a struggle to do. renjun’s smile automatically greets you as you open your eyes slowly. “i, um, should get going. don’t want the beer getting warm or they’ll kick my ass.” he laughs nervously, throat dry.

he forces his eyes to focus on yours, but they so desperately want to switch their gaze down to your plump lips that were just on his a moment ago.

“yes, of course. saving your ass from a beating is always favorable.” you pause. “well, for most people.” you force yourself to stop talking before more nonsense comes out of you but renjun looks amused at your rambling, smiling wide and fighting back his laughter. you reciprocate a smile. clearing your throat, “anyways, thank you again. i’ll see you later?”

“i’ll see you later,” he confirms. renjun watches you walk up to the entrance and waits until he sees through the glass door that you’ve reached the short flight of stairs, waiting a little longer just in case.

walking up the stairs, you had to hold onto the railing as your knees felt weak. your fingertips touch your tingling lips.

a smile forms on both of your faces. you enter your place, crashing on the couch, looking up at the ceiling, and seeing stars. renjun picks up the beverages and begins the short walk back to his own place, admiring the sky along the way.

the boy’s mind and heart are racing, his whole body is pulsing. he kissed you. the flipping in his stomach never stops when he remembers the feeling of your touch. his fingertips feel numb from the tingling. the stupid smile on his face won’t leave even if he forces it to by pushing his lip corners down. it was hard to stand steadily, let alone walk. he couldn’t stop his brain from replaying the moment in his head, though he wasn’t complaining.

he wonders if these same side effects will happen after each time he kisses you in the future. smiling down at the ground, he’ll find out soon enough.

iii. she took you for a ride in summer, baby

the sound of your fits of laughter and joyful screams echo in the tunnel as renjun is too busy taking in the pressure of the powerful wind as you press on the gas pedal harder. your midterm exams are over. both of you celebrate the end of your suffering by driving around the city in your convertible, feeling free. the boy’s knees rest on the leather passenger seat, an elbow on top of the front shield while the other reaches for the stars as the view above you of a cement dome is replaced with a shining crescent moon in the middle of the dark sky.

its light illuminating on renjun’s face, he smiles wider when he looks up above him. he then looks down at you looking at him, and swears that you’re more radiant than the shower of stars lighting up the black sky.

no matter how many times he’s heard it, renjun believes that there’s nothing more warm than the sound of your melodic laughter. he will never get enough of the twinkle in your eyes, and the way it glows as the street lamps and traffic lights reflect on your skin. he sees you smiling with your hair pulled back due to the wind, he is such a goner and he did not mind at all.

“having fun up there?” you yell out, eyes still focused on the road.

renjun looks around. the tall city buildings that surround him are still lit up despite the late hour. if he squints enough, he’d be able to get a glimpse of the people inside working hard and conversing with one another over their nth cup of coffee. then he looks back at you. “yeah,” he yells back before carefully lowering his body so he can sit down. putting his seatbelt back on, “what a thrill.” he speaks with the soft voice that always makes your stomach flip.

“it’s nice to let go, you should do it more often.”

he laughs. “do i not already?”

“you’re kidding, right?” you turn your head toward him for a split second to scan his face. “you’re always on edge, jun.”

tilting his head and humming, “i don’t know about that. i just snuck out to the vending machine past the dorm curfew last night.”

you mockingly gasp, “you did not!”

he nods, “but i did, though.” you giggle and shake your head at him.

“all i’m saying is to live a little more, it’s fun.”

“easier said than done, but i accept the challenge.”

renjun stares at you, loving the way your fingers tap on the steering wheel to the beat of the music that’s blasting. he loves looking at you. you are something to be admired, it’s a must for renjun or the beauty would just be a waste if no one were to stare.

you are so beautiful to him. even if he tries, he cannot put it into words how your beauty strikes him every time you and him share glances, and when he steals them.

the boy refuses to extinguish the spark that ignites when you reach over to hold his hand, caressing it softly. he willingly opens up the cage in his stomach to release the trapped butterflies, eager to soar. he doesn’t care that his hands are sweating and neither do you. the only thing he cares about is you here with him, experiencing the beauty of the tranquil night amidst the chaos in his heart and mind.

love has that effect. the carelessness it comes with allows one to live like it’s your last night and feel emotions that you never even knew existed.

the new song that plays through the car’s speakers perfectly encapsulates how it feels to be in love, but more specially, how it feels to be in love with you. the drums are steady, consistent, never missing a beat nor adding one, and are being voiced over by the synthesizer — yet, it’s all renjun’s ears are picking up. the dreamlike layering of vocals and hums feels serene and so captivating at the same time. renjun finds himself humming along without even knowing the damn words. still, he continues to confidently bob his head off beat and hum whatever sounds right.

somehow, the well-assured off beat tapping of his foot and bopping of his head resembles him and you. you lead, renjun follows. you propose an idea, renjun doesn’t even second guess it. he may not know what’s going on half the time when he’s with you, but he doesn’t need to know all the details to bask in the fireworks that explode in him. it’s clear that renjun’s eyes has been shining brighter, his smiles are wider and last longer, his laughs bounce on the walls harder, and random actions of kindness to strangers – as simple as holding the door, smiling at a stranger he crosses path with, and even complimenting a random person just because he likes the color of their top – are easier to do as opposed to before. before he met you, the outside was scary. now, he’s beginning to put himself out there. renjun’s ways of ‘being more out there’ may seem small compared to what you do, but it’s still a big step for renjun and apparently his friends aren’t so used to him voluntarily going to (stupid) parties. renjun, deep down, still thinks they’re stupid but his perspective on parties immediately switches the moment he sees you enjoying yourself in the middle of the dance floor, usually with a cup in your hand, an arm around a friend, and a blinding smile on your face — renjun refuses to look away.

maybe if renjun loves you enough, he thought, he’ll be able to succeed in the challenge of ‘living more.’ though with you, there are no ‘maybe’s,’ he believes he’s unstoppable if you remain by his side. you make him feel as if his life has finally begun.

he doesn’t realize he’s been staring for a while until you turn to look him in the eye. your crescent moon shaped eyes greet his doe ones, your cold hand reaching over to squeeze his sweaty one lightly as you smile at him before putting your attention back to the road. he continues to admire you. beautiful. he thinks to himself. one word that embodies you so well. how beautiful you are, the feelings you make him feel, the experiences you bring to him that he’s always daydreamed of prior to meeting you, the addicting taste of life you help him attain — how beautiful your love is.

iv. each time you have a dream

renjun tries to calm his pounding heartbeat so it doesn’t interrupt your sleep. you fell asleep on top of him after inviting him over to study but the only studying you’ve been going over is the health benefits of a cuddle, or two. you’ve got renjun engaging in tooth rotting sweetness that his friends never deemed to even think renjun was capable of doing. he just cannot get enough of the light in your eyes when he reciprocates with the flirting and touches you initiate. he’d do anything to catch a glimpse of the sparkle in your eyes while your smile begins to pain your cheeks.

at this point, renjun has built a familiarity with your apartment since he’s been here so many times since the little “thing” you have going on with one another has started three months ago. he wishes to take you outside and do what couples do, or what he thinks couples do since he’s never actually been with someone. though, both your schedules prevent that from happening. you’ve become so busy apparently to the point where you’ve stopped going to parties, leaving renjun – who only goes to parties thinking you’d be there – alone in the crowd. although taking you out on a proper date or even dancing together in the middle of a room filled with stinky frat boys is desired, he can get used to you sleeping peacefully on his chest in the safety of your room for now.

your hair is sprawled out, chest moving up and down against his chest slowly with your fingers tangled in his dark hair. he sighs contently as he watches you sleep. he twirls your hair as he uses his other hand to caress your back. his eyes wander around your face, capturing the image of your relaxed expression. renjun tries his best to remember how evenly spaced your eyelashes are as they brush your skin; he keeps track of your deep breaths that leave your parted lips; he smiles at the way your nose scrunches every once in a while as you dream. despite you being asleep for an hour, leaving renjun to lay in silence, he isn’t bored since he has his favorite view right in front of him.

you groan, vibrations reaching renjun’s chest. he pushes the front stands of your hair to reveal your barely open eyes. oh, how stunning you look with saliva stained skin. the dust balls sitting in the corner of your eyes compliment the whole look. he smiles at you struggling to keep your eyes open.

he is almost certain that you can feel his pounding heartbeat through his thick knitted sweater, but he couldn’t care less. he’s gotten used to the effect you have on him. annoyingly, the intensity of those effects have not lessened over time. “go back to sleep.” he resumes to caress your hair, fingers running through it delicately.

“no,” you prop your chin on top of his chest, eyes wandering his features as his fingertips graze your cheek. “you must be bored.”

he speaks softly, “i could never be that when i’m with you.”

you snort, satisfied with his response. “your game has gotten better.” you grab his hand resting on your cheek to interlock your fingers, feeling his cold metallic rings against your warm skin. “still cheesy, though.” your breath hits his face since the space between your faces is barely even there.

renjun only responds with a chuckle. you frown at his silence. usually, he’d come back with a snarky remark just how you like it. “why so quiet?”

“your breath stinks.”

now becoming fully awake, you slap your palms against his chest to lift yourself up with an offended look plastered on your face. he laughs at how hard your eyebrows are furrowing. his contagious laughter makes it hard for you to maintain your frown, “you sure know how to get a lady going.”

“well, i have been doing my research.” he pushes on his hands behind him to sit up and position you so you’re straddling his lap, your bed sheets tangled between your legs.

renjun laughs wholeheartedly when he sees you trying to discreetly check your breath. you turn your head to the side and cup one hand around your lips, breathing out. his heart goes insane, hands grabbing yours to halt your actions that he had caused. he pulls you toward him abruptly for a kiss, hands sliding down your body and finding a place on your waist.

he barely separates from you, his eyes trained on your lips. “i was just kidding.” his lips brush against yours as he talks. as you were about to retaliate, he beats you to it as he puts his lips back onto yours. moving them slowly and softly, he hums into the kiss. renjun loves the velvety feeling of your lips rubbing against him. the boy nibbles at your bottom lip, tongue swiping across it tenderly before you open your mouth wide enough for him to slip into your mouth and be greeted by your plush tongue. renjun smiles when his tongue relishes the taste of the fruity drink you had earlier. he remains gentle with his motions.

both your hands stay as they are, his on your waist while yours rest on his chest, occasionally gripping the fluffy fabric of his sweater. his tongue retreats and he gives you a long kiss before pulling away.

“you smell good.” you roll your eyes at his words, lightly slapping his arm. “taste good too.”

you groan, “i knew you were gonna say that!” you both laugh while you remove yourself from his lap to get off the bed.

he looks up at you with annoying puppy eyes and a pout, “you know me so well, honey.”

“unfortunately.”

renjun pouts, getting off the bed to stand beside you. “you don’t mean that.” he smiles, wrapping his arms around you.

you let out a breathy laugh, “where is all this affection coming from? where’s the shy boy i met at the party?” you begin to walk out to your living room with renjun following suit.

“well, you’ve done wonders.” you and him find a comfortable spot on the couch with you settling in his arms.

“i didn’t know i was that powerful, you should be nicer to me because of that.”

renjun pinches your sides, looking offended, “do i not treat you well enough already?” he clicks his tongue and ruffles your hair messily.

you continue to smile at him while he reaches over to his bag sitting on the floor right in front of the couch, digging into it before pulling out his sketchbook and a pencil. “let me draw you.”

he grabs you by the shoulders to make you sit in front of him then eyes you up and down as you both change positions so both of you are sitting at each end of the couch. “and if it’s good enough, you gotta let me take you out on a date.”

“show me what you got, art major.”

renjun begins by examining your figure — not that he needs to focus on your features more since he’s got everything about you memorized, but because he simply just wants to.

the sound of the lead scratching against the paper is calming along with renjun’s humming. he notes the way you're seated on the couch, knees to your chest as your chin rests on top of them. you begin to hum with him as the silence becomes overbearing for you to which he chuckles since your humming is not synchronized with his at all. he still bops his head.

the ambiance of the room is soothing. no words are being exchanged, yet, it’s still comfortable. instead, long glances, flirting eyes, and smiles are the ones doing the communicating.

giggling, the view in front of you entertains you. renjun’s tongue is poking out and resting between his lips with his eyebrows furrowed so deeply as his hand doesn’t stop moving.

“i’m gonna fall asleep,” you yawn.

renjun boos. “you just woke up. c’mon, i need my model to be awake.” he halts his movements to look up at you, his face immediately softens when he sees you rubbing your eyes and attempting to refrain a yawn.

you slowly nod, “no promises, though.”

he laughs once more before resuming, his eyes begin to linger on your face and body before putting his attention back to the drawing pad on his lap. you swear you could see stars in his eyes, you smirk.

as the sound of the satisfying pencil scratches against the rough paper fills your ears more and the sunset glow begins to creep through your windows further, the heavier your eyelids become. it’d be a lie if you said you tried to keep yourself awake. the sweet atmosphere was just too good.

when renjun looks back at you, he smiles and shakes his head. already, your mouth is wide open, releasing soft snores into the air. he rips the finished drawing out of his sketchbook before placing it on top of your table. with a black pen that he retrieved from the very bottom of his bag, he writes, is this good enough?

after gathering all his belongings, he remains on the couch, watching you like you’re his favorite show — and in some ways, you actually are. too good to be true. you are ethereal underneath the sunset’s light, the mixed hues of orange and pink paint your skin perfectly.

renjun wishes to take a picture but he remembers that you aren’t comfortable with picture taking as you’ve told him before. you’ve stated a few times that you want to wait until telling both your friends, and renjun respects that. it works in renjun’s favor as well since he’s not fully ready to deal with the teasing from his amazing group of pals.

he stares a little longer to ensure that this memory will be clear even a year or two (or forever) later. he pushes himself up off of the couch, picking up his bag then walking over next to your sleeping body. he leans down carefully, afraid that he’ll disrupt your peace, to place a gentle kiss on your cheek before leaving your apartment.

v. you never know what it means

renjun’s shoulders slump, eyes leaving his phone immediately after reading the first word of the text you had just sent him — “sorry.” he doesn’t need to read the rest of the message to know. another “rain check.”

it’s been nearly a month since you’ve promised him a date and each time the plans have been finalized, something comes up at the last minute. he tries to be understanding but he can’t help feeling discouraged, questioning whether you even want to go out with him.

sighing, he opens his phone and replies with a simple “it’s alright. next time, for sure.” renjun isn’t even sure himself if his message holds truth to it. he wishes it does.

a knock on his bedroom door interrupts his thoughts, he yells out a ‘come in’ before seeing jaemin’s head pop out from the other side. “i thought you had somewhere to be?”

renjun shrugs. “figured i stay home instead.”

“oh, well, i’m going out with jeno. wanna come with?” renjun smiles weakly at the offer, but shakes his head softly.

“i got some work to catch up on, but thank you.”

“whatever you say, injunie. we probably won’t be back until late late, party nights y’know.” jaemin winks before shutting the door. renjun takes off the shirt he’s been saving to wear for your first date and tosses it on the bed the moment he hears their front door close indicating that he’s now home alone. he collects enough energy to dress himself into comfortable clothing. the worries slowly empty out of him as he changes.

in an attempt to get his mind off of things, he opens his drawer of paint, canvases, and other supplies. he leans over his desk to open the window in front of it, revealing the beautiful night sky and being met with a needed refreshing breeze.

the boy begins to gather his supplies while simultaneously unlocking his phone to play music. renjun settles down on the desk and looks up at the view beyond the window before blotting various dark colors on the canvas, attempting to match the shade of the sky. he pouts at the absence of stars in the polluted sky but he makes note to still paint some on there later, creating his desired image.

painting actually did wonders much to renjun’s surprise. he’s been sitting still in the same desk for a few hours, painting and adding more details on his canvas that he pretends to see in the real model. he drops the paintbrush in his hand into the water cup causing some droplets of tainted water to splash on his face but he doesn’t flinch.

while wiping his glasses, his bright phone creates a glare from the side of his eye. he adjusts his glasses back on and wipes his hands on his old grey sweatpants before picking up his phone, his spine straightens at the notification.

y/n: you sleeping yet?

renjun contemplates whether to answer or act like he’s not awake. another vibration hits his hand from his phone.

y/n: jun :(

he throws his head back as his fingers begin to type for him, looking back at the screen to check for spelling errors before clicking send. he hates how easy he can be when it comes to you. yet, he doesn’t regret it at all.

h. renjun: not yet.

y/n: good cuz i’m outside your place

renjun’s eyes nearly pop out of his skull after reading your text. he pushes himself out of his chair and scurries his way to the front door, taking a deep breath and flattening his shirt with his hands before unlocking it.

both your eyes meet instantly. “hi,” renjun croaks.

renjun tries to keep a stern face but is so tempted to pull you in for a hug when he sees you fiddling with the leather jacket hanging from your shoulders.

“sorry for coming over unannounced.” you pause. “and for bailing on our date. again.”

renjun breathes out. “i said it was alright.” silently, he moves over to the side to allow you inside.

the door clicks behind you. “is it though?” you step closer to him, seeing him tense up.

he nods firmly. “yeah, really.” he clears his throat when you continue to stare at him. “i thought you were busy?”

shrugging, “finished stuff early. i wanted to come see you.”

renjun softens. “well, now you see me.” he takes a step forward before enveloping you into a hug. renjun catches a hint of alcohol in your scent. he pulls away, “you went to the party? jaemin was talking about some party earlier. you went?” renjun tries to conceal his hurt. he feels slight regret in inquiring about it because he doesn’t want to hear the confirmation that you ditched your date for that one stupid party that he didn’t attend.

“i did — but my roommates were the one who made me go after i finished my work. i didn’t really have a choice,” you grab his hands and squeeze them. “i promise i didn’t bail out because of that.”

the boy visibly relaxes, relieved that you didn’t willingly choose a lame party over him. “oh okay,” he pauses. “you aren’t tired?”

you lean forward to wrap your arms around his neck, making his stomach flip and his arms instinctively slither around your waist securely. “i wanted to come over.” renjun attentively watches how your face comes closer to his, thinking you’d kiss him but you swerve your head and place it near his ear, planting a small kiss underneath it. “let me make it up to you.”

the warmth of your breath and the softness of your voice sends shivers down his spine. you push your lips together while blindly guiding your bodies toward his bedroom. renjun’s hands hold onto your waist as his lips begin to sync with yours. renjun isn’t sure how it happened — how he ended up on his bed with you hovering over him, painting his skin with colors he’s never been covered in by using your mouth.

renjun grabs you by the shoulder, halting your movements. “wait, didn’t you drink?”

giggling, “barely, jun.” you lean to kiss his neck but he backs away. huffing, “trust me, that was hours ago. i’m completely sober by now.” you pout. “don’t you want this?”

“yes, yes. of course i do,” renjun’s body eases to your touch when you rest your hands on his chest, pushing him to lay on the soft sheets completely. renjun isn’t sure how this is happening, but he wants you so bad, he is hungry to feel the love you have to offer. he couldn’t wait to feel it. “it’s just-“ his eyes scan your face. “i’ve never done anything like this before.”

a soft smile appears on your face and renjun calms at the sight. “i’ll take care of you, jun.”

soon enough, the clothing is on the floor and kisses are being spread all over your heated bodies. the boy’s heart races as you reach lower and lower. he wishes to speak sweet nothings in this moment but he could barely think straight nor talk coherently. only the jagged breaths and quiet noises that escape both of you along with the bed squeaking fill the atmosphere.

foreign sensations run through his body and fill his veins, yet he feels as if something is missing. his hands are planted on the sheets, squeezing it rhythmically each time your body moves on top of him. he wants to kiss you, caress you, whisper in your ear how beautiful you look, and he hopes that you’d do the same to him.

oh, how stunning you look glowing underneath the moonlight shining through his open window. the cool breeze hits your bodies causing goosebumps to rise. renjun is breathless at the sight and feeling of you. he doesn’t want this to end. he wishes to keep holding onto you while you grip his bare skin like you’ll never leave him; like he’s all that you need.

you keep moving, renjun grabs a hold of your waist and attempts to move as well. the noises you emit sound heavenly; the scratches on his chest are painfully pleasurable. renjun’s lips are tingling, desperately wanting your taste on his tongue, but renjun is captivated by the view of you. your eyes completely shut, mouth wide open, hair strands sticking out, the beads of sweat sliding down your bare body. renjun doesn't want to ruin the moment. he contemplates whether to compliment how you look and feel, but you appear as if you are in another dimension, asking not to be disrupted.

both of you let out a loud groan as your motions begin to slow. renjun anticipates the kiss he’s been yearning for but instead, you remove yourself from on top of him and plop down next to him on the bed, opening your eyes when you face away from him.

renjun stays still, looking up at the ceiling as he tries to recollect the moments that just happened. he looks over at you, your back greets him.

goosebumps are still evident on your skin. he pulls the blanket over your body and moves closer to you. he isn’t sure what he should be feeling at this moment. supposedly ecstatic and blissful and content after he had just slept with the girl that he loves. the hollowness in his chest should have been mended, yet somehow, it’s become deeper. the tingling on his lips have gone away and dropped down to the center of his chest. he recalls the time his friends have told him the stories of their first times saying how it did not fulfill their (young teenage) sexual expectations at first, as a way to comfort himself.

renjun can’t help but feel that something is missing as you lay beside his bare body, back turned against him. not knowing you are wide awake as well.

vi. it’s clearly not enough

two weeks; since renjun last saw you. the texts he receives from you are short but you always respond quickly, making the boy less disappointed.

you still text regularly and a few phone calls here and there when renjun needs your soothing voice to fall asleep. it’s pathetic, he’s aware.

renjun can’t believe he’s at the point where the only way to cure his insomnia is to pick up his phone and ring you up. he doesn’t know another method that is as effective. yes, he’s tried being more physically active throughout the day, yet, he still laid awake those couple of nights. a warm glass of milk didn’t do the switch in his system. not even listening to white noises could lull him to slumber. hell, he even started counting sheeps.

if only he knew from the beginning that a simple phone call of yours would be the solution, he would’ve called you right away. he didn’t discover the wonders of your calming voice until you called him during one of his long nights, in which he was fighting for his life trying not to fall asleep on you during the first ten minutes of your conversation. after those ten minutes, the sound of snoring boomed from the other side of the call. since then, it’s become a routine for renjun to text you before his bedtime to make sure you can spare a few minutes so he can get a good rest.

unfortunately, tonight, it doesn’t seem that renjun will be getting a good night's sleep. he places his phone down to his side when he hears the robotic voice from the other side of the call for the third time. he scrunches his face and huffs. he misses you. eventually over time, he’s become fond of your touch and the noises you make when he touches you back. possibly, too fond. he apparently misses you so much that he’s willing to get out of the comfort of his bed and commute to your place. surely, the ‘life of the party’ girl is not already sleeping when it’s barely reaching midnight.

“fuck it,” he curses underneath his breath. the boy pushes himself off of his bed, not bothering to change his clothing as he believes that his matching red plaid pajama set is presentable enough. clicking the side of his phone, it read “11:26.” the boy estimates that he’ll be knocking at your door by 11:45 pm.

and his estimation was precise, there he was knocking at your door. he tugs on his sleeves while waiting for you to open the door, a smile already present for you to see. becoming impatient and in a desperate need of your warm embrace, renjun knocks once more.

he murmurs a countdown from ‘five’ and immediately crunches down to your mat at ‘zero,’ lifting the fabric and snatches your keys that’s underneath it. he chuckles at the thought of you thinking that placing your keys underneath your mat, the most known tactic and the first thing thieves would probably do before breaking in, would be a brilliant idea.

renjun feels giddy when inserting the keys into the knob and twisting it, sighing happily when met with the air trapped inside of your home. to his surprise, the lights in your living room and kitchen are off. he kicks off his slides before wandering toward your bedroom with his hands stuffed in his pajama’s pockets and a small grin on his face as he looks around, remembering the memories made with you in this place. how you two have spent countless hours on your couch talking, laughing, cuddling, staring, and doing absolutely nothing at times. turning his head over to the kitchen on his left, he lets out a small breathy laugh when he recalls the time you miserably failed at cooking him dinner. he can still vividly remember that moment and the horrid smell still lingers in his senses.

the cold doorknob of the bedroom door greets his warm hand, causing shivers to arise throughout his body. the boy bites his smile as he opens the door, eager to see you. the lighting in your room is dim, making renjun’s sight even worse. renjun’s hand reaches for the light switch beside him, turning on the lights only to reveal two lumps formed beneath the sheets.

renjun feels everything in his system shut down when he sees you laid upon another man, fingers in his hair and your head resting on top of his chest just how you were when renjun was last here, except he was the one holding you then.

renjun storms out of your place and slams the door, making sure you jolt out of your sleep and out of the stranger’s arms. he pulls out his phone as he continues to scurry out of the building, vision blurry but he still manages to unlock his phone and type a message.

h. renjun: i hope you’re proud of yourself, don’t talk to me.

the phone in his hand vibrates almost immediately, causing renjun’s heart to nearly jump out. he sighs when he sees it’s just jaemin asking where he’s gone to at midnight. pathetic, pathetic, pathetic. he thinks to himself

the time with you and the memories you created with him (that renjun knows he’ll never forget), made him believe that all the lies were true. how amazing you are. the tears welling up blur his vision and his knees weaken, leading him to trip and stumble back home.

renjun pushes through the door, not caring about the late hour. with his head down to hide his stained cheeks from his peers sat in the living room, he walks to his room and immediately locks it when the door shuts behind him. he drops himself on the bed, eyes closed, taking deep breaths in effort to calm himself but he cannot prevent his mind from flashing back to moments spent with you. he continuously taps on his phone to check if you’ve responded, but it seems that you’re still dreaming away with that other man.

soft knocks on the door can be barely heard along with soft talking coming from his friends on the other side of the door. “jun,” he cringes at the name they call him. “you alright?”

the boy musters just enough energy to hum loudly for them to hear past the barrier. without having a good night’s sleep and seeing the person he loves, or loved, cuddling on the same bed they used to with another person, renjun barely has the energy to lift a finger and open his eyes. though, he perseveres and manages to unlock his phone and type a quick message to the group chat reassuring them that he’s fine. to be frank, he isn’t in the mood to fake a smile and let out an ingenuine laugh while his friends do stupid shit for his entertainment. he’d rather lie through a screen. laying on his soft comforting bed, face buried into the pillows, is ideal.

renjun turns his body to face the ceiling and barely notices that he’s crying until a tear slips down the side of his face and lands on his neck, followed by another tear and then another. he feels oddly calm. despite his skin being stained by tears, he is breathing. closing his eyes, he tries to block out every memory spent with you.

the first step of discarding you: reaching over for his phone, blinded by the bright screen, and blocking your number. renjun doesn't know what his second step will be. frustratingly enough, he’s held onto you when he needs a push. without you, what other sources of encouragement are there?

renjun feels as if he hears a ticking noise inside of him, a bomb waiting to explode. the tears have stopped streaming down. he wonders how much longer will it take for him to trash his room, rip the papers that he used to draw you, shred them into tiny parts that they can no longer be pieced together, and scatter the pieces all over the floor with some still flying in the air.

it feels excruciating for renjun to wait around and see when he’ll snap. so he’s just laid there, staring blankly at the ceiling; the tears have dried on his skin making his face feel tight and cold, the energy to move even the slightest bit is nonexistent.

he wants to speed the process, tired of feeling his pounding heartbeat in his eardrums. he just wants to yell out all the curse words he can think of and possibly make some of his own. though, all he can do is lay, stare, and blink slowly. unable to move and feel.

vii. how come you never give in

it is now summer, but renjun has never felt so cold. during his time alone, he’s learned that he doesn’t need you to stay by his side to continue “living more.” he was foolish for even believing that the only way he could live up to that stupid challenge you proposed is if you’re with him, supporting him, guiding him. indeed, you did give that little push but renjun is aware that he is fully capable of getting through anything alone.

oddly enough, he does not regret you one bit. the pain you caused him to experience convinces him that he is inevitable. he flicks his two fingers, a cigarette placed in between them, up harshly. ash spread around on the cement of the rooftop of his complex. renjun chuckles when he recalls the first time he actually accepted donghyuck’s offer to take a hit from his cigarette. of course, donghyuck was only joking, never expecting renjun to take him seriously when he asks him if he wants a cigarette. he shakes his head, not believing how much of a priss he used to be.

renjun believes that you came to him just so he can let go. if he was able to let go of you, he’s able to let go of his past habits that held him back from experiencing the beauty and tragedies of life. another inhale of smoke fills his lungs.

for once, there are stars and a moon to decorate the pitch black sky. it’s been a while since he’s seen a sky like this. it seems that, lately, the night sky has been dull and lifeless. smiling, he stares longer just to admire and to see what kind of shapes he can create in his mind by connecting the stars with imaginary lines. the lines of smoke that expand wider as they reach higher above him takes over to be his view instead.

renjun loved you more than life itself. though for him at that time, that wasn’t much. but it was still something.

he was able to find something — someone — who resembled both the sun that the planets revolve around, and air that’s everywhere but cannot be seen, yet, still essential. another hit. he lets his head fall back before breathing in then out. jaemin has ridiculed him when renjun first started this new habit of his, but he paid no mind to the nagging.

living more, he remembers. the boy could live past 80 years old, but might not have experienced the immediate relief and pleasure when he takes that first hit of a brand new pack of cigarettes. if it weren’t for you, he may not have experienced the addictive bliss of being in love. so addictive that renjun would go through all the pain and sleepless nights again just so he can one more late night drive with the car’s top down. the feeling of the strong wind is freeing as opposed to being caged in his room, profusely arguing with jaemin who urges the boy to go to a dumb frat party.

renjun is shocked and proud that he isn’t crying as he reminisces the love you gave him, or pretended to give. the phone calls when he couldn’t sleep. his remedy now is to play soft classical music, falling asleep with that playing in the background takes longer than it did with your voice on speaker but it does the job.

you two have not spoken since that night, and renjun is thankful for that matter. he holds no spite for you, but he’s also likely to give no attention to you if you two ever cross paths again. you are the past and renjun would prefer to keep it that way. as much as he is thankful for the moments – good and bad – you created with and for him, he’s content with looking back on old memories rather than creating new ones with you.

there was always something missing in the relationship you and renjun had, perhaps the sincerity from your side. renjun left wanting more. the small taste he received fueled his hunger. he could die young, but happy as he’s felt the emotions that comes with the movies he’s watched and the books he’s read. during those times when he’d be off in another universe as he’s embarrassingly invested in a romance book, he’d wonder if that’s what being in love truly feels like and he can now confidently answer his past self’s questions. he’s lived, and will continue to live until his last breath; until the last inhale of the small white roll delicately sat between his soft fingers.

renjun never got the hype around cigarettes — all they do is burn his lungs and make him feel lifeless as his soul slowly evaporates into the dark sky — until he was met with your love, a different type of toxin that seems to have the same effect. luckily enough for him, he sees the beauty and wonder in everything. the excitement of losing some parts of himself for a brief moment of pure bliss. isn’t that what living more is like? the ‘more’ part isn’t measured by the duration of one’s life, but instead, it’s measured by how well the person spent the time that they did have. and during the time he had with you, he lived.

a/n: y/n left a rose quartz in renjun’s place so now he’s down bad for her while she’s enjoying her hot girl summer,, hashtag support the girlboss movement B] . . . i hope you enjoyed it ♡

#omg happy 200 notes to my actual baby <3 #this fic will always have a special place in my heart

jaeminzie

staytinyana-deactivated20211213

Aug 14, 2021

jaeminzie

what do you desire? | n.jm

↳ na jaemin x gender neutral!reader

synopsis: a single tutoring session to help a failing na jaemin earned you a ticket to receive whatever you want. so what will it be?

genre: fluff

word count: 2,082

part of ‘the dreamies in hogwarts’ series

“don’t you feel any sympathy for me?!” jaemin’s voice bounced on the walls, making your ears rings for the nth time for the past ten minutes of him following you around campus. “professor vector will kill me if i fail another arithmancy exam!” his voice seems louder than before indicating that he got closer to your moving body.

you groaned as your legs began to feel like jelly after brisk walking the entire school. halting your steps and turning your body sharply to face the distressed boy, making the ends of your blue hinted robe swing into the air. “well, if only you studied-“

“-and that’s exactly why i need you to help me.” the boy dressed in green took a few steps to get closer to you and reached for your hands (which you gladly pulled away from him) with pleading eyes. “i promise i won’t waste your time, i’ll for sure get a good grade if you help me.” that stupid, beautiful smile of his made a small appearance, making you roll your eyes at his act of flattery.

“and what do i get from it?” you crossed your arms and glared him down which made the boy frown. “as a tutor, i need some form of payment.”

jaemin’s head fell back as he let out a laugh, giving you a perfect view of his exposed neck accessorized with a dainty gold necklace that complimented his beauty so well. “isn’t it obvious?” he looked at you with a raised eyebrow, expecting you to know what the hell he was talking about. he continued to look at you until the silence became unbearably long, he scoffed, “you get to spend time with me, of course!”

your mouth gaped open at his words and the seriousness of his face, “goodbye, jaemin.” dropping your arms to your side, you turned away from his body and began walking at your previous speed only to be pulled back when jaemin grabbed your hand and turned you around by your waist.

he immediately removed his hands off of you when he noticed the flare in your eyes. “okay okay, i was kidding.” scratching his neck, jaemin was thankful it was nighttime since you weren’t able to see his crimson red cheeks nor see the way his eyes glistened as he admired your features underneath the moonlight. “i’ll do whatever you want, i don’t care what it is — literally anything your heart desires. promise.” he lifted his pinky finger up and looked at you seriously.

you pondered at his offer and smirked once you realized that jaemin has a meaty wallet while you had a long shopping list of supplies to check off at dervish and banges. “fine.” jaemin’s smile couldnt be contained at your word, you held up a finger to shush his incoherent noises of excitement. “i cannot be seen with you.”

his smile dropped and placed his hands on his waist, “well, that’s insulting.”

“you expect me to be with you in broad daylight when you have an entire cult of students who would kill one another to receive a one-second glance from you?” you roll your eyes when jaemin begins to smirk, feeling his ego inflating. “we meet after hours at the astronomy tower tomorrow night.”

“y/n, if you want to get with me, just tell me — you don’t need to use our tutor sesh as an exc-“

you scoffed and turned around to walk toward the ravenclaw common room, leaving the boy to talk to himself in the empty corridor.

you shake your head to yourself. why, just why are you doing this.

—

two days later, you sat in study hall fighting your heavy eyelids and limp neck. the first tutor session with jaemin consisted of one sided conversations and flirting since the boy cannot get a hint. though, there were times where he’d impress you with his ability to learn things quickly.

your friend nudged your shoulder and ‘pst’-ed at you. “did you hear about last night?” she spoke quietly, making sure not to disturb the people around you.

you looked at her briefly before closing your eyes to gain some sort of relief from your exhaustion. “don't know, and frankly, i don’t care.”

“well, na jaemin from slytherin house has a significant other.”

you giggled to yourself because there’s no way a boy with such a bad game could score a date when you weren’t even willing to have tutoring with him. “yeah yeah.”

your friend whisper-yelled, “and they’re from our house!” your eyes immediately widened. “right! they were seen walking around past bedtime by gryffindor’s head boy, mark lee, when he was told to make sure there were no students awake.”

you sat up straight, fully awake, shaking your head. “you think anyone is stupid enough to walk around hogwarts at night?”

“a ravenclaw at that.” your friend shrugged. “mark only saw jaemin’s face and the blue details of the other’s robe, he sucks at lying so.”

“bogus.” you huffed.

“what?” she gave you a teasing smile. “jealous? you like him or something?”

you fake laughed at your friend and discreetly began writing a note before gathering your supplies and dismissing yourself. you scanned the room, walking your way to the man of the hour and slipped the note on the table he sat alone at. you wasted no time dashing out the hall, making sure you didn’t look suspicious since jaemin had eyes on him every second and you seriously did not feel like being mauled right now.

jaemin watched your body disappear through the doors and frowned at how you didn’t bother to speak a single word to him before leaving. he fiddled with the small piece of paper before opening it up, smiling as he read the words.

astronomy tower, same time. don’t be late.

—

jaemin’s body turned around in an instant when he heard the wooden floor of the tower creaking, already showcasing his smirk. “what do we have here?” he questioned your late arrival when you were so persistent on being on time yourself.

you couldn’t respond as you were trying to catch your breath after enduring the dreadful flight of stairs.

jaemin smiled endearingly at your state, walking up to you slowly, “i’ll let it slide because you’re too cute.” he ended his sentence with a small boop on your nose, still keeping his smile on his face. “what's the occasion, we didn’t plan to study? you couldn’t get enough of me, huh.”

finally maintaining a stable breathing pattern, “you wish.”

jaemin chuckled and wiped his nose with his thumb, “you’re right, i do wish that.” the octave of his voice dropped even lower, making your knees weak and your act harder to play. “i’m guessing you heard the rumors.”

you snapped your head up to look at him. “you knew?” he responded silently with a nod. “aren't you friends with that mark guy?” another nod. “if people find out it’s me, i’ll be dead.”

“when people find out it’s you.” he corrected you.

you let out a breathy laugh and he stood so closely to you that the air hit his face, making the front strands of his hair swing back. “you’re funny.”

his smirk dropped and was replaced with a small smile. “i got an ‘a’ on my exam, by the way.”

your mood shifted at his words, the smile on your face was so bright that jaemin believed the moonlight couldn’t even compete against you. when you realize you’ve been smiling for an abnormal amount of time, you cleared your throat and brushed his shoulder with yours as you walked past him toward the metal railings. “good job.” you rested your elbows on the metal and took in the fresh air and the beautiful view from the tower.

jaemin’s footsteps were slow as he made his way behind you, he stood directly behind you with his hands in his pockets. “thanks to you.” he breathed against your hair, making your heart race. “so, what does your heart desire, y/n?”

you. you thought to yourself.

his hands reached over to lean them against the railing, making his chest press against your back. “i can turn down the rumors if that’s what you really want.”

you tried to stabilize your breathing, you wanted nothing more than to crumble into the floor as you felt your face and neck become warmer. “no.” you spat out, wincing silently at yourself for the impulsive decision. clearing your throat, “it’s fine.”

you couldn’t see but jaemin was smiling as he felt your ragged breathing against his chest, and saw how your fingers nervously fiddled with the railing in front of your bodies. wanting to have more fun and test your buttons, he questioned, “why is that?” he lowered his head so his chin was resting on your shoulder, he could feel the heat of your cheeks radiate and you felt the heat from the tip of his ears touch your bare neck.

“just cause. to save you from trouble.” you mumbled.

“and what about my cult?”

“i don’t care anymore.”

“so you don’t care if i-“ he placed a delicate kiss on the side of your neck. “-in front of them?”

your breath audibly hitched at his actions, and you swore he could feel your heart pounding through your back. you could only hummed at him.

he removed his hands off of the railing and wrapped his arms around your waist, securing his hold on you. “i knew it.” he spoke softly right into your ear.

caressing your body, he moved his hands on your sides and maneuvered your body to face him and placed your back against the rusty metal. “i like you too.”

you laughed at the dreamy eyes he’s giving you and the overflowing confidence in his tone of voice. “you sound so sure of yourself.”

he quirked an eyebrow. “are you saying that i’m wrong?”

you purse your lips at him and chose not to answer his question to tease him.

jaemin’s face moved closer to yours, nose brushing against each other and lips gazing one another. “that’s what i thought.” his lips brushed yours as he spoke, and you could feel the butterflies unleash out of their cocoons and soar through your entire body.

you were prepared to let out a snarky remark but you lost your train of thought once you felt his plump lips engulf your soft ones. jaemin’s grip on your hips tightened as he pulled you closer to him while your hands moved up his torso, chest, and landed underneath his jaw. the movements of your lips never ceased as both of you finally grew tired of hiding your feelings toward each other — well mainly your feelings, jaemin wasn’t the most discreet with his.

the sounds of your lips and heavy breathing filled the tower. jaemin pulled away just to kiss the skin around your lips and down your neck, his hands slithered around and found a place on your lower back. you sighed contently at the sensation of his wet lips against the cold skin of your neck.

his kissing gradually came to a stop, he looked up at you with a tired smile and shining eyes. you both admired the view in front of each other before the tinted red boy pulled you into a hug, hand in your hair while yours caressed his broad back.

“i thought of my wish.” you pulled back from the hug to look him in the eye but kept your arms secure around his waist, jaemin copied your moves.

jaemin looked around, pretending to think. “hmm, what could it be?”

you pinched his side slightly, making his addictive giggle erupt out of him. “my heart desires a date.”

jaemin’s smile grew. “no way, me too. how convenient is that!”

you rolled your eyes at his antics, biting a smile.

“and also for you to protect me from your little cult.” jaemin laughed at your words but both of you knew you were being serious.

he nodded and hummed. “whatever your heart desires, i shall grant it.”

you cringed at his language. “gross, don’t do that.” slapping a hand against his chest while laughing. jaemin brought up his left hand to hold yours placed on his chest, grabbing it, caressing it with his thumb, and bringing it up to his lips to gently place a lingering kiss right on the back of your hand.

“whatever your heart desires.”

#200 notes !!! crazy thank u sm #i loved writing this one #i miss u slytherin jaemin

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