...you weren't usin' a Jakobs. (Return of the ol' reliable, polite and family-oriented. Penned by Dell, C an' good ol' M4rsh-4ll. Mostly mandated by the Board.)
Zero my dude - there is no way in all of Elpis your using that gun when I SPECificallY helped you mod your sword a total of 2 times and still, STILL you asked the new vault hunter to procure yet another mod for you
And that gun isn't even current tech
( p.s. axton the only burns your good at making is on the battlefield with a fire weapon )
*Coughs* preferably not hyperion like someone we know *coughs*
Ever wonder why the guns have shields, I'm the new ceo and zero is using the latest model. It's actually quite nice. As an assassin myself I appreciate his taste in craftsmanship
Our systems have just: received the 1 billionth query about... well. The same thing as usual. And so, before that exact query's added to the blacklist, I shall: answer it.
Loadin'... standby.
Query: How come Mr. Jakobs and Sir Jakobs have such a good long term relationship? [SEVERAL MORE KNOWN VARIANTS TRUNCATED FOR BREVITY]
Standby for permission... familial authorization granted. Data downloaded and processed.
Return: Communication and willin' to reach an understandin'. Also, thinkin' moustaches and regional dialects are hot. But mostly the communication thing.
This's your regular reminder to try an' not debate the semantics of our slogan.
The Board would also like y'all to know that even the Family is not exempt from occasional several hour disagreements over said semantics, an' that they lead nowhere.
It does. But they will never give ya access, 'cause they've been runnin' an old per-so-nality wipe of yours ever since they were founded. You'd know too much.
And that? That's secret project shit that I know about only because o' my... connections.
i'm seeing some activity in the borderlands tag still but not many people are reblogging my art so! hi! if you're seeing this i'm nikolai and i post so so much borderlands art. mostly au stuff but still. pls check out my art tag (#artstuff).
Sir Alistair Hammerlock/Wainwright Jakobs (Borderlands) vs. Irving Bailiff/Burt Goodman (Severance)
Sir Alistair Hammerlock/Wainwright Jakobs
Irving Bailiff/Burt Goodman
Voting ended onAug 2, 2023
Propaganda:
Sir Alistair Hammerlock/Wainwright Jakobs:
THEY ARE CANONICALLY MARRIED!!!!! THEY ARE FORCE/FINESSE SUN/MOON SALT/SUGAR. THEY ARE SILLY GENTLEMEN WHO ARE IN LOVE.
HAMMERLOCK IS A VICTORIAN BIG GAME HUNTER LIFTED STRAIGHT FROM A STEAMPUNK NOVEL WHO IS ALL ABOUT ADVENTURE AND WAINWRIGHT IS A SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN HEIR TO A GUN MANUFACTURING MEGACORPORATION WHO HAS SMALL AMBITIONS. OPPOSITES ATTRACT ULTIMATE INCARNATION.
THE THEMES AND MOTIFS AND PARALLELS BETWEEN THEM ARE IMPECCABLE. THEY SUPPORT EACHOTHER UNCONDITIONALLY AND WHOLEHEARTEDLY.
HAMMERLOCK THOUGHT HE WAS GOING TO DIE AND HE RECORDED WHAT HE THOUGHT WERE GOING TO BE HIS LAST WORDS AND HE SAYS, I QUOTE: "but I long not for death seeking adventures, but instead for one… last… peaceful… moment… with you. I love you, Wainwright. Farewell."
DID I MENTION HAMMERLOCK HAS A NICKNAME FOR WAINWRIGHT. HE CALLS HIM Winny AND IT MELTS MY HEART EVERY TIME. GOD
THEY GET MARRIED IN THE CORPSE OF AN ELDRITCH GOD AND THEIR WEDDING IS AN ENTIRE DLC. IT ALSO COVERS THEIR RESPECTIVE DOUBTS THAT MAYBE THEY AREN'T THE RIGHT MAN FOR EACHOTHER BUT IN THE END THEY REALIZE THAT IT'S NOT TRUE AND THE OTHER LOVES HIM SO SO SO MUCH JUST LIKE HE IS.
I AM SO SO AUTISTIC ABT THEM THEY ARE PEAK OLD MAN YAOI BUT THEY ARE VIRTUALLY UNKNOWN IN THE OLD MAN YAOI COMMUNITY. PLEASE.
They have an entire DLC about their wedding. Their base game story arc starts with Wainwright calling you to ask you to go on a rescue mission to save Hammerlock and calling him the love of his life.
There is a whole game DLC dedicated to their canonical marriage, they constantly call each other by pet names, every single time they talk about one another there is passion in their voices, they express how much they love and care for each other.
Irving Bailiff/Burt Goodman:
they are TRAPPED in capitalist dystopian hell and yet gay love persists. literally they are fighting for their got damn lives to be gay. they've been subjected to evil fucked up brain surgery to make them forget who they are outside of the workplace and yet. AND YET. they fall in love INSIDE the workplace and gain the desire to fight their oppressors so they can do old man yaoi activities. i forgot to take my adderall today sorry im not forming coherent thoughts but they made christopher walken yaoi real
They have only ever experienced being at work and are desperately trying to find meaning with no memory of the outside world. Fraternization is against the rules as well. The yearning is so much.
they are 2 sad old men who are in forbidden love. they bond over a mutal love of corporate art & company tote bags. their love inspired Irving to rebel against his employers for the first time ever. Burt is even Christopher Walken.
They’re so quietly sweet and heart-wrenching… fell in love on the ‘inside’ (they both work a job that ‘severs’ their work memories from their out-of-work memories; inside the job, they have no idea who they are on the outside or what the world is like, but they found each other and found a little bit of love and meaning and happiness inside the nightmare corporate world that is their job)
canonically in love with each other! in the show people sever their consciousness so they aren't aware when they're working. this creates a separate person that only exists while they're at the office, who doesn't share any memories with the person they are on the outside. these two old men bond and find comfort in each other despite the dystopian hell situation they're in
Old men having a forbidden romance while stuck in a hellish workplace dystopia
These two old men know nothing outside of their company propaganda, which says romance is forbidden, and they still choose each other. They bond over paintings, discuss company policy in each other's arms like they're debating scripture on whether their love is allowed. They're sooo gay and it's so sweet to see true, canonical old man yaoi
Weird old man office romance except they only exist inside the bounds of the world’s worst office building and they go on a little date to a room full of plastic plants
Look. This is a mere fraction of my Wainlock stuff.
They are basically all I post about. Yes I am the person that submitted that passionate and fervent description of them but. Please. Do it for my autism if said description did not persuade you.
jacobvanloon
areudirty
andulkaphoto
stormborns
pixelskylines
kianamaiart
annaxmalina
dededos
