âWell, what if I made this decision â and not just any decision, I feel like itâs quite a significant one â and people donât respond to it nicely? Or at least the way I want them to.â Despite how comforting the scene was to her, she couldnât help but keep trailing off with her words. There was a lot she didnât talk about. A lot she wanted to talk about. A lot she didnât know how to talk about. âI feel like I should at least be content though, seeing my mum and my brother happy. Seeing my co-workers happy. Everythingâs running smoothly right now, and so the one time I become selfish and eventually do something for myself, Iâm just going to end up breaking the cycle.â
She nodded at his response, listening intently as he kept on speaking. He had a point, and she believed everything he said â but the difficult part was applying all this to her own life, which she could never seem to get a grip on. Wiping her tears from her face, words fell out her lips in a soft stutter, âThis is really embarrassing, Iâm sorry. I canât believe Iâm crying in front of someone I just met.â She kept latching onto him, a close-lipped smile appearing when she felt his arm around her. Despite his words, as much as she believed that they were genuine, she didnât want to burden him more with her account, diverting the conversation elsewhere. âCan we just stay here for a bit longer? I donât feel like going back. At least not anytime soon, especially at this state.â It wasnât exactly a lie, but there were other reasons sheâd rather keep to herself. At least for just a bit longer. âThanks again. I really do mean it.â
He listens to her next words carefully, nodding along, even if she canât really see that. He makes a small pause again as he collects well his thoughts to give her some more answers, heâs never felt heâs good with advice or comforting others, let alone be trustable enough for someone to be this vulnerable with him so tonight feels like a first. And heâs somehow managing to say insightful things. âWell routine is meant to be broken, isnât it?â, he starts. âYou canât live up to otherâs expectations. And risks are always scary but worth taking, if they lead to where your heart is. And if your family or friends canât understand that, they can be mad at first. Or even turn their backs on you, but Iâm sure they truly love you and even if it takes time theyâd support you in the end. Whatever it is thatâs what you actually want to pursueâ, he pauses a little. âI used to take lots of risks. Probably too many. They led me to great things, or things I thought were great at the time. I probably shouldnât have been there, or should have gotten there differently. But back in the day I thought that was where I should be so I went for itâ, he explains.
âI think there was a time where I was determined to pursue things, right now Iâm lost. So fucking lost, I donât know where I even wanna go or why am I even trying to keep on going but-â, he trails off, he doesnât even know how to finish his own idea, so he tries to stop bringing himself up to his own advice again. âI guess I tried to say I once used to be great, or thought I was great. And it was because I didnât give two shits what anyone thought of me. Guess I was trying to encourage you to do the same, if possibleâ, he expresses. âIâm super drunk right now, I hope Iâm making senseâ, he chuckles a little. âItâs okay. I mean, I wouldnât mind crying in front of you eitherâ, he lets that thought escape his head out loud. âAs in, youâd make me comfortable enough to cry with, if that makes sense? Itâs really weird but I have that feeling. I donât think youâd like two of us crying right now thoughâ, he jokes lightly. âYes. We can stay... we can stay as long as you want toâ, he softly reassures, still keeping her close in his arms. "It's fine. I'll be here to listen if you ever need it again", he confesses. "And thank you... for trusting me with this"