Make It Purr

Andy. 27. Brazilian.

[benkaben]

Secret Crush on You really said: You're here, you're queer, and you deserve to be loved and pursued and adored just as anyone else.

You deserve love

You deserve to stay true to yourself

The way you look, the way you act, the way you're perceived, all those things don't make you any less deserving of love, and warm and comfort.

You are worthy of all the good friends, of the all the respect, the care and love a relationship can offer to you.

However loud, weird, ankward, odd, or different from the norm, it doesn't makes any less lovable.

Love, care, friendship, acceptancethe, respect, all the good things, you don't need to change for them, you don't have to fight for them, you are worth of them just by being yourself.

[the-gay-trashmouth]

Limits to love (there aren't any)

//He needed more than me. I’m friendly and thoughtful and quite awfully pretty- But he needed more than me//

Sky was alone, sitting on the stairs in an alcove far away from where students usually walk. The all consuming fear of abandonment was seeping into his bones and made his entire body feel like a coil wound far too tight. His hands were shaking where they were running through his hair as he tried to soothe himself. It was getting closer and closer to the for his next class, but he couldn’t will himself to go. He didn’t want to face his friends, not when he was still a live wire of emotion.

//“It’s too early to be so loud- do you come with a mute button?”//

It was stupid, he was stupid. It wasn’t even that a deal- it was early and they had been drinking the night before. He didn’t even realize he was getting to be that much, caught up in whatever it was he was rambling on about. They had a right to ask him to pipe down, and he shouldn’t be so fucking upset by it.

Sky was used to getting on people’s nerves. He was always too loud, too stupid, too much. He didn’t go a day in primary school without getting reprimanded for talking in class. He knew he was annoying, it was basically his biggest personality trait. His friends thought it was funny most of the time, but even they got fed up with him- of course they did. He’d get fed up too. God why was he so fucking much?

He heard footsteps from around the corner and jerked up, forcing his bouncing leg to still and pushing down all the emotions that made him want to scream. Of course it was Jao, the one person he couldn’t let see him like this, because the universe decided he needed to be punished.

“P'Sky?” He looked concerned, and boy if that didn’t make Sky feel worse, “Are you okay?”

He shoved his shaking hands behind his back, trying to mask it by leaning back against them, “Course I am, I just.. uh. Didn’t feel like going to class is all.”

Jao did not look convinced, looking at him with those stupidly wide eyes. He felt himself squirm under his gaze, looking down at the floor to avoid his boyfriend’s gaze.

“P'Sky..” he climbed the stairs to sit beside him, grabbing Sky’s hand and holding it in his lap, “P'Sky you’re shaking.”

Sky looked up but as soon as he did he turned away again. Jao grabbed his other hand, gently rubbing his thumb over the tops of his knuckles. It was so fucking sweet Sky could have cried. He didn’t deserve this, not when he was just being dramatic.

“It’s fine, Angel, I’m just being stupid,” he tried for a grin but it was tight and Jao was clearly not convinced.

“You’re not stupid.” It wasn’t a question, but Sky still answered with a shrug. Jao tugged at his hands lightly, but Sky still wouldn’t look at him. He was being so fucking stupid, he had to get control of himself. Jao was going to get annoyed and realize how much trouble Sky really was and then where would he be?

“Sorry,” he said on reflex, squeezing Jao’s hand in a vain attempt to stop the shaking.

Jao just squeezed it back, patient and gentle in a way that made Sky’s chest //ache//, “you don’t have to be sorry. Just tell me what’s wrong.”

He was quiet for a moment, and Jao just kept holding his hands as he waited. Finally, he pulled one hand back to run through his hair again, legs bouncing of their own accord. “There, uh, there was a game last night, I watched it on my phone at the bar- I told you we all went last night right? yeah, so anyways. I was gonna catch Nuea and Tor up since they missed it but, ya know, it’s early and they’re tired and I was just too loud. Fon made a joke about me needing a mute button and. I don’t know. I just..”

He didn’t know how to explain the stab of pain in his chest that came with those words, not without sounding like an idiot. He knew it was dumb, he’d been told way worse before and it never phased him. Jao didn’t say anything, obviously waiting for him to continue. He didn’t call him stupid or tell him he was overreacting though, just sat there holding his hand.

“I guess it just. I don’t know. Like,” he tugged on a small lock of his hair, trying to put his thoughts into words. It was hard, given how disjointed and frantic they were. “I guess I’m just worried that this is it. That they’re finally fed up with my shit. I know I push my luck a lot and I get on their nerves and I guess it’s just. I just got scared that they would finally decide I wasn’t worth the trouble anymore.”

“Sky-”

“I know- I know I’m being stupid. They weren’t even mad at me or anything, like it wasn’t a big deal. I just got this stupid fucking rock in my throat and I felt like- like I could explode- I //know// I’m being stupid-”

He didn’t even realize the hand in his hair was still pulling at it until Jao grabbed it and gently tugged it away, “stop saying that. You aren’t stupid.”

Sky just shrugged, suddenly quiet after his jumbled excuse for an explanation. Jao jumped in before he even had time to think he was being annoying again.

“Your friends love you. Just because you’re loud sometimes isn’t going to make them suddenly disappear on you. You know that don’t know?” He just shrugged again, and Jao tugged at his hands trying to get him to look at him, “you aren’t stupid for getting upset. You aren’t annoying, or dramatic, or whatever you think, and being upset, whatever the reason, isn’t going to make us think less of you. Especially not me.”

That’s what finally broke the dam. Tears welled up in his eyes and he jerked Jao into a tight hug. He was getting his tears on Jao’s jacket but the other boy just hugged him back, rocking him gently and running his hand through his hair.

“I don’t know why I’m like this. I just- fuck.”

Jao shushed him softly, “it’s okay P'Sky. It’s okay…”

He didn’t know how long he stayed like that, shaking and crying while Jao hugged him and murmured soft assurances in his ear. When his tears finally stopped slowing he pulled away. The shaking in his hands and legs had ceased, and now he found himself exhausted from the weight of his outburst. Jao just wiped the tear tracks on his cheeks and grabbed his hands again.

“’M sorry-”

“You have nothing to be sorry about, Sky. We’re boyfriends, remember? I wanna see all sides of you, even the ones that hurt,” he cupped his face in his hands, smiling softly, “I love you. Even when you’re loud or hyper or- as rare as it is- annoying. I still love you. That doesn’t go away just because you do something small like this. Your friends do too. They’ve been your friend long enough to know how you are, and they love you for it- not despite it. Stop thinking you’re on the edge of losing them. You’re stuck with all of us.”

Sky huffed out a laugh, turning his face to press a small kiss to his palm. “Thank you, baby.”

“Of course. Now, let’s go eat. I don’t have class for another hour and these stairs are uncomfortable”

Sky laughed again, letting Jao help him to his feet and lead him down the stairs by the hand. Before they turned the corner, he pulled him into another hug.

“I love you too, Jao. Don’t know what I did to deserve you.”

“You didn’t have to do anything.”

//That boy who’s next to me, he don’t know his worth in this town//

[fleet-off]

Finally, the correct response to seeing the person you’re hoping to kiss scrunch their face up and brace themselves!

I had a preemptive wince when Sky said his “I’m not sure how much I can contain myself” line and got this expression in response. I’m so used to seeing that face used to indicate that a character is shy/anxious/innocent to sex–it’s that “reluctance equates to purity and moral goodness” thing, which is a bad take anyway, but it almost always just reads onscreen as a deep aversion to the idea of kissing. And of course the love interest takes the kiss anyway, because he’s dominant/can’t resist his desires. I don’t like it, but I’ve gotten used to this as a quirk of BL. And then Sky! Wonderful p'Sky!

Our cheesy, not-so-secretly dorky walking green flag saw that face and drew back. He made it clear that he’s (as always) ready to follow Jao’s pace. Good man!

Jao looks surprised, too! And then his face goes fond as he realizes that Sky truly won’t take what isn’t freely given, and he decides it’s his turn to lean in.

No discomfort. No fear. *That* is how you get consented-for, passionate mutual kisses. Ah, these two are the best. I love them.

(Bonus picture of their little smiles, which turned me to mush:)

[theoncomingchaos]

One thing I really just need to say about Scoy is that unlike a lot of BL out there, this narrative and character development is so tight. No plot holes, no suddenly out of character/irrational reactions for the sake of drama, but instead an actual circular narrative that really tied back to the beginning to show the growth and change from that starting point with no loose ends or wasted chances.

Toh's collection is now not just pictures of Nuea taken from afar, it's pictures of them together, pictures they've taken of each other, their memories they both share, all put together in their shared space, their home.

Jao who always felt awkward and uncomfortable with himself and around others isn't afraid to go anywhere now because he found his home and his confidence with Sky.

Daisy really deserved so much more than a 5 second conversation, but the point still stands that she found so many people who love her as she is and just want to see her happy including someone who can love her as a romantic partner with no demands or disgust or uncertainty- only love, patience, and acceptance.

Nuea who had been treated like some untouchable, perfect idol, finally broke through the lens and was able to get Toh to see him as he is- an ordinary person full of love and devotion that just wants to have that love and devotion returned.

Sky who even at the beginning was compared negatively with Nuea, who never felt as cool or smart, found someone who sees him for all the good that he is, and loves him unconditionally.

I wish we could have had more episodes to fully delve into the stories of all the characters. I could watch so many seasons of these characters. Admittedly, some parts of the finale were a little rushed, but I really loved this series and I know I'm going to be re-watching it so many times.

The message is so beautiful and so well crafted.

Everyone, no matter how much they do or do not align with what people think is "normal" or "good" deserves friendship, love, family, and acceptance, and deep down that support is what we all want. The "cool kids" like Nuea and Sky, the "weird kids" like Toh, everyone just wants to feel seen for who they are and loved genuinely.

All those people out there that stopped watching because of "cringe" are the people that need this lesson the most, and I hope they give it another chance because that's really the point. Learning to accept other people even for the eccentricities and differences is so important. It's when we can look beyond those differences and see each other as real people, that everyone can feel safer being themselves and know that they are worthy.

[theoncomingchaos]

Scoy novel: Cut Skyjao scene

I was really disappointed that we didn’t get a scene after the restaurant where Sky and Jao officially started dating. Good news, it’s in the book at least!

Jao literally pulled a Can from LBC, but Sky was not having it.

Jao: I’m fat.

Sky: Not fat. Just a little chubby~

Jao: I’m short.

Sky: Well I don’t like tall lovers.

Jao: I’m not handsome.

Sky: You’re cute! Don’t you know how seductive your cheeks are? How is this not cute? (pinches Jao’s cheeks)

Jao: I’m awkward!

Sky: How?

Jao: I’m not the type you like.

Sky: Type and liking aren’t the same thing.

Jao: You’re so handsome, and I’m just fat. It would look ugly if we walked together.

Sky: That again? Get over here. What part of you is fat? Look how comfortably I can hug you! (Pulls Jao to him and hugs his waist) Don’t think so much. If I didn’t like you I would be approaching you. This means I like you just the way you are.

They talk about whether or not to be officially together. Jao makes it clear he isn’t in love yet, and Sky tells him that’s why they are just dating and not getting married. “Let’s just try first. Even if you don’t love me, I’ll still love you.”

Then at the end of the talk:

Sky: Look at the full moon now. Beautiful, right? You are like the moon, you know. You’re not boring.”

(They drive home and Jao watches the moon for a bit) Jao: Wait, it’s because I’m round isn’t it?! You’re saying I’m round?!

I’m dead. Can we go back in time and just have extra episodes? Please, Saint?

[heretherebedork]

Secret Crush on You says that you cannot be too much, that you cannot be too much of who you are, that you should not be afraid to take up space and to be yourself, that you are you and who you are matters. The biggest growth in the story is showing the baby queer gang that they can and should take up space, be present, show themselves, and to take pride in being themselves and not try to be anyone else.

Nuea frowns when Toh gets a makeover and gives him an outfit based on who he knows he is to wear to the party where he goes public about their relationship.

Jao defends Sky to his friends and asks him to stop worrying about what anyone else thinks and promises to love him as long as he lives and to pursue him as long as Jao cares in return.

Touch beams at Daisy and uses their pronouns and uses the proper linguistics and creates a secret little language to show that he sees them and loves them for exactly who they are and what makes them smile.

You can never be too much, too queer, too big, too quiet, too nervous, too loud, too awkward to be loved.

[heretherebedork]

Nuea: pursued Toh while trying to find out the truth about whether or not he likes him.

Sky: just went full in and decided to love Jao into loving him back.

Touch: Distant but smiling, just trying to take care of Daisy in little ways, reaching out inch by inch

Three forms of courtship, three ways of loving, three ways of finding love and all three so darling and all three so soft and all three so loving.

[heretherebedork]

Sky loves Jao in big moments and big words and promises and peeling shrimp and taking a break to check on him and waiting for a light to turn off and with a smile to split his face.

Jao loves Sky in quiet rooms and studying eyes and a rock in his hand and secret photos and "Nosy!" and hesitation and insecurity and with a poking finger and with a smile when he turns away.

Nuea loves Toh with teasing and laughter and sulking and smiling and kisses and proclamations and jealousy and promises and hands and hugs and embraces and loudly around everyone they know.

Toh loves Nuea with photos and from corner and by trying to protect him and with words and pleading and hands on his arms and tugging and an insecurity he can't shake and promising everything to keep and a fear that nothing will last.

Touch loves Daisy with a smile and a little wave and a carefully opened car door and a careful lean and with catching a gecko and by fixing a light and without hesitation and in gentle language.

Daisy loves Touch in sign language in smiles and in blushes and in bombastic promises to friends and in looking away and sheepishly and softly and from a distance and with a joking edge and with a constant touch of hopeful worries.

[heretherebedork]

Secret Crush on You said "You know all those people you've been mocking in BL for years? The feminine boys, the chubbier people, the overly invested fans, the queer friends? What if they were people? What if they were loved? What if they truly mattered, to each other and to the world and to the people that you have held in such high esteem all along? What if the engineers loved these boys, loved them with all their hearts and their souls and they were the ones being chased, the ones being pursued, the ones being loved?" and ran with it.

[theoncomingchaos]

SCOY Novel

It took 19 chapters, but it’s finally here: JAO POV CHAPTER!!!!

I’m screaming. I JUST LOVE HIM A LOT OK?!

Sky: Fine, I’ll just call you by your usual name.

Jao, knowing full well what Sky is doing: (thinking) I can’t take it anymore. I want to hit him so badly. He’s lucky he’s driving…

Sky: I can’t call you my boyfriend, I can’t call you Jao, I can’t call you shorty. There’s only one thing left…Honey, I’ll pick you up tonight.”

Toh in the backseat: (Spits water everywhere)

Other Skyjao Great Banter:

Sky: Shorty, walk carefully, and be careful of the wind!

Jao: I don’t get carried by the wind easily.

Sky: Are you sure?! Be careful or the wind will come back to get you!

Jao: I’m literally inside. There is no wind. Just air.

Sky: Still.

Sky: Have a good day, ex-boyfriend-for now.

Ok, so the future boyfriend thing in the series was so cute, and apparently there was another layer in the book. After the 7 days ended, Jao said he would permit being called Sky’s ex-boyfriend.

Jao hides his crush from his friends because he knows they will support him and do anything to help him, and with all that encouragement and with how fun Sky is to be around, he’s scared he won’t be able to keep control of it and end up hurt.

Jao dragging Toh:

Toh: It was a kiss through osmosis! From his mouth to his thumb to my mouth!

Jao: Let’s go back to high school and learn the meaning of osmosis again, shall we?

Jao’s idea for the fireworks picture: Happiness doesn’t have to look up at the sky. It gleams like a star on its own. One day I’ll be happy like this.

JAOOOO

[stormyoceans]

THE THROAT GRABS.................

[dengswei]

I’m thinking…

[heretherebedork]

The way Sky loves Jao is big and open and brave and happy, filled with everything he has because he has nothing else. And Jao looks to other people, tries to judge himself on how they see him and slowly they're learning about each other and meeting in the middle of how they love because of who they love... each other.

It's as simple as 1 + 1 = 2. I love you, you love me... so we'll be together.

[stormyoceans]

THEY REALLY DECIDED TO KILL MEE DEAD GOODBYE FRIENDS IT'S BEEN REAL

[dengswei]

daisy & intouch are slowly rising

[pharawee]

We’re lovers now. It doesn’t matter if you look cool or not. I want to see every side of you.

[gabrielokun]