for the meme! jasper in “set me free”!
hey anon! thank you for the request! i hope you like it ❤️
(send me more requests if you guys want) :)

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@jasperapologist
for the meme! jasper in “set me free”!
hey anon! thank you for the request! i hope you like it ❤️
(send me more requests if you guys want) :)
texting my coworker “hey! how are you feeling” and reading it 40 times to make sure i didn’t accidentally type how are you sex cum penis ass cum porn 1080p hot cock
HEAR ME OUT alice and emmett has adhd and jasper is autistic. you, as a twilight fan who does these characters justice in your fics, please tell me it makes sense
so this was such a good question I decided to Phone a Friend, by which I mean multiple friends who actually have some combination of these conditions (I myself...don't know, there's been some speculation among family and friends that I could have adhd but I would never claim something like that without a professional diagnosis), so thank you to @goldeneyedgirl, @jasper-is-a-snack and another tumblr-less friend for weighing in here! keep in mind that neither I nor they are licensed professionals, though, so huge grain of salt for pretty much everything I'm about to say.
the initial comments were "accurate" and "yeah" and then we got into discussing specifics about allegory vs representation and ableism in fiction and it took a while, so. as usual we're going UNDER THE CUT
broader context:
again, take all of this with a grain of salt since smeyer's authorial intent was clearly not to write disabled characters—she even included the ableist idea that vampirism ""cures"" disabilities in twilight, so. yeah we're talking pretty much exclusively fan interpretation and fic author characterization here
Wouldn't half human half vampire hybrids be like so much stronger than normal vampires? I mean the canon reasoning behind the newborns being so strong is that they still have some of their human blood still lingering and it takes a year for the venom to change every single part of their biology into a full vampire... But the hybrid would ALWAYS have their human blood and tissue strengthing and fueling the venom in their bodies as well...
Risotto gets “grounded” by Edward and she just flings him through a wall like tossing a tee-shirt into the hamper.
thanks to this post, the idea of Carlisle wearing fake glasses to try and look older at work lives in my mind rent fucking free
bonus under the cut: Clark Kent-ing it 👀
Keep reading
Was Isle Esme a lie?
Okay okay but hear me out. I’ve been completely grooving on @panlight’s meta about the Cullens as NPCs. Which is so true and is basically why I finally started writing fanfic to begin with–I read these books and just had this sense of “This writer left so much on the table” that I had never had when reading a series before. Everything about this story was built to support E/B, and when you think about it, many of the parts don’t hold up on their own.
But the last section of this meta is honestly something I had absolutely taken as canon and now am suddenly realizing that another explanation makes a ton more sense. Basically, I’ve never seen a fic/fanficcer/fandom member–including me!–not take as gospel truth that Carlisle bought Isle Esme for Esme on whatever anniversary yadda yadda yadda. And yet, as pan points out, this really is contrived for the sake of E/B and it’s not even ever about C/Es. It’s like “oh it would be convenient for the Cullens to own an island!” and so boom, they do.
And I buy into this wholly because, y'all islands are actually quite cheap in the grand scheme of things. A private island can be had for the low six figures, depending on where it is. Add a modest house at the cost of construction and you’re in the mid six-figures. I realize that when you’re twelve, as many big Twifans were when they read the series for the first time, $400,000 seems like a lot of money, but I assure you, it is not. (stepping on my personal finance soapbox for a second: if you intend to retire well, younger twifans, $400,000 needs to be a number that is real to you and is in your investment accounts at around age 45. Trust me on this…) So if you are a decabillionaire, which I think we all can agree Carlisle is, and you also have an intense need for privacy, the odds that you drop $1-2M every now and then on a nice vacation spot are pretty high. It makes every sense in the world for Carlisle to have bought Esme an island. I always assume they own several.
However. When you consider that Isle Esme comes completely out of the blue, and isn’t at all about Carlisle and Esme, and that in fact, Esme supposedly chooses to decorate the cottage as though it is like her supposedly private island that Carlisle bought her as some grand romantic gesture, which is kind of a weird thing for a mom to do, you know?…
…and you add that to the degree to which we know for a fact that Edward tries very unsuccessfully to honor Bella’s desire for non-lavish gifts, and the degree to which we know, from the “crystal” heart he already gave her, that he is absolutely willing to lie to make Bella okay with an extravagant gift…
I am now suddenly thinking he lied about Isle Esme. He bought it, for Bella, for the purpose of this honeymoon. Esme decorated the house on the island, and then also decorated the cabin just like it, because she expected they would have wonderful memories of this place that is just theirs. Edward presents the idea that Carlisle bought it for Esme because he is still somewhat careful to help Bella to not lose her mind that he bought a freaking island (because it seems really extravagant, even if for ultra rich people, it is not, see above) and at some point in time, this is all going to come to a head in some giant Cullen foofaraw that involves Carlisle frowning disappointedly about Edward lying yet again and Bella forgiving him inside the space of three seconds as she is wont to do.
So, reversing ten years of headcanon…I think Isle Esme is really Isle Bella and Edward, as usual, lied through his skinny seventeen-year-old teeth about it. He bought it. Not Carlisle. It’s for Bella. Not Esme. And oh, to be a fly on the wall when Bella found out.
For some reason I was always thinking of it as an out-of-universe thing where SM wanted Edward to buy it for Bella but some editor was like “do you think it’s a little over the top for Edward to buy his 18-year-old bride a whole island? They literally just graduated high school” so SM changed it to Carlisle/Esme
But in-universe it would make total sense for Edward to do it and then just lie about it.
One day Bella refers to “Isle Esme” and Emmett’s like “Gotta say it’s kinda weird that you named your kid and your island after Esme when you barely talk to her.”
“M-m-my island?”
do you have any thoughts on bree tanner?
On Bree Tanner herself, not so much. I did read her book, and from my recollection (I lent it to a friend who never gave it back. And I’m pretty sure she didn’t even read it(!)) Bree is pretty much what she’s presented as.
She’s not stupid, but she’s not particularly intelligent either, she’s nice, but not a saint. She has been a vampire for only a few months, but she has already lost her empathy for humans. She’s an introvert who cares deeply for her friend Fred and crush Diego. She was never inclined to fight anybody, and spent the newborn battle just sort of mingling in quiet terror.
She’s a sweet person I’m sure would have made a pleasant addition to the Cullen coven, but ultimately she’s not remarkable.
When it comes to Diego, her supposed mate... hm. For those who didn’t read the book, Riley told the newborns they had to stay in the shadows or they’d burn in the sun. Bree gets a huge crush on one of the other newborns, and they find out vampires actually sparkle. This changes everything! Diego goes to tell Riley about the sparkling. Diego goes to live on a farm after that. No, really, that’s pretty much what Riley tells everybody. Diego is fine, he’s on a very special assignment, next question. Bree eventually figures out that Diego is dead, and her grief combined with a lot of other factors lead to her concluding life is miserable. She dies thinking “Oh well, guess I had a good run.”
Not unsurprisingly, I not only don’t believe in mates, but I also don’t think Diego was anything close to it for Bree either. They were close friends, Bree found out he was dead, and had no time to process it. More, vampires feel very strongly, and this was the only truly emotional event to befall Bree. It knocked her out completely. So, that she then decides she doesn’t mind dying because there’s no point living in a world without Diego seems to me to be a reaction born of her being young (both for a vampire and a human), emotionally inexperienced, and having been hit by this news less than an hour earlier. Had she lived, she would have been just fine.
So, those are my thoughts on Bree Tanner as a person.
Bree Tanner's impact is a different matter.
I think her death was one of the catalysts for the plot of Breaking Dawn.
The vampires in Seattle all died, Victoria included. There were no one left who knew Bree, and her life would have been a moment lost in time, like tears in the rain (Sorry, couldn’t resist).
But there were the Cullens. More specifically, Carlisle.
Carlisle had spent his formative years in Volterra, and parted with Aro in friendly terms. He remained fond of Aro, and continued to think highly of him. He and Aro would have spoken of the Volturi, of the Volturi mission, of how such a law is enforced, and it is prudent to also assume that Carlisle would have witnessed at least a few trials. He came away from all that thinking of the Volturi as strict, but fair rulers.
Jasper, by comparison (I’m bringing him in because I think he’s more representative of how your average vampire who hasn’t been Aro’s boytoy for decades would view the Volturi), shivers in fright at the mere thought of the Volturi. To him they were executioners. But, again, fair. You break the law, and the Volturi descend upon you like God of the Old Testament.
Then cut to Eclipse, Victoria’s got a newborn army wreaking havoc in Seattle, attracting a lot of attention in a developed country in a time of globalized news. They’re on CNN daily. They might as well write “Fuck the Volturi” in the sky.
And the Volturi do nothing.
Now why, Carlisle and his family wonders, would they do such a thing?
Edward has all the answers, of course - that Aro is choosing not to intervene because he doesn’t like how large and powerful Carlisle’s coven has gotten, and Victoria’s newborn army will take care of that for him. Edward also goes on about how Aro desperately wants him and Alice by his side, which does prompt an “... you sure about that?” from Carlisle, but ultimately Aro’s inaction on the subject speaks for itself and Carlisle can’t make any excuses for it.
Regardless of Aro’s motives, that the Volturi would not be coming to enforce their own law became very clear. As a result of their inaction, Carlisle was forced to betray several of his own principles. He had to ask Jasper to teach the family how to kill others, he had to accept the aid of teenagers who could very well get themselves killed, he had to put his beloved family at risk, and he had to kill other vampires.
Aro’s inaction put him through hell and could have gotten his family killed. Would have, if it weren’t for the wolves.
Jane then decides to make her entrance right after the battle ended, while the fire is still going. The timing could not be more clear: the Volturi were waiting it out, letting the Cullens be culled.
We then get to Bree, who was an innocent in all the ways that counted, and not at risk of repeat offenses. Jane executes her anyway. Not just that, she makes sure to torture Bree, twice, entirely gratuitously:
“She’ll tell you anything you want to know,” Edward said through his teeth. “You don’t have to do that.”
Jane looked up, sudden humor in her usually dead eyes. “Oh, I know,” she said to Edward, grinning at him before she turned back to the young vampire, Bree. (Eclipse, page 333)
Even if the execution can be justified, the torture cannot. Jane abuses her power because she can, and there’s nothing the Cullens can do about it.
Then you have the fact that Bree had overheard a conversation between Jane and Victoria in which Jane gave Victoria explicit permission to take out the Cullens on the Volturi’s behalf. Bree replays this for Edward to hear before she dies, validating every paranoia he ever had about the Volturi. Just because he didn’t tell Bella, doesn’t mean he didn’t tell his family. He certainly would have told Carlisle and Alice.
Over the course of Eclipse, Carlisle sees the Volturi neglect to enforce their own law because culling his coven is a higher priority to them, torture and execute a mostly innocent vampire, and then he finds out that they made a deal with Victoria.
Not only would he be massively disillusioned by the Volturi, but by Aro himself. The man he met in Volterra was a lover of the arts and the academics and spoke of justice among vampires, and then Carlisle gets to experience first hand just what kind of justice this is. Aro was not the person he thought he was, and their old friendship doesn’t count for much either.
Look then to Breaking Dawn, where Carlisle has a vampiric child, but not an immortal one. Like Bree, he is innocent in all the ways that counted. This did not help Bree, and given the events of Eclipse (and remember only six months have passed), it won’t help him either. The Volturi have made it clear that they want to take out his coven, and whether or not the Cullens are actually innocent won’t matter.
The only way he can hope to slow them down, to force some kind accountability upon the Volturi (an accountability that might have preserved Bree’s life: she died because Jane had none), is to have there be witnesses to their trial.
And we get the clusterfuck called Breaking Dawn (or as I like to call it, Aro and Carlisle Break Up).
Relevant meta.
makes me SO mad that bella always has to make edward more comfortable. “let me know what ur thinking” “distract me so i dont kill those guys” “im a monster” “u shouldnt be like me” “im sorry i left u :(” “oh no i hurt u” “im too dangerous for u” like. ?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
and the fact that he KNOWS shes already had to take care of renee and charlie. and the fact that hes over a hundred years old. like work out ur fucken problems and give her a break!!!
hi! as a jasper stan (yeah, yeah save the tomatoes or whatever) and overall Regular Tumblr User, is there any way you can stop tagging your jasper hate in the jasper hale tag? it’s lowkey exhausting trying to sort through for actual content that isn’t either A) repetitive or B) demonizing people for daring to want legitimate content for a fictional character. again; I am trying to word this as kindly as possible, but it’s all people are seeing every other post in his tag right now. thank you!!!! have a happy friday!!!!
this is the most first-world problems ask I’ve ever received in my life lmfao I actually cannot believe this is real
me: “hey here’s a way to keep jasper stans out of your dms”
you:
fkjsdlska guys are we really arguing over whether or not to tag your hate like that isn’t a sitewide norm/standard of basic etiquette we’ve had in place since like 2009? come on
Headcanon: In the 1980s, it was more difficult than usual for Emmett to blend into the high school student body. It took Edward a few days to figure out that all of the students were convinced Emmett was a “narc” like the ones on 21 Jump Street.
Once Emmett finds out though he plays it up big time. Just full on "how do you do fellow kids" style
“she was like PERSEPHONE because she was ALIVE and I was like HADES because I was DEAD”
—
I head cannon that Emmet and Rosalie sometimes pull a scam where Emmet poses and makes sure not to move and Rosalie sells him to an art gallery saying that he's a sculpture and then Emmet just leaves the art gallery in the middle of the night
i’m not exaggerating when i say that to me this is the best cullen headcanon any person in the renaissance has ever come up with and we might as well pack it up now bc we aren’t getting any better than this. i am also really honoured to be the blog whose asks you’ve graced this with. thank you.
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