My inner critic/self doubt has been asking a couple of questions today. I checked in with her, thanked her for always pushing me to be the best version of myself.
Then I noticed though, the thought spirals that I get stuck in/engage with the most that are triggered by her are generally interpersonal relationship stuff. Generally the stuff I honestly believe I am "good" at.
Yet when it comes to things like going to bed on time, exercising or eating a little better, she's easier to silence or isn't there at all.
Is she easier to silence/ignore because in those areas I don't believe "I got this"? Is it because the interpersonal stuff presents my brain with a fun challenge that doesn't require planning or preparation (which my ADHD brain doesn't like).
Is it because I genuinely just feel defeated rather than determined when it comes to those areas that require sustained effort and self discipline?
How can I use who and what I am to my advantage? How can I turn the scheduling of healthy activities into a fun game?
Take today for example. On Monday, I had intended to go do work placement today. However after how tired I was yesterday because I tried to do too much on that Monday and knowing I have two full days of early starts tomorrow and Friday I have decided I need to stay at home, get some washing and cleaning done and -try- for a swim at some point.
Perhaps it's because I still grapple with who and how I am when it comes to workload vs what I think I should be/what I wish I was.
Not truly knowing and accepting myself in this way makes it a little harder to plan.
Another thought: I find it much easier to prioritise what's good for others over what's good for me in the LONG RUN.
This is an ADHD thing, that's true. I find it REALLY difficult to do the thing that's good for me long term when there's something more interesting to do -now-.
Like writing this instead of putting on a load of laundry first.
So again, how can I use this to my advantage? Is my answer as simple as "build some self restraint/discipline"? But I have failed at this for 36 years, clearly this approach doesn't work.
So what part of me that is developed and comfy can I pull on to help bridge that gap?
My self compassion is still in its infancy. Propped up by my compassion for others and shadow work/family systems/giving parts of yourself a name... Techniques.
I have no answers now. Just a well thought question.
What part of me that's relatively sure of itself, can I use to help me make the less enticing but better long term decisions? (In a healthy way, no more relying on anger or self hatred to better myself please 💜)
