I didn’t realize it on the first listen but this song is really truly also about anxiety and almost…… self loathing?
“I’m ready for combat / I say I don’t want that / but what if I do?” questioning her own morals and beliefs because she doesn’t want a war, she doesn’t want to fight but…… what if she does? merely questioning herself like that and having the anxiety that like ‘oh shit what if I’m fake and do like the drama’ when she knows she doesn’t!! ouch….
“I cut off my nose just to spite my face, then hate my reflection for years and years” to me this is a metaphor for her doing something quite spiteful in the name of revenge and then hating herself for it even years later.
“Who could ever leave me darling, but who could stay?” she KNOWS she’s a good person, she knows that people who love her will stay… but considering the things she’s done…… who could stay after that?
“The room is on fire, invisible smoke” Interestingly, the “invisible smoke” articulates that even though Taylor is in a terrible emotional state, nobody can see the fire and anxiety and depression but her.
“Help me hold onto you” she’s basically saying hey, my anxiety is through the roof I’m convinced you’ll hate me like I do but I need you in my life so please… help me keep you here next to me
