oh brUUcieE

just a place for me to reblog Gotham shitposts, and occasionally some other DC related stuff. I'm absolute trash for the valeska twins. original content?? maybe!!

[penguinssupersecretsafehouse]

[official-michael-afton]

I love when u love the villain but also don’t excuse their actions so you’re just “ah yes bastard burn in hell also I love you”

[norrington-hell]

me, fondly:

[irisbleufic]

Jerome Valeska’s Diary: Full Transcription Master Post

Apologies for flooding the tag(s) with 6 individual transcription posts complete with screencaps, but I couldn’t cram them all into a single text-and-image post without running into formatting issues.  As mentioned in the tags of the initial post, I’ve done these complete transcriptions because I’ve only ever seen fragmental ones out there.  

Hopefully this’ll help anyone who’s been curious to know the entirety of what’s contained in these bizarre pages, but has found them tricky to read:

Complete transcription of Screencap 1

Complete transcription of Screencap 2

Complete transcription of Screencap 3

Complete transcription of Screencap 4

Complete transcription of Screencap 5

Complete transcription of Screencap 6

[fullofbugs84uy894ujui9]

reminder that this blog, while not politically focused, supports BLM. bootlickers and racists aren’t welcome here, and never will be.

[doodlesbyzoomies]

Ok I finished watching Gotham and

WHAT THE FUCK

WHAT THE HELL DID THEY DO TO JEREMIAH

I WANT MORE BATJOKES

GIVE ME A SEASON 6 FULL OF BATJOKES YOU COWARDS

[dickiesgrayson]

wow, it really do be like that sometimes, bruce

p.s. do u know how long i was looking at “minion memes” on google images before finding that one???????????????? i deserve an apology

p.p.s. bruce just fucking around with memes and ruining his children’s life is literally the funniest thing to me rn

[king-ofthe-ruckus]

Bruce: Jeremiah won’t leave his office!

Jerome: tell him i said something

Bruce: what?

Jerome: anything factually incorrect

*a moment later*

Jeremiah, storming out of his office: YOU THINK THE SUN IS FUCKING P L A N E T

[8168708]

fanfic

poison ivy wearing muddy overalls n rubber gloves on the set of a gardening show w the hosts tied up n gagged behind her stroking a genetically modified carnivorous plant like a lapdog: hello fume-spewers of gotham city. its your hostess with the most…the mostess…its me, poison ivy. sorry to interrupt your resource-guzzling evening’s entertainment by taking over every channel of your worthless old-media network. oh wait. i’m not. at this very moment the bouquet of roses i sent to strangle the mayor will be

heavy static followed by sudden cut 2 the penguin, drinking straight vodka and crunching icecubes wearing a feather boa and a velvet dressing gown covered in grease-strains and reclining in the hosts chair on a talk show set, which is being visibly smashed by themed muscleboys in th background: GOTHAM CITY YOU FUCKERS, YOU ABSOLUTE SWINE, HERES THE DEAL I WANT (crunch) A BILLION DOLLARS LEGAL TENDER TRANSFERRED TO MY PAYPAL AT [email protected] OR YOU CAN (slurp) SAY GOODBYE TO-

sudden cut back 2 poison ivy, furiously gesturing to the hypnotised crew to do whatever damnable technological things they do to unfuck the broadcast: (high pitched screeching)

sudden cut to the penguin: -YOUR PRECIOUS “SUN”. I-

the penguin: (hears phone ringing) OH WAIT UH HOLD ON A SECOND

the penguin: (pullS a gold rotary telephone out of his purse) HWEH?

poison ivy, shreiking thru reciever: fuck off oswald im doing a Bit!!

the penguin: TO FUCK WITH YOUR BIT I BOUGHT OUT ALL THE NETWORKS FOR 1 HALF HOUR SLOT AND NOW I HAVE MINUS A BILLION DOLLARS AND I NEED A BILLION DOLLARS

poison ivy: these airwaves arent big enough for the both of us you horrendous little animal. i swear to piss i will

sudden cut to the riddler, sitting atop a giant rubix cube w the squares flashing neon at intervals wearing 2 pairs of 3D glasses and a coquettish mod ensemble w so many sequins on it that the studio lights reflecting off it cause at least 3 lens flares a second: GREEEEEEEETINGS CITIZENS OF GOTHAM CITTTYYYYYY! i, the RIDDLER, have interrupted your intellectually unstimulating broadcast to bring you some entertainment you’ll hopefully find a little more…challenging. a new game show….with a DEADLY TWIST. for you see

the riddler: (hears his 2001 nokia beeping) uh…well, it seems we have our FIRST CALLER of the evening

the riddler: …and our SECOND CALLER. um

poison ivy: (garbled screaming)

the penguin: (choking on an ice cube in pure rage)

the riddler: woah now hey now hey there woah there just a second

the penguin:-THE SUN

poison ivy:-THE MAYOR-

the penguin: -A BILLION DOLLARS

poison ivy: -A TRILLION DOLLARS-

sudden cut to harley quinn, sitting at home on the couch in front of her webcam wearing a sweaty sports bra and loony toons pajama pants and eating a hotdog: whats up folks! just wanted to hang out

[nnovabyers]

Six fanarts challenge - rogue style!! 

[gobblepot]

@gothamnetwork​’s may event: harvey bullock ➛ iconic lines

+ BONUS

[dickiesgrayson]

jason todd decides to live tweet his family falling apart instead of helping | a social media au

[outoftheframework]

bruce wayne using slang but only learning the definitions from websites for older people

For undisclosed reasons I thought it would be funny to pretend to be an older person wanting to know the definitions of gen z/millennial slang and oh boy is it a gold mine on some of these sites. 

I immediately thought of Bruce Wayne.

Nightwing, over coms: Tracked down Penguin to a location by the docks. Let’s meet on 54th and think of a game plan.

Oracle: Copy that.

Red Hood: Agreed.

Batman: Yeet.

Everyone:

Red Robin: excuse me what

Batman: Robin, you’re dismissed. Take a shower then get to bed.

Robin: But father-

Batman: Bye Felicia.

Robin: … What-

Batman: You heard me, Robin.

*red robin, out of breath after a fight, wheezing because Batman asked a criminal if he was “shook” in his deep voice*

Oracle, over coms: Is Red crying or laughing? I honestly can’t tell.

Batman: Red Robin is dead.

Everyone: WHAT-

Batman, during an impassioned speech: We are Gotham’s protectors. We are the thin line between order and chaos. The city needs protecting, even from those supposed to be protecting it. We will snatch every wig from every corrupt officer and politician’s head until this city shines.

Everyone:

Signal: I knew Gordon was wearing a toupee.

________

I think this is the funniest concept. Lemme know if y’all want a part 2 or more content like this.

All slang definitions taken from thoughtcatalog.com

[sanelikevaleska]

JEROME VALESKA + hands 

[jvakd2-deactivated20200612]

he started wearing gloves bc he knew if he kept showing off his hands he would derail the whole show

[realisenothing]

I’m not angry with you, I was being playful. I stabbed you with my fun knife

[twoheartsoneclara]

He’s been everything to me.  A teacher.  A protector.  He’s been a father to me. (GOTHAM 4x14)

I want you to know, Master Bruce, that you are the only son that I will ever have, and I could not be more proud.  (GOTHAM 5x11)

[blueteamproblem-deactivated2020]

Bruce Wayne doesn’t swear. The man raises so many kids and is trying to set some sort of example, and still lives with his very polite butler guardian who would most certainly scold him every time he swore in front of the children. He also doesn’t use substitutes cause that’s too goofy, every time Bruce wants to swear he instead just stares intensely into the middle distance

[blueteamproblem-deactivated2020]

The kids on the other hand make up for this and then some.

[whetstonefires]

#i adore the implication the reason bruce is so silent and brooding and intimidating partly is because he’s holding back swears #it really shaped his batman persona becuase surely he has a lot to say about what hes seeing but hes in fact too civil to do so #it ends up as silent but effective intimidation 

(via tajmahthemoose)

[kiragecko]

Alternative:

When Dick was Robin, he used so many ridiculous substitutes that they crept into Bruce’s vocabulary. This was just barely tolerable when Batman had a tiny Robin beside him to be delighted by, and add to, any silly thing Batman said. As Bruce Wayne, he had to stop entirely, so the connection between the identities wasn’t obvious.

Now, Dick is 25. He still uses some ridiculous language, but he rarely patrols with Batman anymore. Batman has NO EXCUSE for saying, “Holy guacamole.” It would be embarrassing. To protect his pride, he must refrain from swearing, lest some childish phrase slip out.

Batman is glaring intensely into the middle distance because he just thought, “You bet your sweet patootie, big mama,” and it is vital that no one ever knows this.

[thigm0taxis]

Is this it? Is this the Missing Link? Have we achieved a Unified Theory of Batman that accurately accounts for all observations, both the corny ‘66 TV show and the subsequent stony live-action and animated brooding?

It was swearing, the whole time…..? Amazing.

[princessmag1c]

YES YES YES! This is golden!!!!

[d-cookie-deactivated20210317]

I want to know the story Batman tells the Justice League when He First Gets Jason

[d-cookie-deactivated20210317]

Clark: So how’d you meet this kid?

Bruce: He stole my tires and knocked the shit out of me with a tire iron. And I sent him to this Foster Care system- which really was just ended up being a 1-2-3 step program for young boys in Gotham with no family to be grow to be criminals so I took him.

Hal who was listening the whole time:

[d-cookie-deactivated20210317]

This is quality content don’t tell me different

[d-cookie-deactivated20210317]

I want to point out that Batman found all this shit so funny that the Narrator is like “He found this funny he busted out laughing-He is literally in crime alley aka the death of his childhood and yet here is laughing”

Like Jason did that I

[d-cookie-deactivated20210317]