Words from a Heretic

Just random words, rants and babblings about shit from yours truly: The WWE Tumblr Heel... Jeremy fuckin' Heresy.

[mitchtheficus]

using potentially dubious political means to get your wrestlers (who you don’t even GIVE HEALTH INSURANCE TO) classified as “essential workers” during a pandemic so their wrestlers have to keep working (which increases their likelihood of getting sick, and of their families getting sick through them)

and then immediately laying off a truckload of these workers who were supposedly so essential to the economy of florida that they needed to RISK THEIR LIVES is just such fcking peak McMahon awfulness jesus fcking christ

[baylynch-deactivated20200825]

Blessed gif. Reblog for good luck.

[baylynch-deactivated20200825]

He was a joke in WWE

He was assaulted by his first wife, Taryn Terrell

He was fired

His mother passed away

He worked his ass of to reinvent himself

He trained hard to become an even better wrestler

He worked in multiple companies

He returned to WWE but to NXT

He worked from the bottom to win the NXT Championship

He went to the main roster and was Dolph bodyguard

He had meaningless matches and even feuds

Now... Drew McIntyre eliminated Brock Lesnar from the Royal Rumble and ended up winning

And he is going to main event Wrestlemania and beat the shit out off Brock Lesnar to win the WWE Championship.

[xenosaurus]

I think it was before I started posting story concepts on tumblr but I had an old concept called ‘apocalyptia’ which was a dark comedy about a world where every apocalypse movie premise happened simultaneously

[xenosaurus]

The big joke was that all these HUGE disasters cancelled each other out. A bunch of shit flooding kept the zombies contained. The super intelligent apes stopped global warming. The leather-clad motorcycle murder gangs intimidate the alien invaders.

[xenosaurus]

Everything sucks in like 8 overlapping ways but it’s just become the norm at this point. There’s a guy named Cannibal Jack that people trust to cook for them for some reason.

[xenosaurus]

The main character is a recluse with a shotgun who just wants to sit in her shack and give cynical advice to passing young people, but unfortunately, her younger brother and only surviving family member is a conman with his fingers in every stupid decision being made within a ten mile radius

[xenosaurus]

The brother’s name is Sal, which is short for SOMETHING but he changes his answer every time. He seems to think this qualifies as an alias, and bizarrely, it usually works. Notable ‘definitely Sal’s real name’ options include Salt, Salmon, Salamander, and Salad.

His sister’s name is Marian, occasionally called Misery Marian. It is a running joke that young characters think this is a reference to her bad attitude, but anyone who actually CALLS her that is clearly terrified of her for some unspecified reason.

[xenosaurus]

Sal’s got an on-again off-again business partner by the name of Kent Bardsley, who is just.... SO irresponsibly horny. Sal’s motivation is money, but Kent’s is sex. He keeps getting run out of town for sleeping with important people’s wives. He’s an idiot, but he’s not a conman like Sal, he just helps him with his schemes as an in to towns so he can visit his assortment of fuckbuddies.

The joke of Kent’s character is that the ‘apocalypse’ he’s part of is conservative scaremongering about sexual freedom destroying society. He gets a last name because while Sal calls him Kenny, Marian calls him ‘Bardsley’ with deep contempt.

[xenosaurus]

The fuck types of our characters so far:

Marian: fuck off

Sal: fuck you, pay me

Kent: fuck me

Cannibal Jack: what the fuck

[xenosaurus]

There’s an alien named Glipix who is investigating why the invasion failed and her analysis tends to boil down to ‘damn bitch you really live like this?’

Kent is really into her but his flirting goes right over her head. Marian’s the only one she respects anyways.

[xenosaurus]

Kent: Hey, you looking to get those eggs fertilized, beautiful?

Glipix: What pollinators are operating on this horrible planet? Did you see one? I need to speak with them if you did.

Kent: uh

[xenosaurus]

I have a mental image for a TV opening where it’s Marian at like.  12.  watching some apocalypse happen through a window and saying “The world ended when I was a girl...” in a really serious tone, and then it pans out to show like 6 other apocalypses happening and her voice turns sarcastic and she says “about thirty fucking times, actually.”

[xenosaurus]

Alright here’s more content for you guys:

—Marian is 46 and spent her 20s and early 30s as a mad max style motorcycle gang member. ‘Misery Marian’ was her moniker while she was LEADING one of these gangs.

—Sal and Kent are somehow unaware of this.

—Sal’s apocalypse is capitalism. Also Godzilla.

—I’m not kidding about that, Sal and Marian’s parents were killed by a giant dinosaur that still sometimes shows up to bother Sal.

[rcmclachlan]

Somebody get Taika on the horn STAT.

[jazzy-tzw]

I’m seeing more posts about this flight situation from last week and it’s making me feel so bad about how these superstars were treated. How could Vince just let something like that happen? I hope he doesn’t let some bs like that happen again cause that shit wasn’t cool not one bit. Honestly it’s time for his ass to retire...

[jeremy-heresy]

And now they are doubling down on the whole “it was mechanical issues” thing and they have Seth being the guy to be like “Keep your grievances and speculation off Twitter”

[champkairisane]

“ I torn my groin doing things and performing in ways you can only fantasize about “

[jeremy-heresy]

Remember how they had a long, drawn-out feud that really went nowhere THEN worked together as a tag team? Apparently Creative don’t.

And THIS is the match they make to be the first women’s match in Saudi Arabia? Like, fuck there are so many things wrong here!

[kael2450]

  David Starr summing up the current situation in the WWE

[jeremy-heresy]

THIS! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD THIS!

[andyelson]

That about does it for wrestling tonight babes.

[jeremy-heresy]

Not watching RAW so what happened?

[would-u-like-ur-milk-in-a-bag]

[jeremy-heresy]

I’d say this is an accurate statement about WWE and it’s treatment of its “independent contractors” wouldn’t you agree?

[jeremy-heresy]

[jeremy-heresy]

I’m sure I’m not the only one to notice this but just to be sure...

There’s been a distinct lack of women’s wrestling tonight, what the hell is up with that? Not even Becky Lynch gets a match? Not even the Kabuki Warriors?

[sashabanksss]

So the Street Profits don’t even have a partner?

[neyruto]

Cowboys are witches and horses are their familiars

[istillfuckwithdemilovato-deacti]

guns are their wands and they only know one spell (bullet)

[omnybus]

Rootin’, tootin’, toil n’ shootin’

Fire burn and cowboy bootin’

Eye of newt and spicy beans,

Toe of frog and denim jeans,

Whiskey, grits, n’ demon spittle

tossed into my iron griddle

With the tannin’ of our hides,

Somethin’ wicked this way rides

[serendipiteaart]

Not that anyone asked for this but

[fat-mabari]

everyone asked for it they just didn’t know they did

[raidenhero137]

this post gets a 👍👍👍

@jeremy-heresy

[gamergirl929]

This draft was incredibly underwhelming tbh.

[jeremy-heresy]

They keep saying how the draft is ground-breaking and will shake up the landscape of WWE, when in reality so much of the status quo has been maintained. Like, I’m genuinely happy with picks like Andrade, Aleister, and Murphy because it means we’ll hopefully see more of them. But like, so many of these picks were already on the brands that picked them.

[blaze42323]

I’m lowkey sad. If Liv is back on Raw, they’re probably going to put her back in the Riott Squad which is awesome but I was hoping to see what they’d do with the storyline where Charlotte called it fake. I know it’s been a long time but she did post a video that implied a makeover

[jeremy-heresy]

Well Charlotte is on RAW now, so there might be a chance for that

[themagnificentmillenial]

imagine calling someone’s addiction a scam. Y’all WWE only people need to go the fuck outside and realize that company ain’t your friend and deserves no sympathy or defense from you.

[jeremy-heresy]

A LITTLE LOUDER FOR THOSE IN THE BACK!