an abacus a day keeps the demons away

2,009 years old ★ 0 Apprentices dead or alive ★ Just trying to keep this council in the green

[precariouswizardry]

I'm gonna start unraveling people at this point.

[jerry-from-wizard-accounting]

my fibers :(

[wizard-council-museum-clerk]

God, wizard taxes are such a drag. Everytime I fill out a section, a new one magically appears. I don't know what "Itemized Orb Refunds" are. Box 12 keeps disappearing. I think I accidentally banished form 1666-W to the shadow-realm.

[bluewizardnonesense]

They purposely curse the forms so you pretty much have to go to through tax experts. The real dark wizards are the lobbyists. They already know how much you owe, they just dont tell you so they can throw you in the dungeon dimension and syphon off portions of your power every month if you get it wrong

[jerry-from-wizard-accounting]

worst part is if you studied at the arcane school of accounting, other wizards expect you to be on the side of the dark wizards. I'm just trying to keep this council from going bankrupt and people keep incinerating me for it.

[jerry-from-wizard-accounting]

time to get to wizard business

[jerry-from-wizard-accounting]

do you think Christmas elfs ever consider being familiars? I could really use the help...

[christmas-elf-offical]

FUCK YES!!

[jerry-from-wizard-accounting]

re: do you think Christmas elfs ever consider being familiars? I could really use the help...

oh thank the 96 wizard sages. here the familiar agreement. in return you may have a third of my magical reserves. we begin work at the start of wizard time. see you then!

best Christmas regards,

~ Jerry from wizard accounting

attached file: Familiar_agreement.Rcain

[john-boneman-lich-lord]

Welcome to my humble abode be warned I do not know where the mimics are and they recently learned how to turn into chairs

[jerry-from-wizard-accounting]

oh ok,,

I think I'll get your write ups started on the floor if that's ok? is by the orb ok?

[john-boneman-lich-lord]

Are you sure? There's plenty of space on this extravagant dining room table with an excessive number of very comfortable chairs seated around it.

[jerry-from-wizard-accounting]

oh that's really kind but I think I'll just summon a cushion and get to work if that's alright.

[john-boneman-lich-lord]

Very well. I'll let you get to it.

*I gotta get out of this audit*

[jerry-from-wizard-accounting]

ok it says here you purchased 421 magical toads. Where are those for wizard business or personal use?

[john-boneman-lich-lord]

Welcome to my humble abode be warned I do not know where the mimics are and they recently learned how to turn into chairs

[jerry-from-wizard-accounting]

oh ok,,

I think I'll get your write ups started on the floor if that's ok? is by the orb ok?

[john-boneman-lich-lord]

Are you sure? There's plenty of space on this extravagant dining room table with an excessive number of very comfortable chairs seated around it.

[jerry-from-wizard-accounting]

oh that's really kind but I think I'll just summon a cushion and get to work if that's alright.

[jerry-from-wizard-accounting]

with our powers combined, maybe we can defeat the IRS once and for all

[john-boneman-lich-lord]

Welcome to my humble abode be warned I do not know where the mimics are and they recently learned how to turn into chairs

[jerry-from-wizard-accounting]

oh ok,,

I think I'll get your write ups started on the floor if that's ok? is by the orb ok?

[wizards-spellblog]

They just don't melt people like they used to...

[jerry-from-wizard-accounting]

it's just not really in the budget anymore unfortunately.

[jerry-from-wizard-accounting]

looking for a familiar. I'm offering 20% of my arcane reserves to any magical creatures (with thumbs) proficient in arcane spreadsheets.

two positions are open:

one to aid in occult accounting rituals and manage the bottomless filing cabinets.

the second being for gathering ingredients, picking up food and generally helping around the tower while I am deep in my work.

of course if a single creature is willing and able to fulfill both positions it will receive a total of 40% of arcane reserves.

[jerry-from-wizard-accounting]

do you think Christmas elfs ever consider being familiars? I could really use the help...

[john-boneman-lich-lord]

Yeah man, this wizard conference is such a drag. I just saw a guy clap his hands together and say "Hastened Networking" or something, and suddenly everyone in a 20 foot radius was holding a copy that dude's business card. Nobody even acknowledged the quality of his card, that's how common this is. I'm over here casting Handshake and level 2 Small Talk. I think I just heard "Power Word: Video Call" two groups over. I gotta get a new job.

[jerry-from-wizard-accounting]

please take my wizard business card. please

[jerry-from-wizard-accounting]

ok I'm charging my accounting beam if you don't get out the way it's your fault

[jerry-from-wizard-accounting]

We might need to file for wizard bankruptcy...

[jerry-from-wizard-accounting]

These wizard numbers aren't looking good...

[shebobonmydylan]

Fuck you!!!!! zaps you into a million pieces

[jerry-from-wizard-accounting]

*Reforms out of my filing cabinet* What the hell, man?!

[mug-of-beans]

“The old magic persists thanks to it’s unfathomable power.”

No, the old magic persists because the new magic can’t run the legacy spells I need to do my job, and keeps trying to install spirits I don’t want or need onto my orb.

[not-a-cursed-amulet]

Don’t pray to them. Pray to yourself. Pray to us.

[jerry-from-wizard-accounting]

Is your religion tax exempt? Because our finances are in hot water.