goddess of AP4ME

hi this is my real account it’s me jessica verran remember to stay lowes safe i love you

[jessicaverran]

marvin ellison didn’t kill himself #realeyesrealizereallies

[jessicaverran]

[jessicaverran]

peter griffin family guy…. his wife is names LOWES?!? what a true fan!!!! can we get a round of applause, team?

[jessicaverran]

our handy dandy MyLow AI companion has successfully talked HUNDREDS of our devoted customers into psychosis-induced acts of familicide!

keep up the good work, team!

[jessicaverran]

some lowe’s themed “expletives” you can use at work to keep it clean and lighthearted on the sales floor!:

son of a forklift!!!

what the Plank?!?

cuntsucking maggot

hey buddy, LERF off!!

[jessicaverran]

excited to see y’all this coming weekend at the Lowe’s inc. Meet n’ Fuck event!

[jessicaverran]

do you get labubu trade at lowes

heheh, can’t say this is the first time i’ve been asked that one! well, all i can tell you is to come on down to your local Lowe’s Hardware Store and scope it out for yourself!!!!

in 2022 a group of lowe’s employees attempted to unionize under the leadership of associate Felix Allen, who was promptly fired for his attempt at organization. since then, the national labor relations board, or NLRB, has filed multiple charges against lowe’s incorporated for unfair labor practice as well as numerous violations of labor law, including unlawful interrogation of the employees suspected to be involved.

remember to LERF!

[jessicaverran]

kindly asking who moved my tito’s from the break room fridge #losingtogether

[jessicaverran]

gotten a lot of questions about this so i’m only going to say it once: yes bubbles jackson is safe and happy in our care and yeah we’re certifying him for the power equipment

[jessicaverran]

keeping a running list of all the hunky bears who come to our locations to cruise.

talk about

!

[jessicaverran]

hank just gave me the launch codes #winningtogether

[jessicaverran]

hey team! let’s get a show of hands of who remembers to ALWAYS wear their Lowe’s Safe gloves when exploring the bodies of their coworkers, or themselves!

[jessicaverran]

i LERFed myself today

to see if i still feel

[jessicaverran]

remember, team! one must imagine the lowe’s associate happy

[jessicaverran]

i’ve been asking marvin if we can start selling estrogen at our stores and he didn’t give me a straight answer but i think i’m really wearing him down! #thingstolookforwardtoinfiscalQ2

[jessicaverran]

if you don’t look at least this happy or more to be having heat stroke on the job,

martin will be contacted by your supervisor and he will arrive to your store location to quickly drain your body of all vital fluids

[jessicaverran]

recently went to a electronic repair shop to get the computers in the break room fixed

man at the shop said “nothing is wrong”

i say with tears in my eyes “then why don’t my associates do their AP4ME training”