She/Her or They/Them | Atheist | Cult and Abuse Survivor | ExVangelical/ExFundie | Neurodivergent | LGBTQ+ | Anyone with religious trauma is welcome. I do not think that *only* Christianity can be harmful.
Taking care of my janky unicycle of a meatsuit is expensive and I have a complicated relationship with the medical billing department.
She/They/Dude
Bi, Ace, Separated
Check out my business Tumblr, I crochet some fun stuff!
Minimalbuns Tumblr
This blog started as a cult recovery and religious trauma blog. I grew up fundie/evangelical, then I left, and then I accidentally joined a pagan cult. That was fun /s. Anyway, I'm an atheist now so I also blog about that. Over time my blog has morphed into also talking about disability, some of my health struggles, my experience with therapy, my two cents on politics being thrown into the void, gender and sexuality, some of the weird shit I come across, and as always: memes.
[Pinned Post Updated: Feb 10, 2026]
[Look under the cut for the disclaimers (read: hot takes) I have]
Disclaimers:
I don't like being called aspie or using aspergers to describe my autism, but as long as you don't participate in aspie supremacy I don't care if you describe yourself with those words. I know that's the legal dx title in some countries so that's the title you're likely to use to find local community, and I also know that the inability/struggle to process changes in language (especially personal identifiers) is a language deficit that some autistic people have.
I welcome progressive Christians to read and interact with my exvangelical posts as long as you don’t derail, proselytize, interrogate, offer apologetics, etc. I am so incredibly aware that there are other ways to interpret scripture. That isn't the point of my posts. The main point is that the interpretation I was told was super fucking harmful. The sub-point is that I'm not going to reconvert. I will not be debating you as that is my biggest boundary since leaving the fold.
In fact, contrary to how salty I can be in my posts and notes, I don't like debating randos on tumblr in general. I rarely give in to it. We have no personal incentive to come to an understanding. All we'll do is ruin each other's day.
I also welcome anyone who has survived religious abuse and/or a cult. Christianity isn’t the only religion to harbor abusers, oppress others, or inspire cults. I will not assume your anger and/or criticism is from a place of bigotry unless you say bigoted things.
I don’t support calling people who’ve exited their very diverse Christian based sects, denominations, and/or cults “culturally christian.” There are around 45,000 different Christian denominations worldwide, and they can have beliefs so opposing in views and customs, and even literature, they can look like separate religions. That's not to mention that Christian cultures, even within the same denomination, can look wildly different depending on the country. The label and its usage is so oversimplified it's practically useless. You'll just make an ass of yourself assuming the beliefs and customs someone had. A better term would be "deconstructing ex-Christian" or "deconstructing Christian," depending on whether they've decided to keep their faith or not. It recognizes their past practices and beliefs without assuming them, while also recognizing that they're actively changing their beliefs and practices (which is what deconstructing Christians would prefer, especially if they're a survivor of religious abuse).
it's so funny to me when i see pearl-clutching articles about how "teenagers are diagnosing themselves with mental disorders via tiktok" because like. this is not happening in a vacuum. teenagers are severely and i mean severely medically neglected. i cannot stress this enough. teenagers do not have free access to medical care. those same news outlets would be clowning on women with housewife psychosis in the 1950's.
i sometimes go pale when listening to some of what my friends have gone through in their childhoods and teenagehoods. they talk about it so nonchalantly, things that would be considered straight up torture if done to an adult, can't fathom the effect this has on children. they are on multiple anti-psychotics and several antidepressants and anxiety meds now that they are adults. medical neglect has legally and effectively disabled them. a timely diagnosis and intervention could have saved them.
of course teenagers are self-diagnosing using tiktok. if your knee-jerk reaction is to scoff at the idea and dismiss it as dumb teenager shit instead of being radicalized because the best shot young people have at attaining the mental health support they need is a fucking dancing videos app, you're categorically a political enemy of the youth.
Made a new acquaintance that, within a couple of conversations, let me know they're attracted to me. And my demiace (and I suspect demiromantic) ass is sitting here googling if that's normal for allos (even though I know damn well it is) because I literally cannot fathom it.
Also just feeling weird about it in general because how do you even react to that when you still regularly cry about the end of your marriage
"i just dont think the scientology speedrun trend is funny because if people did that with any other religious institution-" ok guys lets all go to the 'scientology controversies' page on wikipedia and scroll a bit before continuing this thought. lets do this right now
i don't care if it's nazis, mormons, or a bunch of misguided autistic people. if anyone ever tries to tell you your soul is from another planet and you're actually part of the class of impressive people that secretly did everything cool in the world but is now extinct and lives on through your broken genome, you RUN. YOU WILL RUN AWAY. YOU WILL SPRINT FULL SPEED AWAY FROM THAT.
grabs you by the shoulders listen. listen to my words. i understand the urge to make fanfiction about yourself and to find a reality in which you're super awesome and great and everyone who hates you is wrong and dumb. i get it. you're better than that. you can love yourself without putting other people down, dehumanizing and generalizing, and retaliating against your oppressors.
there's no NPCs. there's no aliens coming to save us. we're not the next step in human evolution. our hyperconnected nervous systems give us terrible sensory overwhelm more often than they make us geniuses. neurotypical people are sentient, conscious, aware people who are capable of understanding you. we're more the same than we are different. we're more the same than we are different. we're more the same than we are different.
Had to drop a friend a couple weeks ago because they let slip they think it's fine for full grown adults to be with teens (think 30s with a 16 year old). They revealed this after getting offended that my teen sister could recognize grooming in a piece of media. Then they talked down to me when I called them on their bullshit.
What sucks ass is that someone can reveal they have awful fucking stances and behavior but that doesn't stop you from caring about their well-being. Having to fight wanting to unblock them. Not because I want to be friends with a potential predator (I really fucking don't), but because I wish they weren't like this at all. Then there's the shame that I was ever friends in the first place with someone that is ok with predatory behavior. Granted, I dropped them when I found out, but still.
Just really grateful for the friends in my life that have been helping me see that it's ok to grieve who you thought someone was.
Once you start noticing how the incapacity to handle discomfort affects how people live their lives it's actually pretty shocking how it ruins pretty much every conceivable aspect of existence. Interpersonal relationships, romantic and platonic. Career and education opportunities. Your politics Your willingness to go anywhere. The kind of food you eat. The kind of art you expose yourself to and your ability to read it. It's never just one thing, it touches everything, and once you notice it it's like suddenly being able to see germs or something. Just this horrific catastrophe people look at you askance for screaming about. As I grow older and see what became of my friends and peers who could not learn to handle discomfort, the more I'm like. This is a genuine societal issue
Before I met my ex I absolutely LOVED hiking. I'd go hiking just about every free weekend I had.
When I met him he got excited that I also enjoyed hiking and tried connecting with me over it. But something weird happened. All of a sudden I hated hiking. I'd get tired quickly and super irritable. I assumed it had to do with my disabilities getting worse with age, and/or maybe my mental illnesses acting up.
I just went hiking with a friend last week and I had an absolute blast. It felt like before I met my ex. I was definitely struggling more due to disability, but I wasn't losing motivation and getting irritable.
Turns out I just hated hiking with my ex. Thinking back on it he wasn't a good hiking buddy. He'd push me past my limits, get irritable himself if I stopped for photos, tried going off trail all the time, wasn't super respectful to the trail, wasn't all that aware of his surroundings, would harass wildlife, and wouldn't stick to the plan. In short, he was stressful.
When I was in grade school I used to send emails to biologists and zoologists asking them questions to get answers to include in school projects I was working on, and would cry when they did not respond because I thought I was stupid for thinking that some random kid would ever be deserving of a response from someone who does something as smart and cool and important as *checks notes* studies frog fungus.
Now, at 29, I’m lowkey having a panic attack because my academic email is filled with middle schoolers wanting me to answer their questions about pygmy raccoons and I keep putting off answering them because I’m so overwhelmed with all the other raccoon stuff I have to do.
Anyway, greatest apologies to any scientist I ever emailed as a child and also an adult.
Having depression is fun because one of the main symptoms is that you want to kill yourself and one of the side effects of the meds is you want to kill yourself but if you at any point even IMPLY you want to kill yourself to your doctors in charge of making you not want to kill yourself, you are forcibly put in "wanting to kill yourself jail".
And I have news that may not surprise you about how "wanting to kill yourself jail" affects your mental state and what it may make you want to do.
If you actually want to help someone with mental health issues, come to their house and wash the dishes in their sink. I promise they have them. This is 1000% more effective than locking them up against their will.
do it while the ground falls out from under you; do it while everything you loved goes up in smoke; do it while the dream of your future is still burning embers around you; build anew on the hot ashes of everything you worked for; keep going, keep loving, keep living, even as all you want is to turn back (there is no turning back; it is gone already); do it through grief, which feels like fear in the body
do it grieving
Hell Isn't Real @jesuschristopus - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
