LostSprite

personal blog - thoughts, growth, scars, art & my soundtrack "be the change you want to see in the world."

[lostsprite1985]

read this post, if you want to know who i am

i’m here to find honest acquaintances/pals/friends, and just be myself.

this blog gives an impression of who i am - what i like, what i do, fair and square. just DM me if you feel like chatting, i won't bite ;) you'll find here stuff from my life, photos, videos, edits, art stuff, music, games stuff and memes. in addition, i post short articles about psychology and communication. it interests me and i think it can help people. yes, i also reblog things when the content REALLY speaks to me (or summarizes my thoughts/mentality very well).

i usually write all lowercase, except for names or some abbreviations. or except if i post from my phone and the thing autocorrects everything, which i overlook afterwards. i do this on purpose, bots probably wouldn't do this. i rarely do this in chats, tho.

about me:

i'm 40 and female - the tomboy kind

i love games with atmosphere and a good story

i love traveling, exploring new places, sleeping outdoors, and nature photography (also abandoned places)

i like keeping fit to do the things i like (rn i'm in trauma recovery tho)

i like metal music and synthwave

i have a relatively fresh love for synthwave art stuff

i don't care about sub-genres of music and stuff, it's just a name that helps to communicate, not a dogma

i'm into mental health, psychology and communication theory stuff (and some philosophy stuff, but i don't memorize quotes)

i value people who choose truth over image

i don’t think i’m infallible, but problems need to be talked about

fanaticism, supremacism, ghosting, guilt-tripping, emotional blackmailing, hypocrisy, and drug abuse are an absolute NO-GO!

when i put numbers on the stuff i share, it just means there are so-and-so many posts of this content on my blog. just browse, it's all mixed up because i post what i feel like posting LOL

this is my wannabe art:

my old drawings and fanarts:

this is my memes collection:

and this is me:

[lostsprite1985]

going to leave for a while.

not being a native english speaker makes me misunderstand things. which wouldn't be a problem if...

being brave and overcoming my social anxiety enough to even start interacting via comments fires back because of language.

reading something, my brain automatically makes associations or even assumptions based on how i understand it. this is btw how every human brain works ffs.

but dare i to comment, even with lengthy writing to keep nuance and not offend anyone, i get scolded for doing the same thing others do and don't get scolded for. and writing more lengthy makes people think every word is a fucking rant or that i'm having a mental break down. not everyone is an emotional wreck just because they add context but whatever.

it's a story of my life. others make a mistake, it's oopsie dizzy, no problem. i make a mistake, it's armageddon and i get mocked or lectured about what a bad and stupid person i am. Others make wrong assumptions it's "deal with it, this is just how it is." i make wrong assumptions "you're ignorant and stupid, shut up bitch, go cry elsewhere, use google before you speak" yada yada

fuck this.

[lostsprite1985]

so, i heard we're doing knives now...

^ here are mine

[thememedaddy]

[lostsprite1985]

i want it back

due to the events last year and some trauma recovery i lost my routine and, in consequence, my muscle. i want it back.

i already started by reclaiming parts of my former diet, which my mother made me give up. she means well, but her "care" destroys me. i also managed to reclaim private space, finally. she finally learned to close the door and and not talk all day long.

now i have enough energy to increase activity again. i will start with lame-ass walks, increasing tempo. then i will go swimming again. and if all goes well, i will get back to the gym. it's noisy and crowded and i don't like it. but i like exercising. i pretty much meditated when lifting weights, as stupid as it sounds. but i want it back.

sometimes all you need is a bit of time and patience. sometimes all you need is some rest. sometimes all you need is a bro reminding you of the good things.

[lostsprite1985]

update

what should i say... i didn't make it until now. because when i made that post, i didn't know how fatigued i was. that it was burnout i was dealing with. emotional burnout from being hyper-vigilant 24/7, which i had to be due to my mother. i have dealt with reopened-trauma wounds for far too long, pretty much 2 frigging years. i know other people might have it worse, but suffering isn't a contest.

^ attempted recreation of the photos in the post above, which were made in februrary 2024. these now are done in february 2026. aside from the light being a huge factor, just look at my core and my belly and you can see where i stand now. those are my new "before" pictures. those and this post serves to document my progress. for myself and whoever else cares lol (maybe i can inspire others idk)

anyways, i finally went back to the gym. i exercised without headphones and i didn't even look at my phone during set breaks. probably sounds mad to most. but that was just how mentally stable i was again - how stable i am again. i didn't need distraction or emotional support from music or browsing whatever. last time i was mentally stable and exercising, i listened to music. because lifting weights has a lot to do with repetition and it does get boring sometimes. having music is nice, that's all. i use my phone to note down weights and reps. otherwise i use breaks to listen into myself, see how my body feels, and sometimes stretch a little or do some mobility movements between sets.

^ proof of how long the break has been - at least for this specific exercise. i did different kinds of squats and each machine or modality i documented separately - because they are separate exercises. i haven't checked if i did a different kind of squat later than 03/20/2024. look at that insane drop of 66%! am i ashamed of these numbers? yeah, a bit. but not too much. i question the accuracy of the calculated 1RM. because it's just done by a formula, i actually have never done any 1RM ever. and i don't know if i really care for it. my muscles aren't the weakest spots in my body, it's my joints and connective tissue. trying to stay inside the norm of a formula likely won't work for me anyways. the 1RM would only be useful to calculate how much intensity should be used in regular exercising - for example if one wants to exercise at 80% of the 1RM. but here i have to go with what my body tells me, because of my damaged joints - and i'm old haha

so my plan is to use machines that give support/lead the movement. which is helpful to recover a foundation of muscle tissue and have the joints and connective tissue get used to the load again. also, i exercise full ROM, which means i go into a stretch with each rep, performing the eccentric movement slowly. i do an explosive push/pull for the concentric, but not in a way that i use other parts of my body to gain momentum to move the weight. my goal isn't to move weights around, but to target weight onto my muscle and connective tissue to set a trigger for physical adaption - which essentially is training. with using less weight but more repetition i can target the muscles more precisely and i take load off my joints - plus i have more of the loaded stretch at the end of each rep, which will increase my mobility more effectively than any other form of stretch (see video below). not only did i watch a video about it a few years back, but i tested it myself. with my damaged knees i'm doing mobility and rehab exercises for years, from yoga to using a fascia roll and balls and whatnot. full ROM lifting did get me the most results. after even only two months of precise training, i was pain free in my knees after a decade of issues. now i have to start all over again, but alas, i start.

now, i'm curious how fast, yet sustainable, i can get myself results 💪 and you 🫵🫵🫵 will be my witnesses lol

[catchymemes]

[surqrised]

“There’s some good on this world - and it’s worth fighting for.”

— J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

[lostsprite1985]

my neighbor, robin

[lostsprite1985]

morning walk. once again, the moon looks great through my eyes, but not through my lens. but whenever i see it reflected in water, o somehow remember this slightly weird track:

[jello-the-frog]

What is one thing that you hate is normalized

For me, it's most "dark" humor like most of the time it's an excuse to be: Racist, misogynistic, laughing at RAPE, laughing at TRADGITIES, people with disabilities, pedophilia, complaining about women. I get for some people it's a coping mechanism and that's OK but I swear to God of I see one more 911 joke I'm going to fucking punch someone or rip their dominant hand off with my teeth so they can’t right another edgy disgusting 'joke'. I get it can be done right, here's a example

Dark humor I'm ok with;

Not ok with;

Also weirdly enough dank memes is just as bad

@shogun-midnight @skyycaramba @kugisakinobaradesu @beccahasarrived @halfofacoffeebean @acewurld @mydawgnina @supersnowyfox @darkmatchacoffeegrass @tacticallyidiotic @kalenipclaw @sylvanath3fa3 @uterus-stealer-offical @sharonsharp7 @sharkicide @etherealvowtemplar @onyxvirtuemasquerade @janetdavid090 @jagithedragon @ddawgthechef2 @coldfreakhairdorascal @neurodivergientmiitopian-alt-alt @no-one-offical @lostsprite1985 @theolivinginhidden @blossomingtortoise2 @glasses-wearing-water-drinker @wrestlingontum @spodderly @neruodivergentmiitopian @teacupswhiskey @astracaedes @mjthesilly do we agree

Rant over. Bleg

[lostsprite1985]

100% agreed

things i hate that are normalized are bantering and avoidance of accountability.

bantering is funny when done with someone you know. But folks start it with strangers, they outright start dissing them and things they open up about and then they wonder why they react angry. It's completely nuts.

whether texting someone online or meeting someone IRL, they do jokes like those above and see they hurt others and they all be like "it's just a joke bro don't be so serious".

or someone screws up in general, not with a joke, but someone simply makes a mistake. especially when it's any authority figure, like a teacher, a manager or even a political figure. everyone makes mistakes and mistakes are even necessary for learning. but for some reason, as soon as someone is in a position of authority, they act as if they are infallible. so each time they do screw up, they blame something or someone else. it's disgusting and it contributed to a lot of the bs we're all dealing with now.

[lostsprite1985]

i was looking for reference material for drawing, for anatomy studies. being fascinated by emotional expression through gesture, i thought of Zoe Jakes from Beats Antique (and as solo artist):

her stage outfits are intricate which makes them a challenge to draw, yet her forms are clear and her poses strong. plus i simply enjoy drawing female characters, which is why i also like Luis Royo's work a lot. i've never looked much deeper into who Zoe Jakes is and mostly knew her in costumes. but while i looked for reference material, i came across an AMA video where she answered questions from her fans. i just must say, she is so wonderfully natural and seems to have such a down to earth personality. it's stunning how much her stage make up also changes her face, but she is sympathetic and charming with and without make up.

i just wanted to express how much i like artists like that, who don't become super arrogant because they are good at something and became famous. if you don't know her, check her out, i found a solo dance video approximately as old as the AMA i found:

[lostsprite1985]

Hi would follow me please

why? your posts all look very random, neither following a fandom nor a certain aesthetic and they show no personality. they are all reblogs done with one week. and the posts that show as most popular on top are of half-naked ladies with... curious... proportions.

you reek of bot or spam account. if you want me to follow you, prove that you are human.

[lostsprite1985]

new (used) drawing display test - 1 minute doodling after about 15 years of not drawing anything

guess i can still do something at least

o.O >.< O.o

[lostsprite1985]

...and if you look really closely, you can see that i have no idea where i'm going here...

[lostsprite1985]

new (used) drawing display test - 1 minute doodling after about 15 years of not drawing anything

guess i can still do something at least

o.O >.< O.o

[lostsprite1985]

*me sees post that i have enough thoughts about to reblog or that fits me enough to reblog here*

"i think i should rethink posting this"

"i think i should edit this on my PC because it's better then"

"i'm not sure i should post this"

*me ends up not really posting shit, ends up with too many drafts*

"fuck it, we post"

*me changes to spam posting now*

[stealerofmemes]

Therapist: "You have to learn to love yourself."

Me: "I'm not my type."

[lostsprite1985]

gotta exercise again, then MAYBE

[millie-r-carpenter]

And suddenly, the silence wasn't as deafening as I remembered it. It was liberating.