Yikes!

There used to be a me, but I had it surgically removed.

[anonymousalchemist]

happy birthday to all the queers I assume it just works like horse birthdays where they all turn a year older on Jan 1.

[delgrosso]

A platitude?

[delgrosso]

PERRY THE PLATITUDE!?

[sniffanimal]

how am I gonna be an optometrist about this

[abalidoth]

and if you close one eye

can you tell me what's the symbol on row four

and if you close one eye

I prescribe you one diopter more

[gotylocks]

Happy 10th birthday to the best tweet of all time.

[chantenhalf]

"Because I said so" straight up isn't as good an answer as you think it is.

[helenvaughans]

[zitasaurusrex]

[cannibalcaprine]

K

[gumi-megpoidd]

U

[pepper-steak12]

N

[beetroot-merchant]

G

[four-two-six]

P

[ibuildblasters]

O

[shed-some-light]

W

[silaswhatever]

P

[beetroot-merchant]

U

[silly-gobbledygook-deactivated2]

S

[living-shifting-oil]

S

[asu-xu-namir]

Y

[star-mom-selkie]

[thetoneofsurprise-deactivated20]

The elegant European woman didn't stay for tea, but the promise of tomorrow hung in the air.

[dailynarnia]

is jake gyllenhaal gay??

why would you ask us, a narnia blog, this

[helloitsbees]

happy pride month to this post specifically

[agnesmontague]

ive invented (note: dubious claim) something i call the bear diet which is mostly fruits and vegetables with fish as the main protein source and something like once a month you eat a few hyperprocessed foods of your liking because that is when you, the bear, raid a dumpster in the suburbs

[stellarskyes]

after the hyperprocessed foods, do you take tranquilizers to simulate getting captured by animal control and returned to the wild?

[agnesmontague]

i would settle for melatonin gummies but well. knock yourself out

[swingsetindecember]

when the murderer in columbo says they are welcome to come back if they have any questions. i am like, you fool, you just invited the detective into your house. you will never no peace. until you confess. he will come over and ask you questions. just. one. more. thing.

[heavensenthousepet]

you learn something new everyday. unless you're a historian. then you learn something old

[melonisopod]

[sarthathrace]

me to the accursed whispering amulet: hey can you speak up please i have an audio processing disorder

[queer-here-and-in-fear]

(via @cuunos)

[mortalityplays]

you can stay indoors all day when the sun is out, and sometimes it's nice like a cool draught from a tranquil spring, but watch out because if you stay indoors for two days in a row while the sun is out you start doing odd gothic literature things, stalking the halls and passages and muttering to yourself and parting the blinds to gaze down at your neighbours with a haunted look before turning away to contemplate your mannequins #yourmannequins. three days and you're basically fucked. you have to throw a towel over your head to scurry as far as the store for milk and people jeer at you like frankenstein's monster.

[timberwind]

you can post on tumblr even when you're trying to take a break from social media it literally doesn't count. it's like pepsi max, or pescatarianism

[juicydangler]

[npdclaraoswald]

A doll youtuber I watch has made a video about the history of Polly Pocket, and she's describing the plots of the dvd specials, one of which features an elderly woman named Ms. Throckmorton, and my reaction was

[calebwittebane]

person typing into google search bar: obfuscate meaning

google ai overview: Understood! From now on, all meaning will be hidden from you, and you'll be forced to wade through the dreary vastness. Whether it's things you've always held dear, or new ideas you've yet to discover, nothing will make sense or appear to have any real value. This could be the beginning of a fascinating journey!