noble heart.

tenderly they turned to dust all that i adore.

[jiyongcv]

♡.┊⊰ — truth be told.

[hyukid-deactivated20190624]

kangjoon listens to him, glass in hand. he feels like his soul left his body for a bit, and is just waiting for the right moment to come back. he stays quiet while jiyong talks, not making a single comment, not even making any expression. his mind though, is running in a thousand of directions. he shouldn’t be mad - he can’t be mad. seulgi and kangjoon have broken up a long time ago, whatever fucked up relationship they kept going after that never meant he had any kind of ownership over her. also, no right to complain about his friend fucking her. and yet, he feels weird, chest aching a bit, uncomfortable. he doesn’t know what exactly is making him this annoyed, he knows it’s stupid, but he still feels petty.

when jiyong stops talking, kangjoon sighs. he knows his friend is waiting for an answer, something. maybe he is expecting kangjoon to be happy for him. for a moment he thinks about lying, about smiling and saying “oh, dude, that’s nice for you” but he literally can’t. so he just makes a face, runs his fingers through his hair. “well. this is really awkward.”

he takes a moment, a sip of his drink, another sigh. looks back at jiyong. no reason to sugarcoat it. “seulgi is my ex.”

[jiyongcv]

for a long moment, jiyong can’t comprehend what he’s heard -- or perhaps he just doesn’t want to. his surprise is written clear on his face, lips parting as he stares at kangjoon and his brows furrow. he shakes his head for no real reason, maybe to clear his mind or attempt to argue or imply that kangjoon is messing with him.

“are you serious?” he finally asks, having taken a few seconds too many to just look at kangjoon, try to read his face. it’s been too long since they’ve been close, and he’s too drunk, he thinks, because he can’t quite tell what he’s thinking -- whether it’s a prank or not, kangjoon trying to get his own back in his unique way for jiyong leaving. soon after the surprise leaves his face, suspicion enters it, a narrowing of his eyes as he leans in an inch or two to inspect his friend. “if this is a joke... i mean, fuck, i hope it’s a joke.”

and he does, for a myriad of reasons. he can’t seem to believe he -- accidentally -- slept with kangjoon’s ex, for one, within weeks of the returning. it’s either a trick being played by kangjoon or by god himself. or it’s the truth and jiyong will have to stop, will have to learn to say no to seulgi if she comes again -- not that he thinks she would particularly care. and yet there’s a part of him that’s as nervous it’s true as he is suspicious it isn’t, not only because of the magnitude of the apology he’ll owe kangjoon, but because he doesn’t want to say no to the possibility of a ‘next time’ with her.

[jiyongcv]

♡.┊⊰ — pitching forward.

[cvjisoo-deactivated20160821]

She shook her head at the extended hand. Jisoo wasn’t one to touch people and certainly not the person who knocked her flat on her rear. “No thank you…” Jisoo would much rather use the tree nearby to get herself back up on her feet. “Maybe it was a branch, right?” she said as she glanced down at the ground with not a single large branch in sight. “I mean, just look at all of them!”

[jiyongcv]

Jiyong’s mouth twisted in a frown as he dropped his hand to his side, the urge to laugh at anything leaving as he was rejected. It was obvious he’d angered her, and with good reason. He might be angry too in her position, and in another situation where his mind were clearer. Still, he cringed at her tone despite himself and his understanding of it, looking around at the ground once more although he was well aware that she was being sarcastic. There was nothing he could’ve tripped over aside from himself, and embarrassment rushed through him.

“Look, I said I was sorry,” he started off after a moment, shrugging helplessly as he glanced back at her. There wasn’t much else he could do at the moment but apologize, and if she didn’t want to accept it, then he supposed that would be that. This wasn’t the best first impression he’d ever made, but it certainly wasn’t the worst either. He had to ask, not willing to give up so easily on making amends even if his aid in some small form had already been turned down once: “Are you hurt? I can try to find someone who’ll help, if you want.”

[jiyongcv]

i ended up being even more busy than i thought this week but i’m finally done with my class so things should calm down significantly now for a while!! i’m sorry i’ve been gone for so long. i’m gonna reply to everyone’s ims and do any starters/replies i owe tomorrow as soon as i’ve slept for like 14 hrs okay xoxox

[jiyongcv]

hiiii. i have quite a few replies to work on and some non-event starters i haven’t been able to get around to writing yet, but i think i may not be online until thursday now. i’m going to try to be, but i’ve got three mini essays to write before thursday night and a final to study for which is also on thursday lmaooo so i’m lowkey dying. i’ll try to get stuff done on here too but just in case i can’t i wanted to say smth!! see you soon xoxox

[hansteria-deactivated20170306]

rootless tree — kjy

[hansteria-deactivated20170306]

       “Alright, look.” Seunghyun says in a way that could almost sound like an admission of guilt; of defeat, swallowed thick and concentrated from the root, “I wasn’t kidding about that coffee. If you really can’t find it within yourself to ‘go’ with a complete ‘stranger’, Jiyong,  then you’re welcome to trail behind a few steps. Or something.”

[jiyongcv]

        Privately, Jiyong thinks he couldn’t blame anyone for forgetting him, even the people he’d been close to. Why think of someone you may never see again? Certain memories fade when they aren’t accessed continually, just as certain feelings do. He wonders if he’d feel relieved or hurt were it someone like an old friend that couldn’t place him, and settles on something in between; hurt followed by relief, or relief followed by hurt. An odd mixture, certainly, but not one that wouldn’t make any sense given the circumstances.

        With Seunghyun, though, it hardly matters. He’s not hurt, he knows that much, although the moment something in Seunghyun seems to shift as he stares, Jiyong can’t help but straighten up. He almost slides his hands into the pockets of his jeans before he realizes Seunghyun has just done the same and stops himself -- mirroring isn’t part of the teasing process and hasn’t been since Jiyong was six years old and had a much less developed brain. He wouldn’t like to accidentally be caught at it only because he’s uncomfortable all of a sudden.

        His smile grows at the words insult artist then fades, finally, a brief flicker upward before dying out like a flame burning through the last of a wick. Playing around is fun until someone looks too closely at him, apparently, although he’s not sure what else he expected when he started this private game. Perhaps he should’ve just invited Seunghyun in from the start, explained that he used to be a student here – or he could’ve politely declined the coffee and ignored the entire strange event of finding someone he recognized hovering in his doorway for no apparent reason.

         And then he’s snapped out of his thoughts, his over-exaggerated and far too dramatic regrets, by Seunghyun saying his name, and his eyes go a bit wider. The weird tension he’d felt in his chest for the past few seconds snaps. Then he laughs out loud, giving in to the urge finally as it returns from whatever depths of his mind he’d lost it to, and he reaches up to cover his mouth as he does so, waving his other hand in front of him apologetically.

         “Sorry, hyung,” he says once he’s done, one arm dropping back to his side while he reaches with the other to brush an almost embarrassed hand through his hair. “I’m not sure why I thought it’d be funny to mess with you. But… I am surprised you remember my name -- you should admit it took you a while, though.”

[jiyongcv]

♡.┊⊰ — truth be told.

[hyukid-deactivated20190624]

he knows what the answer will be but still stares back at him, waiting for an answer, a small glimpse of hope in his chest. because depending of his friend’s answer, shit is about to get very awkward.

[jiyongcv]

jiyong starts laughing into his drink before he can help it, just a few ridiculous, drunken giggles before he manages to cut himself off. “i have to spell it out? yeah, fucking around. it’s weird, right?” maybe he shouldn’t have posed that as a question -- he’s not sure he wants to give kangjoon the opportunity to agree that it’s weird he’s sleeping with someone, although he’d be right to say so.

before kangjoon can come up with some smart remark, jiyong is hurrying to explain, words a little slurred, “i mean -- just because she’s kind of scary. but scary in an attractive way, i guess. i’ve never had like, a -- a thing for girls who gave off a vibe like they could kill you, you know? i know some guys are into that, but it’s not my thing.”

he shrugs, inhaling and then exhaling deeply, not quite a sigh. it’s nice out tonight, the fresh air cool in his lungs. he adds as an afterthought: “-- it wasn’t my thing.” it’s still not, he tells himself. most likely. but he can’t deny that he likes what they do, what they’ve done. he’s drunk enough to admit to himself that he doesn’t want it to stop, anyway.

[xcvmingyu-deactivated20161025]

🌠 annoying little kitty

“and how are you doing this fine afternoon, my good sir?” mingyu drawled in the most annoyingly posh accent he could pull off, taking the seat across from his target and staring at the other’s face. 

[jiyongcv]

jiyong’s mother had raised him to be polite to strangers, to care for people who needed it, and to watch out for others whenever possible. jiyong had raised himself to watch out for others even when it seemed impossible, at the expense of many things. none of this meant he was perfect, and much of it had a secret hand in the reasons for his imperfections, in fact. he wasn’t always polite to strangers, though he did his best. he didn’t always look out for others, though he wished he were able to.

still, he was someone who tried in everything he felt was worthwhile, and for the most part, being who he was raised to be felt worthwhile to him. but sometimes his priorities conflicted with each other, as would anyone’s -- and one priority conflicted with another the moment a kid he’ wasn’t sure he’d ever seen before sat across from him in the library.

politeness towards strangers was a priority when they were doing nothing wrong -- rudeness in strangers and friends alike, on the other hand, jiyong found distasteful, ugly, worth calling out. but this wasn’t necessarily rude, although jiyong’s number one priority -- studying the pages currently laid out before him, theories upon explanations upon history -- begged to differ. was it considered rude enough to be worthy of discussion, to sit in a library and interrupt someone mid-assignment?

jiyong wasn’t sure, on the scale of ways in which someone might offend him. the peak of his annoyance was usually reserved for bullies, for the rich who looked down on the poor in any aspect, for people who enjoyed hurting others below them and the like. he found himself almost as annoyed at the disregard for the obvious fact that he was busy, though, and his frustration at the way the words he read no longer even made sense in his exhausted brain, growing quickly over the past twenty minutes, certainly didn’t help.

after a long pause filled only with a blank look jiyong sighed heavily, straightened in his chair, and then said in a flat voice, “honestly? i was doing fine a second ago.” he reached up to push a hand through his hair, which he knew must already look properly mussed from the stressed-out tugs he’d been giving it over the past hour, glancing down at his book and then back up at the intruder. “sorry, but did you need something?”

[hyukid-deactivated20190624]

chasing ghosts

[hyukid-deactivated20190624]

“for how long have you been back?”

[jiyongcv]

jiyong is all too tense, stomach tight with nerves that hadn’t been there even just a few seconds before despite the creepy setting. seeing kangjoon again feels exactly as he’d thought it might and more, nerve-wracking and painful and nostalgic all in equal measure. as much as he’d tried not to think about old friends after leaving – about kangjoon in particular, the first person outside of his family he’d really connected with, let himself get close to – it was impossible to erase them entirely.

kangjoon seemed to be deeply embedded in his sensory memory, his existence retained through the discovery of how having a best friend had made jiyong feel, despite his attempts at ignoring the specifics of it, of everything they’d ever enjoyed or gone through together. and now here he is in the flesh – and he laughs. it’s the same laugh as always, one that used to make jiyong laugh every time in return, although perhaps he’s misremembering that small fact, the crushing influence of a myriad of emotions clouding his mind and tightening his chest.

but jiyong can’t help but relax at the sound despite himself, minutely and only physically, his mind still whirring a mile a minute. his shoulders lose their stiff positioning, his countenance slackening into a nervous, tentatively hopeful smile that only grows more natural when kangjoon speaks. he doesn’t kid himself into thinking he’ll never have to explain, or that he’s forgiven just like that – but for this moment, he feels the knot in his chest loosen.

“just since the beginning of the school year,” he says after a pause, shrugging helplessly. he wants to apologize, wants to say a million different things he’s not sure kangjoon will want to hear yet. he remembers a kangjoon who was willing to listen, fun and understanding and good. but many things have changed. “i would’ve come to find you – at some point. to… to say hi. and see how you’ve been.”

[mhjennie-blog]

topsy turvy.

[jiyongcv]

cvhyeri:

“you know I can’t remember why i’m not supposed to be happy to see you. i know there must be a reason, but, its hard to pin down, for some reason.” she pouts a little in thought, eyes squinting and brows pulled together tight. “could you enlighten me?”

jiyong’s smile only grows at her chattering, and he wonders if she’ll be embarrassed at the fact that he’s the recipient of it when she remembers this tomorrow -- if she remembers it. he’s not too sure the aftereffects of the potions they’d been handing out tonight, which had played a small but not insignificant part in his refusal to take any. he takes a large gulp of his own drink, of the more reliable hard liquor-filled kind, as he nods along to her clothing and happiness speech, perhaps more pleasantly polite than he’s been to her since about a week after they first met. her good mood is infectious and almost makes him wish he’d taken a potion too -- almost.

her uncommon-but-not-extreme-happiness isn’t the only side effect, it would seem, and when she finishes off lamenting the fact that she doesn’t currently know why they’re not in each other’s good favor, he shrugs, grin not faltering in the least. “i annoy you,” he clarifies for her, voice as matter-of-fact as it is amused. “you annoy me. we annoy each other -- it’s a whole thing. i called my mom once in my second year to talk shit about you and she said we sounded like an old married couple.”

jiyong shuts his mouth quickly, teeth clacking together. how strong were the drinks here tonight? not enough that there’s a reason for him to be telling her that -- or bringing up his mother’s existence at all, something that normally would be difficult. he supposes he only has her babbling to blame, and some kind of mass-babbling effect brought on by the oddness of experiencing the two of them being friendly to one another. he finishes off the last of his drink and looks around for one of the trays that might provide him another.

[jiyongcv]

♡.┊⊰ — a different setting.

[xcvsungkyung-deactivated2016091]

“did my brother help you with your clothes?” she asks, looking at the boy and recognizing everything as something kangjoon would wear - or so she thinks. “you look good.”

[jiyongcv]

jiyong laughs at the idea of her telling him to study, although he’s not too sure it’s outside of the realm of possibility -- and then laughs again at her next question. “is it that obvious?” he looks down at himself, reaching up to tug on one of the ruffles on his shirt, a slight shadow of distaste appearing on his face. 

it’s not that he hates these kinds of clothes; there are many people who look good in them. but they certainly aren’t him, and wearing them makes him feel as if he’s pretending at being something he isn’t. it’s no surprise that she’s picked out within seconds that half of his outfit didn’t come from his own closet.

he glances up in surprise at her next comment, though, and a grin replaces the small grimace on his face in a millisecond. “yeah? thanks,” he says, and then takes in her appearance too, top to bottom, meaning to return the compliment. everyone is decked out in something interesting tonight, but he can’t pretend he’s the type to pay attention to clothing until the thought to do so is forced upon him. 

still, he’s not lying in the least when he continues: “so do you -- i’m guessing kangjoon didn’t help you out too, though.” it’s a thoughtless comment, not meant to be a reference to their strained relationship, but he’s drunk enough that his jokes are leaving his mouth all too quickly, unrestrained.

[jiyongcv]

♡.┊⊰ — pitching forward.

[cvjisoo-deactivated20160821]

There was a reason she never drunk, and it was to stay out of situations like these. Jisoo’s foot were a bit hurt from the fall and her baby pink dress had dirt on it, but that was the least of her worries. She couldn’t even get up without pain shooting up right leg. “What did you trip on?”

[jiyongcv]

Jiyong is filled with a mixture of concern and embarrassment as he rights himself, eyes wide and apologetic. The fall wasn’t quite enough to sober him, but his head feels as if it’s on a little bit straighter as he stutters, “Fuck, I -- I don’t know, air?” A forced laugh is misplaced given the circumstances, but it’s what he tries for, even if he finds himself cringing almost immediately after. He hadn’t even fallen fully to the ground, having apparently been stopped from a full and painful tumble by this girl instead; he wishes, vaguely, that he had. He might not even have felt it fully at this point.

He reaches out a hand, hoping she’ll let him help her up as he brushes his hair out of his eyes with the other. “I’m so, so sorry, shit. Are you alright? Maybe there was a... a branch, or something, and I didn’t see it.” It’s a stupid excuse, given that he’s well aware there was nothing there, no excuse to cling to except for the fact that he’d gotten a little too drunk, a little too clumsy. The lie is almost funny, when he thinks about it, but he presses his lips together tightly -- he can laugh, forced or genuinely, after he’s sure she’s okay.

[mhjennie-blog]

topsy turvy.

[jiyongcv]

cvhyeri:

“ah, we have that in common. well, not kangjoon and not sweatpants. but, the enforced dressing. it was seunghee, my roommate. she had so many dresses, about thirty. ” she shuddered, a full bodied shiver as she pouted, tugging at the puffy hem of her skirt. “so now i’m a small cake.” there’s a wistful sigh on her lips, though she grins easily as the other teases her quick, eyes creasing with the expression. “both, probably. but not extremely. yet. soon, i hope.” she determined, glancing into the interior of her little teacup.

jiyong nods as if he understands, and only then does he finally take note of what she’s wearing. she looks... nice, for someone he’d always found obnoxious and who’d found him obnoxious in return. the thought is giving and petty in equal measure, a mixture of who jiyong likes to believe he is now (a responsible, reasonable adult) and who he was when they’d first met each other (a relatively responsible, sulky teenager with a habit of nitpicking and a penchant for snippy comments). it’s not as if he wants to regress, but in some aspects, being back makes that difficult.

with hyeri in this kind of mood, though, it’s easy to slip into a much newer role. not quite a fresh beginning, because he’s well aware that the mood-lifting ambiance of the party itself will leave him eventually just as the effects of whatever liquor and potions she’d imbibed will leave her, but for now, there’s no point in pretending he’s not just glad to see a familiar -- smiling -- face. he smiles back, a half-disbelieving huff of laughter leaving him as he replies, “not extremely -- are you sure? because you seem pretty happy to be a cake despite it all, and pretty happy to see me. i don’t usually have that effect.”

[rcsequartz]

[jiyongcv]

qdraqons:

he dreams that his mama tells god that her baby boy is a sacrifice                                        & that her name itself was like a map that brought him home

[jiyongcv]

♡.┊⊰ — pitching forward.

@cvjisoo

jiyong makes no secret of the fact that he’s not much of a partier, although tonight may be serving to prove that perhaps that’s more about a lack of opportunity than anything else. he hasn’t opted in to the types of potions he’d initially said no to, although their call admittedly got stronger the more drinks he had, but he’s loose enough anyway at this point to have danced with a few students just a little too closely, said things he normally might not, let people say to him what he normally might not.

he’s on his way back from his third or fourth trip to the metaphorical, dirt-and-leaves ‘dance floor’ when it happens. one moment he’s walking a straight line despite himself, and the next he’s tripping over his own feet, no stray tree roots on the magic-smoothed ground to even blame it on. he stumbles into the nearest solid thing he can find, just a foot or two away and -- not quite as solid as he’d hoped, in fact. instead it’s a girl he’s not sure he’s ever seen, and he’s cursing out loud before he can stop himself, knocking into her far too roughly.

[mhjennie-blog]

topsy turvy.

[jiyongcv]

cvhyeri:

to the side, on his own, she spots a face familiar in its slight ponderous scowl and she beelines for him, flicking lightly at the ruffle of his shirt when she approaches. “my favorite least favorite person.” she coos brightly, fingers sliding down the ruffles to drop to her side, tugging idly at a ruffle of her own, this one layered on her skin. “You didn’t strike me as the dress up type of person.” 

jiyong is alone, for the moment, which isn’t all that surprising -- he can’t expect kangjoon to hang by his side all night, babysitting a grown man just because parties aren’t his usual scene, or because he’s uncomfortable with not knowing everyone here (or knowing that a good few of them still aren’t his biggest fan, either after years or because of the years themselves). he’s not quite drowning his discomfort in a drink, but rather letting it swim as he takes small sips, not yet enough to even make his head fuzzy or his tense muscles relax.

relief settles into his bones when he catches sight of someone coming towards him, and it doesn’t quite dissipate even as he recognizes the figure as hyeri, although his brows do furrow in confusion when as soon as she gets close enough, she’s reaching for his shirt. he understands a second later as she speaks, his eyes catching on the cup in her hand before taking in her dress, her face, the general air about her. she’s either drunk on liquor or high on one of those potions he’d heard about and promptly refused, and when he realizes, a half-amused huff sets forth from his lips.

“maybe i’ve changed,” he replies after a pause, the faintest flicker of a smile growing despite himself. he and hyeri may not have ever gotten along, but her face is one that’s still welcome at a time like this, and especially (although he loathes to think it) when she’s clearly in a good enough mood through whatever means. “or maybe kangjoon refused to be seen with me in public ever again if i showed up in a hoodie and sweatpants. take your pick, my extremely drunk-and-or-high favorite least favorite person.”

♡.┊⊰ — truth be told.

[jiyongcv]

cvkangjoon:

kangjoon doesn’t react, he simply listens, turns around to face his friend. “yeah, i know her,” he replies, voice nonchalant, as if seulgi is just one more girl in a sea of girls who doesn’t represent a thing to him, not his mess of an ex. he hopes now that this will be the same for jiyong. “what about her?”

jiyong hums quietly, trying to figure out how to word what he wants to say. he stops touching kangjoon only to switch his drink from hand to hand, a grin curving his lips after a second. he’s half-smug, suddenly, although there’s really nothing to be smug about -- it’s probably pathetic to still brag at twenty-two about getting laid, whether you’re well on your way to drunk or not. 

but if his years to brag had passed with a lot of not getting laid, then he’s already missed his opportunity to take advantage of them. tonight -- with all of these people milling around them and having a good time, with friends and enemies alike enjoying this night together, relaxing -- that seems almost unfair in a way it never has before.

“well...” he starts, eyebrows rising and eyes widening as he stares at kangjoon as if he’s trying to tell him with his mind, trying to make him take the hint. when that doesn’t work, he’s forced to say, mouth somewhat muffled by the edge of his cup as he raises his drink to his lips, “this isn’t gossip, or anything, but we've sort of been... y’know. you know.”

[jiyongcv]

♡.┊⊰ — a different setting.

@cvsungkyung

when jiyong catches sight of her, it’s not as if he’s surprised or unsurprised -- to be either would be to assume he knows her at all from anything other than what her brother has told him and the small tidbits of information he’s picked up from their minimal interactions when he was younger and his lessons so far. truth be told, it’s not a whole lot to go off of.

what he is is strangely at ease, suddenly, to see a face he knows. although he and sungkyung don’t always see eye to eye on his studies, her attitude, his attitude, this is a night to have fun -- a night hopefully far removed from his worries, although he loathes to think that he’d needed one already.

as he picks his way across the moving bodies on the makeshift dance floor towards her, he wonders at how they might get along under circumstances outside of their usual ones. he’s been drinking slow and steady, and he’s feeling it enough that when he reaches her his words flow more freely than they otherwise might as he says, “y’know, this feels sort of like seeing a teacher outside of class as a kid. except -- drunker.”