There's Nothing Easy About It || A Joanna Self-Para
She didn't think it would be this hard. There was no denying she knew it was going to be somewhat hard, but nothing like this. On some level she was hoping this day wouldn't come, that some magical thing would happen and she'd be able to stay. She hoped it so much that she hadn't really bothered to tell anybody until last minute, not even Imogen. She was scared. Terrified even. It felt like by leaving she was disappointing the people closest to her. She'd always been around, the shoulder to cry on, the helping hand. That was who Joanna was. And now she was just abandoning them.
She really didn't want to go, and that came in conflict with wanting to stay with her family. Her mom and dad had no intention in staying here after the pass year, and they had agreed that taking Joanna out of school in her senior year was not going to be easy but Joanna was never the smart kid, she was not gonna miss much by starting this year again. That's why she'd been working so hard to improve her grades the last couple of months. All she had to show for it was a C+ in science, and that just wasn't enough to change their plans about moving.
It was down to the last couple of nicknacks now. Most of their stuff was being shipped out right at this moment in time. The point of no return had already been and gone. It was just her, pulling the last of her posters from her wall, and throwing some small stuffed toys and notebooks into a suitcase. Last in was her diary. Sorry, journal. Joanna never liked using the word diary to describe it. It wasn't a day-to-day guide of her life, it was just the important stuff.
New Year's Eve party (dressed up as Buffy.) Her love for the Arctic Monkeys (that was all thanks to Forrest.) The car crash and crazy puppet thing (she still felt so much guilt.) Miss North Shore (only thing that she'd ever done that had wowed her parents.) Everything she felt when Ed died (those pages were tear stained.) Imogen (there was so much Imogen in there.) And every little experience she shared with Oliver, homecoming and before (she hadn't noticed until now, but she'd always dotted his 'i' with a heart. Her subconscious was too subtly telling her something there.)
Her mother's call brought her out of her memories. She wasn't ready to leave. This town could be god awful sometimes, but that never made it any less her home.
