Avery appreciated Joey’s honesty. She didn’t want to put him in a predicament that made him uncomfortable or in a situation where he was being called out. Therefore, hearing how he felt about the two of them finally talking was certainly reassuring. She simply nodded in understanding and decided to leave it at that. She felt the exact same way and like she had mentioned before, at least it was better late than never. Reaching for the wine bottle, Avery listened to Joey’s response while pouring herself another glass. She didn’t approach his answer in a counsellor type of way, but instead took it from the perspective she should be seeing it, which is as his ex-girlfriend. She expected it, especially since she thought about their past together and all those times she would stress over him and the shop. Her intentions were well, but she knew better than that and so, she should have had some sort of limitations or boundaries when it came down to it. “I know, but still…” Her voice trailed off as she picked up her glass and took a sip of the wine. “I should have given you space at times. I know how stubborn I could get and I somewhat sparked half of our arguments.”
Bracing herself for his response to her question, Avery didn’t know what to expect. Usually she would be capable of thinking ahead, but now she was just expecting an answer and it didn’t matter if it was vague or specific. As long as Joey told her the truth then nothing else mattered. She needed to understand him in order to get this kind of closure that she’s been holding off on for months. Her gaze immediately softened as she clutched onto her glass a little too tight. Just hearing his stance on how he left things off made her heart ache, yet more importantly, she was mostly glad that he was owning up to it. “Apology accepted.” she whispered in response as she maintained her gaze on him. “I could see why you would push me to be with someone better, but you’re not me and I meant everything I said Joey. You’re the one that I wanted and I know how scary commitment can be as well as giving your all, but we’ve been through thick and thin and I didn’t expect you to just leave me hanging like that. Therefore, I do appreciate your honesty and how you’re viewing this now.”
Loosening her grip on her wine glass, she took another long sip and listened in on his question. It was a good one, she’d give him that—especially since she didn’t know how to answer it. Truth be told, she wasn’t over Joey completely—which is half of the reason why she didn’t bother moving onto someone else. Five years was a long time, especially when she was hoping for more. She couldn’t bring herself to start anew and leave what she had with Joey behind. Now the idea of them being friends was a tricky one, especially with the fear of her falling back in love with him again. Not that it was a bad thing, especially if he reciprocated the same feelings since that’s how hopeful she is…However, if he didn’t and he just wanted to remain friends, then she knew in the long run her healing process would be a difficult one.
“I don’t know…” she honestly replied as her facial expression faltered. “I do, but at the same time I don’t. I don’t know…I’m just confused, but also scared.” Right now they were honest with each other, so why should she hold back? “I do want to be friends again because I do want you back in my life…I won’t lie, I miss you know? But at the same time I don’t because…How do I say this?…But the reason why I brought up being confused and scared is basically because what if…I fall in love with you again?” The sudden thought could certainly be her next question and at this point she didn’t know how Joey would be receptive to it, especially since she basically confessed that she was not over him.Therefore Avery immediately looked away, placed her wine glass back onto the table and held her hands up as if she gave up. “—I’m sorry if I’m putting you on the spot like this. You don’t have to respond to it if you don’t feel ready or comfortable to, I totally understand. You could also be straight up with me and tell me the truth, if that’s what you prefer—I would rather get it over with.” Avery finally mustered up the courage and looked straight at Joey for his response, while emitting a gentle smile. “I can take it.” she reassured him. “You out of all people would know that. Again, all I ask is the truth—regardless of whether or not if it would hurt me. I just want to hear your side of things, so I could understand you.”
“We are both stubborn, and we clashed whenever we had those discussions. It’s all forgotten now, really.” He reassured her. They couldn’t turn back time to unsay all the things they said at each other: the yelling, the hurtful words, but since they were both sorry for their actions, they could only move on from there. It wasn’t only her fault, it was Joey’s too (mainly his, if he actually was honest about it), so they had to start over, forgive and forget. Now, would everything go back to the way it was? He didn’t know and that scared him. If this dinner worked for something, Joey wanted to show her not only how sorry he was for leaving her like that, but also that he was sort of a different man. The nine months separated gave him time to think, and he came to the conclusion that Avery was the best thing that had ever happened to him. If he had the chance, he wouldn’t let her go anymore, not again. He’s willing to make sacrifices if he had to.
Her forgiveness was all he could ask for right then, because thinking about Avery still holding grudges towards him was what had been making him lose sleep. Even more after their encounter the day before, since he didn’t know what she wanted to say to him nor how they would act around each other after all these months. When she continued explaining her point, Joey couldn’t help to experience mixed feelings. On one hand, hearing about her feelings towards him and how she wouldn’t have chosen him any other way, made him happy. Those were things he knew, but clearly didn’t appreciated as he should have. And on the other hand, he kept questioning himself how he could let such a wonderful woman go. “I know that now, but I wish I hadn’t been that blind before. We had something real good and I fucked it up.” A knot forming on his throat as he’s saying those words. He wasn’t someone that cried, but right then he as fighting hard for not break down in front of her. It was getting harder by the minutes as he confessed and recognized all the bad choices he had made. That they were in this situation because of him, when they could have avoided all of these pain and drama. This deserved another long swig of wine, to soothe both his throat and his nerves.
He had time to collect himself as she thought on an answer for his question, though it wasn’t something relaxing. What if she didnt want anything else to do with him? The fact that she wanted to talk didn’t mean she would want to keep in touch, maybe she just needed to clear things out and nothing more. That put Joey on edge again, but he was mentalizing to stay strong, no matter what her reply was. To his surprise, her answer was better than he had expected. It gave him hope, seeing they were both on the same page, yet it was also scary because he didn’t want to screw things up.
“I don’t know. I mean, I know I’m irresistible, but…“ He offered a shrug at his joke, small smile playing on his lips. He was lessening the mood, it got deep serious and with his previous slip, he wasn’t ready for this level of seriousness, without being prone to put his foot in his mouth. Although, it was probably the alcohol making him do and say these silly things. She more or less confessed how she really felt, and he was thankful for that. He wasn’t over her, that was a fact, so he didn’t need to think it twice if she wanted to get back together, but she seemed to have her doubts and it was totally understandable. “I don’t know, really. I miss you too, so so much, but I know I hurt you, and I don’t wanna do that again. I really care about you, Avery, so I’d totally understand if you just want to be friends and take things slow. Or don’t see me ever again for that matter ──I don’t even know if we can even go back to the way we were ──and thing is, I don’t think I could ever be just your friend, but if it’s all I can get, I’ll take it.” It’d kill him for sure, specially if in the process she ended up falling for someone else, but he fucked this up, it wasn’t his call anymore, it was Avery’s choice now. "It's okay to be scared. Hell, you have no idea how I’m feelin’ inside right now. Yeah, you’re puttin’ me on the spot, but because you’re makin’ me come clean. Never stopped caring about you, that’s my truth, As ironic as it sounds considerin’ how I treated you.”
