When I was a Minor

Because someone out there might have an unhealthy curiosity about who I am... or because you can't help but try and figure out "where it all went wrong"

[john-carlin]

First motorcycle ride

So I was at my grandfathers ranch for my yearly visit. Which was every summer up until he died, and I would go about once every other week while I was at my grandma's house. One particular visit, my aunt Felix, the youngest aunt, tagged along. Now I was my grandfathers favorite grandchild. 1 because my mom was his favorite child, 2 because I was the firstborn grandchild and finally also because I was fair to light skinned. My grandfather disdained his kids and grandkids who were darker than fair-medium complexion anyway, a friend of my aunt's whom I would occasionally call him her boyfriend by mistake, went along with us for this particular trip as well. I was pretty sure that he was trying to earn brownies points. Though I wasn't aware of the term I understood the concept. So on the way back I asked to ride back halfway with Felipe, he had rode up on his motorcycle. My mother was pretty carefree with me, vs OVERBEARINGLY Protective as you might see mothers be these days, especially in the states. If I had fallen and broken a bone then it'd serve as a lesson to wear a helmet and hold on tighter next time. If I didn't fall then I had a great life experience. little did I know that that bike ride would inspire me nearly 20 years later. The motorcycle was a small Suzuki, a 250cc possibly a 500 at best. In anycase it was quite peppy. Zipping up to 60 km/h along a gravel road bouncing me around on the springy suspension. Loving every second. Surely my smile was caked with dust dirt and road grime. I felt so alive and free for the short 20 minute ride which is a feeling I yearn for daily.

[john-carlin]

I miss this place

Sadly I'll be leaving soon. I love this part of Mexico, few tourists and mostly nationals or europeans, rarely any americans. If so they already know the lay of h land and don't stick out. I'm here for my maternal grandmother's 80th birthday. I've spent most of my summers of my youth here. I don't ever recall not wanting to be here or being ready to leave. Or even missing america stuff like McDonald's or Pizza Hut. Though they've slowly crept into this society in the past 17 years. I often have considered retiring here and becoming an english teacher. Sadly I ca't afford to fly out often enough ad with my track record I might not see my grandma alive next time I make it out here. I've refreshed my memory to hundreds of good times here. I'll be posting more than once a month now.

[john-carlin]

piece o' cake

84 or 85

Mom was a caterer, cakes mostly, as a side gig while working as a live in nanny. One fine weekend morning, My mom is slaving over a stove with flour on her arms and face. It was a bright day outside, and I knew to just stay out of the way. When she was done she told me she was going to take a shower, and "DO NOT touch the cake!" 

about 30 minutes later she came downstairs and I was sort of hiding on the stairs, legs dangling from the railing. "GETOVERHERERIGHTNOW!" it was the first and last time I let myself be suckered into running to my mom cuz she yelled at me. 

"¿¡notedijequenotocaraselpastel!?" * didn'tItellyoutonottouchthecake?!

"but I didn't touch it mommy"

"¿quetedijedehecharmentiras?" whathaveItoldyouaboutlying?!

"I'm not lying mommy, I didn't touch it, I did this" I leaned over and took another bite from a corner.

Her eyes got as big as saucers, steam shooting out of her eyes, and biting her lip. because I found a loophole and I didn't lie. So she filled the corner with icing. I think this is why I'm not a fan of chocolate. 

[john-carlin]

Dee Dee

'92-'93

In my 8th grade year i was somewhat of a lothario, but mostly just in the sense of chasing girls and making out with them, not the bedding part. Thats still quite a few posts away. Not for lack of trying though. I was bent on getting rid of my virginity as soon as possible, cuz of course "everyone was doing it". For some reason, the girls who were labeled as sluts wanted to get rid of that label and were quite happy to just mess around, 2nd or 3rd base depending on what ruleset you go by. 

Now I hadn't discovered something about myself, so I just went along with the program, glad to have a nice ass to fondle. Side note here, back then, most girls looked like boys with long hair. Few girls were beginning to develop and if they were, most likely they were SUPPOSED to be in high school already. In any case its my firm belief that I am an assman because at this point in time as I was aware of girls, the only thing worth noticing was her ass, since at this time short shorts were banned so at best you could see some calf. But somewhere in this timeframe I also came to admire necks. SO enter Dee Dee Rodriguez, she was a chola, Im pretty sure she was already 16 if not just about to be. She often skipped and the few times that I did I would help her avoid the hall sweeps where they'd round up skippers to add them to the detention list. 

For this, and likely because I would look her in the eyes instead of her massive tits, we became friends. Eventually rumors were flowing that she and I were a couple, I think this was the first time I've been accused of dating someone I wasn't however this would far from be the last. One afternoon we were hiding behind the gym talking about whatever. She was cold so I lent her my jacket, then she heard a noise so we got up and ran back behind the other side of the gym and scurried over to the 6th grade building to the side with the janitor's closet and painted out windows. Apparently my jacket made her too hot with the running so she tossed it back to me and when I looked up she had wrapped her flannel shirt around her waist, so just was just in her bra. I played it as cool as i could and try not to stare while I was admiring them. 

"I heard Michelle say that you're a good kisser" I turned around to make sure that we were alone and she was in fact talking to me before I made an ass of myself and replied "Yeah fool I'm talking about you" I smirked or just plainly smiled. though I did just smirk remembering that and typing it. Some coy words were tossed back and forth but we made out and had my hands quite full. I hadn't kissed a girl with a snaggletooth, and if I recall, didn't need much adjustment.

About a week went by and on my way to gym as I rounded a corner I get the wind knocked out of me. I fall to my knees and I hear "NO!" some commotion as I try t catch my breathe and kind of a shock to my face. I roll into a fighting stance, just in time to catch another punch on the other cheek. lights sort of flash in my head. but I'm wide awake now, I catch a punch mid swing with my right arm turn into the body. Pull the arm with my hips bent then locking the arm as whoever is going over my shoulder. I hear a scream of pain just as I catch a hard punch or a soft kick to my right ribs. I pivot holding on to the arm and another scream from whoever i've got, focus then side kick the other assailant right in the nose. knocked out cold. I'm staring at Frank Cano holding the bat with his arms raised and  said "man I didn't know it was you" then he drops the bat. 

Turns out Dee Dee was dating one of my assailants, he was in a gang, and Dee Dee messed around with me to spite him. I can't remember his name though I know of him and his name then. He was upset because Dee Dee broke up with him for several reasons, me being a better kisser was one of them. I think I laughed as Frank was telling me the story. Dee Dee's ex had to yield to Frank because Frank was higher up. Frank backed off because I had made a few drawings for him and let him copy some of my work. Frank was smart just lazy, I know he could've been an honor student if he bothered to show up to class, and read test questions. for some reason I'm recalling that he was an auditory learner like me. Anywho, Frank and I weren't exactly friends but he was a little more than just amicable with me. So because of that he said no to the bat when he saw it was me that the other guy was after. Likely he left my name out of it.

I was just recently reminded of this story because a good friend of mine died just yesterday. I realize more frequently that I care to be reminded of just how short life is. The last time I thought of this story was when I saw that there was a fatal car crash of a mother and one or 2 of her kids, the details are fuzzy. But if i recall one of them was in stable condition. The mom was Dee Dee, the pic they showed of her was unmistakeable even if it had been 10 years since I'd seen her last. 

[john-carlin]

Who me?

1991 or '92

At my middle school sometime between 6th & 7th grade I 'discovered' girls. I however was an average or less than average specimen for females tastes. Its true, for starters I was nowhere near as confident in myself as I am now. Not at all to be confused with low self-esteem just pragmatic in the fact I didn't have what girls then liked, stylish clothes, good hair, slim build or an older sibling willing to drive to n from movies etc. as a point of reference slim and baggy clothes, and new kids on the block had just gone into remission when this was all happening. 

Unfortunately I couldn't tell you who my firs kiss was. I'm sure it was clumsy, but I think it was both of ours first real kiss and so we practiced til we got it right. I think we used movies as a reference as to what a good kiss was. Of course as with any 11 year old boy he wants t score a home run, failing to realize what that actually entails or how to ... slide into home. Generally I only batted singles and occasionally doubles. Lemme back track, in my day first was groping/fumbling over clothes, second above waist under clothes, third below waist over clothes and well I think we all know what a home run is. 

Through all this commotion, I was an honors student. I unfortunately was blessed as being the student who only had to hear what the teacher said and I could ace a test. I'm an auditory learner I suppose. I say unfortunately because I never learned how to study or take notes, which made college somewhat of a slap in the face, but thats future blog post. So with this knack teachers would let me 'go to the library' in which I had a free pass. See I'd get a library pass out of class, I'd go check in with the librarian check out a book. Any book, place it on an unused shelf and "head back to class". So I'd skip class find the less than scrupulous girls skipping class in various hallways and before the next bell rung make out. 

Very rarely were there any hall sweeps, an effort to catch 'skippers' but when they did occur. The girl whose acquaintance I had the pleasure of making, would bolt to find a place to hide, I in turn would just waltz right into the sweep. A Vice Principal or school district cop would yell at me to join in on the sweep. To which I'd reply "Who Me? I'm going to the library", after all I had a pass-good for the entire period and got away scott free.. the first few times. Then they started making teachers put the TIME as opposed to class period the pass was good for. 

All in all I was still a good student, I think I wasn't on the honor roll twice my entire time in middle school. Made out with quite a few girls, learned a thing or two you can't learn in class and dug a grave i had no idea I was digging.

[john-carlin]

Bally's President and First Lady

1987 or 1988

I went with my mother to the gym on time and she got me out of the babysitting area. She took me into the shower room and told me how to wear my towel up under my armpits. I was about all of 7 maybe 8, so of course I have no concept of whats really going on. Now at the time I did have quite a fro, it kinda looked like Marcy Darcy's haircut (Married with Children), close cropped around the neck and ears and just a mop of hair up top. 

Now for any guys reading this women's locker rooms, specifically showers, have individual stalls, like with a door. whereas as the mens showers generally are just a wall of shower heads, MAYBE a divider between, but thats usually in an upper class area. So any who, I went and showered, I'm pretty sure I had to because I worked up a sweat in the kids daycare. I really don't see why my mom would have me shower at the gym otherwise. 

At any rate after I showered, maybe cause my hair was wet or the way I walked or whatever the reason. Now that I think of it, it might've been cuz I was ogling the attractive naked women, no towels to try and hide anything, just bucket assed naked. so this one lady grabs me by the arm and starts yelling at me, i very quickly lose track about what she's yelling at me for, likely why did I sneak into the women's locker room and so forth. I quickly just become fascinated by her breasts swaying freely since she has shaken off her towel in her attempt to reprimand me. --"are you listening?!" with the biggest doe eyes, "yes ma'am" right about then my mom cuts in and explains whats going on. 

the details are mostly fuzzy, but I do recall my step dad often telling this story and pretty much congratulating  me and making his friends envious that his kid has seen more snatch than all of their kids combined. though i had no idea what taking taking something quickly had to do with naked ladies til i was older. About the age I would start calling them nekkid chicks. seems as boys get older, the term "naked ladies" devolve into something more and more crass. 

[john-carlin]

4th of July in Mexico

July '86 or '87

In Mexico, contrary to any American belief, July 4th isn't a big deal over there. Believe it or not none of our holidays are celebrated over there. Other than Valentine's Christmas and new years there not much you'll find in common with our calendars. This is probably why I loved spending my summers there and revisit these days in my mind. 

you see my birthday is July 3rd, and while at first you might think "awesome birthday parties" most people have plans with their families for the 'Fourth'. So after about 16 most friends would forget my birthday. a few weeks would go by and we'd chat and eventually "what'd you do for the 'fourth'"? would come up. "oh nothing, you know, just celebrated my X birthday" to which would get me some guilt gifts or meals but nothing can really replace the lack of birthday wishes either over the phone or in person ON your birthday.

So I recall and think fondly of my birthdays in Mexico, one of my favorite is either my 7th or 8th birthday. I said favorite NOT memorable. Shit its been almost 25 yrs. now back then, even just after the devaluation of the Mexican peso, the dollar was pretty strong. $1 = about 3000 pesos and arcade games were between 10-50 pesos basically if it had more than one button and joystick you were paying more per button. half liter cokes were 50 I think. in any case as a kid candy, snacks and video games for two and a half months took all of about $5 and was pretty satisfied with out being gluttonous. Also even to this day, a half liter of coke can serve a family of four and still have some left. As in most places everyone is served about 8 ounces and its more of a sipping type of luxury. 

SO this particular July I remember that I had X number of piñatas for that age I became... turned? these piñatas were made by my aunt with red cellophane and filled with balloons filled with candy and party favors. Also being the 'americano' who was having a birthday party on the beach and my family giving them rides to get to the party well. I was a prince for a day. I recall now more the feeling than the events, but I just loved spending my summers in Mexico because everyone would at the very least remember to say 'feliz cumpleaños" in person

[john-carlin]

Baseball

1987 ish I was in little league. I wasn't great, but I wasn't that retarded kid that would throw from behind his head only to land 4' in front of him either. I was centerfield, not a fan of running but I was stuck out there, coaches sons were on the team. Now that I think about it, they might have been step sons as well. Or they were half brothers? Anywho I was a pretty good hitter, low avg--I'd swing at almost anything. However I would usually knock it over the fence if not a few feet shy and it'd roll to it. However I'd get called out halfway to first. I never understood it, I'd ask why am I out only to be yelled at. I hit the ball, quite well, or gooder than most of my team and they got to keep playing. I started to think that they didn't like me cuz I wasnt a white boy like the rest of them. It wasn't til 2nd game of the end of year tournament that an umpire told me to quit throwing the bat after I hit the ball. like toss it spinning towards the dugout. now mind you I was 7 or 8 and all i knew about baseball was from TV hit the ball and run maybe even steal a base. Or if your out there catch a fly ball, get the man going to 2nd out then first. unless they're running for home. that was it so this new found rule had me off guard, so when coach asked me what the umpire told me I relayed the information I just gained. 

"you didn't know that?"

"NO I didn't, you never taught me, you just yelled at me for getting out"

---

I learned my lesson, next at bat I ran a guy in and made a triple. after that right field caught my fly ball at the fence, 3rd at bat I made a home run and ran in my players on 1st and 3rd. we won that game and moved up, I don't recall making any singles, I might have. But the rest of my HR were just me, didn't run anyone else in. this was in the days of very close games 4-3, 3-1, 2-0 or the very rare 13-0. we won by 1 the 4th game. and lost the last one which put us in third. I wasn't great at anything else other than when I actually connected. back then there wasn't an internet for the public, nor a cheap way to get to it, even if you had a "desktop" computer. Much less a Google to find "little league baseball rules" you would have to know the url for that. All I got when I signed up was a sheet that my mom filled out (presumably my personal information) and a sheet with the color stripe on my socks I had to buy, 2 pair minimum, that I needed a glove and cup (optional).

[john-carlin]

Worst Christmas

Christmas Break 1994

I don't recall what day we got out of school for christmas break. YES back then we called it Christmas Break. but it was of course sometime the week before Christmas if not just the Friday before. We we low on food and with my mom on chemo she really didn't have much of an appetite. Even if she did there wasn't much we could do about it. She was something of a loan shark and the money from the interest plus some of her catering and money in savings pretty much just kept the lights on. 

I forget at what point we ran out of food, and by food I mean rice beans eggs and corn tortillas. however its technically a lie, there were still edges of tortilla that I had mold on them that i just peeled off. The propane tank was empty, we had a gas stove in a house that the gas lines were cut from a car driving through the garage when the previous owners had lived there. hence why we were able to get it so cheap. No A/C no heat or hot water. Sure Houston doesn't get THAT cold, but after a few days below 60 a house has already released all the heat it had retained. What i do recall was starving, no I am not exaggerating. After nine days of no food and looking forward to lunch at school when we get back to it. I qualified for free breakfast and lunch, but my mom's friend who was kind enough to give me a ride to school would get me there just in time for opening bell. I was relegated to only eat lunch and mooch off friends for dinner and any meal I could manage on weekends. 

I know I didn't get anything for Christmas that year, fortunately I didn't even get a cold. surprisingly with all the cold showers I had to take. On the plus side I learned to manage rations. Yes I ran out of food with nine days to go, but I made food that was at best enough for two meals last 5 days. Though it took me many more years to learn to not be too proud to ask for help, I know what it is like to starve and pity doesn't feed you or help you. So you have to dust yourself off and get things done yourself.

[john-carlin]

(would have been) 1st Kiss

June 20 1992

after my mom's birthday party, same year Batman Returns came out, Carlos had come up to tell me that Amanda wanted me to walk her home. seemed odd to me since she only live about 8 houses down so I figured she wanted to make out. 

Beatrice, Carlos' sister kept pestering for an answer, but I said yes. I thought she was cute of course she was the only girl on the street that was within a year of my age, the other girls were waaaay younger... HA! so anyways I walk Amanda home. I don't recall any conversation along the way, i do remember that just every time I was about to lean in for the kiss. Albert, Amanda's brother from inside the house, would chime in "kiss her already". Beatrice would "woooooo" from the tree in the front yard or Carlos would sing song say 'bow chicka bow wow' 

Eventually Amanda got frustrated and just walked inside, and I chased Carlos n Beatrice home for messing it all up. Though I couldn't tell you who or where my first kiss was, i can say that this experience helped shape my perspective on PDA, which is 'who cares what anyone says or thinks'

[john-carlin]

Pancho's

early summer 1989

       Kyle and I had gotten into the habit of leaving the block to either go the the convience store or walgreens during summer break whenever we didn’t have anything else to do. Sometimes just to make the other kids feel bad that they couldn’t leave the block. They very well could have since our parents/guardians never took notice of what we did, so long as a baseball didn’t break a window, we were pretty much allow free reign.         On one occasion Kyle or I decided to go through “the bush” that was at the end of our street which had many old rusted cars and a mildew infested RV. We would then emerge onto Nordling st. we’d cross the street to the delivery side of a shopping plaza walk around to the entrance of Pancho’s Mexican Buffet. We would then get at the end of the line of a family and just waltz in with a plate of food. sometimes we’d get an “extra” receipt to “give to our dads” once we were finished we’d walk right out the back door next to the restrooms. The ‘Do Not Open Door or Alarm Will Sound’ Alarm must’ve been broken. we did this about 3 times that summer and one fine day Jon, Chris and Albert decided that they we man enough to give it a try, for some reason Kyle and I and Albert rode our bikes there and parked them near the our “Exit” in any case we bolted and some employee must’ve noticed what was going on cause Jon (Chris I can’t remember) got busted. Kyle and I were back on the street just playing it cool. Albert was freaking out and tried to rat us out (as did Jon and Chris) saying it was our Idea. now I know for a fact that I didn’t invite any of them. Kyle and I just said to the other, hey wanna go to Pancho’s today? the rest just happened to follow. I don’t even think they sat with us (to avoid suspiscion) anywho. Jon & Chris’ parent didn’t believe we got them to go for some odd thing Kyle or me did or said. I THINK we said something like, you can take us and see if the recognize either of us. By then Kyle and I had already eliminated the evidence (we changed shirts since they were likely stained) anywho they didn’t call our bluff and thus our parents weren’t told of the ordeal.

[john-carlin]

Bike Backflip

89-90 ish

 I had a new bike, a five speed with a shifter like an old muscle car. My step-dad took me to one of his friend’s house, to hang out for whatever reason. anywho the kids on the street had some milk crates and a piece of plywood. So we as fearless geniuses, til someone starts bleeding, decided to make a ramp. everyone gives it a go and we realize that we need to start a little farther back to build up speed so we can jump higher. eventually I go far back enough to feel like if I move back my starting point just ten more yards, and stack the milk crates three instead of two high, I can definitely do a full backflip.         So I go to my starting point, take of and pretend in my mind that I’m a pro ten speed bike rider and I’m gonna nail this jump and become a legend AND a pro BMXer all at the same time. I hit the plywood, it doesn’t slide outta place. I’m still pedaling and the wobbly crates hold! I launch! we have lift off! I get my bike vertical and I’m still soaring UP through the air! I’m parallel to the ground and I’m just at the peak of my jump! come on baby just 180 more degrees! I gain another 30~45 degrees of spin and SLAM! onto the pavement and sliding down my back for about yards, with 40 pounds of bike crashing with who knows how many PSI onto my chest. I hop up off the bike, TRY to breathe, TRY to INHALE, NOTHING…         I feel faint, I FEEL my lungs on FIRE! then just as I start to have the thought “just FUCKI—-” AIR a burning rush of fresh humid summer air! I didn’t become a PRO BMXer that day, nor did I attempt to any day since. but I tit become a legend, the “toughest little kid I wouldn’t wanna fuck with”—quote a 16 kid that was riding bikes with us that day (cause I didn’t shed a tear) and got back on my bike ant tried the jump again, sans backflip

[john-carlin]

Sandy Bridges

summer 87 or 88

       Carlos and Beatrice’s parents moved to Bolling lane around 85 into a garage apartment 4 or four houses down from mine. I’d go over often and play with their lego set, they were never allowed to play with the set because it was a favorite of their mom’s and it mad a nice little house. however by rearranging the roof blocks with those of the frame o the house one could make a very speedy looking car. with which I would race around all surfaces of their house. another favorite thing about hanging out with Carlos & Beatrice was watching all their recorded movies. they either double taped (copied) movies they rented, or taped them from HBO. eventually they moved 2 houses down from me on the other side of my house. this lot was bought by my mom under my grandfather’s name. I believe she did this in foresight to getting divorced from my step-dad and so that he would have no stake or claim to the property.         A house was moved onto the lot after having countless yards of playground quality sand dumped as a foundation for the piers to be set. eventually Carols, Jon & Chris, Kyle and I would play underneath the house and dig tunnels and bridges for our hot wheels to ride through and over. often the cars (the cool ones) would get buried ‘somehow’ and of course Carlos or I would ‘find’ them later and add them to our collection. The only downside to playing under the house was if you sat up to quickly you’d get poked in the head with a protruding nail. I think those nails were form all the hardwood that was laid down in the house. at any rate I remember fondly falling asleep a few times in the middle of summer under that house.

[john-carlin]

Capulina

1986 or 87

        At this time I can’t recall whether my first dog was from the pound or a stray. I think it was a stray that kept coming around. By the way I’m using colemak layout so this is gonna go slower than normal. I’m talking about Capulina because I’ve mentioned him in another post. more of a blurb right at the end of the post. Anywho, this was my first dog and I didn’t treat it properly. I’d go days without feeding it and whenever I did get around to walking this beast it would drag me to the end of the street and back.         Capulina was a medium sized dog, about the size of a small Labrador. He was jet black, if I remember correctly its spanish for a flea or tick; also the stage name of a famous mexican (of Lebanese descent) stand-up comic and actor. He is comically drawn a little less rotund than he actually is. In anycase I felt that this name was appropriate, for whatever rationale a child has at the age of 6. I don’t think I really cared for that dog, definitely nowhere near as much as I loved ‘Honey’ (she’s another story for another day) I think it was more of me being a kid and wanting something I couldn’t have.         I recall being told that she ran away, though at the time and even now I find it hard to believe that a dog can break a chain. I think my step-dad took him to the pound since I didn’t pick up its poop before he mowed the lawn. And since he was really the one who had to walk and feed it. ... meh

[john-carlin]

On Bolling Lane...

86-89 some of highlights here

        Being the biggest on the street had its advantages. Namely settling disputes with “Because I said so”. Kyle the oldest kid on the street, would sometimes be an inch or two taller for just a few months til I hit my own growth spurt. He however was very skinny, down right puny. At any rate the next oldest kid was Amanda, she was of average height and weight and average looks. Unfortuneately lack of comparison (for most of the time I lived there) made her what most of the guys on the street was the best looking (til Bianca hit puberty).         Carlos and myself were the best at playing hide-and-go-seek, he was great at fitting into tight spaces and was an avid runner. I on the other hand made it a point of being the best at climbing to heights the other (smaller) kids were afraid to climb to. Being the biggest also brought on some unwanted attention. There was a bully that would on occasion ride his bicycle onto our street to win the affection of Amanda who wasn’t at the time interested in boys-yet.         Let me break down the age group as to not confuse you when you’re old senile or just plain old alzhiemer’s patient. Kyle was born in Jan of ‘79, Amanda was May of the same year and I came along two months later. Carlos (july), Jon and Chris (fraternal twins-august) were born in ‘80 so was Albert (Amanda’s brother). Jon and Chris had an older sister (high school kid) whom I recall got kicked out of their home sometime around 86-87. The neighbors on either side of my house also had some high school boys. Those families moved away less than two years of me living there. Amanda had an older sister Maria she was also high school aged, those she never moved away or seemed to have done anything. Carlos’ sister Beatrice was born in 83 or 84 Juan and Manuel were about this age group as was Bianca. Juan and Manuel lived very near the end of our dead end street and could only play no more than two lots either way from their house. which made catching either of them to be “it” during hide-and-go-seek that much easier whenever we decided to play with them.         Jon and Chris were explicitly not allowed to leave the street. Kyle had his grandma wrapped around his finger. My mom never said I couldn’t leave the street but she never gave me permission either. Carlos could if he caught his mom or dad at the right moment to ask. Beatrice could do pretty much whatever she wanted because she was the favorite but never had any interest in doing anything off the street.         Kyle and I would go to a convenience store that was on the Eastside of Airline. We’d go when we were bored and didn’t really care to play any games or ride our bikes. Funny typing that reminded me that Kyle and I would ride our plastic tricycles up and down my driveway when we first met. He had a cool hot wheels orange body with a black wheel and either yellow stickers or paint to make it appears as though it had spokes. I had pink girls trike that my mom or step-dad found in the trash or somewhere. I often got stuck with second-hand things or getting “the must have” thing to have after it was out of style or an alternate version. i.e. a Nintendo 2 years before the Super NES came out, a Cabbage Patch Doll with a weird mongolian mini ponytail from the top of his head when the doll to have had a full head of hair, or a “Adam” action figure instead of the He-Man action figure.         Back to the bully. He would come around and try to impress Amanda by saying he could beat up any kid on our street. Somehow when this would happen I would be at the grocery store with my mom or some other place as such. I’d hear about it later how Kyle tried to stand up to him, but the bully would just have to shove him out of the way. He was about my size now typing this I think his name was Jesse. anywho one day when I was about 10-11 he came to the street and was talking trash to Albert, I was just hanging out at Jon and Chris’ and for some reason I was within earshot of them. Albert finally said something to the effect of “ well I know someone who isn’t afraid of you” jesse asked who and Albert promptly replied “John Carlin” now I was called this since I decided I didn’t want to be call Angel. I was a heathen in 1st grade so anyone whom I was in 2nd grade with who also was in my 1st grade class would take to calling me devil or demon or evil boy. There were a ton of boys named John in my 2nd grade class as well as other 2nd grade classes. and the teachers would take to calling them by either their last name or first and last such as “Mr. graham could you...” “Jon Felix what is the answer...” “behave Cornelius or...” so I decided then and there to go by John Carlin. I even have a certificate of swinging on a swing with a girl and the Old San Fransico Steak House under that name. Anywho in school I was usually called John all the way through 8th grade. on the street I was called John Carlin since there already was a Jon living there. SOooooo, Jesse rides his bike over to me and says something like “so you ain’t scared of me? well you better be cause I gotta gun” I just raised my eyebrow at him and laughed “you better be glad I left it at home, but I got my knife on me” which turned out to be on a cheap swiss army imitation knife about an inch long and my have been good enough to carved your name into a tree... it you had all day. for some reason or another we actually got into it I ended up knocking him off his bike picking it up and slamming it on him. I don’t know what angered me to that point. but i do know that he never came back to our street and Albert followed me around like a puppy for about a month.         Before all this I could occasionally convince the other kids to wrestle with me in one of the ditches but I would have to agree to take on Jon, Chris, Carlos, Albert and sometimes Kyle. I always found it weird that they couldn’t take me down. I also always thought that having to take vitamin supplements was as sign of weakness. I always thought if you ate right and ate your veggies you’d get all the vitamins and minerals that you need. ... meh

[john-carlin]

Trust

1985

        I grew up relying on myself and trusting next to no one. Diana, my ex-wife, often asked why I don’t let her in. I never understood that question because I guess it involves feelings. I’ve just never been a “sharer” at least of feelings. I'm quite open to tell anyone who'd take that time to listen my life story, or in another case pay them to listen/read. I recall a time when I was about 4 or 5 that I almost drowned.          When my parents were getting divorced I had to meet with a psychiatrist/ologist. I guess to determine how much time my father would get to see me. At any rate I recall what the woman looked like and eventually my mom ended up cleaning her house for her, I think that’s how Carlos & Beatrice’s mom met each other--cleaning houses. This lady had a creek running behind her house and I was playing outside on the dock. I don’t remember if my mom told me not to play back there or not... I don’t remember getting in trouble for getting wet.         Anywho, I was playing near the edge an just fell over. It coulda been the wind, I may have lost my balance. I just don’t remember. I do remember nearly drowning, YELLING for help towards the house which seemed farther and farther away each time I was able to pop my head above water. Then I noticed some teenagers playing with inflatable inner tubes three houses upcreek. I was thinking that I might not be coming back up for air after this last breathe. Somewhere inside my head, I heard “Relax” “sink with the water” I panicked for a second thinking that I would surely end up a drowning victim, though at the time I didn’t realize it also meant being dead (Yes I know you can drown ant live---now). After a few minutes of flailing about, I got the groove of the current and was able to grab the edge of the pier and pull myself up. The teenagers never came to see what was wrong or why I was screaming for help, my mom didn’t hear me inside the house, I had to save myself. I never thought of that incident as a turning point in my life, just grew up knowing that if I needed something I had to be the one to do something about it.

[john-carlin]

Broad Strokes

        I was an only child and grew up with the idea that I was my parents only child. Which in and of itself was true, but I believed that i was my mother’s only child. My dad I knew had a girl and a boy, she was ten days younger than my mom, but she died when she was about 15. my half-brother whom as of this writing have only seen and spent about 20-25 hours in each others company. He’s about 18-20 years older than me.         I found out about 10 years after my mom died that she had another son, he’s about 6 years older than me. He to my knowledge stayed with his father and was raised by his i believe to be his wife as their own child. I doubt he knows that I’m his brother. I got to spend about a year with him as a friend of the family while he was living with us.         I got good grades in school with ease. I only had to hear what was said, and I could pass tests with high scores. In second and again in third grade I was offered to skip a grade. In fourth I was asked if I wanted to go to middle school. in middle school i was one of 2 students selected to go to a district wide meeting. At the meeting we were presented with life at Phillips Academy in Andover Mass. As I recall politicians vie for their children to get in and 5 of all of us in attendance were to be chosen to get a congressional nomination to go to this prep school. It was a high school and it was very much like college life. I feel not accepting the nomination was one of my biggest regrets, right next to NOT using my potential and becoming my high school valedictorian.         I’ve always like to tinker with things and I could have a better understanding of automobiles but I found hanging out with my step-dad in the garage quite boring. He was an ASE mechanic for Hyundai while Leeland Hyundai was still open, then he went of and did his own thing, when they shut down.         I liked to build PCs but around ‘98 I had a desire to have a Mac, but I just couldn’t afford one until about 2005. I’ve always wanted a motorcycle and finally got one in 05 and got the perfect bike in 07.         I spent summers as a kid in Veracruz with my grandma and two youngest aunts. The oldest aunt and 3rd youngest would spoil me rotten whenever I got to spend a few weeks in Mexico City with them. Lorena would make the best creamy lasagna, Mari would just spend money on me. another thing I loved was that up until about 88/89 one US Dollar COULD last me all summer. with exchange rate was something like 1000~1500 pesos to the dollar and a coin-op video game would cost 10~50 pesos a game, my grandmother sold Coca~Cola in glass bottles and I could have as many as I wanted though I usually only had about 1 a day, 2 if I was running outside like a madman.         I was my Grandfather’s favorite grandchild. since after all my mother was his favorite. He had bought me a horse that was reportedly born on the same day as I. when I was about 7 or 8 while riding it it took off like a bat out of hell and it ran under a an old well house. I wasn’t able to duck my head completely in time and I got knocked off the horse. I was told at the time that my grandfather sold it, but I later heard that he killed it, cause “no one hurt’s my boy and gets away with it”         I had a dog once, his name was capulina.