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@johns-eldritch-eyes
hmmmmm phm angst oneshot incoming everryone brace for impact
i just need like 30 more mins i swear (formatting is hard ok)
Woomp, there it is.
Hey what if Grace picked a much worse moment to remember he didn't come willingly? What if the helplessnes of thinking he lost Rocky was the thing that triggers his memory? Huh? What then??
come find out :)
it is 2 am i should put down the hurt no comfort libreoffice document
or should i
facing my real life problems?
no, i think i will continue to throw my blorbo in the meat grinder about it, thank you very much.
mmmm perhaps i am writing/editing again instead of working on my assignment. perhaps.
No I promise this will be the last time I changed John threshold design have faith in me
That ‘comment on your a03 work’ email hits like a line of cocaine every time. unmatched dopamine increase. shoutout to everyone who leaves a comment on fics. you deserve the world
Instead of printing out images I like from the internet, I just redraw them on sticky notes and put them in my physical journal.
And I love you for that
Tumblr Sexyman Contest 2026 Round 2 Part 1
Arthur Lester (Malevolent)
Goncharov (Goncharov)
Art of Arthur Lester by @bohemobones on instagram
If Arthur wins round two of the sexymen tournament I'll draw him either Saint Sebastian style or Prometheus style. Can't decide which yet. But hey here's your propaganda to vote for him.
💬 65 🔁 357 ❤️ 694 · Tumblr Sexyman Contest 2026 Round 2 Part 1 Art of Arthur Lester by @bohemobones on instagram
Vote correctly
Tumblr Sexyman Contest 2026 Round 1 Part 41
Arthur Lester (Malevolent)
Dazai Osamu (Bungou Stray Dogs)
Art of Arthur Lester by @bohemobones on instagram
Tumblr Sexyman Contest 2026 Round 1 Part 41
Arthur Lester (Malevolent)
Dazai Osamu (Bungou Stray Dogs)
Art of Arthur Lester by @bohemobones on instagram
how it feels when the thing i like is something i really like and thats because i really like it and it makes me happy to like it
he has never been calm a day in his life
Hey so I'm two seconds into the first episode of Malevolent, why is he moaning
Edit: "Arthur, your whimpering is awfully distracting..." YEAH MAN?? I AGREE??
You're such a handsome young man, can you give us a big smile?
this is definately a very psychosexual take but anyone else want to talk about the violation aspect of the bone cathedral too.
like John was new, and hurt, and struggling with feelings he didnt understand, and put somewhere scary that he desperately had tried to escape, and the one person who offered him any comfort, any relief, used him and his malformed impulses for his own amusement.
and then john blamed himself soley for that. he carried that with him as something he did and not something that was done to him. even as he tries to defend himself it sort of rings hollow because he doesnt believe it. he knows that he was in a place where his mind is altered and his identity was barely formed and was Taken Advantage Of but still can't fully accept that kayne did this to him when he was helpless and terrified. because he enjoyed it. he knows he enjoyed it, and it makes it all the more traumatizing.
The way arthur ultimately exhonorates him, he's the one who specifically decides to frame it as kayne as a pretador. kayne took advantage of instincts that john couldnt fully control to make him do thinks he didnt want to do.
its really not difficult to frame this in the context of SA.
Yes! I think we tend to get caught up on the whole "John did something to Arthur" that we forget there was a third party in the room who set it all up very intentionally while John was in a deeply vulnerable and altered state. Kayne wasn't John's partner in crime, he was manipulating and exploiting him because he knew that in any other circumstances John would've been horrified--and that's what made it fun for Kayne.
And like... the same can apply to Arthur with Faust and John. Arthur was forced to commit an incredibly violating act that was violating for both parties and on some level due to in this case biological need he did enjoy it. But Arthur is a victim there too, it was a violation against him as well and any resulting pleasure made him feel worse about it. The violation of being forced to incredibly intimate violence (fingers in Faust's eyes while pinning him down with his body), of forced cannibalism, of repeatedly harming and overriding the autonomy of his friend in order to eat. Theoretically, it was all Arthur's choice. But we rightly blame the architect of the situation, the KiY.
And that point about John being so new is important, while there's not a lot of external material survival pressure the same way starvation works for humans, John was clearly emotionally in a not so dissimilar a survival state and he lacked the experience to navigate it alone in even normal circumstances, let alone in the Dark World which explicitly heightens emotions of hurt and fear and anger while Kayne was actively provoking him to make him worse.
There's also the fact that John tends not to identify with his own body. Arthur's body is their body. Maybe John is inhabiting the vessel of Hastur to inflict violence on Arthur's body, but it's implicitly violence on the body John identifies with even if in Hastur he's interacting with it externally. So there's that as well, that every act against an Arthur was like an act of self-harm, a violation against his home, or a violation of the pact between Arthur and John which John hinges his safety and wellbeing and very identity on. A lot of John's freak-outs in S4 are directly a result of him feeling insecure and unsafe in Arthur's body not due to Arthur but as a direct result of his actions in the Dark World because that mutual agreement between them had been so severely abused that he could no longer trust it. We've joked about how the bone cathedral was Kayne setting up the divorce to end all divorces, but it really was Kayne taking advantage of John's horrific position to intentionally destroy his sense of home and security in Arthur.
there's probably also a line here to be drawn to his interaction with oscar. in that. he is echoing the same exact impulse that kayne preyed on in the citadel, right? this thing (arthur/oscar) inspires complicated and very negative emotions, so he's compelled to lash out at it destructively. even removed from the dark world's influence, he still finds himself thoughtlessly repeating the pattern kayne trained into him.
and arthur draws the comparison explicitly in oscar's case! he absolves john of blame for the murder attempt, and shifts the majority of the blame onto himself instead, because john is still "young" and arthur shouldn't expect him to be able to deal with those impulses in a detached adult way. and arthur doesn't have the full context at the time, but that logic must also extend to the citadel.
i kind of wonder if that's part of why john refused to touch that part of what arthur was saying. because to admit that arthur might have a point would also imply that kayne might carry more blame for the citadel than he himself did, and that is NOT something john can think about right now.
is that song actually character-coded or is your brain a character-shaped hammer looking for lyrics to nail down somewhere
