Rubes Xx

Ukyt and football obsessed xx

[johnstonesysh03]

Hey guys, unfortunately tumblr logged me out of my last account @tinysweetmoon and won’t let me back in so this is my new account. RIP my last account, I miss her xx

(P.s. I still love ukyt I’m just naming my account after my other main interest; football)

[johnstonesysh03]

Says the guy who spent 13 years in a YouTube group. Shut up you twat. Leave if you want but stop trying to use the boys to be relevant again now you’ve fallen off cause you’ve pissed off the day one fans because you’re throwing shade. Prick.

[johnstonesysh03]

I just find it mental all of the groups he’s shitting on rn, some of which are his friends like the Sidemen, Beta Squad, FFW, Bov Boys and Core just to name a few

[cognacdelights]

this bloody man right now

[huijsen]

NEW ANGLE UNLOCKED

[f4iry-dvst]

Thinking about an aged up Alfie who takes advantage of you being all alone at a bar

NSFW UNDER THE CUT!: age gap, daddy/sir kink, p in v, oral, dubcon (drunk reader), very slight infantilisation

a/n: haven’t got it in me to finish a full smut rn this is all you’re getting x

You’re all dolled up drinking in a bar by yourself after a very failed tinder date, and an older gentleman is immediately locked onto you. “What’s a pretty young girl like you doing alone, hm?”

You spill all about the asshole who stood you up without even thinking, him just watching the way your mouth moves when you talk. “These young boys don’t know how to treat a lady right anymore, do they?” He reaches up and caresses your face with calloused, aged hands and it burns in that sick sick way. “Can you show me what it’s like, sir?” He knows immediately that you’re exactly what he hoped.

You end up in a hotel room fancier than you’ve ever seen. He tells you he used to make ‘videos’, made him a fortune, apparently . Alfie, as you find out from a receipt on the serving tray, offers you champagne even fancier than the hotel, and even though you’re drunk enough you accept it because it’s what he wants.

You’re bent over the arm of a chaise lounge before you’ve even swallowed the last mouthful, tits spilling out of your unzipped dress, the bottom bunched at your waist and tights ripped open. Said it’s better this way, you believe him — he’s older, wiser. You’re only young. “You want to feel what it’s like to be looked after by a real man, hm?”

You prepare to be impaled, for pain that he’ll tell you to get over. But he’s on his knees, face deep between your legs lapping at you like a dog. All you can do is babble drunk nonsense, you’ve never had this before. He gets a little overzealous, tongue getting higher and higher swirling over the tight ring of muscle just above. You squeal and try to close your legs or even get away. “Uh uh, this is what daddy’s are supposed to do” He can’t possibly be wrong.

When he finally fucks you, he asks if you’re on the pill, “Or are you too young for that?” he jokes. In your drunkenness you beg him not to use a condom. Alfie fucks you hard, deep, slow. ‘The right way.’ The way that makes your knees knock and brain empty. “Feel so much better with me don’t you angel, I know how to treat you right don’t I?” You shout “Yes sir” over and over and over like a mantra.

In the morning, he’s gone. But he leaves you an envelope with a wad of cash amounting to more than your monthly salary.

[f4iry-dvst]

who let me cook with this sorry

[johnstonesysh03]

Says the guy who spent 13 years in a YouTube group. Shut up you twat. Leave if you want but stop trying to use the boys to be relevant again now you’ve fallen off cause you’ve pissed off the day one fans because you’re throwing shade. Prick.

[bl00dyfawn]

[johnstonesysh03]

When you’re a lifelong Tottenham supporter but your favourite player is ex Man City 😭

[dannyleclerc]

Chip: Would you slap your best friend for a million dollars? Calfreezy: I would roundhouse kick you in the face for free. Chip, tearing up: I'm your best friend? Calfreezy: we've been best friends since ages!

[cognacdelights]

WHEN DID YOU GET HOT? — JOHN STONES

masterlist | world cup party | make a request here

summary: that one late summer eveing where your friendship finally crosses that boundary it's been teetering on the edge of for a while.

warnings: sex. unprotected sex. public sex. car sex. touching/fingering. soft and kind of fluffy sex. idk the tits are out again. the climax of a slowburn.

You weren't entirely sure when late summer nights had become yours and John's thing, but it had. Somewhere between the subtle touches of fingertips that lingered a fraction of a second too long to be just friendly, the scenic routes home just to make sure that the other got home safely, the way the late night sunsets filled with drunken laughter had rolled into early morning sunrises with hungover whispers and a shared headache, and the soft glide of your skin against his as your bare legs entangled with his under the bedsheets like it was the most natural thing in the world,

It had become an almost unpsoken agreement; the afterparty of a social event in which only the two of you were invited to — where the drinks continued to flow well into the early hours of the morning, and bodies crept closer than they would under the scrutiny of other, prying eyes. It would start with an innocent hand on your leg — your ankle, maybe even a thigh, then legs would somehow tangle together, and then weight of a body against another. A head on a shoulder. An arm stretched across the back of the sofa. A seat in a lap. Fingers in hair. Hands running up and down a spine. A head on a chest. A thigh slid over another thigh.

Tonight, as the cloudless sky slipped from a tangerine daydream into the deep indigo, you were sat in the passenger seat of his grey BMW 3 Series. The car was parked in a secluded spot, surrounded by tall trees and empty grasslands. His headlights were dipped but still a stark white light against the otherwise pitch black surroundings, and the heaters blew out a soft but warm breeze.

Your back rested against the passenger side door, your legs nonchalantly draped over the centre console and resting in his lap. You brought the straw of your milkshake up to your mouth, the paper gliding along your bottom lip before taking a sip, as your eyes settled on the man sitting beside you in the driver's seat. As you swallowed, your head tipped back slightly, resting against the cool glass of the window.

You could feel the heat of his gaze on you — the oppressive weight of his green-grey eyes on you from the other end of the car. The corners of your lips curled upwards ever so subtly, an involuntary twitch of your features, as your eyes met his for a brief moment. A soft, almost breathy, laugh filled the comfortable silence between you both. Your hand dipped into the paper bag of popcorn chicken and pulled out a piece. You held it and aimed, before throwing it towards him.

A low chuckle rumbled through John's chest as he leant forward — opened-mouthed — to catch the piece of chicken.

You watched him from your casual position in the passenger seat — your eyes peering up at him. There was something different about the way you watched him this time; there was a warm, almost affectionate glint in your eye, and the way your features had softened so naturally didn't go unnoticed. The creases in your forehead had ironed themselves out, your lips has tinged a rosy shade of pink, and the apples of your cheeks had heated to a delicate peach colour. There was something distinctly different in the way your eyes glazed-over as you watched him.

And that fact wasn't lost on John either. He felt the warmth of your gaze — the tenderness of it all. It was something that he reciprocated, without even knowing he was doing so.

With a deep exhale, you pulled yourself up into a sitting position. Your legs shifted to tuck underneath you, and your elbows rested on the leather of the centre console. You held the paper bag open, then tilted it towards John. A silent offer for more.

John's eyes flicked down to the open back of popcorn chicken. He repositioned himself also, his broad shoulders leaned forwards and his body centred towards you. He took the bag of chicken from you and palced it on top of his dashboard; he wasn't interested in the chicken anymore. The amosphere in the car had shifted — it was subtle, but he felt it.

Your eyes followed his movements and watched as his finger came to rest underneath your chin. He tipped it upwards, angling you so you peered upwards and met his gaze. His head dipped gently, and his soft lips found yours. The over-grown stubble that covered his jawline brushed against your skin, sending a wave of electricity along your skin.

There's a brief moment where you freeze, your mind and body registering what was happening. A second later, your gentle lips are moving with his and your arms are slowly snaking themselves around his neck. The embrace is soft, delicate and raw; a release of weeks, maybe even months, of pent up anergy.

It isn't long before the air begins to shift in the car; there's a sultry heat that begins to build.

John pulls back from the embrace briefly — his lips leaving yours swollen and absent of the warmth they were just pleasantly enveloped in. The heat of his palms slides along your silhouette, guiding your body over the centre console and into his lap. Your knees settle either side of his hips as you straddle him, your body moulded against his.

One of his hands stretched down the side of the seat and presses the lever, pushing his seat backwards. Your body follows his, still pressed against his chest as your lips move with his. He brings that same hand up to nonchalantly trail along the curvature of your spine — keeping you in place. The other palm finds the arch of your ass and settles beneath it, the heat of his palm seeping through your thin gym shorts.

Your tongue caresses John's in a soft battle of open-mouthed kisses as his hand slides along your hip. It travelled down your thigh and settled between you — feeling the weight of your body pressed against his. The pad of his thumb brushes over your core through your shorts, sweeping back and forth, pulling a soft breath from the very depths of your lungs. He trailed along the length of your folds, caressing them tenderly, before bringing his thumb back up to circle your the sensitive bud of nerves again.

With another, almost whine-like breath, you pulled back from the heated kiss. Your head tipped back, and you peered up at him through thick, dark lashes. The glint in your eyes was distinct — a silent: there's no going back from this.

With his thumb still slowly encircling your clit, John raised an eyebrow at you. "You sure about this?" he asked, voice low.

You pressed your lips together in a thin line as you considered his words. You were sure. Of course you were sure. There wasn't an ounce of doubt in your bones. Your eyes fluttered shut as a sweet, salacious whine whistled through your exhale. You felt a pulse ripple through your pussy, and a dampness spread in your shorts right where his thumb worked you so effortlessly. Then, with another deep breath out, you nodded your head.

"Good," John's voice rumbled through the car.

You shifted once again, leaning back against the steering wheel. You eased the tight shorts down your thighs in a somewhat ungraceful maneuvre and sent them flying haphazardly into the backseat. You were left bare below the waist as John's thumb found your delicate clit — caressing it in slow, teasing circles as you repositioned yourself in his lap.

You let out a low, quiet moan as your hands moved to his sweatpants, pushing them down and out of the way. He was half-hard from the way your body had pressed against him, hips moving softly against his own. Then, a few strokes of your hand — taunting him from the very base of his length to the tip — had his cock standing to attention.

A low, sultry moan ripped through your chest as you slid down his length, and leant forwards against his body. Your arms coiled around his neck once more as your lips captured his, just in time to swallow the gravel-like groan that came from John.

Your hips moved in steady circles, lifting every so often. His thick cock slid in and out of you with a practised ease — one that sent constant hits of dopamine surging through your body, and had soft whines spilled from your swollen lips. The wet, sticky sounds of your bodies coming together as one, both between your thighs and at your lips, echoed around the car. You let out soft breaths and sultry moans, as John accentuated the filthy chorus with a low grunt every so often.

After what felt like an eternity of this slow, sensual movement, you repositioned yourself. Your lips tore from his as you moved backwards. You leaned backwards, your hand gripping the steering wheel behind you for support. Your thighs remained spread, your knees either side of his body, as you continued to ride his length with a slightly faster pace. You were close.

His steady hand reached up and pushed your tank top up and out of the way. The warmth of his palm spread across your breast as he palmed it gently, the pad of his thumb brushing against your nipple.

With a high-pitched whine, you threw your head back — your lascivious hips working overtime. Your spine arched at an ungodly angle as an intense ripple soared through your body. It emanated from your wet heat and spread ecstasy all the way to the very tips of your toes. A load, saccharine moan spilled from between your rosy, swollen lips as your pussy squeezed in pulses around his dick, and your slick dripped between you both.

The tight, unrelenting squeeze of your pussy on his cock sent him over the edge. His fingertips dug crescent shapes into the bare flesh of your waist as he pushed his hips upwards — spilling unashamedly into you. You felt the warmth of his seed spread through you as you collapsed on top of him. You leant forwards, body pressed against his chest with full weight, and found his lips against. What started as soft, almost sweet kisses, turned into an attentive kissing session filled with exploring tongues and teasing nibbles once again.

[quennchouchou]

[canirove]

Declan Rice, Elliot Anderson & Jordan Pickford for M&S

[canirove]

Declan Rice, Elliot Anderson & Jordan Pickford behind the scenes for M&S

[memesmusingcorner]

Reblog if it's okay to invade your ask box

Always

[angelusfangs]

Anyone else feel like their mutuals are way out of their league? Like they follow you back and you’re just like

[johnstonesysh03]

Me when @lenneyswhore and @buttlesbunnie

[jordanpickford]

PRANKS HIM BY STICKING A THUMB UP HIS ARSE?????

[djovulating]

𑣲.𝚆𝙸𝚂𝙳𝙾𝙼 𝚃𝙴𝙴𝚃𝙷⋆˚࿔ ʲᵘᵈᵉ ᵇᵉˡˡⁱⁿᵍʰᵃᵐ ˣ ʳᵉᵃᵈᵉʳ

₊⊹ contains: fluff, established relationship, wisdom teeth removal, loopy jude, lots of banter, embarrassing moments, second-hand embarrassment, happy ending

₊⊹ summary: after getting his wisdom teeth removed, a very drugged up jude completely forgets you're already his girlfriend and spends the afternoon trying to convince his mom to let him date you.

the waiting room smells like disinfectant and peppermint. it's almost too clean. the kind of clean that makes you feel like you shouldn't touch anything. soft instrumental music hums through the ceiling speakers while a fish tank bubbles quietly in the corner.

you're pretty sure you've watched the same bright orange fish swim in the exact same circle at least fifty times. not because it's interesting. because there's absolutely nothing else to do.

you glance at the clock again. five minutes have passed. it somehow feels like fifty. beside you, denise smiles without looking up from the magazine she'd picked up nearly half an hour ago.

"he'll be alright."

you laugh quietly. "i know."

"you're worrying."

"am i that obvious?"

"a little."

you sigh. "he kept texting me all morning saying he wasn't nervous."

"which means..."

"...he was terrified."

she laughs. "exactly."

you pull your phone from your pocket. the last message jude had sent before going into surgery is still sitting there.

jude💗: if i say anything embarrassing afterwards, pretend i didn't.

you smile to yourself.

you: that's not how this works.

jude💗: please.

you: no promises.

you lock your phone again. "he's gonna hate this."

denise smiles knowingly. "i've seen him after anaesthetic before."

you immediately turn towards her. "...have you?"

"oh, yes."

"was it bad?"

she nods once. "he cried because he thought they threw away his socks."

"...his socks?"

"they were on his feet."

you cover your mouth to stop yourself laughing. "you're joking."

"i wish i was."

before you can ask anything else, the surgery door opens. a nurse steps into the waiting room. "he's all done."

both of you stand immediately.

"he's still a little sleepy," the nurse says with a smile. "someone will need to stay with him for the rest of the day."

"of course," denise replies.

the nurse nods. "he's coming now."

you hear footsteps. slow. slightly uneven. then, jude appears. his hoodie hangs loosely over his shoulders. his hair is messier than when he went in. his cheeks are slightly swollen. there's a little ice pack balanced awkwardly against one side of his face. and his eyes, they're barely open. he looks like he's trying to understand a world that's suddenly become far more confusing than it was an hour ago.

"hi, sweetheart," denise says gently.

he blinks. "mom..."

"that's me."

he smiles lazily. "you're here."

"i told you i'd be."

he nods thoughtfully. "...good."

the nurse lightly guides him towards the chairs. "just take your time."

he sits down carefully. staring at absolutely nothing.

you crouch beside him. "hey."

he slowly turns his head. looks directly at you. stares. for a very, very, very long time.

"...hello." his voice is slow and slightly slurred.

"hi."

he keeps staring. like he's trying to place where he knows you from. his eyebrows pull together.

you bite the inside of your cheek. don't laugh.

he looks at his mom. points at you. "...who's that?"

you completely lose it. a tiny laugh escapes before you can stop it.

denise presses her lips together, trying very hard not to smile. "that's y/n."

he nods slowly. "...right." another long pause. "...she's pretty."

you feel your face warm.

denise smiles. "she is."

he keeps looking at you. completely fascinated. "...really pretty."

"thank you," you say softly.

he smiles at you. then immediately turns back to his mom. "...can i keep her?"

the waiting room falls silent. you stare. denise stares. the nurse at the reception desk definitely heard. she's already trying not to laugh.

"...keep her?" denise repeats.

he nods seriously. "yeah."

"what do you mean?"

he gestures vaguely in your direction. "...her."

"yes?"

"can i keep her?"

you cover your mouth. your shoulders already shaking with laughter.

denise raises an eyebrow. "...why?"

he looks genuinely confused by the question. "...because she's nice."

"you've only just met her."

"exactly." another thoughtful pause. "...i'm making good time."

you snort.

he immediately looks proud of himself. "she laughed."

"she did."

he smiles dreamily. "...good." then he leans slightly towards his mom, not quietly enough. "...i think i like her."

you have to look away. because if he sees your face right now, you'll absolutely burst out laughing.

denise nods thoughtfully. "do you?"

"yeah."

"why?"

he looks back at you again, studying you like she's the most interesting person he's ever seen. "...pretty eyes." your heart melts. "...nice smile." you smile wider without meaning to. "...and she laughed at my joke."

denise hums. "anything else?"

he thinks very hard. "...she smells nice."

you bury your face in your hands. "oh my god."

he immediately looks concerned. "...did i say that out loud?"

"you did."

"...right." he nods once. "...still true."

the nurse quietly excuses herself before she starts laughing.

a few minutes later, you're helping jude stand so you can all walk back to the car. he looks down at your hand holding his arm. then back up at you.

"...are you single?"

you choke on absolutely nothing. "what?"

he looks at you hopefully. "are you?"

before you can answer, denise beats you to it. "she's got a boyfriend."

jude's face falls. completely. "...she does?"

"she does."

he sighs dramatically. "...that's unlucky."

you can't stop laughing. "i'm sorry."

he nods sadly. "...me too."

walking through the car park takes forever. mostly because jude keeps stopping. first, to wave at a pigeon. then, to tell a parked car it has "nice headlights." then, to ask if clouds ever get tired. you and denise exchange one look. neither of you says a word.

halfway to the car, he looks at you again. "...would your boyfriend be upset if i asked for your number?"

you laugh so hard you nearly have to stop walking. "probably."

"...yeah." he sighs. "respect." then, after another few steps, "...unless..." he looks at his mom. "...what if she breaks up with him?"

denise bites the inside of her cheek. "that's not very nice."

"...true." he nods. "...i'll wait."

once everyone's finally in the car, you sit beside him in the back. mostly because you know he'll probably fall asleep. he stares out of the window quietly for a minute. then suddenly turns to you again.

"...hi."

"hi."

"what's your name again?"

"y/n."

he smiles. "...pretty."

"thank you."

"i'm jude."

"i know."

his eyebrows lift. "...you do?"

"yeah."

"have we met before?"

you glance at denise in the driver's seat. she's already smiling. "...once or twice."

"that's nice." another pause. "...do you play football?"

you blink. "...what?"

"feel like i've seen you somewhere."

"i don't play football."

"...right." he nods. "...i do."

"i know."

he looks strangely impressed. "...you know loads."

the drive home is only twenty minutes. it somehow becomes the funniest twenty minutes of your life. because jude refuses to let the subject go.

"mom."

"yes?"

"...can y/n come over sometime?"

denise glances at you in the mirror. "she already does."

he frowns. "...really?"

"all the time."

"...why?"

"because she's your girlfriend."

he blinks. looks at you. looks back at his mom. then laughs. "...good one."

"i'm serious."

he shakes his head. "nah. why would she date me?"

you immediately answer. "because you're lovely."

he stares at you. "...that's flirting."

you grin. "maybe."

he turns bright pink. or... as pink as someone with swollen cheeks can manage.

"...mom."

"yes?"

"...she's flirting."

denise nods. "she does that."

"...i think i like it."

you reach over and gently adjust the ice pack slipping off his cheek. he freezes completely. watching you.

"...you're really nice."

"thank you."

"...could i maybe..." he hesitates. "...hold your hand?"

you look at denise. she's trying so hard not to laugh she's practically crying. you nod. "of course."

he gently threads his fingers through yours, looking ridiculously pleased with himself. "...nice."

five minutes later, he's still holding your hand. still smiling to himself. then suddenly, "...mom."

"yes?"

"...i've had an idea."

"should i be worried?"

"...i'm gonna ask her out."

you press your lips together.

"right now?"

he nods confidently. "...timing's important."

denise almost drives onto the curb because she's laughing.

he turns towards you properly. doing his absolute best to sit up straight. which isn't very straight. "...y/n."

"yeah?"

"...would you..." he pauses. apparently forgetting what he was saying. "...what was i doing?"

"asking me something."

"...right." he nods. "...yeah." another pause. "...will you...hang on." he looks at his own hands. "...lost it."

you can't breathe. you're laughing so hard tears are forming. he suddenly remembers. his face lights up.

"...there it is." he clears his throat dramatically. "...will you be my girlfriend?" there's complete sincerity in his eyes. despite everything. he genuinely looks nervous.

you smile as softly as you can. "i'd love to."

his entire face lights up. "...really?"

"really."

he immediately looks at his mom. "mom!"

"yes?"

"...she said yes!"

denise nods. "i heard."

"...that's brilliant."

"it is."

he squeezes your hand excitedly. "...i've got a girlfriend."

you laugh. "you do."

when you finally arrive at his house, helping him inside somehow takes even longer. mostly because he keeps introducing you to objects. he pats the hallway table. "...this is table."

"lovely to meet you, table."

he nods approvingly. "...good manners."

once he's settled on the sofa with another ice pack, he looks exhausted. the medication is finally starting to wear him out. his words become slower. his eyelids heavier. you sit beside him. still holding his hand. he looks at your joined hands.

"...can i ask something?"

"go on."

"...how long have we been together?"

you smile. "just over a year."

his eyes widen. "...a year?"

"yeah."

"...i did well."

you laugh softly. "you really did."

he looks strangely proud of himself. "...past jude's got game."

"apparently."

he nods seriously. "...respect."

his head slowly tips sideways until it's resting against your shoulder. you brush a hand gently through his messy curls. "...comfortable?"

"very."

"good."

another quiet minute passes. "...y/n?"

"yeah?"

"...don't tell anyone i forgot."

you smile. "can't promise that."

he groans dramatically. "...please."

"your mom already knows."

he slowly looks across the room. denise is standing in the kitchen making him a milkshake. she waves.

"...hi."

"hi, sweetheart."

he sighs. "...she's definitely gonna tell jobe."

"probably."

"...and dad."

"maybe."

"...and everyone."

you nod sympathetically. "most likely."

he closes his eyes. "...worst day ever."

you laugh. "really?"

he peeks at you with one sleepy eye. "...actually..." his fingers tighten around yours just a little. "...second best."

"second?"

"yeah."

"what was the best?"

his sleepy smile returns. "...meeting my girlfriend."

you smile so hard your cheeks hurt.

"again." he nods lazily. "...worth doing twice."

within another minute, he's asleep against your shoulder, still holding your hand like he's afraid you'll disappear. you glance toward denise. she quietly lifts her phone, showing you the video she'd secretly taken of jude proudly announcing, "mom! she said yes!"

you laugh silently. "i'm absolutely keeping this."

denise grins. "oh, definitely."

and somewhere in the future, when jude was fully recovered, completely alert, and convinced he'd behaved perfectly after surgery, you already knew exactly what video you'd be showing him first.