jo jadhav (she/her)

hey! i'm jo, a high school sophomore from illinois, and this is my poetry blog. :) instagram: @jojadhav.poetry

[jojadhavpoetry]

every time you look at her,

do you ever see me instead?

are her eyes just as striking,

do they inflict the same fear?

.

does the spring in her step resemble mine?

and her late-night,

dishwashing dance

to the Doors,

does it also mesmerize?

.

can she tell you stories about the stars like i do?

.

will she light up every time she talks to you?

.

we were probably made by the same hands;

we’re so similar,

it’s creepy.

.

did you really find someone better

or did you find another me?

___________________________________

// follow me @jojadhav.poetry on instagram for much more! ✨

[jojadhavpoetry]

the worst things happen to the best of people.

.

they like to cut us up,

tear us down

pull off each limb

and break our hearts.

.

make us believe

that we’re doing hard time

for past mistakes.

though we don’t recall

doing anything wrong.

.

but we’re convinced we’re bad

that we deserve all the pain brought to us

taking it on our shoulders

as our puffy eyes bleed.

.

refusing to hold a hand

or share the load

too busy pouring from our cup

and pretending to be composed.

.

yes, we’re cruel.

we are cruel to ourselves

holding up ourselves 

pieces of broken glass

but we wouldn’t bother.

understanding that some things were meant to be broken

some people are meant to be hurt

like us;

but we are not broken.

we’ve carried our agony so far,

how could we do that

if we were

broken?

___________________________________

// follow me @jojadhav.poetry on instagram for much more! ✨

[jojadhavpoetry]

somedays, i want to curl up and die.

but before i can think of that,

i really just want to curl up into your side.

let the words overflow and spill out of my mouth

while you listen.

.

play with my hair,

kiss my forehead,

lay your hand on my thigh,

as you convince me otherwise.

until dawn cracks and birds cry

to tell us that it has been too long.

.

i used to think our love was so strong

that it could beat any distance,

but look at where this false belief brings us.

nowhere.

___________________________________

// follow me @jojadhav.poetry on instagram for much more! ✨

[jojadhavpoetry]

when people were looking, i’d feel insecure

so when they left, we’d want more.

.

i’d wait till my mother was asleep

so we could go to the kitchen to eat.

.

opening the refrigerator

was as daunting as heaven’s door.

.

containers of leftover vegetables, curry, and rice

i’d devour everything, everything that was in my sight.

.

use your hands, no forks, spoons or knives

i’d cover up my tracks, we’ve got to hide.

.

try a little bit of everything.

so no one will notice

that we were here, alright?

.

drink some of that sparkling soda, relieve that thirst

then i’d realize, my stomach had burst.

.

there is so much left though

a few more bites wouldn’t hurt.

.

my clothes got tight, my tummy’s swollen

stopped myself only when i felt like

 a guilty, heavy burden.

___________________________________

// follow me @jojadhav.poetry on instagram for much more! ✨

[jojadhavpoetry]

dear body,

forgive me

for treating you the way i did.

.

i’m sorry that i have fed you too much

and that i’ve fed you too little.

.

i’m sorry for the terrible posture

that leaves you aching for hours.

.

i’m sorry for not letting you rest

when you want to sleep.

.

i’m sorry for cursing you

when you don’t fit in these

tight skinny jeans.

.

i’m sorry i don’t appreciate you enough

every crevice and curve

everything you do to keep me alive

even the shedding of my uterine line.

.

i’m sorry for hurting you

when i really want to hurt someone else.

.

i’m sorry for tearing you down

when just like me,

you are trying to do your best.

.

forgive me, please,

you’ve done so much,

let me return this unrequited love,

through this poem;

and one day, we shall overcome.

___________________________________

// follow me @jojadhav.poetry on instagram for much more! ✨

[jojadhavpoetry]

you are a gift to this world.

.

you are so much more

than who you think you are.

.

you are so much more

than who you say you are.

.

you are so much more

than the clothes you wear.

.

you are so much more

than the house you live in.

.

you are so much more

than your toxic friends.

.

and you’re so much more

than your ignorant family.

.

you are a gift to this world;

don’t ever forget that.

.

you are not bound by who you are now,

or who you were then.

you can become anything.

___________________________________

// follow me @jojadhav.poetry on instagram for much more! ✨

[jojadhavpoetry]

all the promises you made me,

they are dead dead dead.

all the words you speak,

they all are dead dead dead.

no emotions in them;

they are just dead.

so was everything you said before;

it’s all dead.

so was your love for me, 

it’s dead,

and so are “we”.

   i’m  dead,

      you’re dead,

         we’re dead

            dead

               dead

                  dead.

.

you told me so much

    but all you told me was dead.

_____________________________________

// follow me @jojadhav.poetry on instagram for much more! ✨

[jojadhavpoetry]

when he and his friends are out,

they become the princes of Rome.

gathering on the top of their terraces

as if they were of Babylon.

drunken and dazed

like they had Dionysus’ wine.

drunken and amazed

they laugh and sing into the night.

.

when it’s morning here,

on my side of the globe;

wherever i am,

wherever i may roam,

i mope.

i’ll never be a part

of your world.

___________________________________

// follow me @jojadhav.poetry on instagram for much more! ✨

[jojadhavpoetry]

mother,

don’t feel guilty or proud

when i say that all you did

is why i want different things now.

.

i have bigger dreams now

because you had none.

.

i don’t want to get married too soon

because i don’t need a man to push through.

my desire to become a mother died too

because i’m afraid i’ll turn out like you.

.

mother;

don’t feel guilty or pleased

when i say that what you did

is the reason i am who i am now.

.

i’m loud because you made no noise.

i’m bold because you’re far too coy.

i’m outspoken because you didn’t use your voice.

i choose because you didn’t have a choice.

.

don’t limit me even if it’s for my own good

i know they don’t understand but i’ll make sure i’m understood.

don’t tell me to back down, even if they’ll come for me

i am not you, you are not me.

___________________________________

// follow me @jojadhav.poetry on instagram for much more! ✨

[jojadhavpoetry]

“skip this song.”

she told her father.

.

“why?

i thought you liked this one?”

.

she sighed

and replied

.

“it reminds me of someone

who i don’t want to think about.”

___________________________________

// follow me @jojadhav.poetry on instagram for much more! ✨

[jojadhavpoetry]

everyone has a turn

to pick my appearance apart.

how slim i’ve gotten

and now i was just too skinny.

how my hair lost its life

so thin and frizzy.

now my face is sunken and sullen

and once it was full.

tell me that she made my favorite

but i don’t eat as much as i used to.

.

it seems like they forgot

how they’re all at fault.

.

they’d point out my pudgy tummy

every time i gained weight.

my mom told me to slow down

as they marveled at how i ate.

.

things like these weigh on a child’s mind.

forever a stain on my life.

.

your weekend’s spot-the-difference puzzle

is something you leave behind.

___________________________________

// follow me @jojadhav.poetry on instagram for much more! ✨

[jojadhavpoetry]

as weeks turn to months

and months turn to years,

i can only remember the good parts,

the ones that rarely come.

.

instead of all that went wrong,

the standing silence,

and all you’ve never done.

.

like when you’d tell me to stay

or that we should do this again

laying your head on my little ribcage

slowly rising and falling with each breath.

.

every time i try again

i expect something different

something new.

maybe this time you’d come through!

you would change!

but some things stay the same.

.

as weeks turn to months

and months turned to years,

i thought i’d learn to let go

because i lost so much.

.

but i only hoped for more

for better

for you to be more than you’ll ever be

the unattainable.

.

as weeks turn to months

and months turned to years

i’m learning how to forget.

which should be easy,

because i don’t even see you.

out of mind; out of sight

but you’ll never be see-through.

___________________________________

// follow me @jojadhav.poetry on instagram for much more! ✨

[jojadhavpoetry]

you’re my model

my master

my muse. 

everything you do;

you amuse me.

.

i could never

get tired

of being breathtaken

by you

in the mornings early.

.

i sit and observe

from the marble counter;

you’re hunched over

the kitchen stove.

.

the curve of your shoulder blade

the edge of your jaw

the way your vertebrae

poke out of your back.

.

i could never get tired of it;

to imitate, to replicate,

to paint

you.

.

i sit and inspect

from my writing desk;

You’re laid across the bed,

hair strewn like a bird’s nest.

.

you were made for this,

for a patch of the gallery.

you truly are one of a kind;

my model, my muse,

a masterpiece.

___________________________________

// follow me @jojadhav.poetry on instagram for much more! ✨

[jojadhavpoetry]

i only see things

the way i want to see them.

.

i always see someone whose life is hard

instead of someone who breaks my heart.

instead of someone who isn’t good enough.

.

my friends told me i had to lose you

but i really didn’t want to

listen to them, justifying your loose ends,

convincing them that you’re a good friend,

and even better in person.

.

it’s not that you aren’t a good person.

i’ll always believe and see that.

you just weren’t good to me

and it’s not my job to disprove that.

.

so i shall let this go;

little by little,

step by step,

hand by hand.

.

only you have the chance

to bring this back.

___________________________________

// follow me @jojadhav.poetry on instagram for much more! ✨

[jojadhavpoetry]

the fog

the tea

the train.

.

i can’t wait to come back

and make this my bed.

___________________________________

// follow me @jojadhav.poetry on instagram for much more! ✨

[jojadhavpoetry]

the adults talked about a lot,

but today, it was about home.

.

my home.

my hometown.

they reminded me of

Swargate, Deccan, and Camp

the places only no-good college kids went to these days.

the beautiful temples they stopped going to because of the crowd and the hype.

.

and i realized there was so much of home i hadn’t seen

or had bothered to see.

i hadn’t seen it but i still call it home.

feeling homesick, but this time, it wasn’t because of the food.

.

i was already second-guessing.

i was already thinking twice about everything i wanted

and whether it was worth it.

worth chasing.

when i could have it here instead.

.

you can bring our favorite food 

we can head to the terrace

sit on the parapet.

we eat and laugh and monologue

under the pink-orange sunset;

the kind you love.

.

god, i miss you.

   i miss home.

      i miss where i was born

         and where i belong.

.

god, i love you.

   i love home.

      i love where i was born

         and where i belong.

.

when i’ll be back.

   and i’ll be back soon;

      and however long it may be,

          i’ll cherish every second of it.

.

i won’t be sad

   or self-conscious.

i’ll live like it’s my last day on earth

   because it might as well be.

just know i’ll be back soon.

   i’ll be back soon.

___________________________________

// follow me @jojadhav.poetry on instagram for much more! ✨

[jojadhavpoetry]

i hate winter.

.

the hours sitting inside

watching the snow pile up.

hearing about families

getting together to have fun.

corny music plays everywhere you go

crowds follow you to every department store.

passing by children making snowmen

i don’t even bother to give them a hand.

.

winters slow me down

reminds me of what i can’t have.

worsens my loneliness

and my need for a good laugh.

but it’s preoccupied with someone else.

can this mug of hot chocolate warm-up my sad?

seems everyone has forgotten who i am.

___________________________________

// follow me @jojadhav.poetry on instagram for much more! ✨