Jones Journey

Life is a never-ending journey, and this is mine. Enjoy.

[jonesjourney]

Babies On The Brain

Let's just make one thing clear - the title of this post does NOT mean I have baby fever. If you know me at all, you know that's about the most absurd thing I would ever want at this point in my life. 

It does mean, however, that the thought of one day having a family of my own has started to surface. Crap.

I'm not a "kid" person. When walking into a mixed room of children and adults, I will do all in my power to find any adult to talk to so I'm not instantly sent to make small talk with a 6 year old. When babies are forced into my arms, I put on the greatest performance of a lifetime (Oscar-worthy) to show interest and motherly affection. When I was younger, my older sister was the sought-after babysitter of our family. She's now a kindergarten teacher (go figure). When I see pictures of the kids in her classroom, instead of thinking "Awwww," all I think is, "Snot. Everywhere."

Note - I don't hate children. I'm actually getting better at my interactions with them. When it's just me and them without anyone around (or just a few people) I'm good. I love to make them laugh. I love being goofy with toddlers, or rocking a peaceful, sleeping baby. Telling them crazy stories. Making them feel important. I do love that.

So why the recent baby thoughts?

1. EVERYONE AT WORK IS PREGNANT. Everyone. If they are of the male species, their wives are pregnant. Baby bumps are poppin' up left and right. Not to mention, my Facebook timeline has been inundated with preggers pics. LOTS OF THEM. As much as it annoys me, I also get to see a different side of this process. Seeing women with excited and joyful looks on their faces, talking about surprising their husbands and/or other kids with the good news, planning for the future. It doesn't seem so awful. (Don't worry, I've heard a lot of the AWFUL stories that come along with pregnancy, delivery and hormones... I'm not living in fantasy land here.)

2. I spent an afternoon volunteering at a kids camp for pediatric cancer patients. I didn't spend a lot of time interacting with the kids, but even by just helping out in the cafeteria I learned the strength and resilience of these 4 through 15 year olds. I worked for a year as an intern with the American Cancer Society, and have seen and heard a lot about what cancer can do to a person. Knowing and witnessing a group of 170 kids on this horrific journey, broke my heart. Knowing that this was just one camp in one state across a country and world full of kids with pediatric cancer, shattered whatever was left of my heart. The innocence of children. The evil of cancer. These things are unfathomable  Yet, these kids were smiling, laughing, dancing, jumping. Some with no hair, some with hair growing back. Some with weak bodies, others with new strength. These children touched my heart and showed me that there's a whole lot more to a child than snot. There's a fighter who was sent here with a purpose to bless this world and the people in it. 

3. I don't know if I can even have kids. Boom. I said it. I won't go into details, but there's a chance I won't be able to get pregnant. Right when my mind starts to change about the whole idea, I'm reminded that this may be something I don't get to experience. It's not a for sure thing, but it's a possibility, which means my mind will fixate on it. I start to think about all the people I might disappoint one day, and how the one thing I'm suppose to be able to do naturally, may not come naturally at all.

What do I need to remember when I hit this depressing fixation? The fact that I'm not in control. The fact that if God has a plan for me to have kids, he will make it happen no matter what the statistics say. The fact that families aren't just made up of people who share your DNA, but are glued together through love. The fact that millions of children out there are in need of a good home, and it may be me (and a supportive, loving, awesome future husband) who are called to adopt one or more of them. The fact that I just need to have faith and trust that everything will turn out the way it is supposed to turn out.

So, yes. Babies have been on the brain. That's where they will stay for now. There's a whole list of other things that need to happen first. I'm very aware of that.

That being said, I do want to start a family one day. I will love and nurture my future children to become compassionate, independent thinkers with a heart for people and a foundation for a relationship with God. One day. Thankfully, not today.

[lastdaysofmagic]

[jonesjourney]

Happy Coffee Day!

[jonesjourney]

A 2012 Summer - Out Of My Control

Last summer (2011) I graduated college, got a job, relocated to Downtown/East Village Des Moines, and met Jeremy. I felt like I was thriving in this new and exciting chapter of life - job, apartment with a view of the city, new boyfriend and a life of happiness ahead!

This summer? I was playing a whole new fiddle.

Summer 2012 started out on a very rocky note. In the early part of the summer, I watched two coworkers, also friends, get laid off from my company. One day everything seemed fine, but that same afternoon they were gone and told (for financial reasons) not to come back the next day. My mind started to wander...

It could have been me. It should have been me. I'm not better than those guys. I could be gone tomorrow. I should be gone tomorrow. How much trouble is the company in? Will they find jobs? Will they be able to pay bills? What should I do?

The mood of the company changed. We didn't know if we'd come to work one day and leave without a job. No one was telling us anything. Disconnect in philosophy and the mission of the company became prevalent. This shook me up.

Right after that all happened, my parents sold my childhood home back in Wisconsin. "An offer they couldn't resist." I understood, but as I felt my new chapter in life starting to hit the rocks of uncertainty, I then realized even my safe place of a true "home" was soon to be gone.

Then came August. Usually one of my favorite months of the year - my birthday month! This summer, it took on a new tone.

As I was about to leave work on a Friday afternoon in early August, another coworker and I were asked to come into the CEO's office. Let's just say I left that office with a nice letter explaining more financial hard times and a couple of boxes to clean out my desk.

I was officially unemployed. What else? I had to pack up my desk, head straight to the airport for a flight to DC and a weekend with Jeremy. 

As I drove to the airport and proceeded on my six hour journey (layovers and delays included), I had a lot of time to think. Here was my thought process (probably in this order too):

I failed - as much as I reminded myself that this was about the company and not about my skills, I felt like a failure. I could almost feel the burning of the word "bum" across my forehead as some travelers stopped to stare at my slightly tear-stained cheeks. I knew it wasn't true, but every text I sent (only 3 - best friend, boyfriend, parents) explaining what just happened, I felt more and more like I disappointed them all.

I'm scared - would I be able to get another job? Would I need to move home to Wisconsin and live with my parents? Would I be able to afford health insurance to cover the doctors appointments and medication I couldn't go without? Would I need to go back to waitressing to make some money?

I'm still horrible at change - big changes and big risks aren't easy for me. When I'm forced into a change that is out of my control it messes with my core.

I'm loved - My best friend offered to leave work, come find me, and sit with me before my plane left. My dad sent me an email telling me everything was going to be okay, he loved me and he and my mom would help me in any way they could. My boyfriend met me at the security gates of the DCA airport six hours later ready to take my bag and my hand, and offer me a safe and supportive shoulder to lean on for the weekend. These people didn't distance themselves from me, but instead reached out in every way to make sure I knew I was loved.

I trust in God's plan - as much as I hate instability and change, I knew God brought me here, and he also offered me a sense of peace. This event reminded me that through life, the only thing we can really depend on and lean on is the fact that our lives are in God's hands and his plan will help us build character, grow closer to him and strengthen our faith. I'm loved by the amazing people I listed above, but even more, I'm loved by an awesome God who will be with me no matter what happens in life.

As the plane touched down in DC, my mind and body were exhausted, but the tears were done and the fears had subsided. I felt that sense of peace.

I had a great (and much needed) weekend of relaxing, reflecting and even laughing as we saw Jerry Seinfeld do standup comedy. I came home feeling hopeful. This became my anthem for the month of August: I'm hopeful.

Thanks to the networks and great connections I had in Des Moines, I was able to get interviews soon after the layoff and I accepted a new job right before Labor Day weekend.

Overall, life threw me a curveball this summer with lots of stress and emotions flying along with it. Even in the face of fear and doubt, I didn't let that stop me from moving forward.

I know my story isn't the norm, and there are a lot of extremely talented people around the country still without jobs. I don't know their situations, but I know some of the feelings they may have previously felt, or are still feeling.

My takeaway thought would be this: While your mind is drifting through an array of emotions, don't lose site of the fact that your worth is not tied to an occupation and your life's journey is not in your hands. 

It's been a crazy summer. One for the books. Happy to report I'm once again employed, still healthy, and a much stronger person today than I was four months ago.

Thanks, Summer 2012.

[jonesjourney]

For Mr. Schneider

My 8th Grade social studies teacher passed away yesterday after a long battle with cancer. I haven't seen or spoken to him in probably five years, but the impact he had on my life is one I will never forget.

Mr. Schneider had a reputation in our middle school. He was the crazy teacher who would stand in the hallway between classes yelling "IT'S A GREAT DAY FOR A TEST!!" while clapping his hands. Who the heck was this guy?!

As a seventh grader, I had heard stories of how he would jump on tables, shout with such vigor that you could see spit shoot across the room, and my favorite was the time he got so passionate and excited that he accidentally knocked the window air conditioner out the window only to watch it dramatically crash onto the pavement below.

By the time I became an 8th grader, Mr. Schneider already knew who I was thanks to other students (my older sister) and other teachers ... Kelsey Jones: outspoken, politically active teenager who was ready and eager to embark on a political debate with my peers and teachers. He simply smiled, shook my hand the first day of class and said, "Boy oh boy! I'm excited to have you in my class!"

By the end of the first week, I was almost giddy to go to social studies. Learning about our early American history could have been boring, but learning about it from a man full of passion for his job, the subject, and the kids, made it a thousand times better.

One of the things I valued most about Mr. Schneider was his vow to keep his personal politics out of the classroom. I tried desperately to pry it out of him. "PLEASE Mr. Schneider!! Just tell me if you're a Democrat!" I would beg him after class. He always laughed and refused. He wanted me and others to form our own opinions. I look back on that now and am thankful he never told me (even though I figured it out later). He made it about the issues, the debates, and letting our young minds form our own opinions.

Mr. Schneider helped ignite my passion for politics, but also my passion for people. He encouraged my political fight and fire. He would debate me, send me articles and discuss current events outside of class, while also caring about who I was as a person. This was a sign of a real teacher - wanting to see students develop into who they wanted to become.

I'll never forget sitting down with him for a book report interview toward the end of the school year. The report went great, but he had more to say to me than asking questions about the book:

Follow your dreams - don't be silenced - keep educating yourself on the issues - stand up for what you believe in - continue respectful debate - don't think you can't do something - You have the ability to do anything.

That conversation will live on with me forever. The essence of Mr. Schneider will live on with me forever. His smile, clapping, yelling, passion for history and politics and words of inspiration have always and will continue to push me towards my goals.

Many others have written and I agree: Mr. Schneider was surely welcomed into heaven with clapping hands, infectious smiles and as much love as he gave out during his time here on earth.

Thank you, Mark Schneider. Thank you for playing an instrumental role in so many lives, for loving and caring about people, and for using your life to help and influence others for the better. Your life, lessons and love will live on through your many family, friends and students.

I hope to also be welcomed into heaven one day just like I was to social studies - my favorite teacher standing outside the door, clapping his hands with an infectious smile and yelling,

"It's a great day for eternity!"

[heygirlitspaulryan]

He knows how to handle that economy.

[jonesjourney]

Not an American Idol fan, but have become addicted to this song. Have you ever been in an unfamiliar place, longing for the feeling of home? Then you meet up with that one friend or complete stranger who can just put you at ease?

"Just know you're not alone, cause I'm gonna make this place your home."

[thetruthdude-blog]

(the following was just sent in email to the President, Dean of Students, and Provost)

President Maxwell,

My name is Seth Hedman, I am a Senior L.P.S. major who also plays on the football team. As a member of several campus organizations, I am writing to inform you about some...

[jonesjourney]

Reflection: How Did That Little Girl Become ME?!

I ran across a couple pictures today of the Kelsey B Jones of yesteryear. Scary thought. The Kelsey B Jones of 20 years ago. Don't worry, these were the cute pictures before the crazy hair, awkward pre-teen body days. 

Looking at that little innocent blonde girl with a huge grin, I had to ask myself:

"Did she know at 4 years old what she would become 20 years later?"  

Of course she didn't. The 4-year-old me wasn't thinking past her 5th birthday, starting Kindergarten and which dress she could wear the next day. (Right?! There was a short phase in my life when all I wanted to wear were dresses... That ended!) She was shy, loving, a little lippy, funny, curious, and had the whole world in her backyard.

Did she know about how challenging some of her teenage days would be (especially those awkward years)? Did she understand how important her family, friends, teachers and random encounters with strangers were going to be in her life? Did she know yet that her plans of marrying a prince and living in a castle weren't going to happen?

Did she know that her life would come with experiencing loss, extreme joy, tears, laughter, embarrassment, love and confusion? Did this painfully shy little girl know she'd develop a passion for politics, animals, helping other humans, and communication?

Did she know she'd one day hate herself, judge herself, and not want to look at herself in a mirror without crying? Did she know how incredibly freeing it would be to experience what it means to truly love herself and allow others to love her? Did she know that she was going to meet some of the greatest, most caring and loving people in the world in her high school and college years? Did she know then that her parents (and sister) were going to show her unconditional love even when she was extremely sarcastic, unloving, and withdrawn?

Did she know then how much her heavenly father loved her, knew her, and had a (perfect) plan for her life? Did she know that he had mapped out every single person to put in her path, shape her journey, and draw her closer to him? Did she realize then that in 20 years, her relationship with her creator would be the one stable, constant and most important thing in her life - something way deeper than the occasional Sunday School song or nightly prayer?

Short answer? No. 

It's an interesting feeling to look back on that little girl and realize, "That's me."

I look back on 20 years and realize that it took all those experiences to bring me to where I am today. I'm happy. I'm healthy. I'm still shy at times, but more outgoing than I ever thought I'd be. I care deeply about people. I want to help them experience love - from other humans and from their heavenly father. I'm still young. I have a lot to live for. I have dreams. I have standards. I have an amazing life. 

Dear 4 year old "Kels" - You had a reason to smile so big. You somehow knew that even through all the bad days, 20 years later, you'd have even more reasons to smile. 

Now, as for the me of 20 years from now (44 year-old me), let's hope I can find a good picture to look back on with even more lessons and reasons to smile... :-)

[whatshouldwecallme]

Finding a bug in my room...

When I’m too scared to kill it, I’m like:

When my boyfriend is too scared to kill it, I’m like:

[jonesjourney]

This post made me laugh real hard this morning.... 

[thecrazytruth]

[jonesjourney]

I've been reading too many stories about people being unfaithful and even today ran across an article that had "tips" on what to do when your significant other has an affair. Brilliant idea: DON'T CHEAT. This photo caption goes for women, too. 

[jonesjourney]

Maybe this night was all a dream. Maybe daylight won't ask me questions. - O.A.R.

[jonesjourney]

My Good Friday Reflection

Holy week seems to have snuck up on me. I can't believe it's already Good Friday. It felt like it was just a couple weeks ago that it was Christmas!

My first year out of college has meant a lot of big life changes and getting used to a new routine (or trying to find a routine) for my daily life.

Do the years just keep getting faster?

I've been doing a lot of traveling the past month or so. With a boyfriend in Washington, D.C., a very good college friend in Kansas City and my parents and some old high school friends in Wisconsin, there haven't been many weekends at my home in Des Moines. I LOVE traveling, but I also miss some of the routine that goes along with investing myself in a community, the people in that community and a church.

Because of the travel, I really haven't been able to invest myself into a Sunday routine at Gateway Church, my post-college church home. I do listen to the sermons online when I can, and love attending my weekly small group with dear friends and other Christians I've met as part of this group. I read a daily devotional, find quiet time alone with God on an almost daily basis, and just finished a terrific book about the life and death of Ed Thomas called "The Sacred Acre: The Ed Thomas Story." (I HIGHLY recommend it. Such an inspirational book about a man and a family with the strongest faith in God and community, even with the awful murder of this beloved high school football coach and teacher.) I don't see all of this on some sort of spiritual checklist, but I do evaluate this as my way of wanting to grow deeper in my relationship with my creator. As much as I try, there are times where I still feel distant from God.

Could I do more on my end of this relationship? Yes, a lot more. Could I completely reconstruct my life so that I only surround myself with strong believers with solid relationships with Christ so that I, too can grow to that? Yes, but I know God has put me where I am today with the people in my life for a purpose. Could I find a church in every location I travel? I could, but I don't think that's the problem.

Sometimes we hit a spiritual wall where God seems far away and we just can't reach him.

ENTER: Good Friday.

Today, I reflect on this, because the day Jesus died, was the day that these "walls" between God and his children were knocked down for good. A new promise was made, and the people mourned and waited to see if the prophets of the Old Testament were right: Would he rise again?

Today, I sit in beautiful Florida with my parents and reflect on how fortunate I am to have a family that has always loved and cared for me, and how fortunate I am to be able to take this vacation to a mini-paradise. Most importantly, I reflect on how fortunate I am that God sent down his son to die for me, give me grace, and help me, even in my times of distance and sin, be eternally connected to my heavenly Father.

Before Jesus was crucified, there was no grace. There was no direct access to God for forgiveness of sin. No direct relationship with the creator. The only way to have access to God was in the Temple, behind a large curtain where only the high priests were allowed. I REALLY wouldn't have been allowed access to God, especially since I am also a woman.

When Jesus took his last breath after horrific torture and an agonizing death, something remarkable happened. Something I didn't really realize the significance of until a Good Friday message at Lutheran Church of Hope my first Easter season there in college.

The curtain was torn. I'd heard that part of the story before, but mostly just thought God was angry at the high priests and the people who did this to his son. That wasn't it at all. God was in fact fulfilling the promise he had made - opening up the gates, tearing down the walls, giving ALL of us direct access to him. Rich, poor. Men, women. The elderly, the youth. God no longer resided behind a curtain. He tore down the wall. 

So, today is a reminder of that promise. I may feel distant from God. I may feel as though I need and want to do more to grow in my relationship with my creator, but I have hope that this will happen. God made sure that this was possible. The curtain was torn for me. That statement is more powerful the more I reflect on it. I can live a life of freedom and grace, as well as a life where I don't need to but WANT to be Christ-like and love my fellow humans like Christ would love them. I am full of a devine, holy spirit. I am a child of God.

All of this is possible because of what happened on Good Friday those thousands of years ago. The turmoil, pain and mourning that took place so that the curtain could be torn and three days later, the entire prophecy would be filled. 

That is the first step in breaking down my spiritual wall. Remembering that God did it for me, and I just need to continually seek him, because he is right there on the other side calling out to me. It's my job to learn to listen. I won't say Happy Good Friday. I will say, reflect today. Remember the sacrifice and the meaning behind it. Without this day, there could be no Easter. 

[professionally-adhd]

Song of the Day - If You Would Come Back Home - William Fitzsimmons

Along the lines of Iron and Wine, this man has an incredibly sultry voice but it’s nothing less than incredible. I have really been enjoying his music recently and it’s hard to find anything better when you want calm but interesting music. 

Check Out William Fitzsimmons

Willy on Twitter

The Fitzsimmons on Facebook

[homedesigning]

Moustache Vinyl Decal Wall Art by EmpireCityStudios

[austinhomemag-blog]

The next home-design craze to sweep Austin’s hipster set? After Pabst Blue Ribbon memorabilia.

[jonesjourney]

First Kiss - High Five!

When posting a couple of videos for clients this morning, I came across this video. I'm a sucker for cute things, so two little kids and a title of "First Kiss" pulled me in. This little guy (Elliot) is pretty pumped about his first kiss. High fives all around!

[jonesjourney]

I'm a Fool For You. 

Two atoms they collide in all their random ways The meeting of you and I not so random some might say She walks up close to me and she looks me in the eyes, She said, "Boy, what's it gonna be, now that it's just you and I?" I'm a fool, I'm a fool for you I'm a fool, I'm a fool for you

[jonesjourney]

Wishing everyone a very Merry Christmas!

What can I say, I'm pretty sure I still make this face on a daily basis :-) It may not officially be Christmas yet, but hopefully this will help you start to get excited and in the Christmas spirit. Remember to cherish the time with your family and friends and to celebrate the real reason for the season - the coming of our redeemer and savior, sweet little 8 pound baby Jesus!