The Repository @jorinothori - Tumblr Blog

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Things I'll never say

You're an asshole for leaving me because of a petty fight. And a coward for giving up at the first sign of trouble. Your face haunts me on Facebook. Why isn't there an algorithm to keep exes off the featured friends box? Posting throwback photos on Instagram is so cliché. Are you okay? I tell everyone I hope this is the end. Sometimes it's true, some days it's not. Our anniversary is still part of some of my passwords. I'm scared to change them because I don't want to forget. The passwords, not us. My new ID was made on the day we broke up. If there's any consolation in having a constant reminder of that day, it's knowing I was gorgeous when you chose to give me up. I almost went on a date with a Swiss guy I met on Tinder. I (practically) stood him up. My relatives still look for you. At first, telling them we're not together anymore refreshed all the pain. Now, I can say quickly, icily. Not a day passes by that I don't think of you. Fondly or with contempt, it doesn't matter. You're still in my head, if not in my heart. I fast-tracked my dreams of studying and living abroad because Life Plan A (aka making a stable life with you) was derailed. Common friends ask if I want to know things. I always do, but I've learned to stop indulging. An old schoolmate posted a status about the awkwardness of witnessing a couple break up. I wanted to apologize because I know we made a lot of people feel the same way. Have I ruined postcards for you? You inspired me to take up letter writing as a hobby, you know. But I've appropriated the idea of it for myself, so I wonder if you will ever look at mail without remembering me. The Hunger Games reminds me of you. And our canoodling in the theater. My parents helped me get through the worst of our break-up. My mother was especially kind. She told me to bow out with dignity, to respect myself and what we shared. I had half hoped she would say good riddance to you. Mutual acquaintances still assume we're together. I can't be bothered to correct them. Dubai is ugly. I kind of want my clothes back. And my powerbanks. You can keep the books. And the school jacket (I've already bought a replacement). And the laptop, for now. It pisses me off that you broke up with me before my birthday. After I baked you a three-layer, three-flavor cake for yours. Are you going back to that old job at that terrible company? Please don't. The Swiss guy just texted, asking when I'm free. I'm not used to being pursued. I'm not sure I like it. But I'm still mad at you for neglecting me. Sometimes, I still think we could have still made it work. Okay, a lot of times. All the time. I wonder if you'll ever read this. I know you used to stalk me. I've stopped stalking you, by the way. But I haven't unfollowed you on social media. I did leave the Viber group, though. It made me sad to have you talking to "me" when you addressed everyone in the chat group. I think I want you to read this. To what end, I don't know.

#feelings #breakup

Still

still (adj): calm, tranquil still (adv): always, continually I am still. I am still hoping.

Little Things

A badminton date never fulfilled. Cheese rolls. Rainbow Rowell books. Matching souvenir bags from Indonesia. Swimming, how you are incapable. Resurrected group photos. Your dislike of vegetables. My birthday. Dubai. Korea, a promise I made to myself. My red backpack, still on loan. Señor Pollo. Susan Boyle. Resilience. Postcards from Hong Kong, Macau. Judee and Abi. Good night texts. More tomorrow.

My beautiful coffee, vanilla and chocolate sponge cakes pre-frosting. I pride myself on being a good home baker, so I take it hard when I make inexplicable mistakes. Today's aw-shit moment was when this 3-layer cake just couldn't be held together by frosting. The salted toffee icing was delicious, but altogether too runny to stay intact between the cake layers. This was supposed to be a birthday cake for my mother too 😞 ah well, c'est la vie. She has a tres leches cake anyway.

#cake #somekitchenstories #baking #kitchenmess #coffee #vanilla #chocolate