Hey, string beans. That's what I'd call my fans if I hadn't failed as a professional creative. There, I said it–I failed. Most of my career has been getting laid off from jobs before getting anywhere, several being "dream jobs" in art and development, despite giving them my all. I've been ashamed to share that I've been working as a landscaper because that's all the work I could find.
I really hoped I would bounce back, but I never did. I thought my big break might come, but it never did. They say you haven't failed until you've stopped trying. Well, I did fail–I'm not gonna keep hiding the facts. I know I'll hear I still have time, but I'm also not getting any younger. Regardless, people don't want what I make, whether I'm being authentic or trying to be what I think others would want.
Maybe I just need to focus on being a dad for now. Maybe God just has a different plan and my time will come later. Maybe I can transfer my skills to a different kind of job. I've tried really hard to believe these things, but let's face reality: the way I've been doing things wasn't working out. I've wasted many years to learn that.
...Yet, despite all this, I keep wanting to make things. I keep writing, I keep cartoon...ing. You can't see it, but I am still doing it. I couldn't win anyway, so I stopped playing the game. Fuck the hustle, fuck the industries, fuck social media. I've been doing it by my own rules, and I love it. Even though I failed. And that's been a great mind-shift for me, difficult as it's been to accept and adapt to.
So, why am I posting this? Trust me, it's not a pity party. I've given up on cries for help and looking for sympathy. I don't really care if you even see this. I guess it's because I needed to express myself. Artists are self-absorbed pricks, and we can't help barfing our own experiences and opinions on everyone else. I made a piece of art that I liked, and I wanted to share it.
I'm still here, and I'll share stuff. Just doing it how it works for me. Take it easy, string beans. ✌