conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 3
*wind whooshing* *grunting* *the sound of scraping against stone*
Dick: you have to be cheating somehow, you could never do that jump before!
Jason: how the fuck do you cheat at parkour?
Dick: secret.... winches.
Jason, incredulous: secret winches?
Dick: secret winches. you got like- i dunno. stuff to help you up here.
Jason: *snorts* you're a fucking idiot. i can do the jump because i got steroided by the lazarus pit and pokemon evolved three times the size of myself, dipshit.
Dick, humming: yeah, that must have been a culture shock.
Jason: well it was fucking something that's for sure.
Dick: did you ever get like-, like when you woke up and you were just over six feet tall. did it fuck with your head?
Jason: like did i forget and run into doorframes a fuck ton-?
Dick: -yeah, like what was it like?
Jason: *hums consideringly*
Jason: kinda like. what i imagine the hulk had to go through. like i was just suddenly real big and real strong.
Jason: parts of it were cool, parts of it- *wheeze* parts of it were fucking fantastic.
Dick, very amused: ok now- wait hold on- don't you give me that fucking look-
Dick: -alright. brother to brother, i feel like we're close enough with each other to discuss this as mature adults. but i have to ask,
Jason, audibly grinning: -oh, i'm proportionate.
Dick: *bursts out laughing* that- that must have been fucking wild-
Jason: IT WAS- it was- *breathy laugh* it sure was something-!
Dick: how long after you came out the pit did you notice?
Jason: how long- dude, instantly!
Jason: i was out that pit like that fuckin' tiktok audio, just 'woah woah, wait, where my dick at?!'
Jason: just climbing out, barely conscious, in the back of my mind like 'did they tie a weight between my legs or something because this shit ain't normal, why's it heavy'
Dick, crying: why's it heavy-!
Jason: i will say in all honesty i kinda forgot about it for a while.
Jason: i dunno, just kinda doing my thing. mentally i was still like, fifteen, so as much as my cock did interest me, once Talia gave me a shiny sword i was like 'ooooh' and instantly stopped thinking about it.
Dick: was there not any like, mechanical issues?
Jason: mechanical- like, did it work? yes, dude, it fuckin' worked?
Dick: well i don't know i just feel like- it's probably like getting a new phone, right? like they're all pretty similar but when you transfer over to a new model there's an adjustment period?
Jason: OH- ok yeah, no, i get you. no there was definitely an- *slight wheeze* there was an adjustment period.
Dick: *starting to laugh* i don't even know if i want to ask,
Jason: *wheeze* well it was- like i said i forgot for a while, right? so the first time i slept with somebody,
Dick: *cackling* no, littlewing what did you do?
Jason: no i think i just ruined the mood a little bit in the beginning, because like- like it was just as much a surprise to me as it was to her, right?
Dick: *cackling even louder*
Jason: so she was- *wheeze* she was fuckin'- *high pitched, breathy* she was below me as i got it out, and she went 'oh wow, it's so big', and my fuckin' stupid ass was just- wide-eyed looking at it like 'jesus fucking christ it is isn't it?!'
Dick, choking: i can't- i'm fucking crying-
Jason: *half-silent wheezes*
Dick, slightly delirious: but didn't you ever, like, try it out alone beforehand?!
Damian: OH MY FUCKING GOD. S T O P.
Jason and Dick: *cut off chokes*
Damian: MAY I FUCKING REMIND YOU, that BOTH i AND Batman are on this line tonight!
Jason, slightly muffled: *shocked laugh* oh my god, B-?
Damian: he's been staring blankly into a gutter since Nightwing first mentioned genitalia.
Dick, high pitched through hitched breaths as Jason starts cackling in the background: yeah that's- that's our bad, B. Sorry about that.
Damian: i feel like i also deserve an apology.
