So back in August, while I was using CrossFit to fill my "trackie" void (was a collegiate sprinter and long jumper) I finally decided and committed to doing a fitness competition. Why you ask? Well, I was tired of people coming up to me and saying, "wow, so uhh.. you work out a lot huh?" or, "you could literally step on stage right now!" (meanwhile I'm thinking yea and bust my a** in heels, im a sneaker, sandals type of girl. flats alllll day.) And then finally one of my development buddies at my old job straight up said "You should consider fitness modeling" and when I laughed and then looked at her face, she was stone cold dead serious and continued "no, I mean, really, I'll help you get started because there's no reason why you shouldn't be doing it." And that's when I was like uhhhh--ok lemme TRY this thing. Idk if I can do all that walking and spinning stuff, and I eat pretty clean BUT I certainly don't know how I will survive without chocolate, but Ima try. Andddd so I googled and googled until I found a coach! Who has now become my coach, mentor, big sister, cheerleader--gosh I love that woman. Janelle Nicolo, WBFF Pro and Head Competition Coach of Body Ambition! (#manilovemyteam) Check out our website!! Anywho, I tried it out and after my first show on October 5 I can truly say I fell in love! I think the real reason why I decided to do it was to prove to myself that I could indeed live (and breathe) without chocolate for some time, but also to step outside (and i mean WAYY outside) of my comfort zone of training strictly for performance. If I was killing it in the weight room and in track practice, I would definitely kill it in a meet. BUT just because I look AWESOME after training for a show, doesn't mean I can get out on stage and COMMAND the stage. So, that was my goal, command the stage. My coach worked TIRELESSLY with me on my posing, and I literally would bring my shoes to the gym everyday to do some post-workout walking. And... I won first place bikini overall in my first show, that show was the Boston Natural Championships of the Fitness America federation. My next show was a bit more difficult as I was training for a "harder" physique in the Fit Model Category of the WBFF--which I actually feel like fits my own personal bodytype better than bikini--anyway I ended up placing 3rd in that show, putting me just one spot away from my pro card! And so... you know what I'll be going for in my next WBFF Show in April. Now, on to the matter at hand...
And finally, the feature (that's what it's called right?? bear with me I majored in a foreign language and I minored in...wait for it...MATH!) of this post! So post-show blues...the easiest way to define it is as a sort of depression that some fitness competitors feel once the show that they've been all-consumed with is over. Interestingly enough, it isn't anti-climatic at all, I mean what can be more dramatic than being in a tiiiiny bikini and STRUTTIN/hittin poses on stage?! i'll wait... Yea so, not anti-climatic, but many competitors feel a loss of purpose after a show. Some are upset about their placings. Some may have been battling regular clinical depression, so decided to take this on as a way to cope/lift themselves up, only to find themselves right back in the same place. Some people develop eating disorders, and the list goes on. I don't mean to make this sound like competing is a BAD thing, BUT it is a very intense process and these various post-show scenarios CAN be a very REAL reality. Now remember that whole chocolate thing? Yea well I had my and my brother's (have you seen my bro tho, he's huge!) fair share of chocolate and all sorts of other sweet treats after the show, safe to say I have a sweet tooth. What's worse, I LOVE TO BAKE. Anywho boy did I have fun (and man did I get sick!). You see all of that sugar was so foreign to my body at that point that not only had I sort of lost my ability to resist sugar (yes, sugar addiction is real, DO NOT SLEEP on this, please read that link if you think you may be addicted to sugar to find out what's really going on). So yea, that ability to realize it was the sugar/dopamine talking in my head telling me to grab another cookie, was soooo out of practice. And let's face it, the reality is I do have a sweet tooth. The combination however could have become deadly! I started to freak out a little, thinking omg do I have a eating disorder, am I a binge eater, etc etc. (please also if you really do have this issue, DO NOT BE ASHAMED to talk to someone, read on to find out why). Just as I was ready to start looking up numbers for help (yea I'm a hypochondriac too, I get it from my momma, she's a nurse and thinks she has every disease known to man). Yea but, just as I was looking up numbers and hotlines, my boyfriend reminded me, "listen you know you love sweets, you also know you have literally been depriving yourself of all of these things because you had a goal in mind stepping on that stage, and you're a competitive athlete so you probably went above and beyond. yes ok you're probably overindulging, but you are still working out and you've still been prepping your meals, don't get all in your head about this." He also reminded me that he DOES NOT have a sweet tooth, so he barely has anything sweet, but when he does, it's difficult for him to not have another and another...And so it clicked! I mean he was right, I was in the gym Monday after my show throwing ish around getting BUSY in that weight room, haha, but that part comes easy to me. And, reality was, I still was prepping meals and eating them, I just was out of practice when it came to having "refeeds/cheat treats" or whatever you want to call them. It was partially the perfectionist in me also that had me all over the place, I remember after sending my first check-in post show (check-ins are e-mails we send to our Coach, who gives us feedback etc) and her responding, "you girls are SOO hard on yourself, you know what to do, don't deprive now, but stick to what you KNOW". And she was right, I did know what to do, she provided us with tips and specific guidelines/protocols on "reverse dieting" --this is what many competitors DO NOT have, another reason for post show depression/anxiety, you're so used to having a mapped out plan for meals that you don't know what to eat after the show! Anyway, my coach reminded me that I AM IN CONTROL and I KNOW WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE, despite what dopamine affects are taking place in my brain...Soooo rather than prepping my meals AND stressing over any "off-plan" or overindulgence, I have challenged myself to find a balance, with the guidance of my coach. She does all the guesswork for me when it comes to my macros (macronutrient intake) so I go from there and try to build myself menus for the week so that I have meals to look forward to as a means of not always looking for that "satisfaction" in a sugary treat. Now am I perfect? NOPE. Just had some no bake (clean) brownies, hahahaa, I also made a deal with myself to not put garbage into my body, so my "cheats" are clean. But the point is I'm working on it, and I'm aware, and I'm not letting a little "fluff" as the bodybuilders say bring me down so far that I'm eating everything insight, giving up? nah ain't nobody got time for that! You know what I'm going for in April!! But yea when the abs start to fade out, it's a little sad, you start to tie sooo much important to things like that during prep because let's face it, that's part of the A-game you're looking to bring to your event. And just like a track athlete develops her sense of worth/value as an athlete from her times, a bodybuilder also develops her sense of worth/value as an athlete from her muscularity/leanness. HOWEVER, I caution you (as I am also working on this now, separating that competition mindset to my real life mindset) to not place your self-worth in your appearance/body. It seems counterintuitive, but eating healthy and being active IS really about taking care of yourself and providing your body -- the most incredible vessel on the planet -- with the maintenance it needs to be as amazing as it is! Like...your skin GROWS BACK if you get a cut. THATS INSANE?! The body can do so many other (and haha much more, clearly I'm easily impressed) incredible things if we are kind to it. This also means that it's ok to have that cookie or brownie or slice of pizza sometimes, all in moderation though, because your body certainly DOES NOT need NOR does it WANT that stuff all the time--it lets you know that when you're sick! Don't let it get to that point, haha as tempting as it may be. Sugar is strong, but you are stronger! (I try to remind myself of this everyday)
And finally, the part I have been dreading, the abdominal comparison photograph (yuck). Anywho on the LEFT I believe that picture was taken 1.5 weeks away from my November 9 show. That picture on the RIGHT was taken this morning. (both are flexed, don't be alarmed, ugh another reason I hate these photos, people FRONT like they are not FLEXING #whacktastic). But yea so this is where I'm at, yes some fluff, but the abs are in there somewhere. And I mean it changes day to day depending on how many treats I allow myself, but hey as long as they are getting stronger and I'm maintaining a diet that is flexible enough for me, while also maintaining my sanity/not obsessing over food, I'm chillin until next show prep begins! Because then, i WILL BE SORRY when I'm dying from a craving. You gotta be serious, focussed, "fierce" as my coach @janellenicolo says, disciplined, but also know when to enjoy the little things too (which are not always food related, I PROMISE :)!
