One’s existence begins to feel differently when academic pressure bears down upon one like the water column in the Mariana Trench. “Oh, but it is only an exam”, they say. I wish it were. Yet it’s curios how a thin brochure may eventually provoke the collapse of one’s identity. Failure begins to signify unworthiness of education itself. Of course, It is not objective, yet it feels so. And there seems to be no refuge from that detested feeling.
Under such extremity, one gradually looses one’s human qualities, becoming stripped of individuality and reduced to anonymity. One is valued much like a financial asset. And thus, one slowly forgets the pleasure of learning new, because all of it collapses into a mere count of the vortices within one’s brain.
Study ought to inspire person, not suck one dry and white. Yet that appears to be the system, incidentally, quite comprehensible for majority. Thus, there remains little choice but to become responsive to its demands. But what if one is too weak? Then it may become a desperate ending for one’s passion and perhaps for one’s sense of self-determination.
oh noo, i only just saw this! i'm sending you a big hug and honestly just hope you're still able to rest a bit for the moment and take some small downtime for yourself despite the pressure (which i know i always say, but it's truly most important of all)!! I know exam season can be draining as hell (been there many times), but please please know it should never feel so bad it strips you of your worth as a student, or even worse, a human. A thing I can very much recommend if you're feeling helpless is reaching out to your faculty's student representation or office though. The people working there are very sweet and eager in trying to help you with whatever you're struggling, and in my experience with studies there's very few situations with a dead end. That being said, an exam also really says nothing about your strength or being 'worth' of studying (or even understanding the subject), but much more about the structural environment it takes place in. you have such a bright mind, i'm sure everything will work out in some way or another (it always does!)
and also of course always feel free to reach out if you need help, or some distraction yapping about other things (⸝⸝ᵕᴗᵕ⸝⸝)
Thanks so much for you support, I hope I did not sound to dramatic, but I have rather a dangerous situation. Almost a plight, to be completely frank 🙂
But I appreciate every single word of yours — more than I can properly express. And I miss our yapping. Miss it a lot.
Yet I am not quite sure if I can afford myself any well-becoming leasure, since I have performed quite poorly on my previous exam. But you must be right, after all it is not a matter of life and death. So, maybe I indeed should take a deeper breath..


















