Pretty In Punk

✖️Welcome to my personal blog about my life and my interests✖️ My blog is my way to express everything I feel inside and trying to recover from my mental disorders. Don't be afraid to ask questions! Since I'm anonymous here, I'll answer to pretty much anything xx Love you all🖤

[thepersonalquotes]

[junkieforyourlove]

Letter for Ana

I’ve been meaning to write this letter for ages, but I just haven’t figured out the right words to say yet, I guess. We’ve been in this battle for ages now. You probably think I’m going to be thanking you, because you gave me a way out of my misery. But the truth is, you made it worse. You made me believe nobody else cares about me except for you. But in reality, you were only there to fuck my life up. You ruined my teenage years and I can never get them back.

I used to love you. But loving you took everything from me. Even nowadays it still affects me. Because of you I still can’t see myself right or be happy with myself. Because of you I get panic attacks on regular basis. Because of you I will never be the same again.

I loved you because you understood me. You were my demon, but you were always there for me when everyone else ditched me. You’re still trying to come back to my life and you’ve almost succeeded in it a few times. And every single time you try to convince me I need you, you just push away the people I love. I may have risked everything for you once, but I’m not gonna fall for it again.

And lately I’ve been saying no to you, but you still try to come back not long after. Well I’m done with it now. I’m done with your games and this ride we’ve ridden for far too long. I don’t want you to choose how I live my life anymore. I don’t want to live by your rules and I definitely do not need you in my life anymore.

You don’t even see it do you? You just see the bullshit about how poetic and beautiful anorexia is. You think it’s just fashionable to be  disgustingly sick. You don’t remember the pain. You don’t remember how many people got hurt on the way. You don’t remember the lonely nights where I cried for hours with no comfort because you didn’t allow me to ask for help. You don’t remember when I collapsed to the floor because I had no more energy left in me. Or the trouble you got me in. Or the ache in my bones every time I moved. Or the time I spent in the mental hospital. Or the fact that You destroyed my health and it’s still affecting me even nowadays. You just remember me being thin. Being sick. You made me hate myself and feel like i was never good enough. And I’m still suffering of that. 

So I guess this is the final goodbye. I’m sure even after this you still try to find your way in,  but you don’t have that place in my heart anymore. It’s been replaced. My life and future is finally looking hopeful and I’m not going to let you fuck it up again. I will eat without regretting it or having the urge to throw up. I will exercise by setting up MY own goals, not yours. And one day I  will see myself as beautiful and important again.

Goodbye Ana. I thought I would miss you, but I miss that old me that you took from me. And I will get my life back. I will get in shape and be beautiful without your help. I already am beautiful the way I am, I’m only toning up from here. No more being anorexic.

I hope I never see you again.

Sincerely, me

[animals-lovers]

(Source)

[latenights]

“You’re my girl” is my fav thing. Like yes I am. You’re right. Say it again.

[junkieforyourlove]

For that loved one's memory😔❤

[thequotestub]

—“I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.” - Augusten Burroughs

(via thequotestub)

[junkieforyourlove]

[junkieforyourlove]

I've always been self destructive. And it kills me, because you're the best thing that has ever happened to me. My depression pushes you away, because I don't know how the handle the good things in life. I don't feel like I deserve it. I know it's stupid as hell.

[junkieforyourlove]

Saying bye to somebody I care about has always been hard for me. So many people have left me without a warning so now whenever someone says bye, I mentally prepare myself to be disappointed and never see them again. I never know if it's just a bye or a goodbye.

[junkieforyourlove]

ED

I had to write an essay about eating disorders. It's pretty funny actually, I did all of it without any help from the internet so when the teacher wanted to know where I read this stuff from, I had nothing to give her but my brain.

But at the same time, as a person still recovering, writing about that stuff just wakes Ana up a little bit. Felt like after each paragraph she was more and more present. Just in the corner of my eye whispering "hello again. Aww you're writing about me! Hope you mention the good parts too!"

It's not easy constantly being on the edge, being afraid of losing the control again.

It's been 5 years since I got ill. I don't know how many more I have to go through before this starts to get easier.

[junkieforyourlove]

It's not my fault I got sick. It's not my fault I'm not like the other people around me. My disorders don't define me, I am way more than that. It's so easy just to see cuts on my wrists and judge me for it and think that's all that I am. But it takes a genuine real person with a heart to see beyond that. And those people I value so much. This world needs more people like that.

[junkieforyourlove]

And one day, I said no. I said no to starving, to feeling ugly, to lying and to self harming in any way. I said no and i thought it was the bravest thing I’ve ever done. But I was wrong; the bravest thing I’ve ever done is saying yes. Yes to healthy life, yes to positivity, to eating, to loving myself, to being comfortable with myself and to be myself. Saying yes to life.

My own (via junkieforyourlove)

[anxiety-be-gone]

[anxiety-be-gone]

[anxiety-be-gone]

[anxiety-be-gone]

[anxiety-be-gone]