Let's call it a night

Aye I'm Lizzy and one of my hidden talents is sleeping for long periods of time. I also really like dogs.

[radical-conceptusssy]

reblog if you too, are a formless blob

[ruinedchildhood]

[santiagonex]

my masculinity and femininity cooperating instead of fighting against each other

[catchymemes]

[midnightvrose]

[black-nata]

me @ my last brain cell

[agetwellcard]

coming soon: the duolingo owl will break into your home at night and beat the shit out of you if you don’t know the word for potato in french

[lozyrosie]

team cute but deadly

[unclefather]

[stardustparker]

seeing a white girl model a hoodie based off the friends logo that says “melanin” is truly the funniest thing i’ve seen in 2019

[stardustparker]

i see yall are laughing at this,, so i’d like to present you with the full photograph

[amarakaran]

[sandersstudies]

I love genuinely innocent “boys will be boys.” Just saw a guy come out of a frat house to poke a pair of jeans they’d left outside - they were frozen solid, and as soon as he confirmed that, like twenty more boys came rushing out of the house going “YOOOOOOOOOO”

[rebelminds]

I heard grunting outside my window the other night and there were four boys struggling to push this giant snowball (like 7 foot diameter) down the sidewalk.

[snarling-through-our-smiles]

I once lost my keys at a frat house.

My drunk ass had actually walked home without them, pounded on my apartment door, gotten let in by my rightfully-disgruntled roommate, and proceeded to pass out on the couch.  Apparently I puked in the toilet before passing out.  I do not remember this part.

The next morning, I schlepped back to the frat house.  I stood there, right in front of the front door.  This was a novel experience for me.  I’d never been at a frat house in broad daylight before.

A boy, presumably, of the house, asked me what I was doing. 

“I lost my keys in here last night,” I called back.  “I was seeing if I could go in and look for them?”

He opened the door and gestured for me to come in.

“Go wherever you want.”

I’d never seen a frat house post-party before.  Wandering up the stairs and through the halls, I was surrounded by hungover and still-drunk frat boys stumbling around in their socks and sandals and gym shorts, seeking out food and showers like moths to a porch light.  A few of them threw puzzled glances my way.  I’m sure they thought I was some post-bacchanalia hallucination.

I entered one room where a boy was drunkenly watching some Old Yeller-esque movie on a tiny TV in the corner of his room from his bed.

“Do you like dog movies?” he asked, voice all mumbly from grogginess and also from the fact that his face was squished against his pillow and half-buried by his blanket.

I told him I did.

He mumbled again, pleased, and asked what I was doing.  I told him I was looking for my keys.

“Sorry, I haven’t seen any keys around here.”

I didn’t doubt him.

Twenty minutes had passed.  I’d searched just about every bedroom and nuclear-waste-dump-site of a bathroom in that house.  I’d given up on ever finding my keys and was prepared to beg my roommates’ forgiveness and get a new set copied.

As I stood there in the hallway, silently bewailing my predicament, a particularly-burly frat boy approached me.

“You need help with something?”

“I lost my keys here last night and I can’t find them, I’ve looked everywhere.”

“What do they look like?  I’ll put it into the group chat.”  He was already pulling out his phone.

No one ever checks a group chat, I thought, but what the hell.  It was worth a shot.  “Um, it’s just a ring of keys.  The keychain is a pink plastic cat, though, like yea big.  Like bright pink, you can’t miss it.”

He nodded, presumably typing this description faithfully into the group chat.

“Alright, I sent the message out.  Good luck.”

And with that, he turned and left.

A few moments later, I heard a distant thundering.  It was coming from upstairs, and it was getting louder and louder.  One assumes that how I felt in that moment was how Simba felt seeing the wildebeest stampede through the ravine as a horde of large young men all thundered down the stairs, making a beeling for me.

“Someone tell the girl!” One of them shouted, faceless in the mob.  “Girl!  Hey, GIRL!!!  We found your keys, girl!!!”

They circled around me.  I hadn’t felt that small since I was maybe eleven years old.  One of them split himself off from the crowd.

“Are these -” he pulled out a ring of keys from his pocket, “your keys?”

And lo, there was the distinctive bright millennial pink cat keychain dangling off the ring.

“Yes,” I whispered.  “Oh my god, yes.”

“EYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!”

The cheer went up.

Turns out he found them in the bathroom upstairs.  I thanked them again profusely.  There was a scattered round of “no problems” and then, just as suddenly as they descended, they all dispersed, like ships in the night.

[srsfunny]

This Man Found A Wrestling Loophole And Now He’s Invincible

[coelasquid]

It’s like watching a raccoon try to eat a hermit crab.

[aphilologicalbatman-deactivated]

can you imagine being the other performer and trying to keep a straight face during this

[straightpeoplereceipts]

Being gay in Texas is fine because when I wear my cowboy hat every old Texan cowboy is legally required to become my dad.

[straightpeoplereceipts]

I don’t know why this is. Maybe there’s some cowboy code I wasn’t let in on by virtue of being cowboy-by-choice.

But I’ll tell you this: If you wear it, they will come. Cowboys by the dozen. They will emerge from the fog into the hazy 3AM of your local Walgreens and tip their damn hats at you. They will be beside themselves.

I don’t know why they like it so much but you stop taking fall damage in Texas once you put on a cowboy hat. You can’t die.

[straightpeoplereceipts]

The first day I was here I saw a guy riding a horse through downtown. No one really reacted.

[straightpeoplereceipts]

If only I were joking.

[hyperionangel]

if i got to ask a genie for a wish i wouldn’t just ask for money i would specifically ask for all of jeff bezos’ money and then use all his money to do all the things people keep saying jeff bezos could do with his money

[hyperionangel]

pros of this plan:

the genie won’t be conjuring up large sums of money for me, thus inflating the economy by flooding it and lowering the value of the dollar

i could make it part of the deal that the money is transferred to me legally, so it doesn’t just look like i suspiciously came into a lot of money

i looked up the amount it’s $135 billion like yeah that would look suspicious if i just took that money from jeff bezos

contrary to popular opinion i would leave jeff bezos with enough money to support himself and his family, perhaps even thrive, such as $100 000 a year. that way capitalists won’t make him into a martyr and he has nothing to complain about

i distribute a lot of the wealth instinctively to charities that make a difference globally, because Fuck national borders

i leave $100 tips at every restaurant i go to

i will not spend the money on ridiculous things like extra houses or yachts or sports cars because i am a reasonable human being who understands that literally none of that matters

i’ll use my second genie wish to make sure amazon hires a new ceo that is charitable and generous and also believes in human rights

and then i’ll use my third wish to free the genie. i’ve seen aladdin duh

cons of this plan:

i do not know any genies

[moved-to-jellihye-deactivated20]

Your friends aren’t your therapists. They won’t always have the perfect response to your problem. Sometimes they won’t have a response at all. Sometimes the problems you are going through are too much for an untrained person to process. Sometimes what your going through can be triggering to others so they might not be able to help even if they want to. I know a lot of people here are younger and I want you to know that your friends are kids just like you so they can’t always help. Even adults don’t always have the answers.

That being said people can still support eachother without knowing all the answers. Be willing to listen. Be a shoulder to cry on. We will help where we can and with what we can. But we aren’t trained to diagnose or treat you. We can offer you support but sometimes it may be from afar. That doesn’t mean we don’t care. Because we do. Because you matter.

[housecatincarnate]

[musicalmelody22]

Fun Story: My director kept telling me and my tenor sax buddy to play softer. No matter what we did, it wasn’t soft enough for him. So getting frustrated, I told my buddy “Dont play this time. Just fake it” 

Our Band Director then informed us we sounded perfect. 

[fororchestra]

To my readers: “p” means quiet, “pp” means really quiet. I’ve never seen “pppp” before haha.

On the contrast, “f” means loud, and “ffff” probably means so loud you go unconscious.

[corruptbucky]

I had ffff in a piece once and my conductor told me to play as loudly as physically possible without falling off my chair…

[justtkeepcalmm-deactivated20250]

Me and my trombone buddies had “ffff” and he sat next to me and played so hard that he fell out of his chair.

The lengths we go for music.

[lady-gorthaur]

Okay yeah so I play the bass clarinet and the amount of air you have to move and the stiffness of the reed means it only has two settings and that is loud and louder, with an optional LOUDEST that includes a 50% probability of HORRIBLE CROAKING NOISE which is the bass equivalent of the ubiquitous clarinet shriek.

[elsajeni]

One day, when I was in concert band in high school, we got a new piece handed out for the first time, and there was a strange little commotion back in the tuba section — whispering, and pointing at something in the music, and swatting at each other’s hands all shhh don’t call attention to it. And although they did attract the attention of basically everyone else in the band, they managed to avoid being noticed by the band director, who gave us a few minutes to look over our parts and then said, “All right, let’s run through it up to section A.”

And here we are, cheerfully playing along, sounding reasonably competent — but everyone, when they have the attention to spare, is keeping an eye on the tuba players. They don’t come in for the first eight measures or so, and then when they do come in, what we see is:

[stifled giggling]

[reeeeeeally deep breath]

[COLOSSAL FOGHORN NOISE]

The entire band stops dead, in the cacophonous kind of way that a band stops when it hasn’t actually been cued to stop. The band director doesn’t even say anything, just looks straight back at the tubas and makes a helpless sort of why gesture.

In unison, the tuba players defend themselves: “THERE WERE FOUR F’S.”

FFFF is not really a rational dynamic marking for any instrument, but for the love of all that is holy why would you put it in a tuba part.

[minguskingus]

This is the best band post 

Everyone else go home

[oxboold-deactivated20180729]

Oh man, so I play trombone, and we got this piece called Florentiner Marsch by Julius Fucik, and we saw this

which is 8 fortes. We were shocked until,

that is 24 fortes who the fuck does that

[prokopetz]

Who does that?

This guy. Take a good look - that is the moustache of a man with nothing to lose.

[vivelafat]

Julius IdontgivaFucik

[septemberbells]

More like Julius Fuckit

[sushinfood]

Pyrozod’s tags for this were too hilarious not to share

[hornraven]

I can feel…the serotonin and dopamine dropping…i need to make…Crafts

i must make…

b e a d l i z a r d

[radioactivedelorean]

B…

B e a d l i z a r d

[msillzie]

I have seen these things for years but never knew how to make them so I must thank op for this new knowledge

[calysto1395]

op has given me the best gift possible

ive been making them for four days

[smugsackofstraw]

Am… am I back in the 90’s?

[cheeseoneveryfudgingthing]

Bead animals were my JAM in the 90’s!! And you don’t have to limit your creativity to lizards, either! With a few adjustments, you can make anything!

AND with a little practice, you can even make them 3D shaped (especially with the smaller beads and wire, though you can make them with the bigger beads and string, to an extent) 

[itsbyrosie]

as u can see I don’t actually know how to draw