ok but like, Sam and Dean fucking for the first time after so long in faith. just, Sam seeing Dean dying he just, holds his big brother and tops Dean for the first time ever, and it's sweet and it's soft and it's so loving. just. ugh
Like, they’ve both been pining for eachother ever since they reunited again. Dean has been the bolder one, a fewtimes, letting Sam know what he wants but Sam’s been too worried about screwinganything up between them, so scared of ruining what they have. Now though, withDean all weak and sickly looking, eyes determined but with a hint of fear, Sam justcan’t deny him anything.
Dean rests his head against Sam’s chest, fingertipsgently running beneath Sam’s sweater and he just asks: “Sam, please. Don’t sayno.”
And Sam just kisses him, softly, picks him up – he’sso light, he must’ve lost so muchweight – and lowers him to the bed. “You sure?” he mumbles, his thumb tracingDean’s bottom lip. “We can wait. Until you’re better.”
The way Dean looks at him breaks Sam’s heart. He looksconfused, almost angry. “I’m not gonna get better,” he tells him quietly. “Don’tlet me die without having this, please. You do want me, right?”
And Sam achesbecause Dean looks momentarily uncertain, like he doubts that Sam wants himmore than he wants air. “Yeah,” he whispers against Dean’s lips. “You don’tknow how much.”
Dean’s mouth opens beneath his, and they kiss slowlyand messily, Dean moaning weakly, fingernails digging into Sam’s shoulder. Samundresses himself and Dean deliberately, fingertips mapping out his body. Helets his hands caress along the line of Dean’s torso, dipping into the hollowof his collarbone before he reaches down and grasps Dean’s cock; hard and strainingagainst his stomach.
Sam marvels at how perfect it feels, how right, as he begins to stroke it.
Dean’s eyes draw open, impossibly dark eyelashescasting small shadows over his beautiful face which is so pale that thefreckles dusting his nose stands out even more than usual. “Sam,” he gasps,pushing Sam’s hair out of his face.
Sam watches under silence how Dean spread his legs,his determined eyes never leaving Sam’s, and it’s the most erotic fuckingmoment of Sam’s life.
He releases Dean’s cock and finds his hole, gentlyrunning his index finger over it, breath hitching as he feels it twitch underhis touch.
“In my duffle,” Dean says, blushing, and Sam kisses himagain before getting the lube from Dean’s pocket.
Sam slathers his fingers with it, circling Dean’sentrance, his eyes firmly fixed on Dean’s face.
“Have you ever done this before?” Sam asks, pushingthe tip of his index finger into Dean’s tight body.
Dean’s eyes are closed, eyebrows knotted inconcentration. “Yeah,” he mumbles. “Not recently though.”
Sam feels a stab of something. It’s not jealousy; because he knows that what they shareis something far too profound and he doesn’t need to be jealous, not really. Itfeels a bit more like disappointment, that someone else got so see Dean likethis, all spread out and beautiful, before he did.
Dean seems to sense Sam’s reaction, because he looksat him, bites his lip, and says: “It wasn’t like this. It could never have beenlike this. Sam, this is with you.”
Sam nods, rests his forehead against Dean’s and worksanother finger into Dean’s hole. It’s so tight, and hot, and perfect, and Sam’scock twitches.
Dean let’s out a sudden hiss, and Sam freezes. “Did Ihurt you?”
Dean shakes his head, his hips rising to meet Sam’sfingers. “More,” he breathes, and Sam can’t look away from Dean because he’s too fucking beautiful like this; flushedand just a little out of breath, eyes closed, his puffy lips parted.
Sam crooks his fingers again, and Dean makes a noisethat makes Sam’s heart skip a beat.
“You like that?” Sam asks quietly, adding a thirdfinger. His cock is weeping, begging for attention, but this is about Dean.
“Uh huh,” Dean manages, his hips fully moving againstSam’s hand now, shamelessly riding his fingers. “Sam, fuck, I’m – I want youto.”
Sam’s trembling, because he’s never been this turnedon in his life, and he can’t stop himself from whispering into Dean’s ear: “Youready for my cock, Dean?”
Dean’s eyes are half-lidded, the look in them entirelycertain. “Fuck me. I’m ready. Do it.”
Sam gets on his knees between Dean’s spread legs,feeling Dean’s eyes on him as he pours lube all over his dick, giving it a fewstrokes.
“You’re gorgeous, Sammy,” Dean rasps, his cheeks pink.“Wish we’d done this sooner.”
Sam lines his dick against Dean’s loosened opening,threading his fingers through Dean’s, anchoring him. “We’ll have time,” Sampromises against Dean’s lips, as he begins to push inside of him. “I swear,Dean.”
Dean’s fingers dig into Sam’s bicep, hissing as Samworks his way into him.
Sam lets out a shaky breath, overwhelmed by thefeeling of Dean clenching around him. It’s so hot and perfect; better than heever have imagined it, and he knows that he’s ruined for anyone else, he’s Dean’s,wholly and fully and forever, regardless of what happens.
Sam pauses to give Dean a moment to adjust. He looksclosely at Dean’s face, looking for any signs of pain. “You OK?”
Dean grins at him; flashes him that smug, cocky grinthat Sam has fallen so hopelessly in love with. “Never better. Now fuck me, Iwon’t break. And if I do, I’ll go happily.”
Sam lets out a shuddering sort of laughter before hebegins to move, pulling out almost all the way before pushing back inside. He’salready so fucking close to coming, and he must briefly close his eyes becausethe sight of Dean beneath him is just toomuch.
“Yess,” Dean keens, wrapping his legs around Sam’swaist.
Sam thrusts grows steadier, deeper, as he wraps onearm around Dean, lifting him up so they’re flush against each other. He canfeel Dean’s hot gasps against the shell of his ear, and everything is perfect.
“Ah, ah, ah - yes,there,” Dean moans suddenly,fingernails digging into Sam’s back.
Sam finds the spot again; hits it with every otherthrust, and Dean mewls in his arms, begs for him to go faster, harder, but Sammaintains the pace he’s set. He won’t hurt Dean, and he would hate himself ifhe lost control.
“You think you can come like this?” Sam asks, stillnot able to tear his eyes from Dean’s face. “From just my cock?”
Dean moans then, his eyes meeting Sam’s and he comesmessily all over their stomachs, and it’s the hottest thing Sam’s ever seen, Dean coming just from Sam’s cock, and hecan’t stop himself. He comes inside of Dean, crying out his brother’s name ashe fills him up. His orgasm seems to go on forever, and when he finallycollapses next to Dean on the bed, he’s still seeing stars.
Dean smiles at him, lazily, his eyes tired and soft.
Sam threads his fingers gently through Dean’s hair,eyeing him worriedly. “You OK?”
Dean curls into him, and Sam can feel his heartbeating beneath his far too prominent ribcage. It beats irregularly, and Samwants to kill something. “Yeah, I’mmore than OK. Considering that I’m dying.”
Sam hugs Dean as hard as he dares to him, buries hisface in Dean’s neck. “I won’t let that happen. You hear me Dean? I won’t let it.”
Sam feels Dean tense up in his arms for a moment, thenhe relaxes again; allows himself to melt into Sam’s embrace. “Okay, Sammy. Ibelieve you.”
When Sam finally falls asleep, he sleeps well, knowingthat Dean finally has faith in him.
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