You know how it works; mv1
what starts as a quiet dinner ends in the kind of silence that breaks everything
f!reader ŕ¨ŕ§ word count : ~ 1.9k
warnings : 3 apples tall child, emotional shit, panic/heightened emotions, implied neglect in relationship, arguments, language, heartbreak, mentions of crying, angst, angst and more angst, slow-burn
pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4 pt.5 pt.6 pt.7 pt.8
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He held you like you were made of glass and fire all at once, something too fragile to grip, but too dangerous to let go.
You were sobbing so hard your entire body shook against his, and Max was just... there.
A man completely gutted by what he had done.
âIâm sorry,â he said over and over, breathless. âIâm so fucking sorry.â
His arms tightened around you as much as they could, your bodies intertwined so completely that you couldnât tell where yours ended and his began.
You didnât respond. You couldnât. The crying took everything out of you. You were shaking so violently that you could feel him trembling too.
âI never shouldâve said what I said. Never. I shouldâve realized how much it cost you. I shouldâve known how scared you were. I shouldâve been the one holding your hand in that hospital, not some stranger. I shouldâve been there when he took his first breath-â
His voice broke, raw and hoarse.
â-when you looked at him and didnât see me.â
You twisted, trying to get out of his arms. His words were becoming too much. But Max only held on tighter, as if he were afraid youâd disappear. As if there were somehow still room to hold you closer.
âI thought I was doing the right thing,â he whispered, his forehead resting against yours. âNo matter how stupid it sounds, I thought that was what everyone expected of me. Keeping my word to the team. I thought that was what you expected too. I thought you didnât want me there.â
You shook your head, still crying.
Max reached up and tried to wipe away your tears, frantic now, pressing kisses to your temple even when you flinched.
âI was so wrong. I chose wrong. I chose so fucking wrong. I didnât notice how much of yourself you were hiding, how you always put your needs behind mine, how my lifestyle was suffocating you. Even before Nova, I didnât realize how bad things had gotten.â
You gasped for air, your hands fisted in his hoodie, and something inside him shattered.
âI donât care about anything except the two of you,â he said, his voice almost childlike in its ache. âNot the races. Not the titles. None of it means a damn thing if I lose you. And I realized that far too late.â
You tried to look up. Your eyes felt swollen, your vision blurred by tears until all you could really make out were shapes and colors.
Even then, you could see how devastated Max looked.
The sight of you nearly broke him - your face flushed red, your lashes wet, your eyes swollen with weeks of pain he had never noticed until it was too late.
âI love you,â he whispered, like a prayer. âI love you. I love you so much itâs ruined me. I donât sleep. I canât think. Every time I close my eyes, I see that hospital room and you in it. Alone.â
You hiccuped, your sobs finally beginning to quiet.
âI shouldâve been there,â Max said again, his forehead pressed against yours. âI shouldâve held your hand. I shouldâve told you how brave you were. I shouldâve kissed your fucking sweat-soaked face and thanked you a thousand times.â
âAnd Iâll spend the rest of my life making it up to you. Even if you never forgive me. Even if you never let me back in.â
He pressed a tentative kiss to your damp cheek, then another to the corner of your mouth.
âI love you. I love our son. Iâm not leaving again. Ever. I swear on my life, Iâm staying.â
Your sobs had softened into shivers now. Your body was exhausted.
Your muscles were limp, your throat raw, and your skin burned beneath the weight of everything that had just poured out.
But it wasnât desperation anymore.
âIâve got you,â he murmured into your hair. âCome on, baby. Letâs get you to bed.â
You didnât argue. You didnât have the strength to.
Your whole body ached, and your mind drifted somewhere far away, filled with pain and grief and a tiny flicker of something you didnât want to name yet, not hope. Not forgiveness.
Just⌠relief. Just the ability to breathe again.
Max lifted you effortlessly from the floor, one arm beneath your legs, the other wrapped securely around your back.
You probably should have told him not to. You had just had a baby. Your body was stitched, sore, and still recovering.
But he didnât hesitate.
He carried you like you were something precious. Like you mattered.
Once he had tucked you beneath the covers, he smoothed the blanket over your legs and brushed the hair away from your face before crouching beside the bed.
âYou donât need to get up,â he said gently. âNot for anything.â
You opened your mouth - maybe to protest, maybe to ask about Nova - but Max shook his head.
âNo,â he said firmly. âNo. Iâve got him. Youâve done enough. More than enough.â
You blinked at him, your lip trembling.
âHeâll need to eat in a few hours.â
âIâll wake you if he does,â he promised, brushing his thumb across the back of your hand. âBut let me try first. Let me try to soothe him. Change him. Rock him. Be his fucking dad.â
âI know I havenât earned this yet,â Max said quietly, his eyes shining with emotions he could barely keep under control. âBut youâre not alone. Not anymore. Heâs my son too. And I can do this. I will do this.â
You looked at him for a long moment.
And maybe it was the tears still drying on your cheeks, or the sheer weight of your broken heart, but something inside you eased just a little.
Max let out a slow breath, relief thick in his throat.
âSleep, Schatz,â he whispered. âSleep. Iâve got you both now.â
He pressed one last kiss to your temple, stood, and slipped quietly into the hallway.
You didnât hear anything after that.
Just the silence of finally being cared for.
The nursery was quiet except for the soft mechanical whir of the baby monitor and Novaâs tiny, sleepy breaths.
Moonlight spilled through the curtains, painting silver stripes across the floor and the pale walls. Somewhere in the apartment, a pipe creaked and Max hoped Y/N wouldnât wake up. The refrigerator hummed faintly in the distance. Otherwise, the world seemed to have shrunk to this room.
Max stood beside the crib, completely frozen.
He had held trophies heavier than this. Driven cars worth millions. Signed contracts that could change careers overnight.
None of it had ever made him feel this way.
Nova rested in the crook of his arm, warm and impossibly light, a swirl of reddish-blond hair damp from sleep, his mouth still slightly puckered from his last feed. His tiny fingers twitched against Maxâs ches,t nothing more than a reflex, probably.
Still, Max couldn't help but feel like he was reaching for him.
Carefully, almost afraid of disturbing the fragile peace, he lowered himself into the rocking chair. The old wood creaked softly beneath his weight.
For a long moment, Max simply stared.
At the impossibly small eyelashes resting against chubby cheeks.
At the gentle rise and fall of his chest.
At the little crease between his brows that looked so much like yours it almost hurt.
The resemblance caught him off guard every single time.
This child had barely come into this world and already Max couldn't imagine a world without him.
And he had missed the beginning. Missed the first cry. Missed the first time Nova opened his eyes. Missed the moment you became a mother.
The guilt sat in his stomach like lead.
His voice cracked immediately. He swallowed hard.
âYou donât know me yet,â he whispered. âNot really. Not how you should.â
Nova stirred slightly, his tiny face scrunching up for a second before relaxing again.
Max watched him with an intensity that bordered on reverence.
âIâm your dad. And I - I fucked it all up, buddy. Before you were even born.â
âShouldâve been there. Shouldâve heard your first cry. Held your mamaâs hand. Been the first one to say your name out loud.â
For years, racing had taught him that mistakes could be corrected. A bad qualifying session could be salvaged. A lost position could be fought back.
But some moments only happened once.
And he had thrown one away.
âNova Y/L/N,â he murmured. A sad smile tugged at his lips.
âBeautiful name. Your mama... sheâs always been better at naming things.â
The smile disappeared as quickly as it came.
Because thinking about you inevitably brought him back to the hospital room he had never seen.
Back to your tear-streaked face.
Back to the words you'd screamed at him while years of pain poured out.
He rocked the chair gently. Back and forth. Back and forth.
The motion seemed to soothe both of them.
âI want to promise you something, okay?â
Max leaned closer, his voice barely louder than Novaâs breathing.
âYouâre not going to grow up feeling like you have to earn my love. You donât need to win anything. You donât need to be perfect. You donât need to become somebody for me to care.â
âYou just get to be. And Iâll love you anyway.â
Nova let out a tiny sigh in his sleep, a soft contented sound that made something deep inside Max ache.
Without thinking, he adjusted his grip, holding him a little closer.
âIâm not my dad,â he whispered fiercely. The words escaped before he could stop them. âI swear to God, Iâm not going to be like him.â
âI will never make you feel small. Iâll never make you feel like my love comes with conditions. Iâll never use it as a leash.â
His eyes drifted toward the nursery door.
Toward the hallway that led to your bedroom.
âYou are free,â he said quietly. âYou and your mama both.â
The room fell silent again. His throat tightened.
âYou donât know it yet,â he whispered, looking back down at Nova. âBut she saved me.â
A shaky breath escaped him.
âOnce when I met her.â His thumb brushed gently over Novaâs blanket. âAnd again when she gave me you, my little gift.â
For the first time in weeks, the crushing panic in his chest loosened ever so slightly.
Not because things were fixed but because for the first time since Nova was born, he felt like he was exactly where he was supposed to be.
Max leaned his head back against the chair and closed his eyes, never stopping the gentle rocking motion.
âIâm going to be better,â he breathed.
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Sry y'all, life and work have been crazy!!!
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