May 17, 2023: I donāt want to talk to someone who doesnāt find interest in talking to me back. If you have more important people to talk to, V. So be it, but Iām tired of coming second in your life. It makes me feel bad, it makes me feel like shit, especially when I can see you active on other things. So, I think I have to be done. Mentally, I canāt fuckin do it anymore man. I canāt, it makes me feel like such SHIT and Iām tired of feeling like SHIT. It makes me feel like Iām going crazy, that Iām begging someone to talk to me when it shouldnāt have to be that way. You know how you felt when you thought I was ignoring you? Thatās how I feel every. Fucking. Day. Iām going to lose my mind if I continue like this.
I donāt want to have to be the only one to start conversations. I donāt want to have the be the only one who has interest in trying to keep a steady friendship. I donāt want to have to be the only one that fuckin cares anymore. If you cannot find the common interest and want, then Iām done Valeria.
Glad you can find people youāre interested in talking to, and feel that you can prioritize them, but I canāt keep expressing that I also need that. It doesnāt have to be on you to do that. If you donāt want to. Then you donāt want to. Iāve spent too long waitingā hopingā¦ And I think Iāve finally, officially hit the limit to it. I canāt sleep, I canāt eat, I can fuckin think for 10 minutes without most of it being revolved around you.
You always talk and say youāre all in. Youāre not. Youāre truly, honestly not and Iām not giving you my all anymore. Iām not giving this my all.
Itās been hard. Real hard. I value you way more than you could ever imagine. I donāt want to do this, and I know I donāt have to, but for fucks said, mentally I need to. I canāt keep putting myself self, and my feelings aside to appease you. I donāt want to have to continue to think, āWell Iāll just treat her the way she treats me back, and maybe sheāll have a change of heartā, when I know you wonāt. I know that you frankly, donāt care. Wonāt care, and will just brush it off your shoulder like every other wild thing youāve done.
I wish you the best in life, V. I do. I want nothing but the best for you, and for you to flourish and live a better life than what you have been. I wish I could see it happen, and I wish I could be around, but until you decide that this is worth your time, and you can truly find the care for me outside of critical or emergency situationsā then I can no longer give this my time and effort as it just repeatedly and relentlessly shown to be a waste of my time and my energy, love and my care.
Iām not mad, Iām more hurt than quite literally anything and everything. Iāve let you have my heart, my vulnerability and honestly my entire essenceā all of these of which I am very protective of, and do not give away easily. I have been put through the wringer with you, over and over again, and Iāve just been sitting through the pain. Hoping that there would be a light at the end of a tunnel, but I donāt think I see that light anymore, if anything itās almost flickered out.
Iām only saying all of this, V. Because you donāt deserve to be ghosted. Iāve treated you like equal shit, I admit. I wonāt hide it. Iāve been very bad when it comes to you, and I havenāt treated you with the dignity or respect that you have deserved all of the time, and I wholesomely apologize and regret that I ever treated you as such. If I could take it all back, I would. That being said, again, you deserve to know. You deserve some closure. It is the least I can owe you, through it all and I want you to know that this. This is hard. So very, and insanely difficult.
