like, whatever man

resident thembo, at your service

[floopthecooper]

Shitfic Masterpost

I yell at y'all about updates to my shitposty Stardew fanfiction all the dang time, but that's no longer enough. It's high time I give you a masterpost of all the shitfic.

But not just any masterpost. No, this is a compiled list of stories from

Pomegranny Farm

Pomegranny Farm is a shared Stardew universe between myself and @coolcoolglasses. Sometimes we collaborate, sometimes they write solo, and sometimes I write solo.

Farmers Mica and Clay Stone run Pomegranny Farm and they are completely and utterly useless. Some Pomegranny fics are also collected in The Misadventures of Mica Stone for... some reason.

(I may have forgotten the reason)

So far each story is self contained with minimal cross-referencing — you don't have to read everything to understand everything else, but there might be some delightful jokes for you if you do. The list below is ordered in some semblance of a timeline, but it's not necessarily a recommended reading order. Just read what you want, man. Ain't nobody gonna judge here.

Pomegranny Farm Masterlist:

Just Friends Bein' Pals (Definitely Not Bein' Jerks) ✪ First fic! I thought of a dumb joke and decided to try it out. The ASS trio play pranks on one another. Maybe there's a little character development. Status: Complete

Operation: Get Marnie A New Man ✪ Longform collaborative fic with @coolcoolglasses! Marnie deserves better, and only two big dumb idiots are suited to team up and figure it out. Shennanigans happen. Sometimes we draw stuff for it too. You cannot stop us. You cannot look away. Marnie is forever. Submit to O:GMaNM Status: Ongoing

Scenes From A Pelican Town Restaurant ✪ A hold-my-beer fic! Leah and Elliott are meddling hens and decide that Clint needs romance. Status: Ongoing / Holy shit it's almost done!

Smalldew Valley ✪ Prompt fic! Sometimes I'll get a writing prompt, and sometimes I'll write something using said prompt. Basically it's a bunch of character and world building outside of the main storylines. Status: Updates when prompted   

Vincent's Super Scary Spirit's Eve Story or: THE SCARY ATTAK OF THE GHOSTS ✪ Spoopy fic! We had a dumb idea (what if Vinnie wrote a creepypasta) and ran with it. Status: Oneshot, Complete

Shell Game ✪ Fic for funsies! Elliott writes a (bad) creepypasta-type story. It's not good. He should stick to romance or science fiction. Status: Oneshot, Complete

Alternative Medicine ✪ Sassy fic! Harvey: God damn it I have an MD. Emily: ARE U SURE ABOUT THAT— Status: Ongoing / Temporary Hiatus

A Worthy Goal ✪ Wholesome fic! Harvey and Elliott work through a midlife crisis panic attack. Status: Oneshot, Complete

I'm Really Proud of You, Man ✪ Extra content from chapter 29 of Operation: Marnie. Leah wants to know what's up! Supportive fic! Sam can be a good friend. Sometimes. Status: Oneshot, Complete

Book Signing ✪ Comics? In my AO3? It's more likely than you think. One for each of Elliott's book signings, @coolcoolglasses wrote and illustrated the comics and I illustrated most of the book covers. Status: Complete

Call Me ✪ Extra content from chapter 29 of Operation: Marnie. Leah wants to know what's up! Status: Oneshot, Complete

[just-another-cat-blog]

pride month!!!

[lemonsharks]

Is that a miette?

[jeanjauthor]

Pride for you!  Pride for a thousand years!!

[lost-and-cursed]

you COME OUT to miette? you come out to her as queer? oh! oh! pride for mother! pride for mother for One Thousand Years!!!!

[dizzyuprobin]

Sidenote but for the stardew valley crowd-

I really need to catch up I haven’t played the game in yeaaars thanks to my main game getting corrupted and lost 😭😭😭

But also. I’m shrieking at Clint being the marriage candidate instead of the wizard. IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THAT PURPLE HAIRED OLD MAN TO BE AVAILABLE FOR YEARS.

However. All the people saying they are going to marry Clint to divorce him.

I’m putting 20 bucks down at least half of them will actually end up liking him by the end and not divorce him.

Mostly because yes, concerned ape is a troll, but I feel like he chose Clint of all dudes because he has a story for him. And I can’t see him making him marriageable to just make him as bad or worse, you know?

[floopthecooper]

when the wizard finally happens he'll end up divorcing you

[abby-howard]

A couple scenes from a little gay vampire story I was kicking around a couple years ago! I sometimes do little pencils-only scenes for things and never post them. But I was looking back at these and was like why not? They're cute!

I have a whole story for these two, but just for funsies, something to do every now and then when I need to let loose.

[abby-howard]

(she will eat them though)

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

i appear to have made mortal nemeses with a pigeon

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

tumblr stop rooting for the pigeon

[iamcon-fu-sion]

pick a side

team gaud

team pigeon

Voting ended onJun 1

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

CEASE THIS IMMEDIATELY

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

you people are. unkind to me

[hopegrasping]

Let go of the idea that diy will inherently look shit. All your clothes are handmade you just don't see the people doing it.

[hopegrasping]

One of the best additions that gets my point across better :)

[darqueloaf]

There's a group that makes clothing with ink stained hands to show each time the fabric was touched with human hands to make the garment. The purpose of the piece is to bring attention to the hidden labor of sewists in the garment industry

ABOUT | HUMAN TOUCH

ABOUT

[elfwreck]

To be fair - while all your clothing was made by "a person on a sewing machine," many of those sewing machines

Aren't easily available to you, and

Take a notable amount of training to use (especially, to use without damage to your hands) (Not "months of training." Just. Not "here's the instruction pamphlet; have fun.")

However: The sewing machines that are reasonably available to you, will make clothes you can wear and enjoy wearing. (Industrial sewing machines can sew for 8, 10, 18 hours without breaking down; the one you buy at WalMart cannot. Some industrial ones can sew through 4 layers of denim; you can find a machine that does that but you won't get it by accident and it will cost more. And so on.)

Basic sewing machine - enough to get started making clothes - is under $200. (Industrial machines start at ~$2000 and go up from there.) Super Ultra Cheap version is under $100; not recommended unless you know you'll be able to throw $350 at the hobby in a couple of years when the simple one is just really too limited anymore.

...Anything under $50 (new) is A Gimmick. They're not all worthless but they're very limited. They're more "you can learn how a sewing machine works with this" than "you can make clothes with this." (I mean. You can. But you can make clothes with a needle & thread, too. And while it takes longer, you may be less frustrated than using a $45 "beginner sewing machine.") Some of the gimmick machines are very useful for their specific purpose - they're ultra-portable, or good for repairs, and so on.

But if you are on a very limited budget - less than $50 can get you started on making clothes. And bookbags. And pockets to add to clothes you already have. And hats. Bathing suits, if you decide to get ambitious. (Stretchy fabrics are challenging, esp on a simple machine.)

You can make socks with a sewing machine but I really don't recommend it.

Shifting public thoughts on sewing machines from "every third household has one" to "exotic crafting hobby" is part of how the damn capitalist regime forces people to put up with clothes that don't fit actual human shapes and/or fall apart after 5 washings.

[grison-in-space]

Also, sewing machines are one of those things that is often much better to buy used, because in the old days they used metal gears and now the gears are nylon and don't last as long. If you want to get a sewing machine and dabble, I highly suggest looking on Craigslist or at estate sales for a used one. Mine cost me $30 and would have gone for much more, adjusted for inflation, when it was new. But people inherit sewing machines or want to give them away all the time, so it is very worth checking on the used market near you if you want to get into sewing clothes but aren't sure where to start. You can often get a lot more sewing machine for your buck than if you buy a new one.

[beatrice-otter]

Two crucial notes on sewing: First, if you get an older metal machine, it will probably need to be oiled every so often, so be on the lookout for that.

Second, PRESSING IS CRUCIAL. The single most important way to take a garment from "looks like a kindergarten project" to "looks like a million bucks" is to properly press it. Everyone hates pressing. Everyone. Everyone skimps on it if they can. And yet, it is crucial.

Here's a tutorial:

[sometiktoksarevalid]

[purlturtle]

[ansixilus]

You're right and you should say it.

[uberfluss]

first 5 faceless emojis are how your summers gonna go

[thesebonesbite]

Magnus Archives fan I see

[partywithponies]

THIS IS SO FUNNY I'M SORRY

[funny-tik-toks]

[cool-beans-central]

Trying to keep up with this made me feel like English wasn’t my native language

[fliplifeupsidedown]

this is art

[nitewrighter]

Me: I don't get it. I thought I was doing a lot better than I was a few years ago. I'm like 10 times more on top of things than I used to be. How does everything feel terrible now?

The Tiny Me in OSHA-approved Hi-Vis Gear Who lives in my brain and pulls all the levers: Boss, it's the fascism. You're completely gunked up with cortisol due to the fact that your entire daily life is now underscored with a haunting awareness of the rapid erosion of your rights, dignity, and any and all social safety nets, and you're also bearing witness to the most vulnerable people immediately being persecuted. This creates a natural stress response that basically means you're going to continue having memory and organizational problems, as well as emotional imbalances.

Me: BUT I HAVE A BULLET JOURNAL AND I MEDITATE NOW.

Tiny OSHA Me: BOSS, THE FASCISM.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

uh oh forgot to take the Pill That Makes Me Sane

[floopthecooper]

thank you for your sacrifice, for it has reminded me to take the Pill That Makes Me Sane

[floopthecooper]

...and then I promptly forgot to take the Pill That Makes Me Sane after hitting reblog, only remembering again when it popped up in my feed again

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

uh oh forgot to take the Pill That Makes Me Sane

[floopthecooper]

thank you for your sacrifice, for it has reminded me to take the Pill That Makes Me Sane

[sentimentalslut]

what people dont get about divorces is the Whole Thing About Dogs

[sentimentalslut]

i have written custody plans for labrador retrievers more complex than i have for children. i went to four years of undergrad, three years of law school, and sat for the bar exam to write up custody exchange provisions for dogs with hyphonated last names

[sentimentalslut]

my clients are paying $295 an hour for me to go to court and litigate who makes veterinary decisions for Chuckles the Goldfish and theres literally nothing i can do to stop them

[sentimentalslut]

framing these tags and hanging them up in my office to remind me that it can always be worse

[vittyyluvscookies]

Am I wet? Am I on my period? Did I pee my pants?- next on wtf is going on down there.

[submissivefeminist]

I’m so glad this is a universal wondering among vagina-owners, haha.

[chaotichowlite]

‘Vagina-owners’

[anxiousnerd]

Tune in next time for: Are these menstrual cramps? Am I pregnant? Is it just gas? I wouldn’t have to ask these questions if I didn’t have a damn uterus

[sexylibrarian1]

Next week: Is it a bladder infection? An ovarian cyst? Do I have endometriosis? Oh God please do not let it be cervical cancer! A 20/20 special

[occupyvenus]

Y'all are forgetting the all-time classic: Is it just my period or is my appendix about to burst? Some nice tea and a heatpack or 911 and emergency surgery?

[phantoms-lair]

There is actually a test for that last one!

Place your hand over the pain, press down slightly and release. If the pain doesn’t change by any great margin, you’re fine. If it suddenly becomes some painful you can barely stand, Get thee to an Emergency Room

[taysweetbae]

reblog for the safety of vaginas and their owners

[greedyagain]

The appendix test works with or without a vagina so reblogging for everyone.

[aesungaia]

[belladonnaprice-deactivated2025]

[dancinbutterfly]

Good motherfucking god

[foldingfittedsheets]

OH MY GOD THATS EXACTLY WHAT ITS LIKE

[floatinglonewanderer]

EXACTLY

[pyrrhiccomedy]

When I finally got medicated for ADHD, I asked why insomnia was such a problem for me.

The doctor paused, and then said, thoughtfully: "Well, you see, you also have ADHD at night."

[headspace-hotel]

why is it a banger

[random-jot]

[geosie]