Just Another Cadet Tumblr @justanothercadetblog - Tumblr Blog

Just a little rant here because... well I am feeling it right now.

I’ve been binge watching/listening to Elan by Nightwish because damn... beautiful voice and the happiness and passion with which Floor Jansen sings... angelic. Captured my heart.

Despite that, there is a part in the song that just made me think some things about myself. Not things I haven’t known, but it just brought them back to the front full force. They are having fun shooting that music video. At least they look like it. Who knows. But their faces say “I’m having a blast, I’m in my element”.

I miss that feeling.

My problem is that these days I can’t seem to put things in check. On the outside I am stoic and in control. I may wear frustration on my face, I may look like I am feeling, but it’s nothing compared to how I used to feel, just raw ungodly emotional turmoil. It was glorious. I miss that.

I had a friend I called my “emotional cheerleader”. She was more tempered than I was. I was a tempest unleashed, I was a firestorm, I was a force to be reckoned with. I happened to events. I was so extreme in the positive, that it often came back extreme on the other end, and I needed someone to temper all those edges. She held me in check most days. Kept the rage contained, encouraged the happiness, and lifted up the sad. I know she understands my gratitude, we talked about it often and she knew how deeply and intensely I felt.

I miss that intensity. I miss that depth of emotion. I miss being able to be that extreme and still have it in check. As an adult now, out on my own, in a state nowhere near the friends I grew up with, I fear letting go like that ever. I was a tornado, and my friends I grew up with knew that. The friends I have now... they’ve never seen that level of passion from this controlling, boring person I am now. The word spontaneity scares me now. I used to run across boulder filled river beds at full speed, ears full of Linkin Park. I used to jump over tables and be up for any adventure any time. Now all I think about is “wow, I almost knocked my head on that corner, I could have split my skull open” or “out in the forest at midnight?? insanity, we could get hurt”. I fear life. I fear living like I used to live. I was intense but I felt everything, and my intensity wasn’t unchecked. Now I am scared, and barely feel what I know I should be feeling.

This isn’t entirely a problem except when I get all uppity about not feeling like I used to feel. I then tend to go to the extreme, searching for that elusive rush I used to feel just from living. But I don’t have anyone or anything stopping me. I used to get the rush from waking up, from existing. Not saying I didn’t have negative emotions, that I didn’t wish I were dead - I did. I never acted on those emotions, but they let me know I was still alive - dead men feel nothing. It let me know to keep going. But now... now I just keep pushing. I go to an unacceptable extreme searching for that feeling of life that I keep searching for, but never finding.

These musicians having a great time shooting this music video, even though it was probably their 30th time shooting that scene that week, made me remember I have to get over this overarching depression I am in. I’m not suicidal, but the impact it has on my life is nothing to ignore. I have gained weight, I doubt every action I make, I second guess every friendship I have ever had, and I find it hard to even get up to cook food (which is a large reason I have gained so much weight and my bank account looks the way it does).

This music video may be just another video to most of you, but it’s reminded me to live life. To fight myself for that happiness. That no matter what that little voice in my head says, my achievements matter - it doesn’t matter that other people have done the same thing, I did it too. My degree isn’t a sham. My occupation wasn’t an accident and is something to be proud of, not afraid I’m going to lose. My health is in my hands and my hands alone, and my body can go back to being something I am proud of.

the-real-numbers-deactivated202

You know the first 30 digits of pi? Ha, that’s cute. I know the first million digits of any arbitrary real number of my choosing 😏

the-real-numbers-deactivated202

I just can’t choose certain numbers but that’s besides the point

model-theory

you cant choose arbitrary elements? that’s cute. i can cut a sphere into finitely many parts and rearrange them into two perfect copies of the original

the-real-numbers-deactivated202

Any sphere?

justanothercadetblog

Ok y’all are literally listing my YouTube playlist from today... getting a bit creepy lol

the-real-numbers-deactivated202

So here’s a silly thing I found interesting today

I set my bedrock realm to public for a week, with 2 fun twists: Old sized 256x256 world Stalinist Communism What could go wrong? - Video Tha

A YouTuber has been running social “experiments” on minecraft servers with the goal of setting up a cooperative, productive world. He had a free-for-all that had constant griefing and another experiment that didn’t go so well.

So he decides okay, maybe I should take a page out of the Stalin playbook. It has nothing to really do with communism. He just bans people at random. Like literally employs different number generators and odd conditions for bans. Every time, he goes “X has been banned”, and gives no explanation. He says he hopes it makes people nervous and want to be good.

What happens is kind of amusing. The first time it happens, it’s kind of a novelty. He gets questions about it, but says nothing. The next few times, the same thing happens. But eventually, some people start justifying why. “This person was cheating? Okay.” Or “Ha look at them go”

At one point he asks several people to pick a number and decides that he will ban whoever guesses the number 6, and then he does almost immediately after. I don’t think anybody says anything.

The effect on the server is strangely… positive. The people cooperate, they build things together, and in general the architecture of buildings on the server gets progressively better, unlike the free-for-alls. They even build a massive, ugly building they adorably nickname “The Union”.

Once other people get power though, it goes to shit. The last day or so, he gives two people admin permissions and they come back hours later and grief the server by making a massive end-portal and sending everyone to the final stage of the game where you fight a very strong dragon. People are not happy about this. It’s kinda funny.

justanothercadetblog

@the-real-numbers I literally just watched this with no connection to your post (video finished, checked tumblr). It was... amusing. I wonder what the correlation to the previous server would be like? Such as, given the previous server was a crap chute, did that impact the people and play styles of this new server?

y666y-deactivated20230925

“No, I’m not ok. But I haven’t been ok since I was 11, maybe 12. I am still here though. I’m still breathing. For me, sometimes, that will have to be enough”

— (via missyourlaugh)

#lyfeStory

midnight-sarcasm-blog

Cyber-psychologist Berni Goode talking about Flow on Charlie Brooker’s How Videogames Changed the World.

senjukannon-deactivated20161112

Flow is extremely important. So, so important.

It’s what keeps some people sane. It’s what drives the world’s most skilled and accomplished athletes, the most intense gamers, the hardcore hobbyists, even many of the most talented artists, musicians and actors - flow is what you get when unstoppable drive meets an unflinching will and unlimited dedication.

Flow is being utterly, truly “in the zone”. And it’s one of the most amazing feelings there is.

This is why finding a sport, or a hobby, or a martial art, or a handicraft, or a new video game, or any skill-based activity that uses focus and requires practice and repetition is so beneficial for things like depression and anxiety and overall mental/physical well-being.

thaxted

This quote “flow is what you get when unstoppable drive meets an unflinching will and unlimited dedication” makes it sound like you have to be some kind of super motivated and dedicated person to achieve this mental state, but, yeah no, we’re all capable of it. And why chilling out to rock some video games or do whatever you need to for that kind of mental relaxation is NOT a waste of your time.

psyduckscience

Csikszentmihalyi has some really good theories, and the flow is the best one.

justanothercadetblog

I need to get back to being able to flow regularly. ‘Twas the bees knees

skylightdreams

where has this been all my life??

findinghealthyhappiness

this is how you get tea to not be bitter. I didn’t like green tea until I learned not to brew it with boiling water.

dan-panda

my brother is obsessed with tea and gets really mad and lectures you if you dont brew it right … yikes

programmers-problems-blog

you haven’t known true desperation until you change the text of your error message bc that’s the only way you’ll ever get to stop staring at the current one

justanothercadetblog

Accurate af

onlycomedy

justanothercadetblog

For reals though, so many people do this.

#mathematics #love it #equations #justanothercadetblog

mathisafeeling

“Sometimes doing mathematics is like building an arch top-down. Look, I'm really sure this rock goes right here [puts rock in mid-air, falls with a crash] I just... there need to be other rocks elsewhere, I think. Maybe. But I'm really sure about the shape of this rock.”

whit3noize

unusual asks

1: Do you ever wish you were someone else?

2: What is your full name?

3: How old are you and how old do you get mistaken for?

4: Have you ever dyed your hair?

5: What’s your eye color?

6: Your opinion about your body and how comfortable you are with it

7: Do you have any tattoos or piercings?

8: What would you say is your best quality?

9: What are you really bad at?

10: What talent do you wish you had?

11: Are you nice to everyone?

12: What do you think about the most?

13: Things you like/dislike about yourself

14: What is your least favorite word?

15: What is your favorite word?

16: Are you more like your mom or your dad?

17: Would you ever smile at a stranger?

18: A reason you’ve lied to someone

19: Are you lying about anything right now?

20: Have you kissed someone older than you?

21: Do you believe in love at first sight?

22: Do you believe in soulmates?

23: Are looks important?

24: Opinion on relationship age differences

25: Would you date someone off the Internet?

26: Have you ever cried over a boy/girl?

27: Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

28: Anyone you’re giving up on right now?

29: Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

30: Have you ever liked your best friend?

31: How does someone win your heart?

32: What turns you on?

33: What turns you off?

34: Do you get jealous easily?

35: What is your definition of cheating?

36: Do you forgive betrayal?

37: Have you ever been cheated on?

38: Have you ever cheated on someone?

39: How often do you listen to music?

40: First concert you attended

41: Last movie you watched

42: Favorite type of movie

43: Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

44: Are you good at hiding your feelings?

45: Do you fall in love easily?

46: Do you think people say I love you too much?

47: What’s your favorite holiday?

48: Are you a forgiving person? Do you like being that way?

49: Where’s the most magical place on earth?

50: What’s your “type”?

This post isn’t written in any known human language

patheticperipatetic

Is this what understanding a newspaper political cartoon is like?

collatzproblems

I’d like to give a shout out to @mr-pengu1n for helping me work through some (unfortunately) incorrect assumptions and misunderstandings. He’s definitely pointed me in the right direction, and I cannot thank him enough.

steviemcfly

I honestly don’t understand why there aren’t more people who, when given the platform to discuss minimum wage, don’t simply distill it to the simplest of facts:

A forty hour work week is considered full time.

It’s considered as such because it takes up the amount of time we as a society have agreed should be considered the maximum work schedule required of an employee. (this, of course, does not always bear out practically, but just follow me here)

A person working the maximum amount of time required should earn enough for that labor to be able to survive. Phrased this way, I doubt even most conservatives could effectively argue against it, and out of the mouth of someone verbally deft enough to dance around the pathos-based jabs conservative pundits like to use to avoid actually debating, it could actually get opps thinking.

Therefore, if an employee is being paid less than [number of dollars needed for the post-tax total to pay for the basic necessities in a given area divided by forty] per hour, they are being ripped off and essentially having their labor, productivity, and profit generation value stolen by their employer.

Wages are a business expense, and if a company cannot afford to pay for its labor, it is by definition a failing business. A company stealing labor to stay afloat (without even touching those that do so simply to increase profit margins and/or management/executive pay/bonuses) is no more ethical than a failing construction company breaking into a lumber yard and stealing wood.

Our goal as a society should be to protect each other, especially those that most need protection, not to subsidize failing businesses whose owners could quite well subsidize them on their own.

reagan-was-a-horrible-president

simonalkenmayer

Well stated.

justanothercadetblog

Here’s a question (keep in mind I almost entirely agree with you, save this one question, and maybe even then I do too): should there be certain jobs that are considered stepping stone jobs? Jobs that don’t pay that full amount, that are not intended for long term employment, jobs I generally would consider “high school” jobs. What are your thoughts on that?

And if it’s the case that companies need to increase wages to bring up those who aren’t being paid what they deserve, are you (wider intent of you) willing to withstand the increase in product price that is bound to come with it?

Keeping in mind during all of this, that I agree there are some cases where people are being taken advantage of.

I read your post about u and your lady. How's that goin?

Sorry I never responded, I never saw this I’m so sorry! I’m almost always on the app and this didn’t show up on there (also, just got a message on the app but it’s not here...) Given it’s been forever and a half, I’m actually really good now. It was one of the better events of my life looking back, I grew up and learned a lot about my life and life in general. I learned that I am overly idealistic, and too emotional for some, and not to try to mix someone with a love language of touch with someone who hates touch. I learned a lot, and have since moved on with my life.I also learned a lot about how people are quite different from how they put themselves off to be at first, even if it takes a long time to wear down. And that not every relationship will always work out.

the-real-numbers-deactivated202

(1+9^(-4^(7*6)) )^(3^(2^85))

Contains all digits from 1-9, which is trivial, but kinda cool.

It’s also a good approximation to e, which is pretty exciting.

If I told you it was correct to four billion, sixty seven million and thirty five decimal digits, would you believe me?

Well you shouldn’t, because it’s actually correct to 18,457,734,525,360,901,453,873,570 decimal digits, which is way more than it ever should be.

Source

itsbenedict

what

is this the sort of thing that just HAPPENS in math or

like did we confirm that after that many digits it actually fucks up and starts being wrong, or did we actually find a finite numerical definition of e

and if not: how the fuck do you swing that, how do you deliberately construct an arbitrary expression to zero in on e to that many digits??

k25ff

It is fairly easy to calculate e to arbitrarily vast amounts of digits, so it’s definitely been checked. In fact the main problem for Richard Sabey, the guy who came up with that particular expression, was getting it in terms of the digits 1-9 (which he did for a challenge in a mathematical publication, apparently).

The true value of e is

as N tends to infinity, so if you use a large N value, you get a good approximation.

Sabey’s method shown through the source link is

And a bunch of online commenters have pointed out that

So you can feed that back in, and basically set N to be 3 to the 2 to the 85. How he came up with it is somewhat harder.

the-real-numbers-deactivated202

^^^^

justanothercadetblog

So... pls do explain. I’d love to hear the process behind this

inkskinned

a secret code between women: are you safe? in a contact of eyes. i’m here if you need me, the littlest shift of a skirt, of an inclined head, of watching the man who is asking you to smile, bitch. you aren’t alone on the walls of restrooms, i was where you are too. the quiet doling of emergency numbers, the shelters. the space between two women in a largely empty train station. the waiting game of two women strangers who walk, quietly and quickly, to their cars in abandoned parking lots, who watch to be sure the other leaves safely. text me you get home safe. the tally marks of drinks on hidden wrists, carefully disguised as other things ever since men picked up on what it meant and used it to target the “weakest link.”

my father tells me we have nothing to worry about. last night he sent me one of those email chains that say at the top “Safety Tips For The Women In Your Life!!!! Don’t Let Her Die!!”

me, and the stranger on the train. she is asleep and the man is asking me who i am going home to. i feel tears pricking the sides of my eyes. i am 13 while he towers over me. he reaches out one hand, and while i don’t know how she knows, she speaks up without opening her eyes: “If you touch my daughter, sir, I will murder you.” Whatever he grumbles is lost in history, because this moment I am so grateful for the existence of other people that I cannot breathe.

I am 19 and on my phone when i become aware of a 13 year old girl is smiling nervously at a man who’s saying disgusting things. I grab her arm. “There you are, cindy,” I say, and then look at the man like he is bile. “Do you need something from my sister?” i ask, and i walk away with her. she cries later.

this is the way of things: a silent, secret web. our promise to each other that despite our differences, when it comes to the wire, we become family, instantly. the unspoken promise. i’m here. i’m watching. i’ll witness.

roachpatrol

you don’t lose this language, this obligation, when you leave being a woman behind, either: as a man among other men, you see a woman hesitate on the threshold into your space, looking to see if she’s gonna pay for coming within arm’s reach. you say ‘it’s cool, we’ll behave.’

you keep an eye out. on the train you watch drunks, at the bus stop you look out for girls, in restaurants you care about your waitress. you say to your coworkers— i saw him touching you, testing you. i heard what he said. can i help? you’re not alone.

you say, i’m here, because you too were born there. you still own that space.

justanothercadetblog

The difficulty in making a woman feel safe is that so many men have done it before and then violated that trust. If ever a woman feels unsafe somewhere near me, I wish I could just protect them, because I would want the same for my younger sisters, for my mother (even though she can *definitely* handle herself).

A boy once convinced my littlest sister he liked her, but I didn’t like the look of him. I knew what he wanted, and it wasn’t hand holding. I told her so. Thankfully she recognized his motives before he got her into a position where she could have been hurt, and, unfortunately, she is considered a lucky one.

#solidarity #protective #create safety

collatzproblems

I’ve been decidedly absent from here because I’ve been exceedingly defensive of my theory. I’ve spent the years writing, re-writing, re-re-writing, thinking, considering, contemplating, and all other manner of things related to the conjecture.

I do believe I’ve solved it, but the problem is that most people I trust are too busy to review the paper and logic, and those that can have a difficult time following (hence half the point of a peer review… that’s what I say, anyways).

I recently found LaTeX and am using that to write the paper now, and it is beautiful. The packages allow me to easily put trees into the paper to demonstrate points, as well as beautifully formatted formulae… my dream come true. Even though most people are scared away from the paper by the fact that it’s “math”, they look at it and say it’s professional looking.

Hopefully soon I can get someone to review the concepts and then move forward (or back to the drawing board) from there.

#collatz #conjecture #collatzproblems

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