A Drop in the Bucket

True crime-obsessed dinosaur enthusiast. Community theatre actress. New graduate nurse. Generally tries too hard. 

[justanotherdropinthebucket]

Pet Peeve

Corporations that expect their employees to drive to work in a wintery maelstrom to perform important but decisively non-vital jobs like cutting hair, or selling cat toys, or even looking at spreadsheets. 

You are telling a human being that their life is less important than their ability to perform 8 hours of their shitty, minimum-wage earning tasks. 

I hate this mindset. 

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His FACE when Jane starts singing, though. 

Sadistic and completely hilarious. 

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And now that initial speculation has run its course, and people are no longer discussing the “if’s” and “who’s” of the Gabby Petito case, the conversation has invariably turned to reflecting on society’s obsession with “missing white women.”

And I understand the argument, I do. I understand the outrage over the fact that literal millions of women are snatched off the streets, or disappear on college campuses, or are found buried in forests months too late for their bodies to be positively identified. (And don’t even receive a write-up in the local paper, never mind national coverage.)

And I’m aware that the fact that the victim was blonde, slim, young, and beautiful greatly contributed to the media’s temptation to sensationalize her story. Along with the fact that she and her fiancé had extremely large influencer platforms, and details of their road trip are widely available for public consumption. To put it simply, their lives are accessible beyond a news network’s wildest dreams. 

But doesn’t it feel kind of gross to criticize people for mourning the loss of somebody who was, by all accounts, a normal young girl who didn’t deserve to be murdered thousands of miles away from her family? For posting online, two days after her remains were found, something along the lines of “why do you care about her? Women die every day. Are murdered by loved ones every day. Look over here!”

I don’t know why this occurred to me, but I feel that it smacks of the same backwards, self-righteous energy the internet was overflowing with after the death of Whitney Houston. At that time, I remember people posting memes questioning why everyone was mourning some “crackhead pop star” instead of honoring fallen American veterans, or the hundreds of children who succumb to starvation every day, or whatever else was worthier of our collective attention and empathy. 

As if any human has the capacity to hold (not to mention rank) all of the grief and loss in all the fucking world every day. 

I don’t know. 

The public discourse surrounding this story is really weird, and occasionally tone deaf. As this little essay may be. I don’t know what I’m trying to say.

A statistic I encountered in college estimates that about 1,500 American women are murdered every year by somebody they should have been able to trust. Of course we don’t know every name. Of course we don’t know every face. 

But isn’t it kind of good that we, as a society that is constantly inundated with tragedy, true crime, injustice, and outrage... can still find any capacity at all to become invested in a stranger’s life? 

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Noticed a fair amount of overlap between all the people currently outraged over the de-platforming of Gina Carano and her out-of-touch conspiracy theory nonsense... and the people who were apoplectic when Colin Kaepernick knelt during a 2016 football game. 

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Watching the madness unfold in DC yesterday- and the crazed conservative narratives being spun on Facebook that evening- made me feel real despair. 

Seeing the fucking mythology gestate in real time was wild. 

Trump supporters really went from “the brave patriots have had enough, and won’t be silenced! They’re taking our country back!”

to

“ANTIFA staged the whole thing, look at that one dude’s tattoos! The liberals are pretending to be Trump supporters, and they’re staging an insurrection to make US LOOK BAD!”

Like. How do we actually heal from this? There is a dangerously large faction of this country that is so deeply programmed, that it’s difficult to imagine them entertaining reason ever the fuck again. Unregulated by social media platforms, the propaganda and conspiracy theories being disseminated amongst the far right have entrenched them in a reality that literally doesn’t exist. 

It’s all exhausting. 

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I haven’t told anyone, but my final exam is next week and I was asked to speak a little at my virtual pinning ceremony the day after. Think I’m just gonna keep it my secret so everything stays low stakes and I don’t overthink it.

It definitely isn’t the graduation/pinning I envisioned five years ago, but I can’t wait to start this new chapter of my life. 

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“How are the Trumpublicans taking it?”

“They said they were going to do what ever they had to to get Our President out of office. And that is why Sleepy wasn’t out at rallies because he knew his crooks had it (meaning ballots) in the bag. They could never win this race fair and square.”

“Republicans should keep fighting to unveil the truth! They have not yet seen what the word enemy is.. Republicans were full of hope and love, but we are the wrong half of the country to piss off. They are on the edge of seeing what an enemy is.” 

“Nothing changes unless the people stand together and change it . silent majority . as long as we are silent . that's what we our . ENOUGH IS ENOUGH . time for silent majority to take a stand and be silent no more. Are voices will be heard . let are voices be loud and let are voices rumble the ground shake all things of man and woman's creation across America . let are voices be loud and proud for are great country We Will Not Be Silenced any more . TAKE A STAND AMERICA .. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.”

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Post-election day two, waiting for the results. 

Trying to focus on the positive: that Biden is winning both the popular and electoral vote, and most Americans still appear to think that things like ethics, decency, and the democratic process matters. 

The negative is, of course, that the other side is barely less than half of the country, and they hate us and everything we stand for. Cool. 

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So, the Dark Pictures horror anthology series is quickly becoming on of my favorites. Their second offering, Little Hope, premiered on Halloween, and I happened to be with a small group of friends who were immediately down to play. 

All the games in the decision-based anthology introduce players to a group of characters trying to solve a mystery/horror. The decisions and dialogue choices made by the players determine the outcome of the story, and the survival of its protagonists. 

The events of this installment take place in the fictional New England-esque town of “Little Hope,” and leaps back and forth in time during gameplay. The historical bits reference the witch trials of Salem, as a similar series of persecutions- and executions- befell the citizens of Little Hope. 

As with the Man of Medan, I suspect that my enjoyment of the game was greatly enhanced by playing it with a group of loud, opinionated friends. Plenty of time was spent arguing about the significance of clues found throughout town, and the potential repercussions of certain choices. (Not to mention the more experienced gamers in the group frantically screaming “TRIANGLE! CIRCLE! TRIANGLE!” during the quick time events while the person holding the controller had a meltdown.)

The atmosphere of the game is super creepy. The story, which can be completed in about 4-6 hours, is pretty decent. I found the “twist” a lot stronger than the one in the debut game. The characters are maybe not the most likable bunch, and seem to descend into petty squabbles over the stuuuupidest things. 

But overall, it’s a pretty good time.

[justanotherdropinthebucket]

I was chatting with a classmate the other day about the election, and she told me that she wasn’t voting because neither Biden nor Trump had “earned her vote.”

And I just couldn’t wrap my head around it. 

I acknowledged that Biden wasn’t my first choice, but that I definitely felt my vote was worthwhile to help avoid total dismantling of the Supreme Court, the stripping of my reproductive rights and the civil rights of my loved ones, etc. 

And she pretended to care about what I was talking about, and said something vague like “you just gotta show up and keep making noise, that’s all you can do...”

And I wanted to light up, because the fuck does that even mean? “Make noise?” 

Or... vote? Fucking vote? 

Your apathy harms people. 

Edit: After writing this and stewing a little bit, I made a post on FB encouraging people to vote and remarking on how easy the process is now that you can request an absentee ballot. And I guess my post obliquely guilt-tripped the classmate I was writing about, because she commented that she was planning to vote, now. Small victories, dude.  

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RBG has passed, and Breonna Taylor has no justice, and JK. Rowling is doubling down on her terfy bullshit. 

We’re just going full Kafkaesque now, man. 

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Oh, my gosh. I’m starting to see a bunch of right-wing propaganda flagged on Facebook, being categorized by a fact-checking algorithm as either “false,” “altered,” or “missing context.”

Credible resources appear directly beneath the crappy memes and made up info-graphs. 

I love it so much.

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“Please develop a response to the article, and respond meaningfully to two other students on the discussion board.”

“Please use APA format.”

“Please reflect on your clinical experience. How do you feel professionalism growing in you?”

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Had a medical math test, flu shot, nursing exam, and Zoom play reading all scheduled within 24 hours, and not a tear was shed. 

[justanotherdropinthebucket]