My Little Corner

This is mainly a humor blog with some other random posts thrown in, like the occasional rant about god knows what/who. #jess posts Anyway. Welcome to my own little corner of Tumblr!

[missinglinc]

[prokopetz]

Sitcom about a immortal (and rather antisocial) wizard who lives in a great stone tower several miles outside of the local village, except that’s only the establishing prologue.

The meat of the show takes place a thousand years later, when the village has become a modern city and urban sprawl has resulted in it expanding to entirely surround the wizard’s tower, which is now sticking out like the proverbial sore thumb in the middle of a suburban housing development.

The inciting incident of the present-day plot involves a local kid who’s read too many of Those Kind Of YA Novels persuading the wizard to take them on as an apprentice, prompting the wizard to become involved in the community after centuries of relative seclusion.

The result is a sort of reverse fish-out-of-water comedy where it’s society at large that keeps getting tripped up by the out of place character’s strange expectations. The wizard isn’t unwilling to adapt, but their default attitude of “explain to me in detail how any of this is reasonable” is something most other characters don’t really know how to respond to; this is exacerbated by the fact that the wizard’s first contact with many of the foibles of modern life is filtered through the aforementioned kid apprentice and their bizarre YA-media-driven misconceptions about what being a wizard actually entails.

[akilah12902]

via @prokopetz #the wizard shows up for the kid apprentice’s next parent teacher conference#because in their day a master had parental obligations toward their apprentice#so of course this is their responsibility#right?

Of course it is, and don’t you let anyone tell you otherwise, says the middle-aged lady who’s having a spectacular time watching the chaos

[themandylion]

I’m mostly wondering how the wizard dealt with the local HOA before the kid bullied them out of the tower. Yes, the tower predates any and all development around it and is no doubt exempt from any association rules, but everything the internet has taught me about HOAs leads me to believe that they would still try. And turning the reps into toads would probably just ear the wizard a write-up for keeping non-approved pets.

[prokopetz]

I imagine they’d mostly have dealt with it the same way they dealt with royal tax collectors any time they didn’t feel like starting a war with the local monarchy; i.e., being exhaustingly pedantic about microscopic points of protocol until the annoying mortal gives up and goes away.

I’m not saying toads never happened, mind – I’m just saying toading’s not the only tool in the toolbox!

[bigscaryd]

“Technically, the land grant of everything between here and the river is subject to an easement to me, my “heirs and successors,” for, and I’m quoting the text incorporating the township, “wizardly affairs, sorcerous conduct and rituals, magical doings, and the requirements, results, effluents, and effects thereof and therefrom.” I am pleased to inform you, Brenda, that yes, my herb garden is a requirement for many of my rituals and, though you may not understand it, the flamingo – which I will remind you is the immature Phoenix – is also necessary, whether live, plastic, ceramic, or otherwise.“

[should-be-sleeping]

In fifth grade a boy tried to impress me by swallowing a whole tadpole live and I punched him so hard that he puked and the tadpole was fine.

[should-be-sleeping]

I kept it in a terrarium and it became a normal 🐸 despite everything. About a year afterward (I thought) it died, so I sadly put it in a shoebox in the shed until the ground thawed enough for a proper funeral but when that day came I opened the box and the frog was fine.

[justprettygay]

[should-be-sleeping]

This is funnier than anything I have ever said.

[should-be-sleeping]

This post is to Easter what a Geiger counter is to radiation.

[thebootydiaries]

me on a date: so… haha… when did you realise your standards were this low? :)

[iguanamouth]

[solidsnake]

got eaten up with 3 words

[hofessorx]

you coming back to tell us here

[tragicselfie]

[aisforarthur]

[jigglypuffsvevo]

[1jps]

[rrrick]

[mudwerks]

when the combination totally supersedes the individual elements

[jouster-ari]

YouTube version!! Check out his channel!

[rubaayi]

do you wish you were seeing somebody

a therapist 

[unfortunatesun]

[moderndaywarriorsawyer]

The Money Tubbs only comes around every 5628 seconds. Reblog the Money Tubbs and you’ll find money!

[modelinterrupted]

Bitttchhh the last time I reblogged some bullshit like this I booked a 2k 30minute shoot lmao

[pink1031]

Definitely need to find some money

[whitepeopletwitter]

[justanotherlittlemelody]

I just lowkey asked this guy out in a ~maybe subtle~ way and I DO NOT LIKE DOING THE ASKING geeze. Now I wait for his response I guess 😅😅

Edit: He said, “Ha yeah why not!” <- either he is oblivious oooorrr?? Guys are just not it 🤦🏼‍♀️

Another edit: The date went SO well but I don’t think anything will happen because he is SO catholic and I am just not 😅😅

[42believer]

reblog if you’re gay because of ghosts

[42believer]

the best part of this image is that the website it’s from is dead fucking serious

[not-a-space-alien]

I found the page and it’s better than I could have even imagined.  apparently lesbians are possessed by male ghosts that cause attracted to women and gay men have female ghosts.  Also this line: 

“Spiritual research has shown that the cause for homosexual preferences lie predominantly in the spiritual realm.”

Part of me wishes it did have a citation 

[not-a-space-alien]

WAIT FUCK THERE”S MORE

Reblog if your homosexuality was a slippery slope to your interest in murder 

[lesbianrustcohle]

@bechdels……………

[timemachineyeah]

Wait, best part about the percent tables above:

100 swear words = 1 murder

[ampervadasz]

[flareonfloof]

[spaceshipsandpurpledrank]

@drukhari