Dead inside

TRIGGER WARNING! I'm not promoting anything just trying to survive here. Feel free to message me with anything. Side thinspo blog: needtobethinandbeautiful (Need to be Skinny)

[justhurtingalot]

One of the reasons I love Dermot Kennedy❤️

[agraceful-disgrace]

There’s a difference between being happy and being distracted from sadness

[trixforadults]

Oh this hit hard

[doktorgirlfriend]

Brain: You’re a horrible, worthless, garbage person, and your life is going nowhere but to hell.

Me: I don’t know what the fuck you expect me to do about that at 11PM, my dude.

[coffeeandgum]

reblogging again because i’ve still never related to something more

[etcetera-drawings]

[justhurtingalot]

Nothing can stop that tiredness

[depresseddemise]

When you’re in the middle of sobbing and you start dissociating so you’re like “okay I’m done now” and turn into an emotionless zombie

[hopeful-dreamer19-deactivated20]

Pretty much

[justhurtingalot]

from Dear One by Erin Talcovsky

[justhurtingalot]

~about you

[bpdanais-deactivated20170815]

Me, in tears: whatever tho I guess it doesn’t matter haha

[justhurtingalot]

So me

[justhurtingalot]

Happy bday to me. Another year when all I want is for it to end. Another year when I didn’t think I’ll make it that far. Another year. Is it really a happy bday?

[ich-hab-angst-dich-zu-verlieren]

[moldyoyster]

x SanguineRain

[justhurtingalot]

My depression - a metaphor

Imagine a room. White walls and a black floor. It’s empty. No windows, no doors, no decorations. It’s cold inside. It is so cold what when you enter your bones shake, but as you spend more time in it you start to like the cold. And in rare moments when you are not in the room you feel like the warmth is bothering you, you miss that deadly cold. In that room no body can hear you no matter how loud you scream. There is no one to save you, to get you out of there, to help you. And here I am, collapsed on the dark cold marble floor, like a stray animal. Unwanted and misunderstood. I look around. The walls, oh my god these walls kept me imprisoned for years. And I do not have the power to stand up, to break free. My soul hurts, my body aches and my heart is just empty. I’ve tried to break out of the room, to feel something, to be happy, but the walls are too strong. They leave scars and cuts and something even if you break off a little piece and see the outside, the room consumes you. The walls grow taller, thicker and become sharper to touch. I am tired. So tired. I am not trying anymore. Not trying to exit. The room is stronger than me. So I just lay there. Forgotten. Broken.

[justhurtingalot]

I’m just tired of the same shit every day

[epidoted-blog]

psa. if we’re mutuals, we’re automatically friends. u don’t need to say things like “sorry to bother” or “sorry im annoying” bc ur not. ur my friend. u can come to me for anything. u need help? im here. wanna chat? hmu. just wanna gush abt your muse? go for it. we’re friends. ily.

[ilovelisabetch]

This goes for ANYONE who follows me! I don’t care if we’re mutuals, I don’t care if its 2am, I don’t care if you just want to tell me you sneezed. If there’s something you want to say, I’ll listen!

[justhurtingalot]

I’m here for all of you

[bis-muth]

What I mean when I say “I can’t do that”- Anxiety Version:

I am unable to do that

I am too stressed out to do that

I cannot face the humiliation of attempting to do that

My body will physically not allow me to do that

I am on the verge of a panic attack

I cannot do that

What people hear:

I am unwilling to do that

I am just shy

I am overreacting

I am lazy

I need to get more experience in social situation to help my anxiety

I need a push

I don’t want to do that

[hello-good-vibes]

Never hit reblog so fast in my life

[spooky-laptoppings-deactivated2]

Everyone must see this

[justhurtingalot]

Failure failure failure failure.

How do I explain to someone that living is hard? that waking up in the morning is hard? that breathing is hard and eating is hard and not killing myself is hard.  I hold on to only one thing that i’m good at - getting good grades. Thats the indication of success, right? That’s how people know you are worth something, right?

And then even this is not enough. I get lectured. I get lectured by a best friend. “I don’t see why you are not doing anything? Get a part-time job, an internship, do something! Otherwise you are nothing, look at all those people better than you. You have potential but you don’t DO anything. You are going to end up a failure.”

Failure failure failure failure.

The words that stick in my head. The words I tell myself every single day. Not pretty enough to deserve love, not skinny enough to have an eating disorder, not smart enough, not enough not enough not enough not enough.

But how do I say that yours ‘not doing anything’ is draining all my energy. Fighting my demons is exhausting, always counting calories is exhausting, thinking of the scale next morning is exhausting, not cutting myself is exhausting, lot letting the voices in my head to get too loud is exhausting. I guess I just fail at life. But yours ‘doing nothing, just living’ is so fucking hard.

I always have good grades because I find studying to be a distraction from my demons. I have to shush them every now and then while it looks like i’m just reading a textbook.

And then “you just study. you don’t do anything. you are nobody. do something. look at people doing it, why don’t you do it?”

I wish I was those people, for whom going through the day is not a job on it’s own. Who never had a thought of turning their skin red by gliding a metal razor across it. Who don’t have their death date planned for already so many years.

But, as you take away the last thing i hold on to to pretend i can be a part of society, all thats left is a failure.

Failure failure failure failure.

[dying-human]

[justhurtingalot]

It just leaves and suddenly I feel empty

[just-shower-thoughts]

One of the worst parts of having mental health issues is that you’re seemingly required to have a breakdown in order for people to understand how hard you were trying to hold yourself together.