don't eat the doorknob @juullliiiieeeee - Tumblr Blog

whenever I’m traveling i always get tripped out at the fact that this is someone’s actual hometown like they know every back road and how to get everywhere and they’ve probably had tons of memories in this city

but I’m just someone passing by

kaijutegu

I just found out that my gecko’s tail works on my phone's touch screen, so I'm gonna let her make a text post and let autocorrect interpret her words.

Funks go e y y man kill zucchini angst

vetmedirl

the gecko has spoken

sunfortune

that dumb thot michael bay really ruined megan foxs career and i just let him :( what was I doing?? graduating 5th grade like some fool

chattermaxunderthesink

IT’S ALMOST 1:00 AM AND I GOT THE BEST WRONG NUMBER TEXT EVER.

chattermaxunderthesink

here, by request of more than one person:

baydreamz-deactivated20201111

Now this is what I call wholesome

darrenpillowscriss

To the customers who apologize repeatedly for “bothering” me, or offer to clean up their own spill if I just get them some paper towels, or walk all the way around an aisle so as not to disturb me when I’m blocking their path, I just want to reassure you that you are NOT the annoying customer we complain about in retail. You are very kind and you clearly respect me and my time and I appreciate you. Also I am happy to help you with whatever you need and it is not at all a bother.

To the customer who shouted “EGGS?” at me from twenty feet away because apparently it was just too much trouble to come a few steps closer and use a complete sentence like “where are the eggs, please?”: fuck you.

biscuitmango

I really like this gif because Stitch does that little squinty thing that animals do when they’re really happy and relaxed and you can tell that he’s having such a superb time playing that little ukulele

sweetener

henstomper

hey you wanna come over to my house after school? we can stand directly across from eachother and do this

super-affection

and maybe even… this…?

sunfortune

you ever feel like absolute garbage and then take a nap or just have a snack or something and feel 20 times better and then just be sitting there like a dumAss like wow, you Really Do Need to Eat and Sleep to Survive……..Wild

meangirlnurse

after i move i really wanna get a used roomba

meangirlnurse

aspirationalbrand

reese witherspoon throwing ice cream at meryl streep on the set of big little lies season two

Ed Sheeran releasing his first album (2005)

arandomthot

Making conversation can be tougher than it seems

nessaaageee

This one time at work, I was training someone and the system froze so I decided to have some small talk and I asked her if she had any kids or anything (she was older) and she started crying. She asked me if it was cool if she went to take a walk to get some air and I told her okay because I mean what was I supposed to say? Anyways, she came back clearly still upset and told me that her husband left her for one of her daughters.

After that, I kept all my conversations strictly work related.